An evening with DCD

 

DCD is a strange person.  He doesn't always learn from his past, and he makes the same type of mistakes over and over again.  Tonight was a typical example of dealing with him....

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I met DCD at a New Rochelle diner a little after he completed work for the day.  When he arrived, he started to tell me what was going on in his life, and I mentioned that his present situation with his girlfriend is similar to where I was with Ex-GF-M over 10 years ago.  His girlfriend is addicted to tobacco and alcohol, and wants DCD to participate in the addiction triangle: Person A, Person B, and the Addiction.  Whether or not Person B is addicted or not, Person B's behavior will either be that of participating in an addiction, or trying to deal with Person A's addiction.  DCD is the latter type.

I'm not saying that DCD has his act together.  He doesn't pay attention to advice given to him by well meaning friends, nor does he car about things such as payment instructions.  We chatted a little about Zelle and I mentioned that I don't use it because it has become a hacker's paradise.  Once a hacker is able to get into your account via Zelle fraud, the banks have a nasty habit of saying that your money is lost forever.  Yet, when we finished our meal, DCD didn't ask me how I wanted to get paid - he sent me money via Zelle!  This pissed me off!!!!  I planned to take the advice given by Clark Howard (Clark.com), and avoid the use of Zelle to protect myself from scams.  And now, I had to use it to receive money from DCD!  AARGH!!!!!  (No wonder why his relationships fail - he doesn't pay attention to any important messages from anyone.)  Luckily, I don't have any banking apps on my phone, and avoid them like the plague.  I prefer to use my PC or Chromebook for financial transactions, and was able to use one of my lesser bank relationships to receive DCD's money.

When I asked DCD why he uses Zelle, he mentioned that he doesn't like "float".  What he did wasn't related to float.  Instead, it was related to his record keeping - he doesn't want to worry about whether a check has cleared or not - if he does a small value payment via Zelle, the money has left his account and his account inquiry always shows a current balance.  (One the way home, I mentioned this to RQS, and she said that DCD will continue doing things his own way, and not care about what others say to him in regard to their interactions with him.)

I'll end up seeing DCD again on Friday, if only to hand him paperwork for the car.  Hopefully, he won't screw things up, as I want the car out of my driveway within the next 2 1/2 weeks.

Closing out a weekend.

 

I accidentally deleted my original post for today.  So here goes....

Saturday was a rainy day where RQS and I would rather have stayed home.  However, I had taxes to take care of, and I had to take them to my new preparer.  Several traffic jams and delays caused by bad drivers losing control of their cars, we made it to my new preparer and were ready to make our trip to Suffern, NY to see the new Ghostbusters film.  

Why Suffern? you may ask.  There were closer theaters which involved much less driving.  Well, Saturday night's showing was accompanied by a Wurlitzer Organ being played prior to the 7:30 showing.  With the rain and road floods, we barely got to Suffern in time to get a bite to eat and enjoy the organ performance.

Too bad that we didn't stop somewhere other than the pizza parlor near the theater.  I won't name the place, as the food was mediocre at best.  But if you are in Suffern, skip the pizza and go for Mexican. At least we were able to get to the theater early enough to hear the whole organ performance. Was the film good?  For a franchise flick, it was pleasant.  But was it good?  It was an enjoyable way to spend an hour and a half on a Saturday evening. When we returned to the car, I found that a slow leak was detected by the TPMS system.  So I drove home, and made plans to go to Mavis Tires the next morning.  

Sunday came, and I went to Mavis.  90 minutes later, the tire was fixed, and I was home for the rest of the day to rest with RQS.  Unfortunately, Monday came, and RQS had to leave.  So we got some lunch, and I dropped her off at the station, so that she could get home during daytime hours....

By the time you read this....

 

By the time you read this, several things will have happened:

1. My taxes will be in the process of being prepared.
2. I will be in possession of my new car.
3. DCD will have started his process of getting the car registered in his own name.
4. I will have given RQS her birthday present.
5. My luggage will be opened, and packing will start for my California Cruise.

Of course, a lot of things will have happened in between then and now.  And you'll be able to read about them over the next few days.

