A visit to see my brother

 

I don't get the chance to see my brother that often, and this was one time I knew he needed to talk with me. Without saying too much, he has both an important career decision to make and a decision that will affect his peace of mind.  So, I knew that I had to see him immediately after leaving RQS this evening.

Normally, I am not under any time constraints when leaving RQS's place, save that I have to be aware of alternate side of the street parking rules and on which side of the street my car is parked.  However, I knew I had to reach my brother's place by 5, so that we could get to dinner by 6.  Just as I was walking out the door, my brother called - and I told him I'd be there shortly.  

Arriving at my brother's place around 5, we chatted for a while, and then proceeded to a seafood restaurant in Oceanside, NY - Jordan Lobster Farms.  As much as I didn't need another big meal, it was hard to resist clams on the half shell, clam chowder, and a 1 1/2 pound lobster.  YUM!  We talked about many things:  career, family, friendships, and pastimes. We also talked about my uncle, who I will be visiting in April.  

All too soon, this visit had to end.  I drove back to my apartment to find several things on my doorstep, one of which was a pair of large door stoppers which I'll be using to keep my refrigerator door closed until I can properly level the device.  (Too bad I forgot about the shims my brother had saved for me back at his place.)  Although there was more that I could have brought in at the time, I left some stuff in the hall to retrieve in the morning.

Jelly's Last Jam

 

Jelly's Last Jam tells the story (very loosely) of Jelly Roll Morton's life, as well as his contributions to the musical form we know as Jazz.  This was one of the better revivals in City Center's Encore! series. Given that I enjoyed Jelly Roll's music, I figured that this would be an entertaining diversion for both RQS and I, and gave her tickets to see this show on Valentine's Day.

A week and a half later, we braved the cold to go to City Center.  Weekend travel on the NYC Subway system can be frustrating at times, as many lines are shut down (whole or in part) for maintenance. For us, this meant that we had to deal with a larger than normal crowd at Union Square as we made our way outside to get a bite to eat.

Now, I don't keep any of my feminine wardrobe at RQS's house.  Even though it hovered near 32°f, the wind chill made it feel worse than that. So I was very fortunate that my feminine wardrobe was not available to me, as I would have braved the cold in a nice dress with tights on my legs.  Yet, if I did, I wouldn't have been the only person wearing a dress - we saw quite a few young (and older) ladies showing off their legs while on the subway, and later at city center.

Once done with food, we took the train to 57th street and then walked over to City Center.  After picking up our tickets, we had to kill 30 minutes in the lobby before being allowed to enter the theater and proceed to our seats.  Thankfully, we were able to take the elevator to the mezzanine where we had seats.

The play was nearly 2+1/2 hours long (with intermission) and RQS was tapping her feet and moving to the rhythm throughout the play.  I loved it too, and I'm not a big fan of musicals.  (Later on, I found this review in the New York Times while on the ride home - a nice coincidence.)  However, there was one minor fly in the ointment - we weren't able to make it home in time for SNL's cold open - one of our usual Saturday Night things to watch, along with Weekend Update.  At least, we were on time for a great fake advertisement for a love doll - Fugliana.  This was not a skit for everyone, but it was one of the show's best skits of all time. We watched the show until the second musical number started - then it was off to bed for the night. 

Car Shopping - Weekend #4

Knowing me, I'd buy the above car again if it were available.  No, it's not practical by today's standards.  But it was fun to drive and a great first car.  Those days are long gone, and I have to think about what I need in a car, as I'll be using it for a long time.

Right now, my choices are a toss-up between the Honda HR-V and the Subaru Crosstrek.  Although I could see myself in the Mazda CX-30, I've ruled out that car due to the sparse dealer network in Westchester county.  (One of those dealerships ignored me when I visited, and I don't want to schlep to lower county for service.)  Surprisingly, I am leaning towards the Subaru, only because it was the one car in which I didn't bump my head getting into the car.

- - - - - -

Car shopping is a pain in the ass. Dealers want to haggle, as they know that customers do not know the true value of cars, nor do they have the tools/skills to strike good bargains with the dealerships.  As a result, most people would rather have a root canal than shop for a car.  I have found that when one is able to use emails to prod dealers' internet sales people to supply prices, they will do so - especially when one stands firm and refuses to come into the dealership and haggle with a professional haggler.

