The other day, my telephone was like the switchboard at Grand Central Terminal

 

Recently, I had more people calling (or texting) me in one night than usually happens in a week. But then, it was perfectly understandable given the circumstances....

- - - - - -

Early in the day, my brother interrupted me while I was taking care of something important. He called me to let me know that a financial issue we've had closing out our dad's estate should be over soon - the bank is mailing out a check, and my brother will deposit it on arrival.  This means that, god willing, I should be able to afford to take my Hawaii cruise when cruising starts up again.  

Later in the day, Vicki called me to chat a little. I had just started to straighten out some of the mess in the apartment, and was interrupted.  A few seconds after Vicki hung up, my brother called again, just to shoot the breeze. I called my friend Vanessa to touch base on a course which required my help figuring out her problem with setting up an ad campaign on Google search, and she said that she'd call back shortly. So I took this time to chat with TCL. 

Once done with TCL, I received a message from a friend in Manhattan, and we "chatted" for a while before I was tired of texting.  So I bid her goodbye for the night. And almost immediately after wards, I received a text from a new acquaintance on Facebook, and we started to shoot the breeze.  Although she's talking with me as Mario, I know she'd be surprised to find out that I once frequented her store as Marian.  (That's something I will reveal at a future time.) While shooting the breeze, XGFJ texted me to chat a little.  She sent me a link for a store in her neck of the woods that opened a new location in Eastchester.  Applestone Meat is known for its 24x7 stores which use vending machines to dispense their products.  Although the meat is expensive, it is an excellent value if you like high quality beef.  By the time I was done with my new friend and my ex girlfriend, Vanessa called me back and we were both talking about her Google ad problems and catching up on what has been going on with our lives.

By the time midnight came along, I was fried.  This is one of those times I'm glad that I don't have to go to work in the morning.

I learned something about Lane Bryant and USPS today.

 

 

The other day, I ordered two tops that would work with a pair of wide legged trousers that I recently bought from Lane Bryant.  The above item was not included in the first shipment. Today (Friday), I received a message with the following heading, saying that the above item was delivered:

Delivery Confirmation - but Wait, MARIAN, There's More!

Yet, when I go to the USPS tracking site, it says that the estimated delivery date is February 6th.  And when I went downstairs to my post box, there was no sign of a postal delivery. So I logged onto the USPS tracker site and got the following information:

On its way

Estimated Delivery

Saturday

February 6 

 

1 day left

S  M  T  W  T  F  S

   01 02 03 04 05 06

07 08 09 10 11 12 13

14 15 16 17 18 19 20

21 22 23 24 25 26 27

28

Shipping Activity

• Feb 5

  9:13 AM
  Arrived at Post Office

  CROTON ON HUDSON, NY
• Feb 4

  10:52 AM
  Departed USPS Regional Facility

  WHITE PLAINS NY DISTRIBUTION CENTER
• Feb 4

  8:07 AM
  Arrived at USPS Regional Facility

  WHITE PLAINS NY DISTRIBUTION CENTER
• Feb 4

  6:00 AM
  Arrived at USPS Regional Facility

  KEARNY NJ DISTRIBUTION CENTER
• Feb 4

  5:32 AM
  Departed USPS Regional Facility

  TETERBORO NJ DISTRIBUTION CENTER
• Feb 3

  9:40 PM
  Arrived at USPS Regional Origin Facility

  TETERBORO NJ DISTRIBUTION CENTER
• Feb 3

  8:25 PM
  Accepted at USPS Origin Facility

  CLIFTON, NJ
• Jan 27
  Pre-Shipment Info Sent to USPS, USPS Awaiting Item
• 
  Tracking Number 

  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  

  
  

It seems as if Lane Bryant may be reporting a delivery before it has occurred, or that USPS has sent a "delivered" notice before actually happens.  It is also possible that USPS has delivered the package to the wrong address.  In any case, I have encountered an anomalous communication, and I would love to know more about what has cause this to happen.