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When I told my brother about my tax situation, I realized how much my brother wants to isolate my financial life from his.  I should mention that he wouldn't give me a recommendation for an accountant if I needed one this year, but would only help me file estimated taxes to buy a little time for me.  My guess is that if an acquaintance of his sees my returns, then they will have an idea of what a slice of my brother's life looks like.

Cleaning out my old car has helped me find things I had misplaced over the years.  One of these things was a canvas bag that I thought was in RQS's place.  Surprise!  It was in my car's trunk.  There was way too much stuff back there, and I'm glad that I am finally emptying it out.  (Guess what I'll be doing on Monday!)

Now that I have the information needed to get my new car on the road, I can give DCD the information he needs to start his process.  Hopefully, I'll have the old car out of my driveway soon.  If not, I know of at least one charity that takes donated cars.

Even though a bought theater tickets for RQS's birthday, I ordered a little something from Amazon for her to open up on the birthday itself.  Hopefully, she will like it.

And lastly, packing....   This will be a trip where I will spend one day as Mario and the rest as Marian. (I must visit my uncle while presenting as Mario.)  It's going to be nice to wear some warmer weather clothes for a change.  (I haven't worn a dress in California in ages, except while in transit to/from Hawaii.)  Since it will be Spring when I arrive, I have to bring sweaters (and a windbreaker) - especially for my time in San Francisco.  RQS's cousin knows I am trans, so it will be nice NOT to have to change into a pair of trousers when in San Diego....

The trouble with taxes

This morning, I didn't need my alarm clock to awaken me.  Yet, I know I'll be exhausted by both the end of the day and by the end of the weekend.  And all of this is because of taxes....

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As I've mentioned before, I have had to find a new tax preparer because my old one retired.  I thought I had been lucky to know someone in the Trans community who could do this work. But her health problems got in the way, and she had to bail on doing my taxes.  This left me with 3 weeks to get my taxes done and no one to do them.

The first thing I did was to make an emergency call to my former tax person, and I got the name of a new person.  This was the person who took over some of her old business, and is located in the old office space.  YAY!!!  Even better, this person is hungry and wants new business.  So, I'll end up picking RQS up at the station and driving down to my Trans friend to pick up my paperwork.  And then, I'll deliver this packet to my new tax person in Queens and hope for the best.

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This will be a half and half weekend for me.  At least, I'll be able to take RQS out to the movies and relax for a little while....

 

 

PS: We picked up the tax paperwork from my Trans friend on Friday, then delivered it to my new tax person on Saturday.  Although it rained like cats and dogs, I made it safely to Queens, where the new tax person is located.  And then, after an hour of waiting (we were in line to meet with this new lady), we had a pleasant conversation and a good idea of what the tax preparation would cost and when it would be done. It's a nice feeling to know that this headache is going away, and that I'll be able to focus on good things again.
 

I got a call today - my new car has arrived!

 

Now is the time, the Walrus said, to speak of many things.  Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, and whether pigs have wings....  Well, I probably have mangled a line from Lewis Carroll's "The Walrus and the Carpenter".  But I feel that I could write a short story about buying a car with the little nuisances I had to deal with in the process of doing so.  Yet, this is not the place for a long, drawn out story.

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So, what did I end up doing?

First, I drove to the bank to get a cashier's check to pay for the car.  Given that inflation has taken a lot of value from our currency, I still find it hard to believe that I paid more for this car than I put down as a down payment on my apartment.  And then I was worried a little that I didn't get the right kind of check from the bank.

Next, it was a call to my insurance company to find out what I need to do to get the insurance transferred to the new car.  I learned that things had changed, and that once the paperwork is started, the old car is covered for 24-48 hours.  This is good to know, as I will need to make sure that DCD can pick up the old car with his own plates.

Finally, I was able to contact the salesman to tell him that I'd be coming in on Tuesday to pick up the new car.  Of course, he wants me to speak to a final person who will try to sell me add-ons.  I know which ones I want and don't want, but I will deal with this on Tuesday.

