It ain't over until it's over!

Yogi Berra, the Rodney Dangerfield of Baseball.  A kind man who worked hard to excel at a game he loved - baseball.  Behind all the light hearted banter, he quietly earned 13 World Series rings, more than any other baseball player, living or dead.

Why do I mention this man?

To answer this question, I have to say that RQS and I went into Manhattan to see a documentary about this man's life, called: " It Ain't Over."  This documentary gives this great ballplayer his due, and gives the viewer an idea of what this man was all about.  It all started because his granddaughter saw 4 baseball players honored as the best living players at one all-star game.  Jokingly, she asked her grandfather: "Are You Dead?" And he responded, "I don't think so."  It then became her mission to see that her grandfather was given his due.

I won't say much about this movie, save one thing: SEE IT!  RQS, who is not a baseball fan, loved it.  

- - - - - -

After the movie, we stopped at a Halal food cart to get a couple of Chicken and Lamb combos, with some Falafel on the side.  Yum!  I won't say that it was good as the food cart near where I used to work, nor will I say it is as good as a place in her neighborhood. But I will say that the food was tasty, and worth what we paid for it before returning home for the night....

Crusing without RQS? (a short post)

 

I won't go into all the details of why I want to take this cruise - especially when RQS wouldn't be with me when I sail off for a week. But RQS approves of my reasons, and I want to see about whether it makes sense to try out a new cruise line.

With the above being noted, I have my concerns about sailing on an MSC ship.  Almost all the Vlogggers I watch have made comments on the food found on MSC ships - and they say that the food is middling. Although I can accept middling food, RQS will not do so. So, it's in my interest to try out this cruise line, as we might want to consider it as an option for a Norwegian Fjord cruise.

Assuming I book this cruise, I will take it presenting as Marian.  Of course, this means that I will NOT get off the ship in Nassau. And there is nothing I want to do at Port Canaveral, so I will stay on the ship there as well.  But what about MSC's private Island, Ocean Cay?  Will I have a problem being gender non-conforming?  I do not have my former cruise partner backing me up anymore.  Nor would I want her to do so, even if we were still friends.  

Whatever I choose to do, I will make that decision soon.

Misconceptions and Anomalies

 

When I first started coming "out", I also started learning about my own misconceptions of what being transgender means.  Now that I've been out for a while, I can say that this ignorance was common to the larger cisgender society we live in.  And I've come to believe that being transgender is being on a spectrum of gender development issues that involve gender identity, gender preference, gender presentation, and gender manifestation.

To start, for most people, gender identity is a simple concept: you are either male or female.  But what happens when the mind develops in a way that this concept doesn't fit?  Like many transgender people, one can reject the genitalia that one is born with and look to have both surgeries and hormone treatments to correct this physical anomaly. However, many transgender people do not suffer severe gender dysphoria and choose paths which may only involve hormone therapy and other, less radical body modifications. To some cisgender people, this is beyond comprehension, and it is an abomination.  But why?  A baby's gender is the first thing people want to know when a child is born, as if defines much of the path that person's life will follow from birth to death. Anyone who challenges that basic path might be a threat to social unity, and that has to be stamped out before the threat becomes a reality.

Next comes gender preference, a concept with which people are only now starting become comfortable. Like gender identity, this is considered a threat to society by many cisgender people. However, many cisgender people have grown to understand this concept and accept that people with non-traditional gender preferences should be treated with respect and accepted by society.

However, gender expression (presentation) is not as understood by the general populace.  Why do some lesbians present with a more "masculine" appearance?  Why do some "straight" (in gender preference only) prefer to present as females? Many in cisgender society have problems processing who and what a person is when a person has an androgynous (or non-conforming) gender image that resists categorization.  This may trigger cisgender society's deepest fears, as people tend to fear most what resists categorization and being understood.  

Lastly, gender manifestation (or, I should say, being intersex) is something that is either hidden or "corrected" at an early age.  For example, many babies born with ambiguous genitalia have been "fixed" to look like "normal" females.  But this potentially creates a problem for these children as they grow up into adults, as their gender identity may be in conflict with their "corrected" gender manifestation. As a result, many intersex people are demanding that no "corrective" surgeries be performed until the child knows enough about its own gender identity and can provide input into the process of gender identification.

