I hate it when a good product leaves the shelves

 

This is the brand of makeup cleaning wipes I will soon be using.  It's not because I want to use their product.  Instead, it's because Walmart is no longer carrying their store brand equivalent to this product.

Unlike many people, I tend to buy my beauty supplies in batches large enough to last at least a couple of months or more.  In the case of my beard cover and contouring makeup, I tend to buy a year's supply from a theatrical supply house.  Given the pandemic, I should place a new order soon, now that I have a job.  They probably need the business.  But I digress.

One of the problems many TG's have with makeup is its removal.  Many of us still have to deal with beard stubble at the end of the day, and I am no exception.  Using baby wipes is a great option for cisgender women, as they have no stubble to deal with.  But that's not a great option for us, as these wipes tend to break down when they encounter the least amount of stubble.  However, the stronger material used in exfoliating wipes seems to do the trick for me, and I find that the extra cost involved in buying these wipes is made up for by using less wipes to get my face clean.

Recently, I decided to look up Walmart's store brand to see if these wipes were still available. And only one store had them in stock - behind a display counter that is normally locked. Since they were not on a convenient shelf display, people overlooked 6 packages of these (probably) discontinued wipes.  Guess who snapped them up on her way to see a friend?

I figure that each package has 60 wipes.  6 packages contain 360 wipes.  Used wisely, this is almost a full year's supply.  If Walmart resumes selling these wipes, I will buy them when they are on the shelves.  If not, I'll buy the Simple brand found at the top of the page - and pay twice as much as I've been paying for Walmart's wipes.  Or, I might just buy a few more cloth face cloths and use them with a good facial cleanser as I once did when first presenting as a female.

 

 

 

 

 

Struts!

 

I'm glad that I can still go to the auto shop in male mode.  Women still get talked down to when dealing with automobile issues, and I can't blame some men for doing so.  Women have been discouraged from taking an interest in mechanical things, and many get confused when the simplest of mechanical issues are explained to them.  As for me, I admit that I take care of male privilege when I can. But as long as I live on both sides of the gender line, I'll take advantage of this privilege as long as I can do so.

- - - - - -

Waking up at 6 am doesn't come easy to me most days. Yet, I've been waking up early for work when I'd rather be awakened by my alarm.  Today, when the alarm was set for 8 am, I was awake 2 hours earlier.  Yet, I still didn't get to Mavis until a smidgen after 11 for an oil change and tire rotation.  

Having asked the mechanic to look at my brakes while rotating the tires, I expected to get hit by a "big" bill.  I didn't expect that I would need to plan for two big bills.  Although my rotors are still good, they will likely need to be replaced when I next replace the brake pads.  The more important problem was the front struts. The struts were original equipment, and were starting to fail.  So I OK'd their replacement.  About 2 hours and $850 later, I was out the door and ready to go home for an hour's rest before driving to see FH.

- - - - - -

While at Mavis, I got to thinking: How much further along this road do I want to travel?  I've lost a girlfriend because of being TG, and she (directly or indirectly) got me blackballed from at least one social group in the region.  Could things get worse for me if I go any further?  Who knows?  All I know is that I lost someone I cared about because of her excessive  fears.  What could someone else's irrational or excessive fear do to me in the future?  I'm not sure if I want to find out.

Too tired to post much of anything

 

Getting up today at the sound of the alarm, I knew this was going to be a long day - and it was. Not only did I barely make it to work today, but being tired caught up with me.  If it weren't for a friendly face or two, I might have had more problems....

- - - - - -

Waking up, I normally read my emails, putz around a little bit, then get ready to go to work.  Well, all seemed to be going OK until I started out the door. Then I noticed that I was wearing my reading glasses, and not my "cosmetic" glasses.  (The latter are non correcting, and only serve to make my face look different enough for people not in the know not to connect Marian with Mario.)  So I went back upstairs and switched glasses.

Finally heading out the door for good, I managed to make it to the deli in time to pick up an egg sandwich on the way in to work. And I was still eating it when I encountered a traffic jam on Route 9a.  From what I heard, one lane of the stretch from Briarcliff Manor to Pleasantville was blocked due to an accident, causing a several mile traffic jam.  So I took side roads to the Taconic, and then missed my exit.  After doubling back to my exit, I barely made it into work on time - without having my needed cup of coffee to keep me awake.

