I can't believe I ate the whole thing....

 

 
I was supposed to meet my friend from the census for lunch today.  However, I screwed things up in confirming our get together, and we had to postpone things for 3 weeks.  There is much I had to talk about, and I guess that will have to wait until we recover from holiday season.  But this didn't stop me from having a nice meal out.  No, No, No!  I ended up having lunch at the Mexican joint down the hill from me, and spent money that I didn't need to spend.

It was not easy for me to get up and ready for dinner with the meetup group.  My bed was comfortable, and I was lying on a heating pad being used to help me deal with some back pain I've had for the past couple of days.  Yet, I made sure to get dressed again, and out the door for a second restaurant meal of the day.

Finding a parking space at the lot in back of the restaurant was impossible. Almost everyone seemed to be having their holiday dinners.  Instead of circling the lot for an hour or so, I went to the new parking garage across the street from the first lot, then walked to the restaurant in the rain.  (Too bad that there was no place to put the umbrella when I got to my table, but I digress....)  Of the 4 people who were there when I arrived, I didn't know anyone.  But soon the people I knew came to the table.  

My stomach must be getting smaller, as I was filled after eating a small bowl of chili with chips.  Yet, I had a light salad afterwards - something I wish I had skipped.  Too bad that the restaurant was crowded, as it took forever to get my food.  I'd have liked someone to bus the table earlier, so I didn't have my dirty plates sitting in front of me.  Luckily, the person next to me wasn't eating, so she didn't mind me spreading out a little.

Being in a loud restaurant with a lot of noise isn't pleasing to me.  So, once I paid my bill, I was out the door and on the way home.  Did I enjoy the day?  Not that much.  But I did enjoy some of the food....

 

PS: If you can't remember where I got the title of this entry, watch this old ad.

 

 

And now: Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel

 

When I was young, I loved watching this show.  Yes, it was campy.  But it was fun to watch.  It's a shame that this show was done with a campy style, as the tone of the Batman comics was much darker in spirit.  But what does this have to do with my life?

Well, many of us have to live two separate lives.  One out of circumstance, and the other out of choice.  The first life is what others expect of you.  The other is what you expect from yourself.  Most of the time, our outer and inner lives are in rough synchronization with each other.  Other times, they are not.  In the case of the fictional crime fighter, his Batman persona was a way of coping with the damage done to him in his past.  In my case, it is my true spirit coming out of a cocoon.

Last night (as I write this), I had a conversation with Vicki.  She noted that my personality as Mario and Marian is the same person, just expressed in two very different ways.  RQS sees this, regardless of what clothing I am wearing.  But what is this difference?  Vicki feels that Marian's personality expression reflects the lack of both the familial emotional damage done to Mario as a child and the social emotional damage that would have been done to Marian had she been born with a female body.  There is a certain emotional strength in Marian that Mario could never have, as she never suffered the blows that most children have received while growing up.

Why is this important?

I realize that I never want to give up my life as Marian for anything.  Yet, it is threatened by the undercurrents of today's politics.  A conservative gay man who made a case for same-sex marriage long before it was the law of the land once noted that he was surprised to see this happen in his lifetime.  Same-sex marriage only challenges one of one of our traditional beliefs: Heterosexual relationships are a cornerstone of our society's values.  Society begrudgingly acknowledged gay and lesbian rights and moved on to other struggles.  But that left transgender people with fewer allies.  

The existence of transgenders challenges something more basic in society, the idea that people could be born with the mind of one gender, but be housed in the body of the other.  I'm reminded of a joke from the "Addams Family Values" movie where Morticia delivers her newborn child.  Gomez pops out into the waiting room where everyone is asking: "What is it?"  And Gomex proudly announces: "It's an Addams!"  It's not the answer most of us were expecting to hear, but it is an equally correct one that challenges our standard mode of thinking.  To most of us, one's sex/gender is the most basic form of identification one can have - and it is fixed at birth.  To Gomez, it is simply that he had a healthy child.

Right now, my rights are protected in most of the "Blue States".  But they are being attacked in congress, as Sarah McBride may be denied her right to go to the women's loo in peace.  Sarah understands the nature of the game.  But most people do not.  They see the world in binary terms such as reproductive gender and not the fluidity found throughout nature.

As for me, I will continue exercising my rights to go out as Marian, as this is the personality that best fits who I am.  She may evolve, like most of us do over time.  Yet, she will feel more like a whole person while doing so. This is the most important thing to me - to be true to myself.

