Even in retirement, I am still busy.

 

I originally had a very busy day scheduled for today.  First, I had to pick up a suit from the cleaners.  Then, I had to drive to Long Island to let the contractors in to replace a chimney liner, After that, I was supposed to drive to RQS's place to drop off the suit I'd be wearing on our upcoming cruise.  And, finally, I'd be driving hope to participate in a co-op board meeting.  If it weren't for the folk dealing with the chimney liner, I'd have spent the day in Marian mode.  Instead, it felt strange to be wearing trousers and not carrying a handbag.

But first....

After getting dressed, my plans had me picking up my suit at the dry cleaners.  I was there by 9 am, but no one showed up before I had to leave at 9:20.  Leaving around 9:20 would leave me enough slack time to compensate for the expected traffic jams I'd encounter on the way to Long Island.  And I needed every minute, so that I could get to the family homestead by 11 am.

Normally, after 9 am, southbound route 9a moves smoothly through Ossining.  Recently, NYS DOT crimped a 2 lane road to 1 lane just after the top of a long hill, causing traffic to back up for a mile.  There was no way I was going to get stuck in this jam, so I took back roads to bypass 95% of the snarl, and saved 15 minutes in the process.  Next, I encountered another traffic jam in another area which never backs up.  So, again, I took another highway south, avoiding the worst of this jam.  Finally, I made it to an East River bridge with 40 minutes to complete a 25 minute drive.  With a stop to pick up the day's lunch, I made it to the homestead by 11, where I waited for the chimney people to come.

At 11:30, the chimney people arrived, and they were gone by 12:30.  Not having a suit to bring to RQS's place, I decided to drive home for my next appointment - the co-op board meeting.  But first, I had to pick up my suit.  When I got to the cleaners, the lady behind the counter gave a lame excuse - she had to pick up (or deliver) something.  I wasn't going to get into an argument with this irresponsible lady.  Instead, I picked up my suit and vowed never to do business with this place again.  Instead, I'll go to one of the two other established places in town and be sure that I can pick up my clothes when I want/need to do so.

With a couple hours rest, I initiated the co-op board's zoom meeting.  We had some problems at first, and the applicant we expected had a hard time connecting with Zoom.  But eventually, we accomplished what we needed to do, and discussed board business that I can't report here.  Finally, at 8:30 pm, my day ended, and I could finally rest.

It's been quite a few years since I've been to this mall.

 

It's been quite a few years since I've been to this mall, and it will be even more until I go there again.  Most of the stores a subset of the high end outlets that cater to people with too much money to burn, and I have little interest in burning my money there.  Luckily, I tend to buy most of my clothing online, and can avoid the experience of this mall.

- - - - - -

When I moved to Northern Westchester county, there was a small local mall called "The Westchester Mall".  Although some stores were in an outdoor section of the mall, most people considered the indoor section to be "the" mall.. Alexanders (remember them?) was the lone anchor store, with several small stores in this section of the mall. When Alexanders shut down, so did the rest of the stores in the indoor section. About the only trace of the old mall that still exist is the unused indoor entrance to Alexanders, which now is unused by Mattress Firm. Walmart replaced Alexanders long ago, and another section of the property was developed for a bookstore, a supermarket, and a couple more big box stores.  As a result, the current complex no longer goes by the old name, leaving the mall in White Plains with the name on the sign in the above photo - they were very careful NOT to use someone else's mall name when developing the White Plains site.

Why is this so important?  To me, the lower and middle economic classes have much less money in real terms to live on than they did 40+ years ago.  The high upper middle class and the rich still have excess money to spend.  This may mean that malls that once catered to the lower and middle classes are dying out while malls that serve the upper classes will still survive. But what is the defining characteristic of stores in the upper class malls?  Service.  People with money need to feel pampered.  Money buys them comfort.  Once one reaches a certain level of wealth, one often wants to be attended to.  One doesn't want to manage the little things that take up a large part of other's lives/

Luxury is essential to the wealthy.  They can buy anything they want.  And that includes being pampered, having every desire met - even before it is desired.  Exclusivity is associated with luxury.  We see that in modern cruise ships, where people with money to burn are able to buy the "Ship within a ship" experience.  Although I have had small tastes of this kind of luxury, I am solidly in the middle class.  Yet, I wouldn't mind burning some money for this kind of experience - as long as it is a one time experience.  It would be nice to be able to get another taste of true luxury while I'm able to enjoy it. 

PS: One thing I noticed while in the mall was a sign at the Eileen Fisher store that noted that they support all people who want to wear their clothes.  Even though most of their clothing is way out of reach for me, I plan to buy things from their "Renew" store once I am in a size where their clothing fits me.

 

Lunch with a friend, then more cruise packing. (a short post)

 

I've always been a fan of Bugs Bunny cartoons.  The "Waskelly Wabbit" (as Elmer Fudd would call him) was one of the few well developed characters from the age of animated shorts, a character who would almost always triumph over adversity.  Today, I had lunch with a friend who is overcoming adversity in her life, and whom I feel certain with most challenges she may encounter.