A couple of years ago, we were in the middle of the pandemic, and dealers could name the prices they wanted to make a deal.  It was easy for them to lie, adding fake line items such as "****** Complete" (thieving dealer name left out to avoid libel) to add $1000 profit to an MSRP deal.  Today, there is a surplus of cars on dealer lots (such as in the Yonkers lot of the dealer that ignored us).  So they are much more willing to make deals if (and only if) the potential customer controls how much information is given to the sales person at the dealership.

So, what information MUST you keep away from the salesman, and what information should you supply?  I've been going by these rules this time around:

• Do your research before going to any dealer for a test drive, so that you can specifically state which car model/trim level/options you want to test drive.  (Trim levels do not mean much in most test drives.)
• Do identify similar models/trim levels/options from other car brands, so that you can test drive those cars as well.
• Do ask for an "Out the Door" price for the desired vehicle with all costs itemized.  This should cover the car, all charges, documentation fees and registration fees for the car.
• Do NOT tell the salesman your budget for the car.  
• Do NOT tell the salesman how much you plan to pay for a car on a monthly basis.
  
• Do NOT tell the salesman whether you will finance the car or not.
• Do NOT tell the salesman whether you want to trade in a car or not.
• Do NOT tell the salesman what it would take for you to buy a car right away if asked.

Giving the salesman any information from the "Do NOT's" above will give him tools he needs to work a deal to extract as much profit for the dealership as possible, leaving less money in your pocket at the end of the day.  Ideally, one avoids salesmen altogether, as they are experts in reading body language. Thus, my preference for using emails as negotiating tools.

Will I get the car I want at the best possible price?  Who knows?  But I'm doing better this time around in getting a price I want....

Connecting with someone - A short post

 

Today's post will be short.  I had been exchanging emails with someone, and we finally had the chance to chat.  The chat was pleasant, and we will likely have lunch soon.

Why is this important?

Well, to answer that question takes time.  But I'm not going to answer it here.  Instead, I can say that this person was glad that I found someone nice in RQS, and I am glad that she has found someone nice.  It'll be a good thing when we finally meet again.

Reconnecting with people can be both a good and bad thing, depending on the types of ties that bind people together.  One person I know met up with a former roommate for a long weekend, and couldn't wait for that weekend to be over.  Other times, it's like the years that passed were like hours, and things pick up as if nothing happened in between.  In my case, it was good to reconnect.

- - - - - -

Lately, I've been trying to reopen things with a friend from my college days.  A lot of stuff has gone on in his life, much of it related to health and family issues.  His story reminds me of Tolstoy's opening quote from Anna Karenina:

"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

With my friend, this is all too true.  I knew him to have an unhappy relationship with his parents and siblings from high school days.  Now, things are even worse.  Hopefully, things will get better from him soon.  At least, he's found a way to retire from his second career.....

The Ice Box has been delivered, and I still have a problem.

I was awake at 6:00 am for one reason only - I was to expect my refrigerator to be delivered somewhere between 7:15 am and 10:15 am.  Normally, I don't want to get up until 10:30 am, so I knew that I had to set multiple alarms to make sure I was up in time.

Not knowing when the delivery men would arrive, I had to postpone getting together with a new friend. As luck would have it, I didn't need to do this.  The delivery men came around 9:30 am.  Now, when I get a call telling me that someone is "here", I'd think they'd be in front of my doorway.  No.  They were in front of the doorway next door, and blocking a couple of cars.  Shouting out to the two men, I let them know where I was, and they proceeded to unload the refrigerator.

Given that I live up some stairs, they wanted to get the hard job of bringing the refrigerator to my floor before removing the old device.  This wasn't much of a problem.  But it was a problem getting the old refrigerator out of the apartment, and the new one into the apartment. Yet, with a little elbow grease and taking a door off its hinges, this task was accomplished.  Soon enough, the new ice box was in place, and the two delivery men were on their way.

But I still had a problem....