Happy New Year - 2025

 

Happy New Year!!!!

(My regular posts will resume tomorrow.)

Thinking about the year soon gone.

 

RQS and I seem to be spending most of our free time together, and we've got a routine that seems to be working for us.  This got me thinking about how my life has changed over the past few years, and how things seem to be crystalizing into something nice this past year.

- - - - - -

At the beginning of the year, I was concerned about visiting my uncle before he passed away.  Sadly, this did not happen, and I ended up taking a California Coastal Cruise by myself - one of the few times I've traveled lately without her.  (Yes, I will note that I booked my Hawaii cruise before I met her, but I did offer to have her come with me on the cruise.)  Our big trip was our Norwegian Cruise in June   And then, we took 2 separate cruises to Bermuda.  Cruising has become our favorite form of vacation, but the idea of visiting places already visited has diminished.  We want to experience new places.  And that may mean changing how we travel and where we go.

As we age, we have to worry a bit about changes in our health.  RQS has had her health problems, and I have had my issues.  I will soon need to search for a new GP, as my doctor is getting old.  He's a good doctor, but I have my issues about reaching his office, and the quality of his staff.  My sleep doctor is retiring at year end, and I need to find out who I will need to see for future follow-ups.  Luckily, the doctor who performed my colonoscopy is young, and I will likely be able to see him when I next need to have the lower part of my GI-Tract inspected.

Getting older often means that one will see his/her peers gradually die off.  Earlier this year, one of the people with whom I went to college suddenly passed away.  My cousin passed away just before RQS and I went on one of our Bermuda cruises.  And last night, I was told that the clinical supervisor for my feminine speech training at Mercy College had passed away due to a heart attack.  I live one of the more unhealthy lifestyles of people I know.  Yet, I've been lucky enough to maintain my addictions to air, water and food.  

Now that I've been out of the workforce for 2+ years, I miss work for only one reason - the social aspect of being in an office.  Towards the end of my work life, I knew that my efforts were underappreciated.  At the bank, I was no longer in the location where the company was growing, I was in a field that was quickly dying off, and I had been unable to make the transition to a new skill set in time to maintain my value to the corporation.  I was a misfit for the first job after leaving the bank .  And then, the next 2 jobs had no room for future growth.  So I'm glad that I have my days to myself.

Even with having days to myself, I'm finding that I'm attending fewer meetups.  More of them are being held on weekends, and I am no longer free on weekends.  More of my time is committed to being with RQS (and her time with me) than I ever had with XGFJ.  We stumbled into a solid relationship, and I make sure to tell her how lucky I feel that she's with me on this part of my journey through life.  Contrast this with my brother's life.  My sister in law's illness has put extreme stress on their relationship, and he stays away from the house to maintain his peace of mind.  Earlier in the year, he booked a Mediterranean cruise for August, and then cancelled it for reasons other than he wanted to mention - I think my sister in law's illness played a part in his decision.  Virtually all of his travel now is without his wife, and I feel sorry that they do not travel together to see their offspring.  I wouldn't trade my life with RQS for his life with his wife.  I prefer to spend my time with RQS when possible.

I am worried about what will happen over the next 4 years.  The president-elect is being reckless with his nominations, and will likely alienate us from the free world.  More important to me is the GOP's attitude towards transgender people.  Although I could live in stealth mode, I don't trust the powers that be not to violate my civil rights.  So I am working on getting a second passport.

So many things are in flux right now.  And yet, I feel calm.  Somehow, I'll find a way to survive and prosper - in spite of the world around me.

 

A day spent doing nothing. (A quick post.)

 

Last night, I decided to wear something pretty to bed.  Little did I know that neither RQS nor I would bother to get dressed to go out today. Thankfully, my apartment is warm enough that I could wear a "little nothing" and feel comfortable all day.

We had no plans for the day, and given the outside temperature, it didn't make sense to go outside.  Instead, RQS straightened out my kitchen while I emptied out a chest of drawers, so that I could buy a more functional chest from Ikea next weekend.  I could then move stuff from the chest that currently holds part of my female wardrobe to a chest whose drawers open and close without difficulty.  (Would it make sense for me to repair the old chest?  Yes.  But I don't have the woodworking tools to take care of this simple task.)