Unlike past lunches, we picked up sandwiches at the local deli and went to a local park to eat them.  And there we caught up on what was going on in each other's lives, including all of the stresses we had to deal with.  She mentioned family issues, some of which involve her son being away at school, her husband's health, and an in-law family who doesn't want to understand what she has to deal with.  And later, we got to talking about my transgender nature in passing.  I noted that I always preferred the female role in life, the nature of women's social connections, and that my genitals weren't as important to me as much as the role I would play in life.  What I didn't say is that I would likely not have been married had I been a cisgender female, as I am too independent to be in a relationship only for sex (no matter what my orientation would have been.)

All too soon, lunch had to end, and I had to return home to pack.  Cinderella's slipper had fallen off, and it likely won't be found until Thursday.

 

 

Retirement can be the life of some people and the death of others

 

A little under 11 years ago, I was laid off by the bank I worked at for 30 years.  Before this happened, I was in total fear of what would happen next.  Today, I think of this as a great blessing.  Before being laid off, I was worried about what would happen if word of Marian got back to the bank.  Afterwards, I felt free to explore this part of myself and grow as a person.

Being retired has given me the freedom to be my authentic self.  I have traveled as Marian, and I have grown because I've done so.  When my legal identity is not revealed, I am able to call myself Marian, and people accept me as such.  I've found that people accept me more as Marian, in part, because I am more open as my authentic self.  Yes, some people clock me as transgender.  But I am usually treated with respect, as I live in a state which expects that people like me will be treated with respect.

At first, being retired meant that I had an excess of free time.  But this only meant that the ways I use my time and energy would change.  Now, I find that it takes me longer to get many things done, but I am much more relaxed in doing so. My time is no longer ruled by the clock and calendar, instead, it is managed by them.  There will always be events that take place on fixed times and days (such as going to church services), but most tasks can be done at my convenience.  If being employed is like classical music with fixed structures and tempos, then retirement is like jazz, where one has freedom to improvise around a known theme.

But this freedom isn't good for all people.  My former therapist was an alcoholic in recovery who always seemed in control of his life.  The structures he built in sobriety (exercise routines, AA meetings, and client appointments) weren't there in retirement.  As soon as he left his practice in White Plains for retirement in Honolulu, his life fell apart.  Within 5 years, his son was in danger of repeating his father's life, he had divorced his wife, and he finally passed away.  It is no secret that a large number of men tend to die within 3 years of retirement - employment gave these men a structure needed to live as long as they did.

So what do I recommend for people, especially men, for whom retirement is in the near future?  To be direct - social engagement in late middle age is hard for most men, and it is much harder for them to connect with others and befriend them.  This is where women tend to have it much easier - their lives are built around the social glue that keeps society together.  Who tends to take care of babies?  Women.  Who tends to take care of household responsibilities other than physical upkeep of property - Women.  Who tends to dominate the nurturing jobs in society, such as Nurses and Teachers?  Women.  And to do this, they tend to build up networks that most men wish they could do.  When a woman approaches another person (especially other women), sexuality is not part of the equation.  Only when she deliberately sends out signals of interest does sex come in to play.  Men tend to be much more isolated, as their connections are usually built around their careers and not about their families' connections with other families.

For us transgenders, we send out more awkward messages - especially when we first come out.  What women learn over a lifetime of being female, we have to learn in  a crash course in femininity.  So, finding new friends is much harder for us than for cisgender people.  I am lucky that I was laid off from the bank when I was 57, and had time to develop myself into a person ready for full retirement.  Yes, making new friends is still awkward for me.  Yet, at least, I have done so.....  

 

What does anger and hatred get us?

I read the following in a Facebook post the other day, and it is just as valid now as when it was originally posted:

Feminist News

The question was posed, "Why do people continue supporting Trump no matter what he does?" A lady named Bev answered it this way:

“You all don't get it. I live in Trump country, in the Ozarks in southern Missouri, one of the last places where the KKK still has a relatively strong established presence. They don't give a shit what he does. He's just something to rally around and hate liberals, that's it, period. He absolutely realizes that and plays it up. They love it. He knows they love it. The fact that people act like it's anything other than that proves to them that liberals are idiots, all the more reason for high fives all around.

If you keep getting caught up in "why do they not realize this problem" and "how can they still back Trump after this scandal," then you do not understand what the underlying motivating factor of his support is. It's fuck liberals, that's pretty much it.

Have you noticed he can do pretty much anything imaginable, and they'll explain some way that rationalizes it that makes zero logical sense? Because they're not even keeping track of any coherent narrative, it's irrelevant. Fuck liberals is the only relevant thing.

Trust me; I know firsthand what I'm talking about.