- - - - - -

With all of the above being said, I have to focus on the misconceptions people have about transgender people.  For example, not all of us want to have surgeries to convert our genitals to that of the sex of which we identify.  One person I know has had hormone therapy, but chooses to retain her masculine sex organs.  (Who wants to live a life without being able to have an orgasm again?  This person needs to preserve her ability to self-pleasure.)  Others need to have genitalia which resembles that of their gender identities.  And then, there are issues related to how many gender related physical traits that transgender people feel they need to fix before they feel they are of their identified sex.  (Hair transplants, Voice Adjustments, etc.)  As they used to say in old commercials, your mileage may vary.

Another misconception is that many cisgender people have about us transgender people is that we want different genitalia, so that we can have sex with our "former" sex.  (I knew a LCSW who believed this, and I am glad she is not in my life.)  For the most part, one's gender preference does not change after one has gender corrective surgery (GCS).

What I found surprising is how many cisgender people react when they interact with non-op transgender people (like me) who travel with legal IDs which conflict with their gender presentation. Some, like my Texas friends, are amazed that I will often travel in female mode while holding male ID. Others will (in bad taste) wonder aloud whether a transgender person is a male or female.  If I had heard that while boarding a ship on one cruise, I'd have asked the couple: "Why don't we go back to your room, and the three of us find out?  It could be some great fun."  That would have thrown them for a loop.  

Yet, when it comes to sports, more of the general population doesn't want transgender people to compete against people not belonging to their natal sex.  But what happens when a person's natal sex is ambiguous, or when hormone levels are that of the opposite sex?  There is a female runner who has been disqualified from running against other females because her naturally occurring levels of testosterone are that of a male.  How should we accommodate people like her?  There is a transgender female swimmer who is now disqualified from being in competitions against other females - even though many of her peers support her inclusion in these competitions.  I feel that if a transgender person's body has not undergone the puberty of their (at birth) assigned sex, and has only gone through the puberty of their identified sex, they should be allowed to compete against others of their identified sex as they will have no advantage from the wrong puberty. And even this is an issue that perplexes many in society.

- - - - - -

I feel that we have a long way to go before society understands and accepts transgender people.  At best, we are considered anomalies whose identities are not fully accepted because they are ambiguous.  At worse, they trigger irrational fears in others that will trigger them to cause us harm.  Hopefully, things will change for the better for us soon.

I just got a new dress from Universal Standard at a deep discount.

 

The above dress in yellow does nothing for the model in the picture.  But change it to blue, and the dress works very well on me.  And this is what I wore to night to have dinner with Vicki.

But first....

RQS had come up for a rare start-of-week stay, and we had a great time together.  No, we didn't do much of anything, save keep each other company for a few days.  While here, I told her of the dress I ordered from Universal Standard with a very deep discount.  I won't say how much of a discount I received, but it was enough for me to drop the hammer on buying a new dress when I wasn't planning on buying one. 

 

If I had known that this dress would be available in this color when I decided to buy the first dress, I might have chosen it instead.  I like the color, and I may still drop $148 (plus tax and shipping) to buy it if I have some extra money by the end of the month.  

Yet, I digress....

RQS thought the first dress looked good on me, and I did too.  So I wore it when dropping her off at the station to go home, and to pick Vicki up for dinner tonight - and I got compliments from Vicki as well. I think Vicki was surprised that I arrived at her house a little bit early.  This wasn't much of a problem, as we got to the restaurant relatively quickly.

Lefteris Gyro is one of our go-to places when we want Greek food.  They serve enough food there to feed an army, and I had enough food left over to be tomorrow's lunch. Although I won't say much about the conversation we had, it seems more likely that she and her husband may be spending their retirement in New York for reasons I won't go into here.  This pleases me for one reason - one of my closest friends may stay nearby in retirement, and I won't lose contact with her (as I almost did with WDS when he moved to Florida).

All too soon, I had to drop Vicki off at her house.  Hopefully, I'll be able to see her again before my next trip (and possibly introduce her to Vicki #2).

But where do I want to go that's affordable and safe for me?

 

Until early next year, it will not be prudent to schedule more vacations than already in the docket.  Yet, I would like to find a couple of overnight (or weekend) trips we can make from NYC at a minimal cost. Given that we can get to most major Eastern cities at a reasonable cost on Amtrak, the cost of travel (in both time and money) will not be an issue.  Instead, it is the choice of where to go.

I expect that hotel stays will be the biggest expense for us, followed by dining, transportation and miscellaneous expenses. We've narrowed the list of places to visit to the following 3 cities: Boston, Philadelphia, and Washington, DC.  Boston and Philadelphia are cities I have not developed a feel for yet, so I'd like to explore them when possible.

