Managing the contents of my closet

 

I'm one of those transgender women who love wearing dresses.  If I were born in a later generation, I'd likely want to wear different garments, as the cisgender women of my generation made their transition into preferring trouser-like garments years after I grew up.  In short, I modeled my clothing preferences on that of my mother, and I may always gravitate to those garments.

Unlike my mother, I enjoy wearing clothing with simple lines and strong colors.  Although I will wear patterns, I am more into solids - in either gender presentation. Although I have more patterned tops for when I present as male, it's only because these are the only tops available in my size. When presenting as a female, I prefer to let my costume jewelry do some of the talking. But I try never to over do it with  jewelry.

Over the years, I have bought way too many items of women's clothing, and I have had to purge some of these garments as they have gone out of style and no longer fit my needs.  Luckily, some charities have been beneficiaries of my purchases.  Today, I am gradually removing the cheaper garments from my closet, those garments which wore out quickly and were not meant to last.  In short, I'm trying to remove "fast fashion" from my wardrobe.

Shifting towards more sustainable fashion requires work.  Yes, I will continue to occasionally buy lower priced garments which I know will last a year or two. But I will not do this as often as I used to do it. (A gal's got to spruce up her wardrobe occasionally, doesn't she?)  The big question becomes: When I eventually get around to losing some weight, will my taste in women's clothing change and what will happen to my wardrobe when that happens?

A tempest in a teapot, but not without reason.

 

Transgender women in sports.  Much noise has been made regarding this topic, and much noise will continue to be made until we are accepted by society.  Yet, our detractors do have a point that must be addressed.  Without puberty blockers, trans women's bodies will develop differently than cisgender women, and the jury is out on whether this gives trans women an advantage in women's sports.

An article in science.org discusses World Athletics's decision to ban transgender athletes from competing in women's sports. The reason that many give is that there is not enough information on the advantage transgenders may have due to their atypical body development.  Yet, without being willing to gather that information, this becomes a "Catch-22" situation.  We have no data, so we won't collect that data.  AARGH!  Even cisgender females such as Caster Semenya are harmed by the athletic organizations, as she has a natural, but abnormal amount of testosterone in her system. And yet, most of the science-based discussions rightfully focus on fairness in competition, and not on a person being trans or not.

However, things seem to be very different in non-elite competitions, and this is where social prejudice sets in.  The "Redder" the state is, the more likely is it to have laws which hurt trans kids from participating in school sports.  Like their adult counterparts, trans children are the focus of communal hatred, as I believe these laws were passed to prevent trans kids from leaving the closet. But these bans conflict with Federal Title-IX laws, which are meant to give equal opportunity to all without regard to gender.  ESPN's website has an interesting article discussing how young trans athletes are getting caught in the debate on whether trans people should have the same rights as cisgender people - at least in sports.

In the end, "fairness" can never be a "one size fits all" policy.  We need to know how much of an advantage being transgender gives a person before and after puberty.  And we need to know where it doesn't give us an advantage.  So how do we get this information without competition?  Until the sports authorities are willing to collect this information, trans athletes will continue to be hurt as children and as adults.

Aloha 'Oe

 

Aloha 'Oe.  It's a song that will always remind me of Hawaii - and for good reason.  It will always remind me of places where I can relax and chill out, and not just in America's paradise.  But why do I start out with a thought about Hawaii?  Well, I've grown to realize that cruising is my favorite way to disconnect from the outside world for a while, and come out refreshed at the end of my trip.

Today ended a long relaxed weekend with RQS.  I drove her back to Croton-Harmon in the middle of the afternoon, and I killed a little time before returning home due to plumbing repairs that required water being shut off to the building.  By the time I got home, the repairs were complete, and I was able to take care of things at the apartment.

Around 6 pm, I put my dress back on and drove to Wegmans for a shopping trip.  $90 later, I had several bags in my car, and was ready to pack it in for the day.  And yet, my thoughts kept prodding me to do one more thing - plan another trip to Hawaii, and see things I couldn't see the first time around.  For example, it was too windy to visit the USS Arizona memorial when I was there, and it is a site I'd like to see.  Another thing I'd like to do is enjoy the Luau at the Polynesian Cultural Center.  I've seen the Luau on Kauai, and would want a different take on the ceremony.  And then, I'd like to get back to the Halealaka Crater and Volcanoes National Park when it isn't foggy or raining.

As I see it, going back to Hawaii with RQS in tow will be worth it.  The only question will be: How do we afford it?  

Lobster was one of many food truck selections we had today

 

RQS had a hankering for a lobster roll today, and I indulged it after taking care of some other business. But first....