That's why they just laugh at it all because you all don't even realize they truly don't give a fuck about whatever the conversation is about. It's just a side mission story that doesn't matter anyway. That's all just trivial details - the economy, health care, whatever.

Fuck liberals.

Look at the issue with not wearing the masks. I can tell you what that's about. It's about exposing fear. They're playing chicken with nature, and whoever flinches just moved down their internal pecking order, one step closer to being a liberal.
You've got to understand the one core value that they hold above all others is hatred for what they consider weakness because that's what they believe strength is, hatred of weakness. And I mean passionate, sadistic hatred. And I'm not exaggerating. Believe me. Sadistic, passionate hatred, and that's what proves they're strong, their passionate hatred for weakness. Sometimes they will lump vulnerability in with weakness. They do that because people tend to start humbling themselves when they're in some compromising or overwhelming circumstance, and to them, that's an obvious sign of weakness.

Kindness = weakness. Honesty = weakness. Compromise = weakness.

They consider their very existence to be superior in every way to anyone who doesn't hate weakness as much as they do. They consider liberals to be weak people that are inferior, almost a different species, and the fact that liberals are so weak is why they have to unite in large numbers, which they find disgusting, but it's that disgust that is a true expression of their natural superiority.

Go ahead and try to have a logical, rational conversation with them. Just keep in mind what I said here and be forewarned.”

So, what does this mean for the rest of us?  Do we give in to our hatred and anger and become just like these losers?  Or, do we find ways of disconnecting ourselves from them in all ways and let them stew by themselves in their own anger?  I feel sorry for these cult members, but I won't forgive them.  They have choices they can make, and they keep making bad ones.  The best I can do is to put myself in positions where they can do as little harm to me as possible, for as long as possible.  But what do I suggest for civilized people as a whole?

I suggest total disengagement.  Advocate policies that protect our communities from their hatred, even if it hurts them in the long run.  Let them destroy their states as long as we can protect ourselves from them and their politicians.  Boycott their states, as the Canadians are boycotting America.  If it's easy to avoid doing business with firms such as Hobby Lobby and Chick Fil A, do so.  But this will not always be possible.  Many of the biggest firms are managed by people who benefit from targeting the weakest in our society.  So do business with them as little as possible.  

Right now, I have friends in Texas who I will not visit until their state recovers its sanity.  Since that isn't happening soon, all I can do is meet with them over a Zoom link.  It's not good, but it's better than visiting them as an unauthentic self to avoid persecution in that state.

 

 

Easter Sunday - A look backwards. (A short post)

 

By the time you read this, Easter should be a memory.  Yet, I find important to note that RQS and I both got dressed in our nice dresses and attended church for a change.  What I found interesting is how things have changed since we were children decades ago.  Men and women would put on their Sunday finest, and wear many of the same clothes that they could be decked out in before they were buried.  Today, people are much more informal, and we saw quite a few people wearing jeans in the church.

Is this bad?

Not really.  As much as I like getting dressed up for social functions, I appreciate the informality of the current age. We are much more socially relaxed now than in the 1950's when we were born.  (Politics is just as divisive, save that society is much more polarized today.  Who'd have dreamed that the Orange Snowflake would normalize hatred, anger, and nihilism among members of his cult and hijack one of the two political parties in the USA?  But I digress.)  When I watch videos of old game shows, I often see women in evening gowns and men in "dinner suits" (Tuxedos) as panelists for shows such as "I've got a secret" and What's my line?"  Today, with the exception of summer casual wear, it's uncommon to find women wearing dresses or skirts.  We have become a much more equal society than the one we were born into.

There are many among us who'd return us to the 1950's and the "Red Scare" era.  People would blacklist others, keeping them from gainful employment if they didn't toe the party line and hate communism with a passion.  Any defense of people holding contrary views were to be shunned.  Over time, we saw that the Red Scare was way overblown. Many lives were ruined because of our national fear.  Yet, we overcame that fear and moved forward to our current era where people again have lost faith in our institutions and civil norms.  We have overcome our fears before as a society and will do so again.

The message of Easter is a message of redemption and of life.  Let's hope we can remember it while we struggle to go about our daily lives.

I've been entering my cruises into The Cruise Globe, and some interesting things show up.

 

Lately, I've been entering information from my prior cruises into The Cruise Globe, and it has been mapping each of my cruises as I enter them.  Not all of my cruises have been entered yet, and I am doing the research to fill the rest of them in.

Why am I mentioning this?

The bulk of my cruises have been out of New York: NCL out of the Manhattan Cruise Terminal, Princess and MSC out of the Brooklyn Cruise Terminal.  My other cruises have been out of San Francisco, Los Angeles, Honolulu, Fort Lauderdale, and Southampton, England.  Some of these cruises have been with a travel partner, and others have been as a solo.  Some of these cruises have been as Mario and others as Marian. And on each of these cruises, I learn a little more about myself and the world as a whole.