 

As you can see, the other top looks halfway decent on me.  So I had high hopes for the the top in the picture.  However, a package was left on my doorstep around 6 pm - and it contained the wrong item.  To add insult to injury, I have to pay $5.95 to return the item - a problem caused by their screw up.  At least, they made the return process relatively easy - if I can get to a post office while it is open.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A thought about a past love

 

 

I was going through my library of photos a while back. When I stumbled across this picture, I decided to scan it.  This was an act of providence, as I now have no idea where this picture was hidden by my pooka. 

The above picture of CSN was taken over 40 years ago, and it reflects an image of a woman I once loved when she was in her youth.  We were never meant to be together.  She wanted a man who could climb the corporate ladder to the top, and I wanted to climb to the top of the technology ladder.  Yet, I was poorly placed to achieve my dream, and I had no mentor to help guide me to where I wanted to go.  In short, youth did not give me the lens to understand the path in life I'd take, and I may have ignored any advice I might have received if any had been given.  This woman may have achieved more in her life. But, given what little I have found out over the years, I'm not sure if she led a happy life.

Why do I bring up this woman?  Well, our romance was one of those whirlwind things that started up quickly, and ended just as quickly.  It was zero to sixty in 3 seconds, then sixty to zero in another 3 seconds.  We had chemistry, but I was wise enough to realize that a relationship between people like us would be a train wreck.  But I digress....

The two of us were madly in love, and we had started to shop for places to live.  One day, I stayed overnight, but brought nothing to wear the next day.  This wouldn't be a problem most of the time, but she wanted to present an image - so she handed me one of her sweaters to present a new image for the day, and out the door we went.  Little did she know that this would be the first time I'd venture out in any woman's garment in public.  (Yes, I know that sweaters can be unisex, but that's not the point here.)  I wonder what she would think about me now, if she knew that I look better as a fat female than I do as a fat male. 

Occasionally, I do a Google search to see if any new information has popped up on the web about her.  In the past, I found that she sold fruit at a weekly farmer's market held at a church in Putnam county.  I also found that she once owned a small farm in Northern Dutchess county. But through it all, she has cobbled together some money teaching economics at colleges through the New York City area.  Given what I remember of her these reviews of her class fits the model of her style I have in my mind: 

Quality

1.0

Difficulty

4.0

ECO202

😖awful

Sep 22nd, 2020

For Credit: Yes

Attendance: Mandatory

Would Take Again: No

Textbook: Yes

Online Class: Yes

I cant believe how unclear all her instructions are. Just started taking her course at DCC online during Covid. Her grammar is terrible. Even on quizzes I cannot understand sentences or questions. Directions are usually a small sentence that gives no structure, then she gives a bad grade on the assignment when it doesnt meet her standards. 2/10

Get ready to read

0

0

Quality

1.0

Difficulty

4.0

ECON102

😖awful

May 15th, 2020

Attendance: Mandatory

Would Take Again: No

Textbook: No

She's an awful professor. I didn't even sign up for her class but got put in it because of COVID. I couldn't understand a word she said and her slides were so unhelpful. None of her grading criteria made sense to me and she didn't post the homework, only that it was due. I would never take this person's class again even if it meant I can't graduate.

Graded by few things

0

0

Quality

1.0

Difficulty

4.0

ECON101

😖awful

Nov 27th, 2019

For Credit: Yes

Would Take Again: No

Textbook: No

Mumbles when she speaks. I promise you won't learn one thing from this class, and she has a sleepy time voice!! Very boring.

Lecture heavy

0

0

 

Quality

1.0

Difficulty

5.0

ECON101

😖awful

Oct 20th, 2016

For Credit: Yes

Attendance: Mandatory

Would Take Again: No

Textbook: No

Absolutely horrible teacher, she mumbles and you can barely understand her, doesn't thoroughly explain anything, she loses your work and your grades regularly. She plays movies and falls asleep in the middle of class. Highly recommend you stay very far away from her class.