What does this say about other cities?  My impression of many other cities is that they do not have enough attractions for us to spend a weekend in the city, and that we would need a car to get around because of the paucity of good mass transit.  In addition, many cities in the Red States are hostile to all but cisgender people. Although I will be flying to Chicago in the Fall, it is one of the few cities outside the Northeast that I have found have enough things to do and is safe for me to visit while presenting as a female.

Even if I decided to travel as Mario, the issue of mass transit is important.  Most modern American cities have evolved around a Post-WW2 Car Culture.  Mass transit has been neglected, as people seem to prefer cocooned commutes to work.  Years ago, Los Angeles had one of the best public transit systems in the USA.  Now, it is trying to replace what it lost in the 1950's.  When I visit LA later on this year, I will be reluctant to take buses to reach my uncle's current residence, and will spend much more money taking an Uber for the trip.  Unfortunately, all too many American cities have become like LA, and this limits my choices for weekend trips.

Luckily, this doesn't rule out travel to Canada, even if I have to take a plane to get there.  Although Mount Royal (Montreal) is a quick ride North for me, I don't want to visit a place which penalizes people for using English in what is supposed to be a bilingual nation.  In the USA, we're seeing the use of Spanish change us into a bilingual nation.  And for the most part, we accommodate Spanish speakers much more than Quebec accommodates English speakers.  Instead, I would likely go to Toronto, a great city and one worth exploring at leisure.  Having been there before, I can say that the Theater and Restaurant scenes in Toronto make the city a great place to visit.

Yes, I have my prejudices in where I will travel.  But who doesn't?   This New Yorker will only go where I feel welcome, safe, and where I can get around with ease.  

Why I'm not taking an Alaskan Cruise this year.

 

 

The above route is one I'd like to take this year, as it checks off all the places I want to see on a 7-day Alaska cruise.  The underlying price, inclusive of airfare, taxes, port fees and gratuities is more than acceptable for me as a solo traveler.  However, I won't even consider it due to circumstances not mentioned in any travel agency site, or the cruise line site itself.  (This is not just an NCL issue, as Princess, RCL and other cruise lines have the same problem.)  But what is the unadvertised problem?

Last year, there was a rock slide which made it unsafe to make port at Skagway's railroad pier.  At a moment's notice, cruise lines changed their ships' itineraries from Skagway to ports such as Icy Strait Point (Hoonah) and Sitka. This year, Skagway has done what it can to stabilize the rock face overlooking the railroad pier, but it is only a short term fix. And it is a fix that (at worst) can only give 12 seconds' warning before a rock slide.  Although Skagway can keep people safe, this is not enough for the people who run the cruise lines. They are just not comfortable bringing their newest and biggest ships to this port due to liability issues.

For me, a stop in Skagway is a must on any Inside Passage cruise. And I feel it almost criminal that at least one cruise line has failed to update its site to indicate itinerary changes that now bypass Skagway. As a result of this, I will not take a last minute Alaska cruise this year, no matter what discount I get, as the advertisement for these cruises no longer reflects the true itinerary that these cruises will follow.

 

 

PS: From what I've been told, there are still ships stopping at Skagway.  It seems as if only the older, smaller ships are making it to this port, as they can use an alternate way of bringing people into this little town. Hopefully, cruisers on these ships will get to enjoy this port the way I did 25 years ago.

Sometimes I have nothing to say, so I go away from things related to being transgender

 

Today, I posted something that got no one's attention.  And I can't blame people for looking elsewhere for something interesting to read.  However, one of the problems with being confident in one's ability to interact with the world as a transgender female is that there is often nothing to say about the experience. Most of us transgender people are able to go out and about in our worlds with only minor complaints from the peanut galleries.

The first post I made today was triggered by something that bothers me: The plethora of computer wire interface standards, and having to have cables for every type of device I own.  Obviously, few people are concerned about all the extra cables which need to be carried when one goes away on a trip.  I guess most people take this for granted these days.

Just because I had nothing to say didn't mean that my concerns about life have gone away.  I still see the power grab from the fundamentalist and authoritarian right wing to be a major threat to me and civil society.  But there's only so much I can say about this before I get sick to my stomach.  People like our former president, the governor of Florida, and the governing majority of several state legislatures  are a existential threat to all of us.  