- - - - - -

Some cruise ships, like NCL's Pride of America, act as floating hotels that take people from port to port for their sightseeing.  Others, like many Royal Caribbean ships, are resorts in themselves.  Most cruise ships are somewhere in the middle.  Yet, cruising is not for everyone.  If one wants to visit a city and get to know it well, cruising is not the way to do this.  But if one wants to sample several places in one vacation trip without having to unpack, then cruising might be the vacation for you.

Entering data into the Cruise Globe triggered memories of how I was treated as a transgender person on some of the trips.  Occasionally, I was addressed by my dreaded masculine name, which put me in an awkward situation at times.  Other times, I was treated properly for a woman of my age.  Sometimes, I was reminded how I slipped into my masculine voice in the early days of traveling as Marian.  Each entry brings up some memory from the associated cruise, some good, some bad, and some embarrassing. What I found most interesting was that I have spent almost 6 months on cruise ships since I lost my wife to cancer.

- - - - - -

Soon, I'll be going on another cruise and reporting on it here.  Hopefully, I will continue to learn more new things while revisiting places I've been to before.

Today, I presented both as Mario and as Marian.

 

I could easily blow a wad on Universal Standard dresses, as there are two on sale that I wouldn't mind buying.  With a 25% off code that will expire at midnight, I can only justify buying one of these dresses (sadly, not the one above in that color).  Instead, it will likely be a linen dress which is perfect for the upcoming summer.

But why do I mention dresses?

Well, today's schedule had me present as Mario when I went to the doctor, and as Marian when I meet with MAR for dinner.  And I'm almost always in a dress when I meet up with her for dinner.

- - - - - -

First, it was a visit to my doctor.  I know that he'll hector me about my weight, but I go there because I know that my health needs to be monitored, so that things don't get worse for me in this area.  My appointment was set for 10:30, and I didn't see the doctor until 11:15 (an intern did check my blood pressure around 11.)  By the time I was done with the doctor, I was hungry and craving a sausage and egg breakfast sandwich.  So, I ate some food, then dropped my suit off at the cleaners before going home for a couple of hours.

I rested at home for a while, and then changed into Marian before meeting MAR for dinner.  Although we agreed to meet at 5:30, she was there around 5.  So, I said to get a table, as I could be there in a few minutes.  Once there, we caught each other up on what has been happening in our lives. Both of us showed each other some of the clothes we were thinking of buying for ourselves.  MAR was a little envious of me and my travels, and suggested that she'd like to join me on one of my cruises.  Well, that won't happen for many reasons, one of them is that I'd have to reveal I am transgender.

After dinner, I dropped my leftovers at my apartment, then drove to Stew Leonard's to buy some breakfast sausage patties.  One problem - they were nowhere to be found, as the store was arranged to supply patrons for their Easter dinner needs.  Yet, I found a lot of things I needed for this weekend's dinners with RQS.

On the whole, it was a busy but not hectic day.  Next week, I expect things to get hectic on the run up to my upcoming cruise.

 

A free day before a lot of activity

 

Tomorrow, I will be dealing with a Doctor's appointment as Mario, and then a Dinner engagement as Marian.  So, it will be one of those "half and half" days where I have to change my presentation in mid day.  This is part of why I did nothing much today other than to pay a bill or two, and to do some more laundry.

But first....

I woke up after a good sleep.  How did I know it was a good sleep?  Well, I rarely dream, and I had a vivid dream during the night that has since faded from memory (like most dreams do).  Once I was fully conscious, I warmed up some frozen quiche from Trader Joe's (Meh!) and sat down to fold some of last night's laundry.  Even though the sock monster ate two of my ankle socks, I have more than enough to spare.

Next on the docket was paying some bills.  Although my car insurance went up, I was glad to get this payment out of the way, as I expect even more bills to come up before the end of the month, as well as a funds transfer to pay for work being done on the family homestead.  AARGH!  Yet, one good thing came of this - I found out why credit card payments to one account weren't being processed.  It seems like the partner bank for one of my cards had changed, along with both account number and lockbox addresses. So I updated this information, and I hope that next month all will be OK.

Finally, I got around to doing my laundry.  Two loads washed and dried, but not yet folded.  I will need to do this before the weekend, as I have to bring a packed suitcase along with me as I drive RQS home after the upcoming weekend.  This way, when I go there by train, I'll have my carry-on, my CPAP machine, and maybe my backpack.

- - - - - -

One item of mote: Today, I read a report where US Customs detained a US Citizen and his wife at the Canadian border, and made him surrender his cell phone - even after he noted that he was an attorney, and had sensitive information on it.  Even bright red congressional districts have had enough of this crap and are complaining.  The US Citizen and his wife were eventually released, but what does this say about the heavy handed treatment that ICE is showing people of all nationalities, including our own?