Later in the morning, I found out that I screwed up a box of work yesterday, as I was typing too quickly for the system to keep up.  In short, I made too many proofing errors because I was trying to save some time. Luckily, the person who trained me offered some help, and I was able to repair things before it got to the customer.

Once I finally had my cups of coffee, I was alert for most of the day.  And I was sure NOT to take the shortcuts that almost got me in trouble.  But I knew that I would have to go to sleep early, as I was not in shape to go another day without enough rest. So, when I finally made it home, I was greeted by a pleasant surprise - a package containing two tops I need for my everyday work.

- - - - - -

I only wonder what tomorrow will bring....

 

 

One day seems to blend into the next

 

Lately, it seems like only two things are going on in my life: (1) Work, and (2) Seeing People in Zoom Meetups.  Today was another one of those days.

- - - - - -

As usual, I went to sleep late, and woke up too early.  I needed my coffee to function at work, so I was sure to have 2 cups before I sat down at my desk.  When my boss came in, I told him that I don't know if the time clock recorded my exit yesterday.  (I probably forgot to swipe it, but that's another story.)  He said he'd take care of it, and I didn't think twice about it.  

Last week, the clock didn't record any of my hours.  So they had to enter them in by hand on Monday.  When I mentioned that I had a problem, they immediately thought something else was wrong, as other people had previous problems with their temporary cards. The local HR rep came for my card while I was eating lunch, and I was formally off the clock while the rep did her thing.  A couple of hours later, she noted that she forgot to add a "0" (zero) somewhere, and tested the card again.  Now it worked!  Hopefully, I won't have problems with the card in the future.

- - - - - -

Eventually, it was time to go home.  I needed to get more of my favorite makeup remover wipes, and went to Walmart to see if they were back in stock.  Well, it looks like the store may be discontinuing their line - and now, I have to look for exfoliating wipes strong enough to hold up against my remaining beard stubble.

Once home, I had dinner, then joined my twice weekly Zoom meetup with my Texas friends.  I could only imagine what one of these friends would say if she knew I was transgender....

The mess that is Covid-19 Vaccination.

 

This is a picture taken from inside the Covid vaccination site in Yonkers.  Although it just opened up for any qualified New York State resident to make a vaccination appointment, there are no slots open anymore. Now that we have the vaccines to stop the virus, we do not have a unified system in any state which allows qualified people to do efficient "one stop shopping" for a vaccination site.  This is inexcusable.  Each of the 50 states (plus DC and other US territories) could have hired Google, Microsoft or Amazon to design a site which would make the headache of getting a vaccination appointment as easy as the vaccination itself.

Most people had no problem with "essential workers" getting "first dibs" on vaccinations.  Doctors, nurses, and other health care professionals on the front line deserve to be first on line for the shots.  Hardly anyone had problems with infirm residents of nursing homes getting a high priority for their vaccinations.  But once it came to the general public, both seniors (65+) and people with comorbidities (Diabetes, Hypertension, COPD, etc.) things started getting screwed up.

In New York, we have a state run web site for mass vaccination centers run by the state. New York City has its own site.  And drug stores (and drug store chains) have their own appointment scheduling systems.  In some cases, people are calling health care facilities directly to find out if they are giving shots to specific classes of people.  Total confusion reigns here.  I know one person from a Northern NYC exurb who drove to the South Bronx for her shot - after being given a phone number to call.  It's partially what technology one has access to and who you know that determines when (or if) you will get vaccinated before Summer begins.  And we have it good in New York.  Many other states have it worse!

It could be much worse than to be in New York.  Florida's governor has used his powers to distribute the vaccine to take care of white suburban voters who are likely to vote for Republicans in the next election.  Texas is "reopening" way too early, and will likely trigger a new "super spreader" event once the last of the Covid restrictions are lifted. The "Red States" acted as if the virus wouldn't harm them, and they have some of the highest viral transmission rates in the nation, if not the world. It would make much more sense to vaccinate as large as possible a group of people before starting a slow reopening.  But then, these states largely voted for Trump - and they, like lemmings, will march off a cliff if led there by a foolish leader.