In the past, I've said that Liberals aren't much of a threat to society, as they focus on the needs of the individual.  Individuals tend to have a harder time imposing their will on groups made up of other individualistic personalities, as they are not as prone to need authority figures to authorize their behaviors.  This serves as a check and balance on Liberals' ability to impose extreme positions on others lives.  However, I have grown to believe that radical conservatism is a grave threat to society, as power hungry individuals find conservatives easy to manipulate because they need authority figures to both authorize and choose the actions conservative people will take.  They follow a "primitive brain" need to follow leaders who have achieved "top dog" status by the use of some sort of power.  They follow these leaders out of fear, and adjust their beliefs to fit stories told by those leaders.

There will always be a tension between the needs of the individual and the needs of society.  The 2023 debt limit debate has been used as a tool to bludgeon the liberals to give up supporting individuals in need.  At the time I'm writing this entry, I have no idea how this political issue will be resolved. But I know one thing - the lunatics are now in charge of the US House of Representatives, and they pose the greatest risk to us all, both conservative and liberal alike.

Electronic Doodads and Standards

 

In the past, each of our electronic devices had its own charging / interface cable.  Sometimes, these cables could be used with other devices. But most of the time, these cables could only be used with the devices they came with.

Manufacturers (and lately regulators) saw this to be a problem, and developed common standards. USB-A became a standard to connect devices to PCs and Charging Blocks.  However, when it came to connecting Cell Phones and Tablets to PCs and Charging Blocks, things changed a little more slowly.  And this is where the "fun" begins.

Over the years, most device manufacturers have seen the need for a universal cable type, and came up with USB-C.  Given all the headaches needed to implement this type of connection, I understand that it is almost a miracle this could be done with USB-C.  Yet, it is the wired connection type that all non-Apple manufacturers are making their standard.

Apple is well known for not playing well in the sandbox.  It creates proprietary standards, used in a way to prevent many non-Apple devices from connecting to Apple tablets and cell phones.  Recently, the European Union pressed Apple to use USB-C, and Apple tried to resist the EU.  However, it looks like Apple has caved into pressure (sort of).  Like what they have done with Bluetooth and Wi-Fi wireless connections, they want their USB-C implementation to exclude non Apple devices.

Now, I respect Apple for doing what it does well.  (I own an iPad which was given to me as a gift, and am surprised that it still runs well after 8+ years of ownership.)  But I detest Apple for making it impossible to tether my iPad to my Android phone or for making it impossible for my friend to tether her non-Apple laptop to her iPhone to the cellular phone network.  

In fairness, IBM once played the same game with its equipment that Apple now plays with standards. And look where IBM is now with its manufacturing.  They legitimized the personal computer industry, and now has no interest in it.  Apple has done something that no technology vendor has done since the age of mainframe computers - it has developed a fully integrated technology ecosystem.  But this may be its eventual undoing.  IBM was forced to play nice in the sandbox by the courts.  Apple is being forced to play nice in the sandbox by the EU.

How long can Apple last before the next major technological shift?  And what type of shift will that be?  I have no way to see the future.  But this pattern has played itself out again and again with modern technology.  The character set used by IBM mainframes is directly related to the punch card codes used in the 1890 census.  More recently, both MS-Word and Lotus 123 created de-facto standards for Word Processing and Spreadsheets. 

The big question is: What will Apple have contributed as part of its legacy?

Walking on the Rail Trail with DS.

 

Although the above picture was taken roughly 20 years ago, it gives an idea of what the local rail trail looked like today - except that more people were out walking and cycling, enjoying the warm day.

- - - - - -

Last night, I fell out shortly after my nightly call to RQS.  Unfortunately, I woke up around 1:30 am, and couldn't get back to sleep until 5:00 am.  So, this changed my plan of getting up at 8:00 am to go to church.  Instead, I told my automated assistant to wake me up around 10:30 am, and relaxed for a while.

Of course, 10:30 am came way too quickly, and I started taking care of little things before driving to the rail trail's parking lot at 1:00 pm. Unfortunately, DS got stuck in traffic, and we didn't get moving on the trail until 2:00 pm.  Although I had to rest a few times, I did get in a little over 3 miles of walking before it was time for a late lunch at 3:00 pm.  Pizza was on the menu, and I made sure that it would be a place convenient for DS. And it was there we were able to chat without having to watch my breath.  (Talking in Marian Mode requires a breath effort which is hard when doing physical activity.  I require a stronger breath to hit the upper range of my voice, and physical activity robs me of that strength.)  Too soon, we had to part.  But we will try to fit in another walk in a couple of weeks.

Once I got home, I took a little nap.  And when I woke up, it was time for dinner.  All in all, it was a nice day, and great seeing DS again.