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Now that my need to be out as Mario was over, I could rest a bit before going to a meetup as Marian.  It was nice to pretty myself up again, as I know that I'll soon be stuck in Mario mode for the better part of a week. But I wasn't sure that I wanted to go to the meetup, and I would have been better off by bailing out.  The activity was a music themed bingo at a local sports bar, and it was too loud there for me to enjoy myself.  If I didn't have a bite to eat while there, I could have gotten into playing bingo.  So, with this in mind, I took my leave a little early and drove home for the night

Lunch with RO - a short post

 

Today's post is going to be a short one, as I was very tired after a long drive and a big lunch with a friend who knows I am transgender and treats me as a woman.

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RO and I usually try to get together every 4-6 weeks or so.  Although we once dated, we are just friends - especially when the two of us are in stable, committed relationships.  So our conversations tend to be those where we catch up on events going on in each other's lives, and not sharing our troubles with someone who has a sympathetic ear.  Our lunch fit that pattern today.

Given that we live 2 1/2 hours away from each other, we have found a few places to eat in locations halfway between our homes.  Today's place was a Greek restaurant near Patterson, NJ at which RO has feasted before.  And this was a good choice, as the food was good.  It was also a mistake, as both of us spent twice as much as planned.  Luckily, I had cash on me, and room in the back to take my leftovers home.

Would I eat here again?   Yes!   But I'd be careful with my spending, as it is way too easy to get lost with appetizers, large platters, and desserts.

Some Disturbing News in the Times today

 

A recent New York Times article noted that many automakers are selling information on the driving habits of car owners to organizations such as LexisNexis Risk Solutions, where it is then resold to insurance companies. This is disgusting to say the least.  Most people owning late model cars weren't properly notified information about car owners' driving habits would be shared with outside companies.  In the case of GM cars, people were led to believe that data was being shared with Sirius/XM, so that they could subscribe to satellite radio services, and nothing more. As noted in the Privacy Not Included blog: SURPRISE!!!!!

As I am in the process of buying a new car, I have to be aware that my new car may be able to send this data to LexisNexis as well.  Supposedly, Subaru has an option to turn off the transmission to LexisNexis. I will ask the salesman about this before I sign the final paperwork on the car, as this will affect the options I select when using the new car.

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Why is this so important to me?

I don't care much if the government is able to locate me.  I do care if private industry is able to accumulate information about me without my permission.  Many Americans distrust government, but will surrender information to private industry at will.  It's bad enough that firms such as Amazon and Google have as much information about us as they do.  But, unlike government, there are no limits to what they can do with this information.

Given that the IRS knows how much we make, how much we pay in taxes, and how much we own (for the most part), I trust government more than I trust big business.  Big government drowns in the amount of information they have, and it is very constrained in how the data is used.  So, I consider big government the lesser of two evils.

Yes, there is always the possibility that personal information can be abused.  But it is easier for people to hold government accountable for the misuse of data than big business.  And we should remember that when we hear representatives of big business advocate for their positions.....

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How to Find Out What Your Car Is Doing

• See the data your car is capable of collecting with this tool: https://vehicleprivacyreport.com/.

• Check your connected car app, if you use one, to see if you are enrolled in one of these programs.

• Do an online search for “privacy request form” alongside the name of your vehicle’s manufacturer. There should be instructions on how to request information your car company has about you.

• Request your LexisNexis report: https://consumer.risk.lexisnexis.com/consumer

• Request your Verisk report: https://fcra.verisk.com/#/

Posting a Bond

 

By now, out 45th president will have gotten a surety bond to pay the civil penalty for misrepresenting the value of his assets, or New York's Attorney General will have started the process to collect over $400,000,000 from him.  March 25th will have been a very interesting news date to say the least.

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I have gotten to the point where I can only skim the news, as there is so much misinformation coming from #45 and the GOP.  Even my own congress critter (who I have no respect for, as he has broken his campaign promises) has had to echo the lies being spewed by the GOP.  The public is weary of this nonsense, but is powerless to stop it until Election Day.  If #45 (and the GOP) loses again, we will likely be rid of this threat to democracy.