The installation process did not go well - the bottom door of the ice box kept opening.  Over the years, the weight of refrigerators has helped cause the floor to shift out of being level - and I found that I'll need some shims to level the ice box.  Until then, I'll put something heavy in front of the door, and that should keep the door shut until the ice box has been properly leveled.  Too bad that I didn't buy the store's service contract - I'd be calling them back today, and having them do the leveling for me.

Later on, after a day's rest, I went out food shopping.  $100 later, I had many of the things I needed to restock the refrigerator.  And I found that the lightweight stool I used to keep the door shut wasn't working.  So, I figure that a 2 liter bottle of Snapple may help with this problem for now....

Getting ready for the new ice box

 

 
I can only imagine what it was like in the days when the Ice Man came every day to refill one's ice box.  Home mechanical refrigeration was only a dream for many people 100+ years ago.  Even now, many of us old timers still use the phrase "Ice Box" when we refer to a refrigerator.  And yet, I've been treating my cupboard as my nourishment supply until my new refrigerator is delivered.

To prepare for the new refrigerator, I have emptied almost everything I could from the old machine and tossed it.  Foodstuffs which were not opened that didn't need refrigeration for storage (i.e. Catsup) were left in the old machine to be removed in the morning.  Since the freezer was working (as of this morning), I will put those items into Styrofoam cooler chests once I get the 30 minute warning.  Virtually everything else can be taken out quickly or tossed quickly.

Luckily, I ordered a simple refrigerator - no water dispenser or ice maker.  The simpler the device is, the less that will go wrong.  That means that I should be able to expect a 12-15 year lifespan for the unit.  By that time, I will likely be moving out of this place for a home on a single level - no stairs to climb.  I expect that the old device should be out the door within 15 minutes of the truck's arrival, and that the new device should be in place 30 minutes after that.

Once the new refrigerator has been installed, I will get showered and dressed, then fill up the ice box with replacements for the stuff I had to throw out.  Hopefully, it will perform as well as the old one did.

The future looks scary, and not for the expected reasons.

 

Even though I am turning 67 this year, death hasn't yet scared me that much.  I still see a future ahead of me, and then - who knows?  But what does scare me is that I am transgender, and that the "religious right" in politics is targeting people like me for their pogroms.

- - - - - -

Recently, I awoke to a rerun of a program discussing how the Christian Nationalists are plotting to take over the levers of American government and take away hard earned rights from the LGBTIQ community.  This scares me, as I have been open enough to be easily persecuted if the worst happens.  Yet, I feel that I will have enough time to pack up my bags and find a temporary home if the worst happens.

But why does the fear of religious persecution keep me up at night, and not that of death?

All people die.  Why worry about something you can't control or avoid?  But being persecuted is something I might be able to avoid, and history has shown that it is possible if one is able to act early enough.  Right now, I fear that I might be living in the equivalent of Germany's Weimar Republic of the 1920's, and that we may soon enter the equivalent of the Third Reich of the 1930's.  Given that we know what happened to Germany in 1945, there is a lot for a thinking person to be worried about.

Do I have a plan for the worst case scenario?

Right now, I am working on an escape plan.  But this is not enough.  Anyone who leaves this mess may need to bring their money with them as well.  If I were in my 20's, I'd leave this country and put down roots elsewhere.  Canada might not be a good option, as I remember what happened to Austria when the Nazis had power.  The last thing that the US or Canada needs is to unify under a single government.  Ireland or the UK would be good options, but could they maintain their own independence? 

In youth, it's easy to find places where one can start life anew.  If I had to leave the US when I was in my 20's, I'd have had my choice of English speaking nations.  But 40 years later, I no longer have the skills that would make me desirable candidate to be accepted in a new country.

So, what am I doing?

For the most part, I'm speaking my truth to others, hoping they will see the dangers coming from the right.  Sadly, I think identity politics is finally going to get the best of America, and that I may find myself looking for the nearest border if the worst happens....

Buying a new Refrigerator

I might have mentioned that I have a refrigerator that's on the fritz.  Although the freezer is working perfectly, the main compartment is unable to keep things cool enough for safety.  Something is wrong, and I cannot fix it.  So, I am replacing the unit before I have to throw away everything in the freezer.  (Even then, I still expect that I might have to toss some stuff because it's been stored too long.)