Neither of us were in a hurry to get up this morning, and we took our time to get moving.  It was one of those days where I couldn't get up before noon, and RQS indulged my need for sleep.  It's just as well, as I felt more awake than usual after having an interrupted 8+ hours of sleep.  This would be my third day with RQS in Marian mode, and I wasn't going to let this opportunity pass.

When we got moving, we first went to another furniture store to look at some more choices.  And again, the salesperson was all over us looking to make a sale. This sales person didn't bother me as much as she did RQS.  But we were still not ready to buy anything.  So it was off to Dobbs Ferry and the Lobster Truck.

It took us a little while to find our way to the train station, but we were rewarded by a multitude of food trucks at the riverside festival.  As much as I wasn't in the mood to spring for a couple of lobster rolls, I knew they would be a good value and that they would make RQS happy - so they were worth busting the budget a little.  And yet, we were both hungry afterwards.  So it was time to raid the ice box and finish off the Chinese food we left there

Since RQS decided to stay until tomorrow afternoon, I had to text DS to tell her that I couldn't make it for hiking.  I know she was upset, but what could I do?  I will always put my relationship with RQS first.  She is the only woman I've met in years that accepts me for who and what I am, and doesn't care much about what I wear.  She is a blessing, and I try to make her as happy as I can....

Seeing someone off that I wish I knew better

 

A little while ago, Vicki #2's spouse passed away.  Today RQS and I went to the memorial service held in their memory.

- - - - - -

Normally, neither of us likes to get up early. But today was different.  I woke up before the alarm, and I took my shower before RQS got up. By the time we were ready, we had a half hour to make it to Mt. Kisco when we noticed a slight drizzle starting.  So off we went in the steadily worsening weather to the memorial service.  We arrived around 10:30, with more than enough time to find parking in the small lot.  By the time 11:00 came, we were happy to have arrived early.

Several speeches were given regarding memories of Vicki's transgender spouse, (I mention this only because this was an important part of their identity) and by the time the service ended, both RQS and I wished we had the chance to know "the captain" better.  We stayed a little while at the post memorial reception, gave our condolences to Vicki, and we were on our way to our next stop, JC Penney in Danbury.

We arrived at the mall, and RQS started shopping for some things to wear on our upcoming cruise. Both of us were underwhelmed by the selection of products at the store.  RQS bought a couple of tops before we left. And then it was off to the furniture store to look at replacement sofas for my place and recliners for RQS's place.  Both of us were impressed by several sofas and recliners we sat in, but were put off by the omnipresence of the salesman.  He wanted to make a sale, and make it today.  But neither of us were willing to do so.  

Our next stop was at a Chinese restaurant that I visited with my former cruise partner.  As usual, the food was good here, and we had leftovers to eat later on.  Yum!  At least we didn't get caught in a deluge on the way home.

I almost forgot my anniversary - thoughts on being widowed.

 

There are several days during the year that I make sure I have a small drink - and they are all related to significant days that I shared with my late wife.  Today would have been our 38th anniversary, and there will always be a part of me that misses her.

How would I describe my late wife?  After 27 years of being widowed, many of the little things she used to have faded into the fog of lost memories.  Yet, I can still remember her saying things such as EN-Double A-ESS-T-EYE, and letting out her inner child much more often than I could. Yes, she didn't know how to cope with things at her office, as it was a small business that didn't bother with obeying important business rules, such as having a non-smoking office.  At the end of her life, she was angry because she was the only non-smoker in the office, and the only one that suffered with cancer in that office.

I'll never be sure how much she loved me, or whether she stayed with me because she feared that she'd have no place to go if she left me. I know that her problems  with money triggered my insecurities, and frustrated me until the day she died. Yet, I find it ironic that I may have more female clothes than she did when she died - and that I gave away 12-16 bags of those clothes to a local charity when she died.  I think she would have a big laugh if she were to see me and that closet today.

The other day, I made a short mention of my late wife to Vicki #1, and she went off into a diatribe on how my wife may not have grown with me, how we might have gone into couples' therapy and failed at it, and so on.  It was not what I wanted to hear, as I wasn't in the mood to be convinced that my life is better because my wife died - I know that, and felt a little sad because it is so.  I was simply subconsciously reminded of her, and reacting to that stimulus.

Yet, I'll always wonder now and then - what would have happened if my wife had lived?  And this is where Vicki and I agree - the odds are that we would have gotten divorced, and that I would have approached new relationships with a certain lack of trust. Could this be why certain divorced women are attracted to me as a friend?  Who knows?  But I don't think I'd be able to have my relationship with RQS if I had been divorced.  I needed the assumption of goodwill that only being widowed can bring to a potential relationship.