Given that I will be out of the US at least 3 times in the next 6 months, I wonder what will happen to me, as I am openly against this administration's actions.  Will they subject me to the same headaches as this citizen experienced?  Yes, I'll be traveling as a cisgender white male, and not the transgender woman I am.  But how long will it be possible for me to deal with being in stealth mode, and when will they start hunting us down, like the Nazis did in the 1930's?

 

 

I could've taken care of some paperwork, but I decided on just lunch.

 

As you already know, I've been in the process of getting my paperwork ready to be filed, so that I can have a second passport.  Given what's been going on in this country lately, I will eventually finish the application process and get this task completed.  However, I don't want to deal with complications imposed by our electronic security state when I travel overseas and use this passport.  With this being said, I want to make sure that I know how and when to use (and refer to) the second passport when traveling to the destination country from the USA.

Things are starting to get bad in the USA, as this administration is notoriously sloppy in the way it does things.  It has deported legal aliens without notice, sending some to Salvadoran prisons on the claim that they are part of a criminal gang.  In one case, a judge banned the deportation, but the person was deported anyway - an attempt by this administration to take power away from both the legislative and judicial branches of the government.  As a result, I feel that I must soon make the effort to get this second passport while I can, and keep it in reserve for when I may need to use it.  (As I've said before, it's time to get those "Letters of Transit" ready.)

- - - - - -

I drove to Cold Spring and met Maria there.  Buying her lunch today was my way of saying thanks for all the times we got together, so that she could notarize something for me. We talked about current events, even though she is a Republican (aargh!) who hasn't written the Orange Snowflake off yet.  Yet, she didn't push back when I described the fellow in Maryland who was deported in error, and is being illegally kept in an El Salvadoran prison.  (I think more of her attitude has been influenced by the media she has consumed, combined with the problems caused by the left with them not living in the real world.  But I digress.  We then talked about trans issues, her not realizing what the snowflake's attacks on Trans medical treatment (puberty blockers and psychiatric therapy) for minors could cause, as well as issues regarding legal identification documents such as birth certificate, drivers license, and passport not reflecting the trans person's identified gender.  Finally, we got to talk about family issues, and she told me about what's going on with her daughter and grandchildren.  (I'm glad I'm not living her life.) I didn't know that her father passed away, and her siblings didn't even have the courtesy of telling her. (Shades of a story which happened to one trans person I know.)

Once done with lunch, I drove up to Poughkeepsie to browse the wares at Lane Bryant.  Sadly, I couldn't find what I wanted in stock, and will need to order it online sometime in the near future.  On the way home, RQS called to tell me about problems with the tax lady.  It seems like the tax lady didn't e-file the return like she was supposed to do.  Hopefully, after a couple of blistering phone calls that this problem has been resolved.  If RQS owes any fines, I said that the tax lady should pay them for her lack of attention to her work.  I'm glad that my taxes are over and done with for the year....

 

Lots of little things, but nohing big for me.

 

Soon, I'll be going on a Bermuda cruise.  And things are backing up in the queue of last minute items to check on my to-do list.  Although I have set up my Hold Mail request, I still need to pack, take care of my medications, and get all needed bills paid before I go away for a few days.

- - - - - -

Today, I took RQS's lead and donated some books to the local library for resale.  I wasn't going to tell RQS this, but I was using this batch of books as an excuse to visit the store and chat with one woman I meet at a recent meetup.  Since I have more than enough books to donate, I can always make another visit in the future.

I have another visit to make to the family homestead to deal with contractors entering the building.  This time, I have to be there while a chimney liner is installed, and possibly be there to let the plumbers in the following day for gas pipe replacement.  The chimney liner replacement has been scheduled, but telephone tag has prevented me from scheduling the gas pipe replacement.  But with expenses like these coming down the pike, both my brother and I will need to put more money into the house than we'd want to do right now.

Hopefully, the second co-op board meeting of the month will go well.  Our finances are still up in the air, and we have issued a new assessment to cover our shortage for the forced insurance coverage contracted for by the bank last year. Although the notice hasn't gone out at the time I'm writing this entry, I know people will be upset as soon as they receive notice of the assessment.

Before I go on my cruise, I have to pack my bags for the trip.  Given that I have 4 bags of laundry to do, I expect that I will spend the better part of one day washing, drying, and folding laundry.  I've been very lazy about this task lately, but I will do it before the coming weekend.  At least I have more than enough clothes to get by until my laundry is done.

Bill paying is a task I do several times each month.  I need to make sure that all of my important bills are paid off, including this year's car insurance bill, which has gone up by $75 for this 6-month period.  This makes me glad that I took a distribution from my 401-K last year. 

As I said, lots of little things, but nothing that big....

 

A second visit to Chazz Palmentieri's restaurant (a short post)

 

Last week, I went to Chazz Palmenteri's restaurant in White Plains, NY and said that I wanted to go back there again with RQS.  Today, I had the chance to do so.