- - - - - -

Instead of car shopping, the first task of the day was to drive to the store where we made the salesman's day.  After telling him what we wanted, we were escorted to the appliances department where we were shown a group of refrigerators.  I asked only one question: Of all of these brands, which is the most reliable?  He answered that the Frigidaire was the most reliable, and I made my choice: Today's version of the same refrigerator that is in my apartment.  It was likely the quickest sale he'd make all week - and the week had barely started.

After this, RQS and I drove to Walmart to pick up some cheap Styrofoam coolers in which I could store freezer food while the new refrigerator is being installed.  If I'm lucky, it'll be cold enough for these containers to be left on my fire escape landing while the old refrigerator is taken out and the new one is put in its place.  By the time we were done, it was time to go to the train station to drop her off.

Once back home, it was time to rest before changing into Marian mode and going to a meetup in Mamaroneck.  Since this town was part of my old stomping grounds from where I worked for 25 years, I knew how to get to the restaurant quickly.  And yet, I was still late.  YGD had texted me to find out whether I was coming or not, even though I had left a message in the meetup's comment area that I might be late.  But I got there shortly after the text had been sent.

Once done with my meal, it was time to go home.  Luckily, I was on the road by 7:30 pm, as by 9:00 pm, I was out for the night.  Sleep was my companion for the evening, and with a brief awakening around 11:30 pm to get up to go to the bathroom and then to bed, I was out until the next morning.....

Forgetfulness

 

One thing many seniors notice as we age is that we have a harder time recalling things.  I fear extreme memory loss, as I would lose many of the emotional skills I've developed since I was middle aged.  

- - - - - -

We all have times where a word takes time to come to mind, where other mental pathways need to be used to access the right word to communicate an idea. As we get older, many of us get up and forget for a minute why we did so.  Given that people close to me have suffered with dementia, I can say that is one of my least favorite ways that I could progress to meeting my maker.

So, what does this have to do with being transgender?

Well, if I go too much further down my path, I could be in a situation where my body doesn't match what mind tells me I am at the current moment.  In the extreme case, I could see a totally feminized version of me thinking I was male, only because that is how I identified while younger.  That would be a form of hell for me and the people who would take care of me.

These are the type of thoughts that slow me in my path towards femininity.  If I were in my 20's with years to reprogram my mind, I wouldn't worry much.  However, I am in my mid 60's, and realize how important mental imprints are when a person ages.  In senility, the oldest memories are the ones that go last.  And this is what can keep me up at night.

Sometimes, one has to take a break to think a little

 

My original plan for this Sunday was to get up and get out of the house by noon, so that we could visit one or two car dealerships (Mazda & Subaru) to close out the weekend.  Well, that didn't happen, because we decided to stay indoors and not brave the cold.

However, I found that I might need to buy a new refrigerator soon, and I must start preparing for that day.  It's amazing how much food I have stored in the freezer, and how much I'll have to either store at a friend's place (or eat) before the ice box dies.  Luckily, I can afford to replace the refrigerator right now.  But I'm hoping that I can empty the old ice box before it dies.

- - - - - -

As I write this, I am watching "The Doors" on Amazon.  It's a good film, but it makes me feel sad.  No one would do an intervention for him, and he was a walking time bomb ready to destroy himself at any moment.  It seems like great musicians die of car crashes, plane crashes, drug overdoses, or gunshot wounds.  An unnatural death for a musician, as I like to put it, is to die in one's sleep at a very old age.  But why is this so?  I think greatness in the arts is often counterbalanced with a sickness in the soul that comes out in unhealthy behaviors.

I look at myself in my former career.  My greatest achievements took place when I was fighting off my worst demons.  When I started to get my act together and heal my soul, I got less interested in what I was doing. By the end of that career, I was just going through the motions - I'd been there and done that.

- - - - - -

I consider myself lucky.  Although I have lost most of my passion, I have peace of mind.  And this allows me to have a healthy relationship with RQS.  I am very thankful for that. And I am also very thankful that she accepts me for who and what I am, as most women would be scared of being in a relationship with a transgender person.