But this doesn't mean we are out of harms way....

The MAGA movement will likely metastasize, and a similar cancer in the body politic will come near the levers of power.  Anyone in the LGBTIQ community will be at risk, as the GOP's ranks have been contaminated by Fundamentalist White Christian Nationalists.   They won't rest until we are back in the closet.  But I'm not interested in going back in the closet.  I enjoy life now.  Being able to interact with the world as Marian is much more rewarding than being closeted as Mario.

So, each time #45 suffers a setback, I will cheer.  The man is evil, and destroys everything he touches.  Let's hope that's brought to justice before Election Day....

I'm a little upset at someone who just can't wait....

 

The other day, I offered DCD a deal where he could buy my car for 2 years of affordable car payments.  I'm not in any hurry to give him information on my car needed for registration until I have the same information on my new car ready for my insurance agent.  Knowing DCD as I do, he's in a rush to get things done, and I know that he'll screw things up if I supply information ahead of time.

Recently, DCD started pestering me for this information, saying:

In my efforts to plan accordingly between insurance, DMV, and our logistics, I wanted to talk about a game plan since we are in the last two weeks of March.

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I understand your concerns. Keep in mind that I am not legal to drive your car until I register it. I do have old plates, but I am not supposed to use them.

I tried to make an appointment with DMV. I was not able to determine how far out they are with appointments.

Yes, I know that things should be OK.  However, I'm doing things on my time frame, not his.  By the time you see this post, I should be in my new car, and this will have been resolved.  I'll have transferred my plates and insurance to the new car, and DCD should have started the process of getting new plates and insurance for what will now be his car.

Keep your fingers crossed that my car will come in on time....

Being rudely awakened

 

This morning, I was enjoying a moment of relaxed semi-consciousness when my alarm went off to remind me to take my morning pills.  If that wasn't bad enough, my land line rang and a car salesman called to find out whether or not I was still interested in buying a new car. And then, my brother called to ask me what I thought of a house in Florida he was interested in buying to run as an AirBnb.   AARGH!

Of course, this wake-up call ruined my day.  Later on in the day, my brother called again.  Seems like he found a house that he'd like to rent out, and have me make a $100k investment with him.  He's thinking of renting the place out for a few years, and then use it as a retirement home. The last thing I want is to take this much of a risk with my money, especially when dealing with Florida real estate.  I don't know the region that well, and I don't trust the market in Port St. Lucie.  Ex-GF-M's parents used to live there, and they didn't see their house appreciate in value as much as they expected.  Even with the advent of Brightline high speed rail extending service to Orlando and Tampa, something tells me that this will not be a good bet for us.

Luckily, I remembered what George S. Moore said in his memoir, "A Banker's Life" - one should have at least 3 ways to get one's money out of a deal.  I mentioned this to my brother, and he only saw 2 ways to get his money out of this deal. So this slowed him down a bit.  I mentioned that Delaware property near the ocean might be a better bet, as it's a more mature market that would be easier to monitor while living in the New York City metropolitan area.

Hopefully, my brother won't rush into this deal.  I'm afraid that he might be in for a rude awakening if he goes through with it.  

Spring is coming and I am not!

 

With a title like that, you'd think that this non-op trans gal would want to be in an advertisement for ED drugs.  But you'd be wrong!  What I'm talking about here is our political landscape and the lies that were implied by the rebuttal to our president's State of the Union address.

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Now, I rarely listen to any political speeches, as they tend to be things to stir up a politician's base, that of his party, or both.  Nothing important is usually said, except when they are causes for alarm.  Even Trump's rants are not worth listening to, as nothing important is being said, save that he claims to be a victim of the "Deep State" and that he intends to get even if he is returned to power.  Yet, some people hang on every word.  

To me, she shorter the speech, the better.  Lincoln said a lot in a few words at Gettysburg.  It remains one of the most powerful speeches ever written in the English language.  Yet, it was so short, that photographers didn't have the time to set up their cameras to capture Lincoln while at the podium.  Does anyone remember much about Kennedy's speeches, other than the phrase "Ask not what your country can do for you..."?  What about Churchill's "Iron Curtain" speech?  If anything, we remember a catch phrase from these speeches, such as Reagan's "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall."  So, I didn't bother watching Biden's SOTU address, as nothing of note (other than its tone) might be worth noting.