The day started with us getting up slowly.  This was going to be a day spent as Marian, so I made the appropriate plans which allowed me the time to shave, shower, get fully made up, and dressed for a lunch at a nice restaurant.  Neither of us wanted to go out in a drizzling rain, but we had 1 pm reservations made late the previous evening.  So, out the door we went, and we arrived at the nearby parking lot around 1:05.

Walking from the public parking lot to the restaurant in a drizzle was annoying at best, especially when part of the sidewalk was closed for construction.  But being at the restaurant made the getting there all worthwhile.  We sat down, and the waiter mentioned that it was nice to see us again.  (Did he remember me, or was this a way to give a polite warm welcome?)  I ordered my drink, then we ordered our meals - Calamari, Chicken Parmigiana, and Cheesecake for me; Salad, Chicken Francese, and Ice Cream for her.  Both of us loved our meals.  We will be there again soon for sure.

We walked back to the car and went home for the day.  It wasn't the kind of day that either of us wanted to go out again.  And we didn't....

 

 

 

A dress came in with UPS delivery today.

 

The other day, RQS and I bought identical dresses (in our sizes) from Lands End.  It is described online as a High Impact Crew Neck Active Dress with the following blurb:

When your clothes have built-in performance features like UPF 50 sun protection, moisture-wicking and stretch, you’ll be ready for every activity. Built-in shorts with pockets give you added functionality, and the zippered back makes it effortless to put on and take off at the end of the day. Sport, yet chic, this dress is made to move with you and gives you the flexibility you need in your day – go from court to café without having to change your outfit.

Both RQS and I figured we'd take a chance on this dress, even though it would require that we zip (and unzip) this dress every time we wear it.  Given that I already have 3 exercise dresses and 3 unitards, I thought twice about buying the dress.  Given its style, I could wear it for occasions other than exercise, as long as I can get in and out of the dress without help.

When I got home, I saw that UPS had delivered the dress a day early, and I had to try it on. It fit acceptably well, but I'll have a hard time with the zipper if I don't place it perfectly before stepping in to the dress.  Yet, I think I'll be wearing it for times other than for exercise - it looks that nice.  RQS ordered the dress in both green and black, and had one comment - the black dress looks like one of many little black dresses she could wear.  (I wonder now whether I should have ordered the black dress as well.)  Neither of us intends to return our dresses.  And it will be interesting to see if we both wear the same dress one day when we go out for our walks.

 

 

 

Steak dinner with Vicki

 

Vicki and I scheduled a second Restaurant Week dinner at Benjamin Steakhouse in White Plains.  Neither of us had been here before, and we wanted to have a good meal to make up for last week's disappointment at Saint George. So, I took out one of my unworn Universal Standard dresses, and dressed up a little for the evening.  (Too bad I didn't take a selfie - the dress looked quite nice on me.)

- - - - - -

It was my turn to pick Vicki up at her place.  So, I drove to her place around 5:30 and waited a few minutes for her to come out of her house.  On the way down to the restaurant, we talked about my brother, his upcoming trip, and the family homestead.  It was a pleasant chat, but Vicki got in the way of my driving by suggesting where I should turn (or not turn) when near the steakhouse.  This was not a big deal.  But it shows in a subtle way a hidden side of her personality - her intelligence can be a weapon if she wants to use it that way.  Luckily, I knew enough about the area to get us to the place on time and to hand my keys to the valet for parking.

We entered the place and were quickly shown to our table around 6:30. Within a few minutes both our drink orders and dinner orders were taken. Shortly afterward, our starters were delivered - a wedge salad for her and lobster bisque for me. Both were very good. Vicki commented on the atmosphere of the place, loving almost everything except for the reflected sounds which made it hard to speak.  Once done with our main courses came - Filet Mignon for her and NY Strip for me. Again, both were very good.  So far, this place succeeded in both the quality of the food and in service. When we finished our mains, the waiter came over to take our dessert orders - chocolate cake for Vicki and cheesecake for me. Both were very good, and on a par with the rest of our meals.  This will be a place we go back to again when restaurant week comes again, or for special occasions.  

On the way home, Vicki talked about the medical problems her dog is having.  For a 3 year old, he has gotten quite expensive.  But like most fur parents, Vicki loves her dogs and will do almost anything for them.  As for me, I am done with raising fur babies, as I love being able to travel at will - money permitting.

 

Mexican lunch and a new Bra

 

I had only one thing on the docket today, and that was lunch with CCS, my friend from the US Census.  Around noon, I made sure to get shaved, showered, made up and dressed for a 1:30 lunch.

- - - - - - 

CCS and I aren't that close.  We're not the types who need to be at each other's beck and call.  Instead, we are the type of friends who can keep each other up to date on what's going on in each other's lives, and be there for each other when we need a small favor from each other.  So a friendship built on workplace camaraderie has evolved into something that nourishes us years after our involvement in the census.