Car Shopping - Weekend #3

 

The above picture is an ad produced for a New York City area bank (which I ended up working for a few years after this ad campaign).  They wanted to show the public that they would lend money on any major car brand, then: Ford, Chevy, AMC, Chrysler, and Volkswagen.  Although more brands have appeared in the American market in the past 50 years, the process of buying a car is just as frustrating now as it was when I bought my first car.

This weekend, I wanted to take test rides in 3 cars: The Subaru Crosstrek, the Honda HR-V, and the Mazda CX-30.  Although all 3 would be good choices, I am leaning towards choosing either the Crosstrek or the HR-V.  Both are excellent cars, and both have all the options I want for a similar price.  RQS leans towards the Crosstrek because of its display.  I'm still torn between the two due to my prior experience with the Honda brand.  What I see as an advantage with the Subaru is equaled by my experience with my Honda Civic.

On Friday, I picked up RQS at the station, and we test drove a Subaru.  I was pleasantly surprised how good this car felt.  It was a car which I wouldn't be bumping my head into the door frame upon entering the car - and I like that.  Although a 15 minute drive is way too short to evaluate a car, it was enough for me to make it my number 2 (or even my number 1) pick. At the end of this test drive, I knew I needed to drive this car again before making a final decision.

Saturday came, and we didn't get out of the house until mid afternoon.  Our first stop was at a Honda dealership to drive the HR-V.  And RQS was equally impressed with this car.  It seems like this is an extremely popular model, as this model seems to be sold as quickly as it is delivered to the dealership. Once done with this dealership, we ended up at another Honda dealership.  This time, they had no HR-Vs in stock for me to drive.  In fact, half of the cars in this dealer's showroom were used cars.  How this dealership makes money I'll never know.

- - - - - -

I made an offer to DCD that he could buy my current car for book value.  Given that the car has over 200k miles on it, but has been well maintained, DCD figures the value to be about $2,500.  Since I am not going to be holding a note on this car, I wanted a check for this amount if I were to sell him the car.  Today, I found out that he is not able to get this amount of money from his bank, "The bank of Mom".  So, I guess I'll end up letting the dealer take my old car off my hands.

In the end, I expect to be $33k poorer than I am now, but with a car that's safer to drive.  The only questions are: (1) Which car will I choose, and (2) When will I drop the hammer on the deal?

Dinner with Vicki and RQS

 

This is not where we ate the other day.  But I'd have loved to eat here, just for the outdoor ambiance. Vicki, RQS and I agreed to meet at one of our usual go-to places, Lefteris Gyro for a dependable good meal.

- - - - - -

RQS and I had been car shopping all day when a woman who I met in Marian mode called.  I made the mistake of answering the phone in Mario mode, and then RQS came on the line and fouled things up a little.  I'll bet that this spooked the woman who could have become a friend before I had the chance to mention my TG nature.  When I called her back later on, I found that her voice mail response hadn't been updated since 2021.  

Around 7 pm, we met at Lefteris, and  had a good meal.  Vicki may have been a little surprised to see me in Mario mode, but that was because I had been in Mario mode to do car shopping. Our conversation got a little animated (not in a nasty way), as Vicki and I both have strong opinions and needed to express them as part of our conversation.  Of course, this might have disturbed a couple at the table next to us (they were giving Vicki weird looks), but it didn't matter to us.  We ended up being the last people to leave the place, and we left a good tip to make up for taking up a table for over 2 hours.

On the whole, it was a nice way to finish up the day, and I'd like to do this again soon....

Valentine's Day - Only the weather at first was cold

 

I won't say too much about Valentine's Day, save that I went to RQS's place and went out for dinner.  Well, I kept joking that I'd made reservations for two at a restaurant called "Der Weissen Schloss".  She knew my joke - I would never participate in White Castle's Valentine's Day gimmick, as that would kill a relationship.

RQS knew what I had gotten her as a gift.  But I didn't know what her gift would be.  I was pleasantly surprised by her gift - a pair of earrings, golden hoops to be exact.  She more than accepts me as Marian!  YAY!   I can't wait to wear these earrings for her someday soon.