A day to myself (sort of)

 

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

- Ferris Bueller 

 

- - - - - -

Today was one of those days that I did almost nothing ...at first.  But once I got moving, I was able to take care of an errand related to last night's overflow and take care of some food shopping I needed to do this weekend.

Lately, I've been hanging out in my apartment when I have nothing outside to keep me busy.  Friends have had to reschedule dinners, leaving days open for me that I couldn't fill with meaningful activity. And that gave me the freedom to take care of an emergency laundry run, cleaning the bath towels I used to sop up last night's mess.

When I started my laundry, I decided to walk outside to see if the neighbor's car was in the driveway.  It it was, I'd likely have nothing to worry about from them in regard to last night's problem.  But it wasn't there.  So I figured that I'd bring this up when I see them next, as I'd rather take care of things myself than to get the co-op involved.

After my laundry was done, it was time to go to Walmart to pick up a few things.  While in Walmart, TCL called.  I returned her call once I got out of Walmart, and chatted all the way to the nearby Stop & Shop. And that's where I bought food for the beginning of the week, so that RQS and I do not have to go out to eat as soon as she comes here on Monday.

- - - - - -

One thing I've noted lately is that I often do not have much to say.  I find that I'm healthier not having one former friend in my life, as her problems occasionally took on a life of their own in my head.  That's something I don't need at this stage of life.  I have enough on my plate, and it's enough to bore some people to sleep. 😉

 

I'm glad I've had a good relationship with my neighbors so far....

 

My original plans for the day were to write about getting my nails done and having dinner with Vicki. Well, things changed, as Vicki was a little under the weather and I got up too late to do much of anything other than going to the buffet for dinner.  And yet, I have something crappy to write about.

- - - - - -

Years ago, water from my apartment caused a problem in the apartment below me.  I'm not sure of whose insurance paid for the repairs, but I know I didn't put in a claim on my insurance.  On New Year's Eve, RQS took a bath, and the water overflow caused damage to the bathroom ceiling occupied by my new neighbors.  Luckily, that problem was caused by pipes within the walls, and the co-op's insurance paid the bill.  Unfortunately, a toilet bowl overflow happened tonight, and I'm not sure of the status of the apartment below me.

When I got home from dinner, I proceeded to the loo to take care of a pressing matter.  (No need to be more graphic here.)  Well, the flush didn't get everything through the pipes, and I tried to plunge the toilet.  Unfortunately, after a second flush, waste water got all over the bathroom floor, and it took several towels to absorb all the liquid.  (You can guess I'll be the first to do laundry in the morning.) And this got me to thinking - did any of the waste water get through to the ceiling below me?  I'd hate to pay for any damages, as well as filing an insurance claim for the damages caused by the overflow.

I figure that I'll tough base with my neighbors in the morning, just to see what's up. Hopefully, they won't be too upset with me if there is a problem. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

A "Half and Half" day

 

I hate having to dress as Mario and then change into Marian (or, vice-versa).  Today was one of those days that I had to see the doctor in the morning, and then change into Marian before going to game night in Yonkers.  So, I had to partially make myself ready for the day to see my doctor. And then, I had to finish the job after I was home....

- - - - - -

My doctor has been looking for a way to get my blood pressure where he'd like it to be for several years now.  And today was a day that I knew he'd likely hector me a little about exercise and losing weight. What I didn't expect was that he ran a little bit late before seeing me, and that we'd be talking about vacations - specifically, him thinking of taking the same Hawaii cruise that I took.  The good news for the day was that the new medicine I am taking did what it was supposed to do with my blood pressure. This made him comfortable telling me to come back in a little over 2 months this time - something that I didn't expect.

Once done with the doctor, I picked up an egg sandwich at the local deli.  However, there was a minor mishap.  Just after I placed my order, a mob of teenagers came in to place their lunch orders (the high school is less than a block away) and that created confusion at the deli.  I was given the wrong order, and had to go back to the deli to get the right order.  Luckily, they didn't hand my sandwich to someone else.

I then went home and relaxed for a while before getting dressed as Marian for game night.  Luckily, I made it there early enough for me to play in the single game the group played this evening.  Although I didn't win, I wasn't in last place.  And that was a miracle for me.  When things broke up, I mentioned to the hostess that I finally have pierced ears, and will soon be able to wear the earrings that they gave me a few years ago.