However, I did get convinced to watch the GOP's rebuttal to Biden.   It was so bad, that I couldn't get through watching the whole thing, as it could be right out of an ad to become a handmaiden in "A Handmaiden's Tale."  Several comedic takes were made of this speech, including a version on Saturday Night Live.  In short, the rebuttal showed how the mainstream of the GOP wants to return America to the 1950's, where white women were kept at home, LGBTQ's were kept in the closet, and where Blacks, Latinos, and Asians were nowhere to be seen - except as "domestic" workers, farm hands, and Chinese laundries.

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If the GOP thinks that their rebuttal speech will cause more people to come to the GOP's way of thinking, they must be "nucking futs!"  They have shown how out of touch they are with the American public as a whole.  Yes, much of the GOP still lives in areas where it is 1955.  But even then, Jackie Robinson was leading Brooklyn's beloved Dodgers to their only World Series title earned in Brooklyn.

The world has changed, in most ways for the better.  I hope that we can get as many of our friends in swing states to vote our way - if only to protect the hard earned freedoms we now have.  The only return to the 1950's I want is on a functioning time machine, so that I can see the Dodgers win the Series, and to see Don Larson pitch his perfect game in the Series the next year.

Trans people are more varied than one might think.

 

When many people think of trans people, they think of predecessors such as Renee Richards and Christine Jorgensen.  Although these two trans women had severe gender dysphoria, we all share one characteristic: we all wish we were born into the other gender.  But that's the one thing that bonds us together, as many of us deal with this condition differently.

Many trans women take a path that involves exploring their sexuality, their gender presentation, and finally, body modification to make their bodies look as much like the image of themselves they want to be.  But this is still a simplification.  For many, gender preference is locked in at an early age, and only gets loosened up a bit when a trans person is exposed to the hormones of their identified gender.  One trans woman I know enjoys the idea of "adult play" with both sexes.  And yet, she has not been able to explore much after Gender Corrective Surgery (GCS or "the operation").  About the only thing she misses about life as a male is the ability to "go" standing up. 

Being "Out" as a trans person often prevents a person from finding romance.  For every trans person who finds romance, there may be up to 100 who are forced to give up on romance.  One of the reasons an ex-girlfriend broke up with me was that I am transgender.  It seems like most relationships break up because a transgender person comes "out".  This may be related to a subconscious fear that a partner's sexuality will contaminate the sexual identity of the other.  (Am I a lesbian if my male partner comes out as trans?)  Yet, there are many trans folk who go back and forth between male and female worlds with their partners' acceptance - including myself.

Not all trans folk need GCS.  For example the porn star,. Buck Angel, hasn't felt a need to modify his body to have genitalia resembling that of a cisgender male.  As such, he has a unique category in the world of porn.  Some of my trans acquaintances have had GCS, and others have not.  Most are happy with their decisions regarding the surgery, as those with mild gender dysphoria are happy not having to go through a painful surgery and not having to dilate themselves several times each day.

You'll notice that I haven't yet mentioned social class, political affiliation, education level and sports.  Most trans folk remain interested in the same pastimes they enjoyed before coming out. identify as belonging to the same social class (not necessarily economic class), retain the same political affiliation (yes, it's strange to see GOP trans people staying loyal to the party when it is anti-trans), come from all levels of education and enjoy both "male" and "female" social interests.

Being trans may seem strange to many, but it is just as strange to us at times....

Sometimes, dealing with friends can be frustrating

 

Part of the process of buying a new car includes disposing of the old car.  In my case, I have a targeted recipient for the new car - DCD.  He has a fair deal waiting for him as long as he doesn't blow it.  How often can someone get a well maintained car for under $2,500?  (What I'm not telling him is that if anything major goes wrong with the car, I'll forgive the remaining balance on the loan I'm floating for him. It's an effective $100/month car rent to own deal.)