If there is something after death, I only hope that my late wife is having a good laugh seeing how my life has progressed so far....

I did plenty of nothing, and nothing's plenty for me.

 

Lethargy - It's something that plagues me early in the day, and keeps me from having the energy to do things until it is too late to do them.  In short, my body wants to live a life out of sync with the rest of the world, and it gets frustrating at times.

Today, I was thinking of doing laundry when I got up in the morning, and then go into the city to see the God of Carnage off-Broadway revival.  Instead, I didn't start doing anything until 2 pm, and didn't do laundry until 6 pm.  There was no way that I'd make it in time for the play, so I resumed work for another website I am developing.

The website I'm working on is travel related, and part of what I plan to do will be blog related.  Yet, I have yet to figure out how I want the site to look when I'm done with things, and I have yet to figure out how I want to handle video links on the site. And I'm glad that I was able to get back to work on the blog, as I'd like to have everything related to the project up and running by the end of the year, with content ready for people to view and enjoy.

Since I left the bank 9 years ago, I have done a decent amount of travel on a budget.  There are stories I have to tell and wisdom I have to share.  And this new site will be my medium to do so.  Hopefully, when it is ready, I'll be able to share things here as well....

I might be planning another cruise soon.

 .

For better part of a year, RQS and I have been talking about taking a Norwegian Fjord cruise next year. Soon, we will need to plan for this trip, else we won't be able to take it at all.

- - - - - -

As I might have mentioned elsewhere, 2024 will be the last year that conventionally powered cruise ships will be allowed to cruise the Norwegian Fjords.  This is a classic bucket list cruise, ranked up there with Alaskan cruises, Panama Canal cruises, Hawaii cruises, and Atlantic crossings on a classic ocean liner. I know that this is a "budget buster" item, something that RQS will have a hard time affording with all the traveling we are doing this year and will likely be doing next year. So we have to think carefully as we plan this trip out.

 
Right now, I'm looking at options from 4 cruise lines: Holland America, MSC, Norwegian, and Princess.  The big problem is choosing a cruise with the right price point and length with an acceptable itinerary. This is something we have to discuss.  There are some 7-day cruises out there that look good to me.  But there is one 14-day cruise that I'd really like to take, a Princess cruise that sails out of Southampton and goes to both Norway and Iceland. But I'm not sure that we'll be able to take this cruise, given RQS's finance and scheduling concerns.

Assuming that we take the Norwegian Fjord cruise, this will be the first time I have left North America and the first time that I will need to present my passport for travel.  There is a big part of me that is afraid to take this trip, as it takes me well out of my comfort zone.  But everyone has to have a first time, and this might be mine.

- - - - - -

Unlike the Bahamas cruise that I'll be booking soon, this cruise will be taken as Mario.  There would be way too many complications for me to take this cruise presenting as Marian to risk making a mistake. However, when I eventually take my British Isles cruise or do the Atlantic crossing on the Queen Mary 2, I hope to take it presenting as a female.   Unlike many British Isles cruises, the above cruise does not stop in France.  To me, this is a bonus - I do not need to worry whether someone I come into contact with will be able to (or bother with) speaking my language when on a shore excursion.  

As you can guess, I'm working on checking off bucket list trips while I'm still healthy enough to do so.  Hopefully, I'll be able to get through most of this list while I'm still in decent shape for my age and weight.

 

What I fear most as a transgender person

 

When I started this entry, I thought I could make it as long or as short as I wanted.  But life has a habit of throwing me curve balls, and I have a nasty habit of trying to hit them.  Luckily, I have hit enough of them to still be around to play again and again.

Lately, we've seen the governor of Florida attempting to censor both business and educational entities because they believe that all people have a right to be treated with dignity, and that we should not be watering down our history to avoid showing a past which is still uncomfortable for many to confront. This man, someone I consider as evil as our 45th president, has attacked his state's largest economic driver simply because the Disney corporation believes in treating the LGBT community with respect. Although I am not a fan of Disney or most of its products, I have to stand with the corporation as it fights this evil man.

Sadly, the governors of Florida and Texas reflect the feelings of a large part of the American population, and show how dangerous it can be for members of the LGBT community.  We've again seen a growth in "Bathroom Bills", laws which are specifically aimed at the transgender community.  We are often easy to pick on, as we usually stand out from the crowd by our appearance. M2F transgenders often have a masculine body build (facial features, hair/beard patterns, hands, feet, waist and hip development), speak in a deeper voice than cisgender females, and often wear wigs to deal with male pattern alopecia.  F2M transgenders tend to be smaller than typical cisgender males and have similar issues with body development as well.  Gender dimorphism is a problem for transgenders because it makes us easier to identify by intolerant people.