RQS and I left for dinner around 6.  We had originally planned to go to an Italian restaurant 10 minutes away by bus.  With the cold, we decided to eat at a Thai restaurant a few blocks away from her house.  One problem - the place was closed.  So we tried a local Italian joint, and they couldn't seat us until 9 pm.  That wasn't a realistic choice.  So we walked to a nearby Indian/Nepali joint.  Although the food was good, it was not to my taste - I would prefer to try another Indian place if one was available.

By the time we got home, we were both cold and tired.  Blame the weather on that....  

Precious Time and Bucket Lists

 

When I was younger, I sometimes felt like there were never enough hours in the day.  Although I feel this less and less as I get older, I find that there are not enough days in the week.  Today was occupied by two things: Shoveling my car out from the snow, and a co-op board meeting to be held in the evening.  As I get older, I dislike shoveling snow more and more, and would prefer to have a garage where I can put my car in case of bad weather.  

Why might you ask that I'm complaining of not having enough time?

The answer is simple.  The older we get, the less time we have to spend.  And, we're also fighting the body's normal decay process as well.  I have less energy to spend on things, which means that it takes me more time to do the things I could do in less time when younger.

- - - - - - 

Knowing that I have only so much time left to me makes me think - what do I want to do with the rest of the good years of my life?  The process of answering that question also spends a portion of the time I have left to me.  Although my apartment is a mess (being perfectly tidy is a low priority for me), I still want the creature comforts that money can buy for me - such as a working range hood fan over my stove.  Being serious, I've already generated a bucket list of things to do and see.  Yet, like in the movie, the Bucket List, I've found that many of the things must be done by more than one person, including the completion of that list.

I consider myself lucky that RQS has been with me for the past 2 years, as I have a companion for that ride into old, old age.  And I feel that she feels the same way about me, especially when I have opened her up to new possibilities in life.  Yet, I don't think that either of us will complete the things we want to do on our bucket lists.  There is only so much time, and it becomes more precious every day.

Fortunately, I am out to the world in regard to being transgender.  This takes a big load off of my mind. Overcoming the fear of wondering what people might think made it easier to pursue other things on the bucket list with much less fear, as I have found that most of us worry about many things needlessly.  If we were to ask ourselves "what's the worst thing that could reasonably happen?" in a given situation might free us up to do things we might not otherwise do.  Heck, I've had to deal with a stolen wallet last year, and I was able to recover from it.  Many of us have had to deal with broken limbs, or worse.  Yet, we recovered.  So, if these are the worst things that could happen, why not try to check off items on your bucket list before it's too late to do so?

I'd love to see your opinions on this....

The first major snowfall in 2 years

 

February 13, 2024 - a snowstorm to remind us of how much of a nuisance show can be.  And I had the wisdom to move my car from my usual parking spot to a visitor's parking spot to leave room for the plow to push all of the shoveled snow.

If we didn't get any snow today, I'd have been out shopping for a new car.   Since I was up early enough to to get out and about in the morning, I had nothing better to do than test drive cars.  Instead, I had to wait until the snow stops falling to shovel out my car and then go food shopping.  Do I like this?  No.  It's not that I mind snow.  But it is simply getting in the way of me doing things important to me, such as picking up a small Valentine's Day gift for RQS.  (She already knows what her big gift is.  But a woman should always hove something to open on V-Day itself.

Thinking of new cars, have you noticed that most cars being sold these days are in shades of white, gray, and black?  It is much less common to see cars painted red or blue, and even less in other colors.  Gone are the days where I could get a VW Bug painted in Yellow.  Even though one could never sell a new car equipped like the old Beetle these days, this car was fun to drive.  More important than that, the car was a good car to learn on, because it could take a beating and still keep soldiering on.

When I had my Bug, I practiced driving in difficult driving conditions.  The only time the Bug could be said to fail me was when I had to brake or steer on a slick surface - there was not enough weight on the front wheels, nor any power, to help keep me from sliding forward when I wanted to stop, or when I wanted to go around a curve.  It was a car best suited for summers on the California Coast, and not for winters in New England.

- - - - - - 

What cars bring back memories for you?

Meeting RQS's Friend

 

Yes, is a picture taken of me over a decade ago.  But I don't want to show a picture of RQS or her friend in this blog.