Late last night, DCD started asking me for information on the car (VIN number, etc.) as if he was going to register and insure the car tomorrow.  This is frustrating.  It's not as if he is going to get the car on a fixed schedule - I have to get the same information from my new car's dealership so that my insurance agent can do his magic. And I don't expect that information for a week or two yet.

I figure that this is a small price to pay to get rid of an old car to get a new one in my driveway.  Yet, DCD adds a bit to my frustration because he is over eager to get this car in his driveway.  He is known for doing stupid things such as seeing the engine light come on due to overheating, and driving his car until the engine seized. Then, he had another car which got totaled, and he had to pay off the other driver to keep his mom's insurance from being dinged.  So, I have my doubts that he will be able to keep this car on the road for the 2 years I expect that this car could last if well maintained.

In reality, I'm treating this "sale" as if I am giving him my car.  I owed him a favor, and this is my way of returning it.  He's getting a car at a very affordable price, with a hidden, unspoken warranty that the car will last two years if properly maintained.  Hopefully, he will be able to keep this car on the road for the next two years.

Give some things time, and they start to sort themselves out.

 

Well - After a night of worrying, things are sorting themselves out.  My brother found the paperwork I needed, and my new accountant said that all she needed now was a copy of my 2022 tax returns.  So, I got that in order, and sent off the down payment (1/3 of predicted tax prep charges) to the accountant.

In my life, I have learned that when I'm worried, that I have to go to sleep and let my subconscious sort things out.  When I couldn't do so, such as when XGFJ and I broke up, my mind kept running in circles because the pandemic would soon get in the way of activities needed for distraction.  Four years later, I think of her now and then, but not in a pining over type of way.  Instead, she's just a milestone in life, an experience I had to go through before I was ready for RQS.

Life has a nasty habit of throwing me curve balls, and even my relationship with RQS is like an off speed pitch.  There is nothing wrong with it.  But it is something that you have to be ready for in order to get the most from it.  There are words I don't say and phrases I don't use out of respect for her.  (It's not that I'd use them often.  I'm just a little more careful because it would hurt me to hurt her feelings needlessly.)  And I'll bet that she goes the extra mile to try to keep me feeling good.

Years ago, XGFJ said that one of the reasons for our breakup (other than me being TG) was that I didn't show her enough affection, and say the little nothings she needed to hear.  I learned from that and try to make sure that RQS knows I care about her in both words and touch whenever possible.  Yes, holding hands while walking is still difficult, as the differences in our heights causes our arms to want to swing at different paces.  But we still try to do this.

Too bad that we don't teach our kids to rest on things a bit before tackling things that might be a little overwhelming.  Maybe we'd accomplish more if we took the time to think before deciding to act....

Frustrations with tax preparation

 

I got myself into this by retaining the financial tie that bound me to my brother - the old family homestead. Now, I have to get the paperwork regarding this property before the new accountant can start work.  AARGH!  This kept me up over the weekend, and my brother's unavailability is causing me grief.

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The other day, I dropped off paperwork with the accountant and was told that I didn't supply all the information needed.  Well, part of this was an oversight on my part.  And part of this was simply being in a rush.  Either way, I have to get things done within a month.

Now, my brother can and will make himself unavailable when he doesn't want to address an issue.  He does this with my sister in law, so that he can avoid the arguments that can and will come with a wife who is not always in control of her life.  I think he's making himself unavailable to me, as he knows that he didn't give me enough documentation so that I can go to a new accountant.

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My brother has always been a frustration to me.  As a younger child, he was coddled (as typical for younger children) and treated more leniently than I was.  (In his teenage years, he became a terror.) We were always at loggerheads, as he was trying to find his way in the world.  As an adult, he has taken on a lot of responsibility, maybe too much for me to depend on him for much.  He took on responsibility for looking after my dad in his final years, since he lived 5 minutes away from my brother.  And now, he takes care of the paperwork on the family homestead.