Once our tasks were done, it was time to relax.  And we did so for the rest of the day.  We thought about booking another cruise from a last minute booking list.  But we held off.  I wasn't sure if RQS could afford another trip, and I didn't want to encourage her to take any trips she couldn't afford.

- - - - - -

Luckily, I had more than enough in the house to make a decent dinner.  However, I know that my GP will read the riot act to me when I see him this coming week.  I shudder to get on the scale, as I don't want to know how much I weigh.  Yet, I need to ask the doctor a couple of questions, and this will be my one opportunity to do so.

A visit to the bank and a feast at home

 

As I am one of two people who have signatory powers for the co-op, I was expected to meet the board's president at the bank for whatever tasks were needed as we transfer our operating account from one bank to another, one management company to another.  Since I am only known to the bank as Mario, this determined how I'd dress for the rest of the day.  (The cold weather outside reinforced the decision to dress in Mario mode today as well.)

Around 11 am, I arrived at the bank, and found that our president had mostly completed work at the bank.  All that was left for me was to email a copy of a form to the new managing agent, and to collect reimbursement money for renewing our Zoom account.  And then, we were done.  Now, it was time to rest until I had to pick RQS up at the train station.

At 3:45 pm, I picked RQS up at the station, and then we took a drive to Yorktown and Uncle Giuseppe's.  (Uncle Giuseppe's is an Italian Specialty supermarket with locations in the NYC suburbs.)  Unlike Trader Joe's, where I have a hard time breaking $50 in a typical visit, I broke $100 at Uncle Giuseppe's on this visit.  And this visit only resulted in less than 2 supping bags worth of food.  At least, we got our meal for the night - Zuppa de Pesce. Our next stop was at the Foodtown, where I only wanted to pick up some fresh pasta that I forgot at our prior stop.  And that's where RQS accidentally flushed ker keys down the toilet.  Now, that forced us to get some keys cut sometime this weekend.  

We finally got home and relaxed before I started to prepare dinner - and it was tasty.  Both RQS and I enjoyed our meal and the dessert we had afterwards.  But now, we had another thing to take care of this weekend....

I don't have much to say for today, save that I couldn't eat the whole thing.

 

OK, I know I have to go on a diet other than "See Food".  But when it's a once-a-year dinner at a good restaurant and service is slow, it's hard for me NOT to chow down from the bread basket.

- - - - - -

I didn't want to get up today.  It was raining outside, and they predicted more extreme weather by dinnertime.  For the most part, I stayed in my jammies and watched videos most of the day.  That is until I found a 7-8 year old computer that was once my dad's machine until he passed away.  Although the computer runs Windows 10, it can't be upgraded to Windows 11 because it doesn't have a TPM module.  (Even more important, the machine still uses rotating disk memory and is way too slow compared to modern machines.)  So, I have two Windows 10 machines that can't be upgraded, and I don't know what to do with them.

Next, I had to get showered and dressed.  Although I really want to go out as Marian, I'm not going to out myself to people I'm not sure would respect me after the outing.  (There are still some advantages to presenting as a male, and I have to take advantage of them while on the co-op board.)  Just before I was to pick up my fellow board members, I decided to finally subscribe to a new anti virus platform.  This was easier than I thought it would be.  But it will be way too expensive to stay on this platform after this subscription period ends.

Once done with installing the new software, it was off to pick up my fellow co-op board members, and then to the restaurant.  At the restaurant, we met the new site manager, our accountant and our lawyer.  As much as we discussed formal business with our experts, we also participated in normal social chit chat.  Service was slow, and I ate too much - simply because the bread basket was right in front of me. And then the food came!  In this episode of "(Wo)man vs. Food", Food won this round.  I ended up bringing the seafood home, only to trash it in the dumpster.  After 2-3 hours, I wasn't going to trust the safety of a seafood dish, and I wasn't going to reheat it for tomorrow's meal.  So the only thing I figured I should do is toss the leftovers because it was the safest thing to do.

- - - - - -

Tomorrow will be another day.  And I am scheduled to go to another meetup.  Like the last one, I'm not certain about going.  I'll make a decision about it tomorrow morning....

The Co-Op meeting was the most I could deal with today.

 

It was raining on and off today, and I had to be home in the evening for a co-op board meeting. We had a lot to discuss today, and the (to be) former site manager didn't show up, as he had an excuse (as usual) that prevented him from attending our meeting.  