I've been careful NOT to travel in states where intolerant people are in charge.  But what happens if someone like Florida's governor becomes president?  I expect that America will become a much more intolerant nation, and that people like me will need to go into stealth mode.  People like Fran (who I've talked about in other blog entries) will be the first people to suffer.  But this will not be the end of things..  I will have it easy compared with people like Fran unless they take intolerance to its next step - using computers to sort through business records to find people ordering goods not conforming with one's assigned gender.  At that point, I will be leaving the USA, as to avoid the possible herding up of us "undesirables" into camps.  And if you think this won't be done, ask any Japanese-American (or his/her descendants) about the camps set up by our own government during WW2.

Yes, I have my fears.  And I don't think they are unreasonable.  We have a chance to stop this from happening. And I'm going to do what I can to help stop these people from gaining any more power than they already have.

Going out to eat

 

Last week, RQS came up for a mid-week visit, as she had a weekend memorial that she had to attend. Because of this, she came up on Tuesday to spend the middle of the week with me.

- - - - - -

Like most couples, RQS and I have several go-to restaurants near each others' residences.  The reasons a restaurant becomes a "go-to" place vary.  For example, the diner in Croton is my go-to place when I'm presenting as Mario.  The food is good, servings are plentiful, the staff is friendly, and the experience is predictable.  It's not a great place to eat, but it is not a bad place to eat. It's simply a pleasant experience each time we go there.  And I've eaten there often enough as Mario, that I avoid eating there as Marian.

The go-to places I have when presenting as Mario are different than those I have when presenting as Marian.  For example, I will go to one Italian restaurant in Croton over most of the others in town, as they have only seen me in Marian mode.  This makes it much easier for me, as I don't have to worry as much as being misgendered. 

And then, there are the places I can go to in either presentation.  I do not visit these places often enough to be a fixture there, and I am likely to be seen as a very occasional visitor.  One of those places is the Eveready Diner in Brewster.  Given the distance from Croton, NY to Brewster, NY, we are not likely to visit there often enough to become a fixture there.  So, I feel safe visiting in either gender presentation.

- - - - - -

As you can guess, I am a low key foodie who can enjoy both haute cuisine and junk food.  For the most part, I find good places to eat almost anywhere.  But I have also found some bad places as well.  Those bad places are few and far between, and are often found in acts of desperation.  For example, RQS and I visited Bar Harbor, ME on a cruise after tourist season ended and couldn't find a good place to eat because my go-to places were already closed for the winter.  Unfortunately, we ended up stumbling into a place with bad service, mediocre food, and forgettable atmosphere.  That's one place we will never again visit.

Yet, we stumble into more good places than bad ones.  On the same cruise where we visited Bar Harbor, we also visited Portland, ME and found a great seafood joint off the beaten path.  The restaurant was associated with another business which processes seafood destined for other other restaurants.  Yum!  Needless to say, we will visit this place again the next time we are in Portland.

- - - - - -

In the past, I'd try to go to as many meetups as possible, so that I could eat out with other people.  Now that RQS is in my life, it is just as well that I do not go to many meetups anymore. Dining out has gotten way too expensive these days. I still recoil a little when I see post-pandemic restaurant prices. So, I've become extra careful to patronize my go-to places as often as I can, as I want them to stay in business.

It ain't over until it's over!

Yogi Berra, the Rodney Dangerfield of Baseball.  A kind man who worked hard to excel at a game he loved - baseball.  Behind all the light hearted banter, he quietly earned 13 World Series rings, more than any other baseball player, living or dead.

Why do I mention this man?

To answer this question, I have to say that RQS and I went into Manhattan to see a documentary about this man's life, called: " It Ain't Over."  This documentary gives this great ballplayer his due, and gives the viewer an idea of what this man was all about.  It all started because his granddaughter saw 4 baseball players honored as the best living players at one all-star game.  Jokingly, she asked her grandfather: "Are You Dead?" And he responded, "I don't think so."  It then became her mission to see that her grandfather was given his due.

I won't say much about this movie, save one thing: SEE IT!  RQS, who is not a baseball fan, loved it.  

- - - - - -

After the movie, we stopped at a Halal food cart to get a couple of Chicken and Lamb combos, with some Falafel on the side.  Yum!  I won't say that it was good as the food cart near where I used to work, nor will I say it is as good as a place in her neighborhood. But I will say that the food was tasty, and worth what we paid for it before returning home for the night....