Tough Grader LOTS OF HOMEWORK/TEST HEAVY

3

0

Yes, a person who doesn't communicate well will likely also have train wreck romances.  In my case, I found this person to be "full of herself."  I can easily believe that she falls asleep during class, as I'd bet she feels that that teaching Economics 101 is beneath her, because she feels that she should have a tenured position as a prestigious university. Yet, there is a part of me that would get a kick out of auditing her course in person after the pandemic ends, just to see what she has become since we were in contact.  Would she even recognize me after the decades?  Would the similarity of my male and female names trigger a memory for her? I doubt it....

 

 

 

 

The snow still is on the ground, and they still are moving it out of the way.

 

I wish I had captured a shot of the front loader lifting the snow into this pile.  And this was the shorter of the piles flanking my building. The pile on the other side must be another 3 feet higher than this pile.

- - - - - -

The first thing on the docket for the day was a visit to my doctor.  However, they weren't plowed out yet, and they weren't having people to come to the office.  So today's appointment was rescheduled for tomorrow, and it will require that I get up an hour earlier than usual.  At least, I won't have to spend the extra time getting made up as Marian to see him.  (He only knows me in my masculine presentation.)  

Again, I had to move my car for the driveway/parking lot to be cleaned.  So I again had to go out and take a drive.  This time, I was able to pick up breakfast at a local deli, and see some more freshly fallen snow before going home.

- - - - - -

Today, I sent the last of my paperwork to a potential employer.  However, I am still looking for interesting work, in a place where I'd get benefits for working full time.  Since I'm not working at this place yet, I figure that it would be best if I don't mention what I'd be doing on the job until I have started doing it.  However, if I do start this job as scheduled, my dentist appointments will be at the end of the day, and they will be (out of necessity) in female mode for scheduling purposes.  Luckily, he has already seen me this way, so it shouldn't be a problem.

It'll be strange working as Marian again.  The more I'm out in the world, the more natural I am in my feminine presentation.  Eventually, I'll have to answer a big question - do I want to give up being male forever?  (I'd keep my male identity to be with the right romantic partner - having someone who loves me is more important than being Marian 24x7.  But if she isn't in my life, there is little reason for me not to press forward on this path.)

 

The aftermath of a snowstorm

 

 

After I finished yesterday's entry, a neighbor kept pestering me about not moving my car. To make a long story short, I was not aware that people in tandem parking spaces (like mine) should move their cars before a snow storm, so that plows can push snow into the far end of these spots.  And my neighbor wanted to give me a piece of her mind for not moving my car, when I was not in the mood to go out in the snow....

When the snow eased off around 8:00 pm, I shoveled out my car from 18 inches of snow, and moved it into a nearby cleared out space, giving the plows a better place to push snow. Then, I went inside to rest.  This was not a night I wanted to communicate with people, but I had to respond to the ex when she messaged me.  She was wondering why I was quiet, and I didn't want to say that I wasn't in the best of moods to talk with anyone. So we exchanged messages for a while then called it a night.

- - - - - -

Getting up in the morning was relatively easy.  For the most part, I've been waking up around 8-8:30, just in time to watch Perry Mason in its many reruns. Once I heard the plow come to do a better cleaning of the parking lot, I took a quick shower, dressed (sadly, as Mario), and went out for a long drive.  This would give our snow removal guys the chance to clean out our lot and push all the snow into the back of our tandem spaces. 

While out, I had the opportunity to see fresh snow on the ground and to enjoy the sunlight while I could. Passing by the side of the Old Croton Dam (now underwater), I couldn't help but stop to take the above picture.  It certainly doesn't look like it's in an area within 50 miles of New York Ciry, doesn't it?  As I returned home, I met one of my neighbors, and we discussed some of the problems with the property - such as the wood on his patio deck needing to be replaced.  I mentioned that we are prioritizing repairs as best we can, and that we can't do anything about his deck until the spring.

Once in the apartment, I was in for the day.  As the roads froze, they would become less safe to drive on. And I had no need to go out again.