- - - - - -

If it had been better weather, I'd have liked to go out as Marian and do some shopping.  However, this was not a day to go outside and brave the elements - I wasn't in the mood to get showered and dressed, much less turn myself into Marian and return to Mario mode for the evening. So, I relaxed in bed most of the day, and decided to get ready for the co-op meeting at 6 pm.

6 pm came, and I started the zoom meeting.  Eventually, all of the board members arrived, and we got some more disturbing news about events that took place since our last monthly meeting.  Suffice it to say, that none of us were happy.  One board member keeps acting as if our president can do more than she's already doing, and this pisses off both the president and myself.  This person is as useless as tits on a bull. And we're both tired of her.

Soon enough, the meeting ended - and I am ending up driving 2 people to dinner tomorrow.  Too bad that I have to be in Mario mode for this dinner.  But, I am looking forward to Thursday when I can again present as Marian again.

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming....

 

By the time you read this, Christmas will have passed.  I can't wait for the holiday season to end, as it will allow me to get back to my regularly scheduled activities - such as watching movies NOT related to the holiday.

- - - - - -

I'm writing this post a little over 2 weeks before Christmas.  And a lot will happen between now and then. For example, I will be seeing my doctor for the first time in a few months, and he will likely read me the riot act for not losing weight.  I'll  wear my hair suit, and note that the Zepbound he prescribed is not covered by my drug formulary.  (I'll have to check this out in 2025, as I want to finally do what I've should have been doing all along - live a more healthy life, and lose weight as a byproduct of my actions.  I may need to have a different GLP-1 Agonist drug prescribed for me, so that it is covered by Medicare.)  I'll also be seeing my sleep doctor for the last time before he retires, and get a referral to a new sleep doctor.  (I'll also ask him for a copy of my script, so that I can buy a travel CPAP unit.)

Not all of the things that will be going on in my life will be health related.  For example, RQS and I will be attending a choral performance where one of the singers has been a member of the Yonkers gaming group I belong to.  A week later, we will be seeing Darlene Love in concert again.  She doesn't yet know that I also plan to buy her tickets to a Broadway show that will be performed on the same day that her Boston friend wants her there for a baby shower.  RQS will be very happy that I've made it possible for her to decline the invite, saying that I surprised her with show tickets.

There will be some serious things that must be taken care of.  My co-op is switching to a new management firm, and we have to make sure that we do our part in this transition.  For example, I've already had to sign paperwork to give me signing authority for the co-op, and access to the bank accounts being opened up for us.  We'll soon have our yearly holiday dinner, and that will give us the chance to get to know our new site manager in an informal setting.  Hopefully, they will do a much better job for us than the old firm has done.

Of course, I'll be catching up on my social engagements, such as seeing my friend from the census, as well as attending a meetup or two that will take place before the holiday.  I expect that I'll be quite busy through year end.  Hopefully, I'll be spending most of my time as Marian, and not as Mario.  Christmas Eve dinner will be spent as Marian, and I'm hoping we get an invite, so that New Year's Eve can be spent this way as well.  Keep your fingers crossed....

Merry Christmas 2024

 

Merry Christmas!

(I'll be back tomorrow with more posts.)

The stockings were hung up with care.... (a quick post)

 

As I write this, it is 2 weeks before Christmas eve.  Hopefully, all of my readers will be with close friends and/or family by the time you read this.

- - - - - - -

This weekend, RQS was up in Croton.  Saturday night,we decided to see the movie "Juror #2" as it will soon be out of the theaters and only available on streaming.  I won't give away too much of the film's plot.  But if you are a fan of "12 Angry Men", you may like this film.  If it is Clint Eastwood's last film, he has directed a film that could give him a fitting end to his directorial career.

Sunday was a day I'd have liked to stay in bed.  Instead, we went to the Hudson River Museum, and viewed the first floor or Glenview, its former exhibition space.  As much as I'd like to say that I enjoyed this visit, my back was killing me, as I have a hard time standing in one place for a long period of time.  Yet, I can say that Glenview is a worthwhile place to visit, and I recommend visiting when you are in Yonkers.

I finally figured out what I can get RQS for Christmas.  Although I already have 2 gifts for her, she deserves something else.  Right now, I won't post it here, so that it remains a surprise.  But I can say that it will prevent her from having to visit a friend that she doedn't want to visit during the winter.