- - - - - -

On the way home, I chatted with RQS and we discussed our plans for the next few weeks.  Yes, we will be quite busy going back and forth between our apartments.  But it will be fun....

Seeing another friend for dinner

 

RQS knows that I have more female friends than male friends, and most of them know me as Marian, even though they know of Mario's existence. Today, I visited one of those friends.

- - - - - -

RO and I have known each other for several years.  We once dated each other, but things didn't work out. When we stumbled across each other a few years later, we developed a friendship and kept in loose touch with each other.  I had my relationship with XGFJ while RO got married to a nice gentleman.  

The last time I met RO in person was last September.  Neither of us realized how long it had been, as both of us had been busy living our lives since then.  RO has retired, while I have taken 3 cruises, as well as a trip to Washington, DC since then.  So we had a lot to catch up on over an early dinner at the same Italian restaurant we've eaten at before.  Both of us have the ailments that come with getting old, and I was reminded of why things didn't work out between us. (I didn't want to be with someone who would have similar health problems as Ex-GF-M was having, and Ex-GF-M's death proved me right.)  Yet, we could be good friends, especially given that RO is a warm and caring person.

All too soon, dinner had to end, and I had to drive home. We agreed to eat at Fuddruckers down the road a piece.  Neither of us like dropping $75 on dinner when we're living on a budget.  So next time, dinner will be much more affordable, and much more casual.  And for me, this will be the first time I will be eating at a Fuddruckers since the last of the New York State (New York City region) restaurants closed years ago.

Considering that I wanted to look at some clothes at Lane Bryant, I took the long way back home through Paramus.  While on the road, I told TCL about another dress store that RQS and I have visited: Karina Dresses. And she looked up the dress pattern that made me think of TCL when I saw it.  Sadly, the dresses were not available in her size for the fabric pattern she liked.  But she will keep an eye on the site for future dresses she might enjoy wearing.

When I got to Lane Bryant, I tried on a couple of dresses.  One was in a pattern and style I liked, and if I didn't have one being shipped to me soon, I would have bought it at the store.  The other left a lot to be desired.  So I left those dresses at the store, and went home for the evening.

Being Widowed

 

Today, I saw 2 friends I haven't seen in a dog's age.  The first was my friend Maria, and the second was my friend Vicki (#2).  My 2 friends and I share a common bond - we have all been widowed, and we have all had to deal with a great loss.  

- - - - - -

It has been 26½ years since I lost my wife, 3 years for Maria, and less than a week for Vicki.  We are all on the road of processing our respective losses.  And I still remember enough of the pain I felt to provide some comfort to my friends.

At lunch today, Maria and I talked about our losses and how ignorant people could magnify the pain we still feel in regard to our losses.  I mentioned that it is not uncommon for songs to trigger crying fits, for people to say things without malice that can trigger anger, and (at times) for ourselves to lose our reasons for being.   Widowhood is not easy, but the grief we feel is needed to tell us how important a person was to us.  Confronting it and processing it is the way for us to heal - even if the loss scars us forever.

All too soon, Maria had to leave, and I was off to see Vicki before taking care of errands of my own. When I arrived at Vicki's place, I was warmly greeted and we sat down to chat for an hour.  Her mind wasn't fully there, as there was similar sense of numbness to what I felt when I lost my wife.  The constant care-taking had ended, and the continual processing of new pain was over.  Now, she has to move forward with her life, process the pain she will feel because of her loss, and figure out what her next act will be.

You will note that I did not give many details about my two friends, save when they were widowed. These 2 friends share more than membership in a sisterhood of widows.  They share a common humanity - people who have been there for people until that need has ended.  And for that, I will be there for them when they need a friend.

Be careful when performing aftercare on a new ear piercing

 

Be careful when performing aftercare on a newly pierced ear.  If the stud is lose, it can easily be lost - and I did just that.

But first....

This would be my first weekend away from my home (Read: I would be at RQS's place) and would need to perform my 2x-3x daily aftercare routine in a new setting.. I didn't think too much of this, as the stud was loosely applied to its backing, so that I'd have room to clean the area around the piercing and move the stud a little bit to help with healing.

At my place, I'd usually sit at my computer desk and perform the aftercare ritual there. However, at RQS's place, I'd be standing by her sink to perform the ritual. And this is where and when the stud popped out.  All of a sudden, the stud was propelled forward by the backing and fell into the sink.  Damn!  If I had blocked the drain, I'd have never lost the stud.  Now, I'd need a new stud to keep the hole open.