Crusing without RQS? (a short post)

 

I won't go into all the details of why I want to take this cruise - especially when RQS wouldn't be with me when I sail off for a week. But RQS approves of my reasons, and I want to see about whether it makes sense to try out a new cruise line.

With the above being noted, I have my concerns about sailing on an MSC ship.  Almost all the Vlogggers I watch have made comments on the food found on MSC ships - and they say that the food is middling. Although I can accept middling food, RQS will not do so. So, it's in my interest to try out this cruise line, as we might want to consider it as an option for a Norwegian Fjord cruise.

Assuming I book this cruise, I will take it presenting as Marian.  Of course, this means that I will NOT get off the ship in Nassau. And there is nothing I want to do at Port Canaveral, so I will stay on the ship there as well.  But what about MSC's private Island, Ocean Cay?  Will I have a problem being gender non-conforming?  I do not have my former cruise partner backing me up anymore.  Nor would I want her to do so, even if we were still friends.  

Whatever I choose to do, I will make that decision soon.

Misconceptions and Anomalies

 

When I first started coming "out", I also started learning about my own misconceptions of what being transgender means.  Now that I've been out for a while, I can say that this ignorance was common to the larger cisgender society we live in.  And I've come to believe that being transgender is being on a spectrum of gender development issues that involve gender identity, gender preference, gender presentation, and gender manifestation.

To start, for most people, gender identity is a simple concept: you are either male or female.  But what happens when the mind develops in a way that this concept doesn't fit?  Like many transgender people, one can reject the genitalia that one is born with and look to have both surgeries and hormone treatments to correct this physical anomaly. However, many transgender people do not suffer severe gender dysphoria and choose paths which may only involve hormone therapy and other, less radical body modifications. To some cisgender people, this is beyond comprehension, and it is an abomination.  But why?  A baby's gender is the first thing people want to know when a child is born, as if defines much of the path that person's life will follow from birth to death. Anyone who challenges that basic path might be a threat to social unity, and that has to be stamped out before the threat becomes a reality.

Next comes gender preference, a concept with which people are only now starting become comfortable. Like gender identity, this is considered a threat to society by many cisgender people. However, many cisgender people have grown to understand this concept and accept that people with non-traditional gender preferences should be treated with respect and accepted by society.

However, gender expression (presentation) is not as understood by the general populace.  Why do some lesbians present with a more "masculine" appearance?  Why do some "straight" (in gender preference only) prefer to present as females? Many in cisgender society have problems processing who and what a person is when a person has an androgynous (or non-conforming) gender image that resists categorization.  This may trigger cisgender society's deepest fears, as people tend to fear most what resists categorization and being understood.  

Lastly, gender manifestation (or, I should say, being intersex) is something that is either hidden or "corrected" at an early age.  For example, many babies born with ambiguous genitalia have been "fixed" to look like "normal" females.  But this potentially creates a problem for these children as they grow up into adults, as their gender identity may be in conflict with their "corrected" gender manifestation. As a result, many intersex people are demanding that no "corrective" surgeries be performed until the child knows enough about its own gender identity and can provide input into the process of gender identification.

- - - - - -

With all of the above being said, I have to focus on the misconceptions people have about transgender people.  For example, not all of us want to have surgeries to convert our genitals to that of the sex of which we identify.  One person I know has had hormone therapy, but chooses to retain her masculine sex organs.  (Who wants to live a life without being able to have an orgasm again?  This person needs to preserve her ability to self-pleasure.)  Others need to have genitalia which resembles that of their gender identities.  And then, there are issues related to how many gender related physical traits that transgender people feel they need to fix before they feel they are of their identified sex.  (Hair transplants, Voice Adjustments, etc.)  As they used to say in old commercials, your mileage may vary.

Another misconception is that many cisgender people have about us transgender people is that we want different genitalia, so that we can have sex with our "former" sex.  (I knew a LCSW who believed this, and I am glad she is not in my life.)  For the most part, one's gender preference does not change after one has gender corrective surgery (GCS).

What I found surprising is how many cisgender people react when they interact with non-op transgender people (like me) who travel with legal IDs which conflict with their gender presentation. Some, like my Texas friends, are amazed that I will often travel in female mode while holding male ID. Others will (in bad taste) wonder aloud whether a transgender person is a male or female.  If I had heard that while boarding a ship on one cruise, I'd have asked the couple: "Why don't we go back to your room, and the three of us find out?  It could be some great fun."  That would have thrown them for a loop.  