 

Twas the day of the snowstorm, and all through the apartment.

 

Sooner or later, I'll have to get rid of all the clutter in my apartment. What you can see in this picture makes the place less cluttered than it is today.  I've just been too lazy to pick up my mess, something I've been for about a year now, for reasons I don't plan to discuss here.

When I started this entry, it was the day before the storm.  However, I scrapped what I started to write, and left only this picture taken several years ago in my apartment. I figure that I have a little less than two weeks left to take care of what I need to take care of before my schedule gets screwed up.

- - - - - -

Although I can't say that I woke up with the sun, I can say that I woke up before my alarms started to make their noises.  I was glad of this, as my doctor's receptionist called to reschedule today's appointment.  So now, I have an appointment on a traditional doctor's day to play golf - a Wednesday. But to be a little more serious, I was glad that I didn't have to try to call the doctor's office to change my appointment.

When I finally looked outside, there was only a couple of inches of snow on the ground.  If I didn't know that the forecast said that the worst of the snow was expected around noon today, I'd wonder what all the commotion was about.  It's amazing how some people could be though. I received a call from a neighbor hinting that I should move my car to make it easier for the plows to shovel snow to the area behind my spot.  (If I had thought about it, I'd have parked in a visitors' spot last night, but I'm not in the mood to clear off my car, just to move it to another spot today.)  This is the first time I have received such a call, and I was a little leery of moving the car while it was snowing - so I didn't.  (This woman called me a couple more times until there was way too much snow on the ground to bother with moving the car.)

By the time 5:00 pm came around, there was at least 12" of snow on the ground.  This is when I started doing something constructive for the day - Laundry.  So I figured that this was as good a time as ever to perform a task I've been putting off for a week.  And this was the high point of my day....

 

The calm before the storm

 

Today was a day where I knew I had to do some shopping before the storm hit. I figured that it my last opportunity to go out as Marian before the storm.  So I showered, shaved, and made myself up before going out en-femme. After $85 spent at Wegmans, I have a well stocked refrigerator and some food that doesn't require refrigeration. If I don't lose power, I have soe ethnic food I can heat up and enjoy.  If I lose power, I have pasta and sauce to cook - allowing me to keep the refrigerator and freezer doors closed and keep the temperature at a safe level for a day or so.  Hopefully, I won't need to worry about having power over the next couple of days, as I am not in the mood to throw away food that spoils due to a lack of proper refrigeration.

As I write this, the weather forecast is calling for 12" (or more) to hit the NYC area. This will be the first big storm of the year, and the second one of the season.  It's too bad that I no longer have a cross country ski rig that fits me, as I wouldn't mind going out on the rail trail with freshly fallen snow on the ground.  (My ex likes to snow shoe through her 50 acre property, but that seems like more of an effort than it's worth.)  If I were in better shape, I'd go back to one of the cross-country ski areas of my youth and spend a day outside.

Tomorrow will likely be a day that I spend inside.  Maybe, I'll take the time to attack some of the chores. I'll let you know in my next post. But I can safely say that being transgender will likely not be the focus of tomorrow's entry....

- - - - - -

Many people in the transgender community look to a group of blogs for affirmation that they (the readers) can eventually go out in the world en-femme and not be looked on as men in dresses.  After a while, the novelty wears off, and real life begins.  My blog is a journal of a person who lives in both male and female worlds, and how I balance life between those worlds.

During this pandemic, I have not had as many opportunities to go out in the world as a female, as real world, in-person socialization has almost come to a halt.  So I cherish the times when I go outside and am treated as a lady approaching her senior years.  Hopefully, I'm setting a good example for those people looking to be out in the world, as I don't want people to think that their problems will end once they are out as transgender people.  My blog is a good example of how a person's problems can get more complicated because a person is "out".

I hope that my readers have learned one key thing about being transgender: One's problems do not go away because one is out.  Life goes on, but the rewards can be sweeter because one is living an authentic life.