The next morning, RQS and I went to a local jewelry shop, and I had new studs put in.  OUCH!  The woman was not delicate with what she was doing, and my ears would feel irritated for a few days.  The backing to the studs were on tight, and I knew aftercare would be harder to perform for the next month or so.

I can't wait until I can wear normal earrings for the first time.  Yes, I'll need to keep the studs in until then.  But I can't wait to show my friends at game night that I can now wear the earrings that they gave me one Christmas.

So...

Be careful when getting your ears pierced.  You will need to perform aftercare, and it'd be a shame to go what I went through if you aren't careful when doing it....

Welcome to Clown Town - Finally!

 

Picture this: the audience rolls into a seemly delightful birthday party filled with bright colors and balloons. The sounds of children laughing with glee are heard as Pixie rolls onto center stage. With her sweet smile beaming, she pops a balloon with a hint of murderous rage: "Awwww, may it rest in pieces". This begins the rock 'n' roll ride through outlandish personal stories of working as a party clown in NYC and Hollywood.

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I had tried to see "Welcome to Clown Town" the other day, and got to the theater too late to get in.  So I suggested to RQS that we go to see this play before I had to go home at the end of the weekend.

But first....

The day before, we went into Manhattan to see a film at the Quad Cinema.  Due to the weather and weekend subway schedules, RQS and I had a hard time reaching the theater from her place due to the rain and the subway's weekend schedules.  (The subway's weekend schedule usually terminates the M Train's service at Essex street, a location not convenient for most of the connections we needed to make.)  So we took a bus to catch the L Train to Union Square (where service terminated due to maintenance work), then walked the rest of the way to the theater.  Once we reached the theater, we found that we arrived too early and needed to kill an hour before the showing.  So, it was off to get something to nibble on to ease the rumbling in our stomachs before walking back to the theater in the rain to see the film.  And then, we ended up walking over to the West Village for dinner before going home.

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Sunday came, and it was time to see Welcome to Clown Town.  RQS had gotten some virtually free tickets (we only paid a service fee) to see the play, and we left for the theater an hour and a half before the scheduled performance time.  We needed each and every minute of this time, as we had to reach 36st street and 8th avenue from an area of Queens served by (formerly) BMT lines.  Like yesterday, we ended up taking the L Train into Manhattan. But, instead of walking 1.8 miles to the theater in the rain, we took a convoluted path via subways to reach the Penn Station area.

Finally we got to the theater, and had the chance to see the play.  Although it was short, it was very entertaining.  I can only imagine what this woman felt when she was hired out to perform for an hour at a gang member's children's birthday party, and the family attempted to use force to prevent her from escaping their clutches. (She was lucky to be able to use her to escape.)  If I'm in the mood, I might go to see it again before it closes.  But I doubt I'll have the chance to do so.

Next, it was out in the pouring rain and off to a diner for an early dinner.  By the time we were seated, the heavens opened up, and we were lucky to get inside without getting drenched.  And then, it was into the subway system to attempt getting home.  For what should have been a 2 or 3 train ride, it took us 5 trains to get home.  Weekend subway maintenance and the rain made a 1 hour trip take almost 2 hours, as we avoided certain bottlenecks where crowds would either force us to wait a long while for a train, or cause us to stand for an hour.

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We reached RQS's place as the rain was easing off. All too soon, I had to leave her and go home.  It'll be a bit longer than usual until I see her again.  But, this will give me a chance to see some people I don't usually have the chance to see, and to do some of the things I don't usually have the chance to do.

Queer at the Quad

 

This was a terrible weekend to go outside in NYC, as two separate storms would drench the city with inches of rain, and cause many streets to flood.  So, what would two intrepid movie goers do? Trek into NYC, of course, and visit the Quad Cinema to see "Little Richard - I am Everything."

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Little Richard (a.k.a. Richard Penniman) was one of the Rock & Roll greats, but one who never was able to profit from his music in the way he deserved.  As a member of the LGBT community, his hedonistic music, lifestyle and gender preference was forever at odds with his religious upbringing and the times in which he lived.  No, I am not going to recite Little Richard's life story here.  Instead, I simply want to acknowledge his ability to make being Queer less frightening to the "Rock & Roll Generation" coming to age as Richard was in his prime.

How would I have felt if I were in my prime at the same time as Little Richard? Given that I was deep in my closet, I would have been appalled by his presentation but in love with his music.  I guess that many people of his era felt the same way about the man and his music, and let him be because of those mixed feelings. If people knew how hedonistic he was when "Rock and Rolling", I think he would have drawn more hatred in an era already being threatened by the freedom that Rock & Roll could bring. So, I'm glad that he was able to survive the era, and pass on a legacy for the rest of us.