- - - - - -

The good thing about the weekend is that I was able to be out and about as Marian.  All too soon, I would have to spend time as Mario - and will feel very uncomfortable for those two days.  At least, tonight, I'll have a chance to speak with my friends in Texas....

Beware of using credit cards on poorly designed web sites.

 

Happy Holidays!  This is the time of year where many small organizations raise money by holding concerts, giving special tours, and organizing  special events.  However, many of these organizations do not have professional web site designers, nor do they have the same kinds of payment security needed in an internet filled with scammers and hackers.

Last night, my partner decided to buy tickets for 2 choral concerts and a museum visit on their web sites.  Her actions resulted in getting triple billed by one choral society, properly billed by the museum, and no bill at all from the other choral society.  Without the ability to contact anyone related to the triple charge, she will need to dispute the triple charge with her credit card company.

This led me to think: How many of these small sites can be easily hacked, and money stolen from credit card users?  I'm pretty sure that few of these sites are contracting out to firms like Speedpay to handle their credit card processing. (Speedpay is mostly used by larger firms, such as a foreign car manufacturer.)  However, I'm less certain that they are not working with other firms whose specialty is handling small business transactions.

With all of the risks of doing business online, I find it amazing that we do so many online transactions. I do business with many small businesses, and have been lucky enough not to have gotten burnt by scammers (or not noticing a minor scalding.)  Yet, I try to research new sites before doing any business with them.  Often, I wait to hear that a friend has successfully done business with a firm before doing business with it myself.  Even then, I still have a degree of risk I have to deal with.

The other day, I learned about 2 potential cruisers who got scammed by a fake travel site advertised on Facebook.  They were told to pay for their cruise using the Cash.App application.  To me, this would have been the first clue that the travel site is a scam.  Not for these 2 people.  They ended up going to the pier, ready to board the ship, and then they found out that they were scammed.  OUCH! 

In the end, one has to use both common sense and skepticism when paying for things on the internet.  If we'd do just a little more than we do now, many of these scammers might go elsewhere.

It might be the last sample sale for Universal Standard in Manhattan

 

The other day, I received an email from Universal Standard saying that they would be holding a sample sale this weekend.  Given that the firm is moving out of their Manhattan offices, it is likely that their showroom will be moving as well.  So, I made arrangements with RQS to meet her at Grand Central after I've done my shopping.

But first....

I woke up this morning feeling barely awake.  So, I lollygagged a bit until I noticed that the clock had hit 10 am.  This meant that I was already an hour late, and had to rush in order to make a 11:42 train.  Luckily, all my ducks were in a row, and I was showered, dressed, made up, and out the door by 11:15 am.  Although I may have had enough time to stop for an egg sandwich on the way to the station, I decided not to take any chances, and go straight to the parking lot - just so I had enough time to find a spot before the train came.  I needn't have worried.  There were more than enough spaces.  But the coffee shop at the station was closed.  This meant that I'd have to get a bite to eat when I reached Grand Central.

A little under 60 minutes later, I was at Grand Central and looking for something to eat.  In the past, I'd go downstairs to Zaro's and get a couple of franks.  Sadly, they don't sell hot dogs anymore, and I ended up getting my pair of tube steaks at Frankie's.  It's hard to feel comfortable with the reality of today's prices - 2 dogs and a soda for $14.  I'm used to dogs that sell for $2 each, and sodas for $2.  

Once done with lunch, it was off to Universal Standard.  20 minutes later, I was on the elevator to their store. Within 15 minutes, I had bought a nice sweater and a nice dress for $75.  This is pretty good, given their usual prices.  While there, I found out that they are moving to Dumbo at year end.  So I may be traveling a little bit more to get to their next sale in Dumbo.

Now that I was done shopping, I went to Grand Central to meet RQS.  Around 2:30 pm, we met, and it was on the train headed to Croton.  Although I could say a bit more about the day, I'd rather keep it brief.

I understand why DS doesn't go to our game meetup these days.

 

 
When I selected this picture, it appeared as if it was a specialty coffee drink.  Instead, it is a picture of a hot fudge sundae at Ben & Jerry's in Mt. Kisco.  Yum!

- - - - - -

Why did I keep the picture at the top of this entry?  Well, it's a reminder of indulgences that I have avoided (or eased off on) over the past couple of weeks.  And it's a reminder that my weight has dropped over the past few weeks.  Yay!  And yet, it's something to monitor, as lethargy and weight loss can mean many things.  So I will make it a priority to see my GP soon.