We had arranged to meet in NYC several weeks ago, and it was nice to be back in Marian mode again. RQS and I got ready to take the train into NYC, and I noticed that one of my dresses had a rip at one seam.  Since I couldn't wear that dress, I had to substitute a sweater dress in its stead - and that was a good thing, considering the cold weather outside.

Arriving at Grand Central an hour ahead of our expected time, we killed some of it in the waiting room over a cup of coffee.  And then it was off to lunch.  When we arrived at our destination, I noted that it couldn't be the Chick-fil-A on the corner, as corporate management is anti-LGBT.  Luckily, we were meeting at the French themed shop next door. And that's where a complication arose - there were no seats, and RQS had already paid for lunch.  So we ended up walking a block to another place, and again - no seats.  Both places had turned into de-facto office spaces, with people both eating and working at the tables.  Again, we picked up and left - for the Wendy's next door.

Time flowed way too quickly.  Her friend greeted me as Marian, and we hit it off instantly. If I didn't have to be back in Croton by 6 to get my car out of the parking lot, we would have stayed longer.  But it was a good excuse to take my leave.  Surprisingly, I made it home by 5:15, as I caught a non-stop express to Croton and beyond. 

Car shopping - Weekend #2

 

I'm certainly not in the market for this old truck.  But I am in the market for a new car, and it will most likely be an SUV, given the options available to me.  Gone are the days of nice sedans and coupes.  We are now in the age of the do anything vehicle.  And this is not a bad thing, considering that we all seem to need to carry large things in the back of the car now and then.

This weekend, I was forced to stay in Mario mode, so that I could visit several car dealerships and have ID that matches my gender presentation.  What bothers me is that I won't be able to get my nails done for a few weeks, so that Mario looks like he's expected to look - like a boring, heavy set, old guy.  And we had a frustrated laugh at the first dealership we visited.

Most of us have gone through the frustrating experience that is new car shopping in the Unites States. First you enter the showroom and meet a salesperson.  Then, they ask for your license, so that they can check your credit report and start the process of structuring a deal designed to get you to buy their car with maximum profit. When the salesperson comes back with your license, he starts asking you about your budget for the car, whether you will be financing the car and what kind of monthly payments you can afford, whether you have a car you'd like to trade, as well as other information he will need for his finance guy to structure a deal.  Only then, do you get to the process of taking a test drive.

Now, I have been around this block before, and I have had many dealers try to screw me - even when I was willing to buy a car at MSRP (both before, during, and after Covid-19).  So, I've taken the time to learn how to NOT provide much negotiating information to the "enemy". And RQS has been a great help to me while we have visited the dealerships.

Before RQS came up this weekend, I had a pleasant test drive of a Honda at a local dealership.  The salesman knew that I've been to this dance before, and didn't try to hard sell me on the car I tested.  Instead, we had a long, leisurely test drive on both local roads and the highway, and I found this to be the best car I had tested so far.  Although there is one thing I don't like about the car (the CVT transmission), I'd buy this car at the right price.  This would become the car I measure things against in test drives planned when RQS arrived.

On Saturday, we visited the first of these dealerships, a Mazda dealership, where we were greeted by a salesperson who offered us coffee and proceeded to ask for my license, so that he could make a copy.  After an excessive amount of time, RQS and I were starting to get frustrated.  But then, I think the salesperson couldn't pull a credit on me, as I had frozen it when my wallet was lifted in Chicago.  And only when he gave up, did he return to the desk to try and extract more information from me - which he didn't get.  After the test drive, we chatted and I got his opening price for the car - something in a fair range for the vehicle we tested.  Unfortunately, it was getting dark, so we suspended our shopping for the day.

Sunday came, and we ended up visiting 3 dealerships.  The first one we entered, a Subaru franchise in Yonkers, got me to write a "Nastygram" (as I call it).  We entered the dealership, and the receptionist was doing her business on the phone and didn't bother to acknowledge us.  After 10 minutes of walking around, no one bothered to ask us anything, so we left.  (Given the large inventory on their lot, I don't think they are too successful a dealership.)  And then it was onto the next dealership - a Yonkers Honda dealership.  Although we were acknowledged promptly, we still had to wait a while due to short staffing. When we finally met with a salesperson, we were told that they don't do test drives on Sundays, and that she couldn't give me an out the door price - she was required to haggle.  Since there's no way we'd even consider doing this without even a test drive, we moved onto a third dealership in White Plains. This time, we were greeted promptly, "interrogated" for sales information, and given our test drive. Although we did get an out the door price, it would not be as good as the price I got before the weekend started.