RQS and I came out of the theater with a newfound appreciation for this man, his music, his life and his accomplishments. Hopefully, my readers will take the opportunity to see this film when it plays near them, as it will be a pleasant eye-opener for those unfamiliar with his music.

A day where only one thing went right

 

I had only two things on the docket for today: (1) Lunch with my friend from the Census, and (2) going to NYC to see an Off-Broadway play.  Only the first thing went off as planned.

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My friend reminded me of our lunch date early in the week, and I would have forgotten it if she had not reminded me.  So I was glad to see her again for lunch at the local pizzeria.  For the most part, my friend dominated the conversation. We caught up on many of the things going on in each others' lives. And we finished at the right time - just before we would have stayed too long.

After lunch, I decided to stop by the local LGBT center to say hi to a couple of the "permanent" employees there.  Unfortunately, they were busy in a meeting.  So I waved hello, and left as quickly as I got there.  And then it was off to Lane Bryant to browse the dresses they had in stock.  Again, things didn't go as planned - the one dress I was looking for was not stocked in the stores.  So I'll have to order it online, and return it if I don't like it.

At this point, it was time to go into NYC to see Welcome to Clown Town.  Though I made the commuter train on time, I lollygagged when dealing with the subway and dinner - and missed the play because I got the starting time wrong.  (Luckily, RQS and I will be going to see the play on Sunday afternoon.) So, it was back home as quickly as I came into NYC.  For the most part, I could have gone home after lunch and done something productive.  But, I took it all in stride - sometimes, fortune gets in the way of life, and all one can do is avoid the worst of things that could happen.

Drag Queen Bingo!

 

It's been a long time since I've been to a meetup with this group, so I decided to attend a gathering at a bar where Drag Queen Bingo was going on.  I guess I'm confident enough in my presentation that I wouldn't been seen as anything but a lady (albeit transgender) when in the presence of a man exaggerating feminine mannerisms and styles.

Drag is an art.  And, as such, should be protected by the US Constitution.  Unfortunately, anything that is "Gender Variant" is being attacked in GOP states.  Attacking transgenders is easy for them to consider, as many of us simply wish to be left alone to live our lives and do not yet have the critical mass of defenders to repel these attacks.

Many transgender children are at risk because of laws being passed in the GOP states.  Their religious leaders are preaching messages of hatred, giving their parishioners permission to unleash their hatred at these defenseless children.  Many parents are both taking these children to other states for gender related treatment, and are moving their families so that their children will not become victims of the cultural war.

As much as I would have liked to visit my cisgender female friends from Texas in their home town, I could not assume I could safely take the risk.  Texas has passed a law requiring that people wear "gender appropriate" clothing - and as a pre-op/non-op transgender person, I could get into serious trouble.  So, we're meeting up in Chicago instead.

But back to Drag Queen Bingo....

In a way, it takes balls for a man to go on stage and present as a female.  The art of drag has been with us for ages, and is quite entertaining because it pokes fun at gender roles.  It subverts those roles while allowing us to examine what is real, and what is not.  As such, it is fun to watch when it is done well.  

In the long term, I will try to defend those drag queens - especially when they are reading stories to children at the local library.  Children are not afraid or offended of what drag queens are.  Why should the rest of us be so?

Thank god for people who confirm lunches and dinners!

 

One of the problems with being retired is that one day can flow into the next, and one can lose track of time.  That often happens to me.  I'm grateful to have a girlfriend, someone who resets my internal calendar by her presence in my life.  But I am also grateful for my other friends who contact me the day before we get together, insuring that I remember our getting together in time to get ready for our lunches and dinners.

I now understand how my father became a large couch potato.  Without friends to visit and things to keep him busy, all he could do is spend time and become ever more lethargic.  The same signs are present in me as well, as I do not get out and about unless I have people to be with.  Maybe, this is why I gravitate towards planning future vacations.  My body knows it needs things to look forward to, and a bucket list vacation is a great way to keep one's mind active - even if just planning things to do on that vacation.

Today, SJM texted me to remind me about tomorrow's lunch.  I had totally forgotten about it, but will squeeze it in - even though I have to drive to RQS later on in the day.  I'd have hated to leave her lurking in the lurch.  At my age, it takes a lot to build new friendships, and I don't want to lose any due to being lazy and forgetful.