When we got together, we talked of several things - current affairs, her upcoming trip to Atlantic City, my life with RQS and our upcoming trips, and issues one faces when one holds dual citizenship in the US and another country and wants to travel.  I learned how I'll be dealing with passport issues once I have my second passport.

Once we finished lunch, I took a long, overland route to Lane Bryant in Paramus to see what is in the store.  Nothing I would have liked was selling at a price I wanted to pay.  About the only thing I wanted was a new bra, and they were on sale.  Even more interesting, they actually had my size in store stock for a change.  So I bought the bra in the above picture.  Just before I left, there was another woman in the store who was shopping for a bra in her size - 38-I.  I can't imagine having breasts that large on my chest. The saleslady was trying to tell her to try on both the 38-I and the 40-H sizes, as sometimes a "sister size" bra will work better on some frames.  (I wasn't going to get involved in this conversation, as I've already had to deal with sister sizing when buying my bras.)

Soon, I was on my way home, and dealing with rush hour traffic.  Luckily, I got home in a little over an hour, and was able to relax for the rest of the evening.

A Co-Op shareholder meeting - I couldn't wait for it to end.

 

Well, this was another day that I couldn't spend any time as Marian.  By now, the look on my face probably mirrors the look on the picture above.  OK, it's not that weird, but I feel that way after the weekend I've had.

- - - - - -

Around 3:30 pm, I finally got around to doing 2 loads of laundry while I got showered and dressed for the 6 pm board meeting.  By 5:30, I was out the door and off to the shareholder meeting.  We have had a problem for the past several shareholder meetings - not enough people attending for us to have a quorum. And this year wouldn't be different.

At 7:45, our attorney called the meeting to order.  He noted that we didn't have a quorum, and that the old board would continue for another term.  And then, the "fun" began.  Due to financial problems we encountered last year and that we are working to resolve, we have a shortfall for which we will need to make an assessment of all shareholders to cover this shortage.  Understandably, people were upset.  They were even more upset that our bank hasn't been able to give us final totals for us to work with.  So, we are going with our attorney's estimate for what we will need to pay, and we then gave an estimate of what we expect to ding our shareholders to make things whole again.

The meeting ended at 8:30, and I was able to make it to the diner for a chef salad before they closed for the evening.  It was nice to go there again, as it is a place I only go when presenting as Mario.  Yes, I ended up eating too much today, but I'll watch my diet tomorrow.

 

Replacing the water heater was the reason for another drive to Long Island.

 

Before plumbing work

After plumbing work

As I mentioned yesterday, I couldn't park near RQS's house, and I had to drive back to Croton to stay the night.  So, today, I had to drive back to Long Island to let the plumber into the family homestead to replace the water heater.  This meant that I would have to get up early and spend 90 minutes driving to Long Island instead of finding somewhere to kill 2 1/2 hours before the plumber arrived.  Since I'd be in a position where Mario would be expected, this took away another chance to spend a day as Marian.

- - - - - - 

Rushing to be on time, I got showered, dressed, and was out of the house by 10:15.  What happens when one rushes?  One forgets to take one's morning pills.  This would make it the second day in a row that I forgot to take some of my medicines.  So I know to double check this before I leave in the morning and when I come back at night.  But I digress.  Something must be going on with Android Auto updates, as I couldn't get a clean connection between my car's head unit and my phone.  Twice on the way to the family homestead, I decided to reboot the phone, reestablish Bluetooth connectivity, but to no avail.  Figuring things out would have to wait until I was ready to go home.

Arriving at the house a little bit before noon, I had to double check to see whether the plumbers were coming.  They were a few minutes late, but got to work quickly.  About 3 1/2 hours later, the new water heater was installed and the gas lines tested for leaks.  (Sadly, we may need to run new gas lines within the house, as replacement will likely be cheaper than repairs.  Ouch!)  And then, it was all over for the day.  So, I fought rush hour traffic on the way home, and arrived at my apartment around 5:15 or so - and proceeded to rest for the evening.

- - - - - -

Given that we will need to have more work done in the house, I will need to coordinate a day which works with my schedule, RQS's schedule, and the plumber's schedule for the next visit.  Since the day would begin around 8:30, I'd have to stay over RQS's place the night before, so that I don't have to fight bridge traffic that morning.  Hopefully, this can be done before my next trip.  If not, it will be done afterwards. 

 

 

PS: My brother told me that the additional plumbing work will cost an extra $4,000. This means that we will not add a half-bath to the house.  Instead, we will either again rent out the house or sell it at today's high prices.

An overly short weekend (and a short post)

 

Yes, I know that this is not 2016.  But I wanted to illustrate that this past weekend was way too short for me.  Only being able to be with RQS on Friday night and Saturday wasn't good enough for me.  At least, I was able to get back to her for dinner on Sunday before going home for the night.

But first....