- - - - - -

 The first thing on my docket for today was seeing my friend MSJ for lunch.  This was not a day where we would review changes she made to her resume.  Instead, it was a day which we exchanged stories of Thanksgiving related disasters.  All too soon, 1:30 pm came around, and we had to go   We'll be talking next week, and seeing each other in the new year.

Next, it was off to bring my old phone to the fix-it shop for battery replacement.  The lady behind the counter was a little surprised that I came with a phone battery in hand.  But then, I have previous experience trying to get battery replacements done on other Motorola phones.  She told me to give her 30 minutes.  So I went across the street for some hot chocolate while she replaced my battery.  When I returned, the phone was ready, and it was time for me to go home to nap.

- - - - - -

Around 4 pm, I started a load of laundry, and then got ready to go out.  After I brought the laundry upstairs, I drove down to Yonkers for game night.  Although I thought DS might come tonight, she was visibly absent.  The loud mouthed fellow that I know she doesn't like was there, and he was in fine form.  Not only was he scattershot in explaining rules to games he may have played once or twice, he was very loud in his arguments (that's a stronger word than I'd like to use) about game rules.  I was getting annoyed too.  It's easy to see why DS is absent most of these days - she is tired of this fellow making himself the center of attention.

We ended the evening early, and noted that our next gathering will be in 3 weeks, and not the usual 2 weeks.  That's fine with me, as I could use the extra Thursday for my own purposes.  But I'll have to figure out a way to give the host/hostess' children their Xmas gifts before Xmas.

It's been a long time since I was at a meetup

 

TCL will never understand why I attend meetups as Marian.  But then, she can never understand what it's like being transgender, and why I want to live life as a female.  So, I only try to get together with her when I know I'll have to be in Mario mode for something else that day.

- - - - - -

Today was not a day I would have wanted to see TCL.  I was lethargic for most of the day, and I would have skipped out on going to a meetup had I committed myself to this dinner in Pleasantville.  So I made sure to set several alarms to get me moving when I needed to do so.  

Around 4 pm, I got showered and dressed.  However, I didn't know what to wear.  It was too chilly for me to wear a dress, as I would have stood out from cisgender women on a day like this.  So I looked for a comfortable sweater top and a pair of women's trousers I could wear, and found something I haven't worn in a couple of years.

I arrived in Pleasantville 30 minutes early, and decided to play games on my phone to kill time.  Shortly after I walked into the restaurant, DS showed up.  A few minutes later, everyone else showed up, and we proceeded to order dinner.  After some more time, my Jambalaya arrived, and I was getting stuffed before I finished what was on my plate.  But I made sure to leave room for bread pudding for dessert.  

Around 8:30 pm, it was time to go.  As I walked to my car, one of the fellows at the meetup complimented me on what I was wearing.  Was this a polite comment?  Or, was he trying to show an interest in getting to know me better?  I didn't have the benefit of a young adulthood as a female, so I'm not always sure of how to read men while out as Marian.  But at least, I know this fellow to be a harmless gentleman....

It would have been my late wife's 70th birthday today

 

Above is a photo of my late wife.  She was a wonderful woman, but not without her flaws. She, like the building she was in, is long gone.  But why am I mentioning this here today?

- - - - - -

I've been widowed more than twice as long as I was married.  Little things such as the color of her eyes have become hard to remember.  Only other little things remain, such as she said the word "Nasty".  And yet, she has always remained a presence in my life - if only as a memory that connects me to being a young, immature adult.

My wife knew that I enjoyed wearing women's clothing.  But I never would dare going outside in such things.  She tolerated me more than anything else.  Yet, I wonder what she would think had she survived her cancer and lived to this day.  Would we have gotten divorced over this, or for other reasons.  (If so, it would likely be our lack of communications skills, and for resentments that built themselves up over time.)  Would she have embraced me, and encouraged me to become the trans woman I became?  (This is less likely, given that we would be Baby Boomers with all the prejudices absorbed during that era.)  Would I have been satisfied with her after another 10+ years?  Would the love still be there after all we would have gone through?  There are so many questions that can't be answered, as that time line never came to be.

Losing my wife at the age of 39 did one hell of a number on me.  It made me afraid of not having someone to cling to when times got rough.  Yet, I didn't have the emotional age to supply that support to others.  After she died, I ended up in a string of relationships over the next 25 years before finding my current partner.  Will we stand the test of time?  I don't know.  But we have gotten off to a good start.