Although owning the house and keeping it as a rental provides me with some benefits, I'd rather not have this headache to deal with.  I don't really understand what my brother is doing, and I know that if he were to die before me, I wouldn't know what to do.  After this year's frustration, I think I will tell him that I want out of this partnership, as I don't feel in control of important things in my life anymore.  And I need that feeling of control.  The big question is - how to get this point across to him and preserve the family relationship between us?

Doing business with a new Tax Person.

 

I'm frustrated over a series of events.  For the past 40 years, I have been using the same tax preparer.  This winter, she announced her retirement.  And now, I had to hustle to find someone new.  So, I ended up reaching out to a transgender CPA I know, and was awakened to a hard fact - I've had it very easy over the past few years. Without mentioning this CPA's name, I know that she follows all the rules.  And that's a good thing for me.  I don't intend to break the law just to save a few pennies.  Privately, I will give this person's name out and make a recommendation - as I did for RQS.

Most of the information this new tax person is requesting is something my brother and I should have at hand.  Given that my brother is the financial expert in the family, I always took what he gave me and handed it to my old tax person.  Now, I have to provide more information, and have my brother explain what's going on.  I'm not looking forward to a conflict that will force me to look for a new person at the last minute.

This weekend, I had a chat with RQS and explained why I want to dissolve this tie that binds me to my brother.  I depend on him too much, and the extra complexity that owning an income producing property provides is not worth it.  Hopefully, my brother will soon feel the same way about the old family homestead.

A trip to Mystic Seaport

 

My brother is temporarily unemployed for a month, and this is the first real "vacation" he's had in years.  So, it was nice to spend a whole day with him, driving to Mystic Seaport and back.  

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The day began for me by not having enough sleep the night before, and rushing to get out of the house in time to meet him in Port Chester.  Once he arrived, we took care of a little personal business before going on our way - he needed some hand cream, and I needed a pair of tweezers.  From there, we spent the next 2 hours driving to Mystic to visit the museum.

Once at the museum, we found parts of it closed, possibly for the winter.  Yet, it well worth the drive to get there.  On the way, we talked "of shoes, and ships, and sealing wax, and whether pigs have wings." There are a lot of things going on in his life, and it looks like he's made the decision to plateau his career.  This will give him more time to live his life without the stress of staying upwardly mobile, while being with the people who make his life worth living.

It was nice to see these old buildings and ships placed into a context befitting a nautical town of the 1800's.  At one exhibit, we ran into a docent who started talking about his visits to San Francisco and its local beer - Anchor Steam.  Once he mentioned Anchor Steam, I got into the story of how Fritz Maytag once rescued the brewery, and how the pandemic ended up killing the brewery off.  Next, we explored the rest of the museum, visiting an old bank building, an old schoolhouse, and old chapel, and a whaling ship.  It was very educational for someone not focused on maritime history,  Yet, with half of the museum exhibits being closed, it means that we will return someday soon.

On the way home, my brother asked me to do some of the driving, as his back was killing him.  I was glad that he trusted me to drive his car, and we ended up at an Asian place outside of Norwalk.  The food was good, but not spectacular.  Once done with dinner, my brother took back the helm of his car, and we drove to Port Chester to say Goodbye until next time....

Anger

 

As my therapist taught me, anger is a secondary emotion.  It comes from the need to deal with another feeling which is often unidentified before anger erupts.  (I forgot exactly how he liked to describe it.)  Once a person gets angry, a lot of negative things can happen.

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Like many kids, I had an unhappy childhood.  My mother and grandmother were people who used fear to get their kids to comply with their directives. Both would get mad for reasons that normal children could not understand or deal with in a healthy manner. When my grandmother had a massive stroke, I was happy for a while - one source of terror was almost removed from my life.  The problem was that she became a shell of her former self, needing assistance for everything - including help to get up and being walked to the toilet.  At times, I had to babysit my grandmother when I should have been out playing.  One should not ask this, much demand this of a 7 year old child.  I guess this was one of the many causes of many feelings I had to repress.

At a certain time in my childhood, my parents realized something was wrong and took me to see several psychiatrists. Unfortunately, the DSM-4 (or whatever level it was then) didn't have entries for disorders caused by f**ked up family dynamics.  If they had, maybe I could have had a happier childhood, as I might have learned the skills to deal with many of the problems that come in life.