I had agreed to help my brother with power washing the foundation walls again at the family homestead, as the concrete he used for patching the interior wall was faulty and didn't hold up.  So I told RQS that we'd have a short weekend.  Strangely enough, we didn't do much of anything other than rest.  That was good enough for me, as I'd be working much of the afternoon on Sunday.

Sunday eventually came, and I had to give up a good parking spot in RQS's neighborhood to meet my brother.  After an aborted visit to Mickey D's due to their order kiosks not working for me, we went to the local Burger King - where the touch pads worked.  (Note to me: Do not let one's anger out at the crappy Mickey D's order kiosk - they force their franchisees to buy shitty hardware which annoys both the customer and the franchisee.  Note to reader: If you want to know if a McD's soft serve is working at a particular site, use the mcbroken.com site.)

Once done with our burgers, it was off to the family homestead for 3 hours of work.  This time, the power washing and new concrete seem to do the job.  My brother will apply a skim coat during the week, and will hopefully apply paint after he comes back from a quick trip to the back woods of Appalachia.

Quitting time came, and my brother was off to his wife, and I was off to RQS.  Although I could find a parking spot or two, I could not find one that would let me sleep late in the morning.  So I found a space nearby the house, and went upstairs for dinner.  All too soon, I had to leave, and I had an easy drive home until I hit the draw bridge on the Hutchinson River Parkway.  I lost 30 minutes in that jam.  And yet, even with a shopping trip at Walmart and the Supermarket, I was home shortly after 10 pm.  

Unfortunately, I'll have to go back to Long Island in the morning for the plumber, and then finally go home.  At least, I can see the day where I can again go out as Marian....

Lunch with another Vicki - transgender issues were the theme of the day

 

Unlike yesterday's dinner with Vicki #1 (Tall Vicki), today's lunch was with Vicki #2 (Short Vicki)..  It's hard to keep my Vickis straight without a scorecard.  With that being said, we went to Chazz Palmenteri's restaurant in White Plains for a Restaurant Week meal.

Vicki ended up shoehorning me into her schedule, as unplanned things got in her way.  First, her 21-y/o TG offspring had to be picked up from college, as they had a power outage and were operating remotely for the day.  Since he had no power at school, he couldn't attend a virtual class without power and the internet.  So she ended up driving up to Purchase, back to Dobbs Ferry, and back to White plains to meet me.  While at lunch, she described the issues going on with her wife (who is transgender, and whose issues I won't mention here), as well as the vacation they plan to take next month.  All too soon, we had to go.  She had to take her offspring back to campus, reversing her morning's drives.

As for me, I took a long drive to stay out of the house.  I could have gone to Queens for a TG voice session at the LGBT center there, but I didn't want to risk getting caught in the rain.  So, I stayed home and rested. 

Zooming with my niece & Dinner with Vicki

 

My niece and I try to chat with each other via Zoom, as we live in separate time zones, separate nations, and separate continents.  She, like me, is wary of what is happening in the USA, and is worried about what will happen when she and her husband visit the US this month to see her brother compete in a sporting event.  So today's chat had American politics as a dominant theme, instead of what we prefer talking about.  

To deal with her visit to the US, she has deleted virtually all of her emails which reference US politics, as well as removing any social media from her phone.  She isn't too worried about her husband's phone, as he doesn't use social media.  However, she is concerned about him, simply because of the current xenophobic attitude of the regime currently in power.  

I discussed the conversation I had with her dad regarding how he treats her mom, as well as the conversation her mom had with me.  But I did not go into details, as I didn't want to make her a middle person.  However, I suggested that she keep tabs on her dad, as he is going through a lot of stress these days.  She is also being careful not to be caught in the middle of her dad and mom, as no one wins in these situations.

Hopefully, she and her hubby will have a pleasant visit to the US. 

- - - - - -

A few hours later, Vicki picked me up to go to eat at one of the Hudson Valley Restaurant Week (HVRW) restaurants.  Coordinating our schedules isn't always easy.  But now that she's semi-retired (she'll work if a good job comes her way), she has much more freedom to schedule things like HVRW dinners than in the past.

Today, we went to a new restaurant, Saint George, in Hastings.  I wanted to love this place, as it had the ambience and service that I would normally rave about.  However, the Beef Bourguignon left a lot to be desired, as it was presented as if it were a Shepard's Pie - and tasted the same.  This was not the French dish I was expecting.  And it caused both Vicki and I to give the place a "Thumbs  Down".  Maybe, if one of us had ordered something different, we'd have had a different opinion of the place.  But for now, we'll skip this place and go to other places in the area.

 

 

PS: We may be seeing Martin Sexton in June.  I wonder whether she will like his cover of the Beatles' Abbey Road album. (Unlike me, she is not a Beatles' fan.  I wish I could have been in Vegas to see Cheap Trick cover the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper album about 20 years ago.  It was a better performance than I expect Martin Sexton's performance will be.)