- - - - - -

Being trans puts a crimp into finding romantic partners.  Aging puts a crimp into finding new friends. As an older trans person, I understand why many older trans people can get quite depressed - I've been a victim of depression myself.  Yet, I make the choice every day - do I get up and live, or do I give in to depression?  So far, I choose to live.

If my wife had lived, we'd likely have become poor parents.  Since she couldn't bear children, we'd have had to adopt a child.  But then, we'd have to move to a bigger place that we couldn't afford on my salary.  Could I have done better in my career and progressed further (with appropriate pay increases)? I'm not so sure, as I didn't have the emotional maturity to deal with a wide range of people.  So, I consider it lucky that we didn't have kids, as I don't think I'd have been able to raise them on my own.

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At this time of year, I often look backwards and examine where I have been and how I could have done better in life.  Recently, I realized something from childhood that I don't like - I used to look for the simple, brute force solution for problems.  It took me many years to look for subtle solutions to more complex problems.  Too bad that I didn't have this kind of insight earlier in life.

Yet, as I said in earlier posts, I now try to take life one day at a time.  I am concerned about the chaos our next president may bring.  But it is not triggering paralyzing fear, as it is now doing in many on the left.  There is a clarity I have now that I wouldn't have had a decade ago.  Is it because I've gained some wisdom?  Or, am I taking advantage of depression, and living life without a guarantee of a brighter tomorrow?  Who knows?  This doesn't mean that I can't get worked up when thinking about the possible chaos.  It only means that I'm choosing to maintain a healthy emotional distance from the potential chaos and not getting sucked into intense feelings when not needed.

As a trans person, I am concerned about what will happen over the next few years.  But, having lost a spouse, I have a better perspective on life.  She needed to be with someone with a cooler head than she had, and I now need to stay cool while chaos is all around.  And as long as I can, I'll try to keep posting here while I have something to say about the world we live in.

I want to have my old phone as a backup, but....

 

My old phone is laying on a small table with the tools needed to repair it.  But should I do it myself?  That is the question.  I no longer have one of the tools I need to soften the adhesive holding the remainder of the back panel for removal.  And this is where my dilemma starts.

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Last Wednesday, RQS and I were watching a YouTube video about Lithium Battery issues in electronic devices.  And I took my phone out of its case for the first time in months, finding that my phone's battery was one that needed immediate replacement.  So, in order not to be without a phone for a few days, I decided to replace the phone and transfer all of my programs and data to the new phone on Black Friday.  

Black Friday came, and I purchased the phone.  Then the task of moving apps and data to the new phone started.  Although moving apps and data was easy, Google doesn't move passwords to new devices for some reason I don't know.  (It may have something to do with security on the phones, but I'll leave that to others to explain.)  I'm lucky that RQS and I have a good relationship, as others might have thought I was deliberately neglecting her to play with my phone.

Over the next few days, I got most of my apps up and running on the new phone, save that "enhancement" stats for one game weren't ported.  So, I ended up starting from scratch, albeit at a higher level of play. This was the least of my concerns.  What should I do with the old phone?  I feel I should repair it, replacing the two year old battery.  Could I do it myself?  

My next step was to order a new battery from Amazon.  But it wasn't a battery direct from the manufacturer.  When the battery came in a few days later, I was able to open the back of the phone a little more, then I paused.  I didn't want to ruin the phone, nor did I want anything but a genuine Motorola battery in the phone.  So I ordered what I should have ordered in the first place, and decided to wait before deciding to hand the phone over to a pro for this repair.

Why did I order the batteries myself?  Unlike Apple and Samsung products, few places keep Motorola replacement parts in stock - even though it is the #3 cell phone maker.  At least, with parts in hand, the phone can be repaired quickly.  When I told this to TCL, she had no clue as to why this could be an issue.  But then, she uses an Apple phone, and they always have parts in stock at the Apple store.  And I'd rather save money by buying phones that cost 50% to 66% less than their Apple equivalents.  So far, my approach has saved me money on phones, as I am able to get reasonably priced upgrades when I need them.

A Microsoft Windows update cost RQS $100. (A short post)

 

Many of us have had to deal with flawed Windows updates.  Sometimes, an update is so bad that it "Bricks" the computer, requiring the user to recover to the last applied backup.  In RQS's case, the update installed a bad driver which wouldn't let her use her computer.