Yet, when it comes to sports, more of the general population doesn't want transgender people to compete against people not belonging to their natal sex.  But what happens when a person's natal sex is ambiguous, or when hormone levels are that of the opposite sex?  There is a female runner who has been disqualified from running against other females because her naturally occurring levels of testosterone are that of a male.  How should we accommodate people like her?  There is a transgender female swimmer who is now disqualified from being in competitions against other females - even though many of her peers support her inclusion in these competitions.  I feel that if a transgender person's body has not undergone the puberty of their (at birth) assigned sex, and has only gone through the puberty of their identified sex, they should be allowed to compete against others of their identified sex as they will have no advantage from the wrong puberty. And even this is an issue that perplexes many in society.

- - - - - -

I feel that we have a long way to go before society understands and accepts transgender people.  At best, we are considered anomalies whose identities are not fully accepted because they are ambiguous.  At worse, they trigger irrational fears in others that will trigger them to cause us harm.  Hopefully, things will change for the better for us soon.

I just got a new dress from Universal Standard at a deep discount.

 

The above dress in yellow does nothing for the model in the picture.  But change it to blue, and the dress works very well on me.  And this is what I wore to night to have dinner with Vicki.

But first....

RQS had come up for a rare start-of-week stay, and we had a great time together.  No, we didn't do much of anything, save keep each other company for a few days.  While here, I told her of the dress I ordered from Universal Standard with a very deep discount.  I won't say how much of a discount I received, but it was enough for me to drop the hammer on buying a new dress when I wasn't planning on buying one. 

 

If I had known that this dress would be available in this color when I decided to buy the first dress, I might have chosen it instead.  I like the color, and I may still drop $148 (plus tax and shipping) to buy it if I have some extra money by the end of the month.  

Yet, I digress....

RQS thought the first dress looked good on me, and I did too.  So I wore it when dropping her off at the station to go home, and to pick Vicki up for dinner tonight - and I got compliments from Vicki as well. I think Vicki was surprised that I arrived at her house a little bit early.  This wasn't much of a problem, as we got to the restaurant relatively quickly.

Lefteris Gyro is one of our go-to places when we want Greek food.  They serve enough food there to feed an army, and I had enough food left over to be tomorrow's lunch. Although I won't say much about the conversation we had, it seems more likely that she and her husband may be spending their retirement in New York for reasons I won't go into here.  This pleases me for one reason - one of my closest friends may stay nearby in retirement, and I won't lose contact with her (as I almost did with WDS when he moved to Florida).

All too soon, I had to drop Vicki off at her house.  Hopefully, I'll be able to see her again before my next trip (and possibly introduce her to Vicki #2).

But where do I want to go that's affordable and safe for me?

 

Until early next year, it will not be prudent to schedule more vacations than already in the docket.  Yet, I would like to find a couple of overnight (or weekend) trips we can make from NYC at a minimal cost. Given that we can get to most major Eastern cities at a reasonable cost on Amtrak, the cost of travel (in both time and money) will not be an issue.  Instead, it is the choice of where to go.

I expect that hotel stays will be the biggest expense for us, followed by dining, transportation and miscellaneous expenses. We've narrowed the list of places to visit to the following 3 cities: Boston, Philadelphia, and Washington, DC.  Boston and Philadelphia are cities I have not developed a feel for yet, so I'd like to explore them when possible.

What does this say about other cities?  My impression of many other cities is that they do not have enough attractions for us to spend a weekend in the city, and that we would need a car to get around because of the paucity of good mass transit.  In addition, many cities in the Red States are hostile to all but cisgender people. Although I will be flying to Chicago in the Fall, it is one of the few cities outside the Northeast that I have found have enough things to do and is safe for me to visit while presenting as a female.

Even if I decided to travel as Mario, the issue of mass transit is important.  Most modern American cities have evolved around a Post-WW2 Car Culture.  Mass transit has been neglected, as people seem to prefer cocooned commutes to work.  Years ago, Los Angeles had one of the best public transit systems in the USA.  Now, it is trying to replace what it lost in the 1950's.  When I visit LA later on this year, I will be reluctant to take buses to reach my uncle's current residence, and will spend much more money taking an Uber for the trip.  Unfortunately, all too many American cities have become like LA, and this limits my choices for weekend trips.