Monday came, and I wrote the "Nastygram" I mentioned above.  Even though I received an apologetic response later in the day, I won't return to that dealership.  I figure that I can get a better deal from other dealerships that carry its brands, assuming that I don't go with the Honda....

Tax Paperwork - a short post

 

Getting ready to have my taxes done is always an awkward experience.  Gathering up my forms is the easiest part of the process, save for the rental property that both my brother and I share an interest.  Given that my brother is a well paid, but overworked person, I rarely have received this last set of financials on time.

I'm glad that I'm not an accountant at this time of year.  One's person's numbers and forms would likely blend into someone else's in my mind - and I'd screw up both people's returns.  So I respect my brother a lot for starting a second career in his 40's, and doing well up to this point.  

Right now, my brother has got the weight of the world on him, and all I can do is give him encouragement.  He will soon have a lot of hard decisions in front of him, and all I can do is listen when he needs an ear, as well as remind him of what he's already accomplished in such a short time in a career.

In the end, my brother will still end up doing tax forms, if not for a large corporation, then for his family.  I wish him the best....

Game night - a short post

 

Although it was a perfect day to go outside and test drive some cars, I ended up staying indoors until it was time to go to game night.  

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One thing I've noticed at game night is that the people there always refer to me as SHE.  That's very important, as they know I'm transgender.  Whether or not I go for radical surgical alterations to my body or not is a minor issue with this group of friends.  People there are comfortable with the idea of being transgender, and just accept me as a normal person.

Even with being accepted, being the oldest person in the room does make me feel odd at times.  I am not good at games that require a lot of strategical thought - I might be more of a tactician than a strategist.  But I enjoy going there because I enjoy the company of younger people.  And that's something that will likely keep my mind active as I get older.

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With all of the above being said, I had a troublesome thought come to mind.  What would happen when people who only know Mario meet people who only know Marian?  I'd no longer be around.  But I'd hate to see people freaked out because I lived on both sides of the gender coin.

Dinner with a Transgender friend

 

It's not every day that I can get together with another person from our transgender community.  It takes a while for our conversations to get going because we come from opposite sides of the spectrum.  But, in the end, we get to chatting like typical ladies - albeit, not in the way one would expect.

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We arranged to meet at the restaurant at dinner time, but we screwed up which dinner time that was.  So, I ended up being 1/2 hour early, yet 1/2 hour late according to SKB's initial impressions of our time frame.  (I take half of the blame here, as I could have chosen the earlier to get there and we both could have gotten there at the originally expected time.)  One thing I can say - I don't want to be walking out on a side street near Atlantic Terminal / Barclay's Center after rush hour.  But I digress.  SKB ended up being later than expected due to a hunt for a parking spot. (There are many good reasons that I use mass transit in congested parts of big cities.) 

In many ways, SKB is the opposite of me.  I identify as a person who is left of center by today's standards. (I'd likely be considered a Goldwater Republican, the way he was towards the end of his life.)  SKB identifies as a person who is right of center.  I have almost no interest in sports, save for an interest in the history of baseball.  SKB has an interest in the most American of sports, football.  We should be like oil and water, but we always seem to have good conversations.

All too soon, our conversation had to end.  SKB was able to reach her house in 30 minutes, while it took me 30 minutes to reach Grand Central Terminal.  Since it was after 9:00 pm when I got there, almost every place where I could get a bottle of fizzy water was closed (or was closing down).  Luckily, one place was still open at 9:30, and I was able to get my seltzer before hopping on the train.

Normally, I get on a train that has a stop or two before reaching Croton.  This time, I caught the express whose first stop is in Croton.  As a result, I had to fight to stay awake just enough not to miss my station, instead of being able to fall asleep until the last stop.  Yet, I made it home by 11:00 pm, and was ready to fall asleep by midnight.