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Several weeks ago, RQS complained that her computer wasn't booting properly.  She'd see the manufacturer's logo flashed, and then she'd get a black screen.  I couldn't fix it on my own, and I suggested that we bring the computer to the local repair shop in Croton.  One problem.  I spent a couple of weekends in a row that I'd be spending time in Queens, and that I wouldn't bring the computer to the shop on my own.

Since this past weekend (as I write this) was a long holiday weekend, we planned to drop the computer off on Friday.  Another problem - many places, such as my insurance broker and the computer store were closed for Thanksgiving weekend.  So we ended up dropping the computer off this morning, on my way to drop RQS off at the train station.

Less than 90 minutes later, RQS's computer was fixed.  The local fix-it guy did a good job. Her computer is up and running, and we'll pick it up this Friday.  Yay!

I now find that I try to avoid talk of politics (a short post)

 

I am still recovering from the November election.  In short, the Democrats didn't have a chance, as people have way too short memories of the chaos of the first Trump administration.  This means that I don't follow political news as closely as I once did, and I try to talk about other topics whenever possible.

Why do I mention this?

It's midnight, and RQS wanted to get information regarding who Trump's latest nominees are, and I wanted to discuss other things.  Although we didn't have an incident, I was uncomfortable for a minute or two.  And I was very glad that our conversation shifted into a more comfortable topic.

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On other matters....

I was too tired to get moving until 4 pm, when we decided to finally make our way outside for a pizza, and then go to the movies.  Although the pizza was very good (as usual), we couldn't say that about the movie - it was sold out in both of the theaters we went to.  At least, we got tickets for tomorrow's showing.

In short, today was mostly a nothing burger, and it was just as well.  Tomorrow, it will be Pedicures for two, followed by a trip back to the movie theater....

The day after, Or: The turkey didn't die in vain. He died for us.

 

After a night where our stomachs digested yesterday's feast, it was time to take care of errands.  Our goals for the day: (1) Bring RQS's computer to the repair shop for a battery replacement, (2) Get my car's windshield fixed, and (3) Buy a new cell phone (the old one's battery needs replacing).  Of these tasks, there is no order that they must be done.  But they must be done while I present as Mario.  AARGH!  

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As usual, I awakened before RQS and decided to take care of some things before going out to get the car windshield fixed.  Unfortunately, several things conspired to prevent us getting to Safelite on time.  First, RQS didn't get dressed soon enough to meet the built in margin I had with departure time to reach Mt. Kisco.  Second, Google Maps directed me to a non-extant address on the "wrong road" in Mt. Kisco.  (I copied the address of 379 N. Bedford Road, and it got corrected to 379 Bedford Road - a location far away from where we needed to be.  And lastly, the street numbering on North Bedford Road was out of sequence, as Shoprite's entry (333 North Bedford Road) came after the small driveway for Safelite while building construction got in the way of seeing Safelite's building from the road.  AARGH!

We proceeded to sit down while my windshield got repaired.  If one looks carefully, there is a spot that got damaged in the safety glass laminate that couldn't be fixed.  However, from either side of the glass, it looks like a spec of dirt.  When it came to paying for the work, I couldn't get them to charge my insurance company directly - I had booked everything with a cash payment.  So I knew I'd have to deal with my car's insurance company when I can reach my agent.

Our next stop was to Best Buy where I bought a new cell phone.  The battery on my old phone is dying, and I figured that it was time to replace it and move things to a new phone.  As I write this, I'm monitoring the process of porting everything over to the new phone.  There will be a few hiccups in the process.  But I expect to be up and running this evening.  Once the new phone is set up for phone calls, I will order a new battery for the old phone and prepare to take it to the shop to be installed.  I will then have a backup phone for emergency use.  Yay!

Unfortunately, when we got home, the computer repair shop was closed for the weekend, as was my insurance agent.  RQS and I will be dealing with this on Monday, when everyone is back at work.

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While I am by my computer, RQS is cooking the chicken breasts I bought for Thanksgiving dinner.  One of the four will be used for Chicken Salad sandwiches.  Another will be used for Chicken Linguini Alfredo. And the remaining two will go into the freezer for later use.  Upon opening the package, RQS remarked - these breasts are heavier than the turkey breast we had last night!  Somehow, I think I did right....