As I got older, the urge to get married and have children came along.  Knowing that my temper was a severe liability, I did not want to have children.  The risk of harming them as was done to me was too great.  But this also hurt my wife, as neither of us knew how to communicate our feelings to the other.  To this day, I'll never know if she would have wanted children, as we never had this discussion.  I feared letting myself get angry at her, as I felt that the only argument we'd have would destroy the relationship. So, when she became terminally ill, I can't be sure if either of us knew that we loved each other anymore because of our inability to communicate.

It took a while, but I eventually stumbled into an LCSW who taught me many of the skills needed to have a healthy relationship with someone else.  However, he couldn't help me deal with other issues that would cause me grief later on, such as settling for the first person who would put up with me after each loss.  

Just before the pandemic hit, I lost the two closest friends I had.  I need not rehash the reasons here.  But I ended up a better person because of it.  Now, I take a "Let it Slide" attitude to many things, as there are many more important things to be concerned about.  Letting go of anger, both repressed and non-repressed ended up being a good thing, as I can move forward to the future.  My current girlfriend can see when I get frustrated, and she knows that if she gives me a second to process what's going on, that I can stay rational and be the person she cares about.  Again, I am grateful to have her in my life at this time in my life.  But then, I've said this often in this blog....

Lunch with a friend was the high point of the day

 

I had three things on the docket today, and I blew one off because it looked like we'd have heavy rain in the evening. Luckily, the most important thing, lunch with my friend from the census was on, and we had a great time.

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Although I had my alarms set for 10 am, I didn't get moving until 11 am.  This meant that I only had an hour to get ready for lunch. Since this was going to be a day out as Marian, I made sure to shave all over before getting dressed and made up to go out for lunch.  I may have stood out a little by wearing a sweater dress instead of jeans, but I prefer the feel of a dress over that of trouser like garments.

Arriving at 12:30 pm, I was at the restaurant first for a change.  My friend arrived a couple of minutes later, and I proceeded to chat about my car purchase saga.  Then, I had fun telling her about the man from another meetup group who wanted to help this old lady. She had her own stories to tell as well, such as her upcoming trip out west.  Hopefully, the family will have a great time on this birthday trip.

All too soon, we had to leave.  And my next stop for the day was Trader Joe's, where I hoped to pick up a small tote bag for RQS.  Unfortunately, I could only find the bag in the next size up.  So, I guess that's a keeper for me, and that I'll keep looking for one for her.  Luckily, a visit to TJ's rarely makes a big dent in my wallet.  So I didn't mind going out of the way on a rainy day.

Eventually, I got home.  But I wasn't in the mood to go out.  So I posted a quick message in the meetup forum, and then focused on attending an Arts Westchester Zoom meeting.  I figure that I'll ramp up activities with this organization, as it will give me things to do when I'm up in Westchester....

The board meeting got off to a buggy start

 

Today was dedicated to work for the Co-Op.  Nothing was too strenuous.  But it meant that I had to go out in the world as Mario instead of Marian.

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One of the things I am responsible for doing is to take care of some financial transactions as directed by our board's president.  Today, I had to run down to the bank and have a check cut.  Now that I am used to doing this, I still find that I'd rather not be one of the two people who can sign paperwork for the co-op.  I was in and out of the bank in 5 minutes, and drove into town to get a bite to eat.

Once I finished with the bank, I dropped the check off to its recipient and proceeded to take care of a couple of tasks before returning home for the board meeting.  And that's where the glitch occurred.  Although I had sent a zoom link update, one board member didn't get it.  So I had to resend the link while the meeting was going on. Then the meeting proceeded normally.

When we had our old site manager, he wasted a lot of time fighting us all the way.  A meeting that we once completed in 2-2½ hours started stretching to 3½ hours, the extra time being wasted by the old site manager, as he fought us at every chance.  Now that we have this youngster, we completed our business in 2 hours.  What a relief!

I could go on and on about things.  But even I found most of the day to be a bore....