Luckily, this doesn't rule out travel to Canada, even if I have to take a plane to get there.  Although Mount Royal (Montreal) is a quick ride North for me, I don't want to visit a place which penalizes people for using English in what is supposed to be a bilingual nation.  In the USA, we're seeing the use of Spanish change us into a bilingual nation.  And for the most part, we accommodate Spanish speakers much more than Quebec accommodates English speakers.  Instead, I would likely go to Toronto, a great city and one worth exploring at leisure.  Having been there before, I can say that the Theater and Restaurant scenes in Toronto make the city a great place to visit.

Yes, I have my prejudices in where I will travel.  But who doesn't?   This New Yorker will only go where I feel welcome, safe, and where I can get around with ease.  

Why I'm not taking an Alaskan Cruise this year.

 

 

The above route is one I'd like to take this year, as it checks off all the places I want to see on a 7-day Alaska cruise.  The underlying price, inclusive of airfare, taxes, port fees and gratuities is more than acceptable for me as a solo traveler.  However, I won't even consider it due to circumstances not mentioned in any travel agency site, or the cruise line site itself.  (This is not just an NCL issue, as Princess, RCL and other cruise lines have the same problem.)  But what is the unadvertised problem?

Last year, there was a rock slide which made it unsafe to make port at Skagway's railroad pier.  At a moment's notice, cruise lines changed their ships' itineraries from Skagway to ports such as Icy Strait Point (Hoonah) and Sitka. This year, Skagway has done what it can to stabilize the rock face overlooking the railroad pier, but it is only a short term fix. And it is a fix that (at worst) can only give 12 seconds' warning before a rock slide.  Although Skagway can keep people safe, this is not enough for the people who run the cruise lines. They are just not comfortable bringing their newest and biggest ships to this port due to liability issues.

For me, a stop in Skagway is a must on any Inside Passage cruise. And I feel it almost criminal that at least one cruise line has failed to update its site to indicate itinerary changes that now bypass Skagway. As a result of this, I will not take a last minute Alaska cruise this year, no matter what discount I get, as the advertisement for these cruises no longer reflects the true itinerary that these cruises will follow.

 

 

PS: From what I've been told, there are still ships stopping at Skagway.  It seems as if only the older, smaller ships are making it to this port, as they can use an alternate way of bringing people into this little town. Hopefully, cruisers on these ships will get to enjoy this port the way I did 25 years ago.

Sometimes I have nothing to say, so I go away from things related to being transgender

 

Today, I posted something that got no one's attention.  And I can't blame people for looking elsewhere for something interesting to read.  However, one of the problems with being confident in one's ability to interact with the world as a transgender female is that there is often nothing to say about the experience. Most of us transgender people are able to go out and about in our worlds with only minor complaints from the peanut galleries.

The first post I made today was triggered by something that bothers me: The plethora of computer wire interface standards, and having to have cables for every type of device I own.  Obviously, few people are concerned about all the extra cables which need to be carried when one goes away on a trip.  I guess most people take this for granted these days.

Just because I had nothing to say didn't mean that my concerns about life have gone away.  I still see the power grab from the fundamentalist and authoritarian right wing to be a major threat to me and civil society.  But there's only so much I can say about this before I get sick to my stomach.  People like our former president, the governor of Florida, and the governing majority of several state legislatures  are a existential threat to all of us.  

In the past, I've said that Liberals aren't much of a threat to society, as they focus on the needs of the individual.  Individuals tend to have a harder time imposing their will on groups made up of other individualistic personalities, as they are not as prone to need authority figures to authorize their behaviors.  This serves as a check and balance on Liberals' ability to impose extreme positions on others lives.  However, I have grown to believe that radical conservatism is a grave threat to society, as power hungry individuals find conservatives easy to manipulate because they need authority figures to both authorize and choose the actions conservative people will take.  They follow a "primitive brain" need to follow leaders who have achieved "top dog" status by the use of some sort of power.  They follow these leaders out of fear, and adjust their beliefs to fit stories told by those leaders.

There will always be a tension between the needs of the individual and the needs of society.  The 2023 debt limit debate has been used as a tool to bludgeon the liberals to give up supporting individuals in need.  At the time I'm writing this entry, I have no idea how this political issue will be resolved. But I know one thing - the lunatics are now in charge of the US House of Representatives, and they pose the greatest risk to us all, both conservative and liberal alike.

Electronic Doodads and Standards

 

In the past, each of our electronic devices had its own charging / interface cable.  Sometimes, these cables could be used with other devices. But most of the time, these cables could only be used with the devices they came with.

Manufacturers (and lately regulators) saw this to be a problem, and developed common standards. USB-A became a standard to connect devices to PCs and Charging Blocks.  However, when it came to connecting Cell Phones and Tablets to PCs and Charging Blocks, things changed a little more slowly.  And this is where the "fun" begins.

Over the years, most device manufacturers have seen the need for a universal cable type, and came up with USB-C.  Given all the headaches needed to implement this type of connection, I understand that it is almost a miracle this could be done with USB-C.  Yet, it is the wired connection type that all non-Apple manufacturers are making their standard.

Apple is well known for not playing well in the sandbox.  It creates proprietary standards, used in a way to prevent many non-Apple devices from connecting to Apple tablets and cell phones.  Recently, the European Union pressed Apple to use USB-C, and Apple tried to resist the EU.  However, it looks like Apple has caved into pressure (sort of).  Like what they have done with Bluetooth and Wi-Fi wireless connections, they want their USB-C implementation to exclude non Apple devices.

Now, I respect Apple for doing what it does well.  (I own an iPad which was given to me as a gift, and am surprised that it still runs well after 8+ years of ownership.)  But I detest Apple for making it impossible to tether my iPad to my Android phone or for making it impossible for my friend to tether her non-Apple laptop to her iPhone to the cellular phone network.  

In fairness, IBM once played the same game with its equipment that Apple now plays with standards. And look where IBM is now with its manufacturing.  They legitimized the personal computer industry, and now has no interest in it.  Apple has done something that no technology vendor has done since the age of mainframe computers - it has developed a fully integrated technology ecosystem.  But this may be its eventual undoing.  IBM was forced to play nice in the sandbox by the courts.  Apple is being forced to play nice in the sandbox by the EU.

How long can Apple last before the next major technological shift?  And what type of shift will that be?  I have no way to see the future.  But this pattern has played itself out again and again with modern technology.  The character set used by IBM mainframes is directly related to the punch card codes used in the 1890 census.  More recently, both MS-Word and Lotus 123 created de-facto standards for Word Processing and Spreadsheets. 

The big question is: What will Apple have contributed as part of its legacy?

Walking on the Rail Trail with DS.

 

Although the above picture was taken roughly 20 years ago, it gives an idea of what the local rail trail looked like today - except that more people were out walking and cycling, enjoying the warm day.

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Last night, I fell out shortly after my nightly call to RQS.  Unfortunately, I woke up around 1:30 am, and couldn't get back to sleep until 5:00 am.  So, this changed my plan of getting up at 8:00 am to go to church.  Instead, I told my automated assistant to wake me up around 10:30 am, and relaxed for a while.

Of course, 10:30 am came way too quickly, and I started taking care of little things before driving to the rail trail's parking lot at 1:00 pm. Unfortunately, DS got stuck in traffic, and we didn't get moving on the trail until 2:00 pm.  Although I had to rest a few times, I did get in a little over 3 miles of walking before it was time for a late lunch at 3:00 pm.  Pizza was on the menu, and I made sure that it would be a place convenient for DS. And it was there we were able to chat without having to watch my breath.  (Talking in Marian Mode requires a breath effort which is hard when doing physical activity.  I require a stronger breath to hit the upper range of my voice, and physical activity robs me of that strength.)  Too soon, we had to part.  But we will try to fit in another walk in a couple of weeks.

Once I got home, I took a little nap.  And when I woke up, it was time for dinner.  All in all, it was a nice day, and great seeing DS again.

A day to myself (sort of)

 

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

- Ferris Bueller 

 

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Today was one of those days that I did almost nothing ...at first.  But once I got moving, I was able to take care of an errand related to last night's overflow and take care of some food shopping I needed to do this weekend.

Lately, I've been hanging out in my apartment when I have nothing outside to keep me busy.  Friends have had to reschedule dinners, leaving days open for me that I couldn't fill with meaningful activity. And that gave me the freedom to take care of an emergency laundry run, cleaning the bath towels I used to sop up last night's mess.

When I started my laundry, I decided to walk outside to see if the neighbor's car was in the driveway.  It it was, I'd likely have nothing to worry about from them in regard to last night's problem.  But it wasn't there.  So I figured that I'd bring this up when I see them next, as I'd rather take care of things myself than to get the co-op involved.

After my laundry was done, it was time to go to Walmart to pick up a few things.  While in Walmart, TCL called.  I returned her call once I got out of Walmart, and chatted all the way to the nearby Stop & Shop. And that's where I bought food for the beginning of the week, so that RQS and I do not have to go out to eat as soon as she comes here on Monday.

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One thing I've noted lately is that I often do not have much to say.  I find that I'm healthier not having one former friend in my life, as her problems occasionally took on a life of their own in my head.  That's something I don't need at this stage of life.  I have enough on my plate, and it's enough to bore some people to sleep. 😉