Right now, I have a vaccination appointment scheduled for next month.  If I can, I will try to get an earlier appointment, so I can can socialize in safety by the beginning of Summer.  Hopefully, all of my readers will be able to do the same.

Visiting the dentist - not much to say for today.

 

I don't have much to report today, save that I went to the dentist.  Normally, this would be a non event, but it is the second time I went there as Marian, and I was made to feel totally comfortable by the receptionist (who I've gone with to have a Mani-Pedi several weeks ago).  Yes, I feared making the dental hygienist feel uncomfortable by going in presenting as a female, but she didn't give much of a hoot. (Or, at least, it didn't show on her face.)    

I'm glad that I went there as Marian - I was able to avoid having to change into Mario mode for the dentist, and then change back into Marian for my Tuesday night meetup.  (I wonder if my timing will be OK for tomorrow's zoom meeting with my ex-boss as Mario, followed by an online game night as Marian.)

I only wish I could get enough sleep.

 

Yes, I could go to bed earlier, but I'm a woman with bad habits.  If I had someone to share my bed, things might be different.  But this is not going to be the case for a while yet.

- - - - - -

Last night, I had a hard time falling to sleep.  So, I decided to fire up Netflix and look for the "Headspace Guide to Meditation".  Somehow, if I can get into a meditative state late at night (or when overtired), I will fall asleep.  And this is exactly what happened towards the end of the first episode.

When I awoke early in the morning, several episodes of the series had played while I was asleep, and I switched the TV to MSNBC to get my fix of Morning Joe while I was getting ready for work.  Leaving the house a few minutes earlier than usual, I was able to avoid much of the rush hour crunch that affects Route 9A south of Croton.  This allowed me to reach the office with 20 minutes to spare.  (I needed those minutes to have a second cup of coffee.)

All though the day, Hypnos (the Greek god of sleep) was testing me. Yet, I was able to function tolerably well until the end of the work day.  After stopping at home, I decided to make a quick run to Walmart to get some exfoliating makeup remover wipes.  Walmart's store brand is relatively inexpensive, and their exfoliating wipes don't disintegrate when contacting the stubble on my face.  Unfortunately, they didn't have the exfoliating wipes in stock, so I'll have to look for them on my next Walmart run.  

Maybe tonight, I'll fall out before Perry Mason comes on....

Sunday tends to be my day to take care of weekend chores.

This is what my laundry basket feels to me at the end of the week.  With the exception of one day (or two) which I must go out in the world as Mario, virtually all the clothes in my laundry basket are for Marian. This is a good thing, as I am able to live most of my week as a woman, and enjoy my time both as Marian and as Mario.

- - - - - -

Today, I had 2 things on the docket.  First, I had to buy pre-made meals for lunch at the office. Then, I had to do some laundry so that I'd have something clean to wear during the week.  However, I neglected to do some items, and this will force me to do another load later in the week.  But I digress....

This was not the day to go out and do anything.  It was rainy when I went out to Wegmans, and I ended up spending more money than I planned.  To make things worse, I wanted to get some extra cash from the ATM, and Chase's machines were down at my branch.  (I have no idea whether the whole network was down or not, but this is an inconvenience that justifies my maintenance of more than one checking account for cash withdrawals.

When I finally got around to doing laundry, I forgot a few tops that needed washing.  This is the type of problem a transgal has if she builds up a wardrobe geared to be an office worker, and suddenly finds work in a factory like setting.  Although I have a couple of tops on order, I have to keep all of then clean for work.  So I use all 5 tops I have, and wash them on weekends.  Unfortunately, I forgot to wash some of these tops, so it neccisitated use of a second wash cycle to get these tops ready for the coming week.  It is similar to what I needed to do when presenting as a male.  However, I couldd get away with doing things as a male that I can't do as a female.  So, I'm extra cautious when keeping up my appearances as a female.

Hopefully, by next week I'll have settled into a simple weekend routine.

I decided to go to Long Island today.

 

As I've mentioned before, I grew up on long island.  If one were to find the Easternmost point in Queens County and walk South about 1/4 mile, you'd be in front of the house in which I grew up.   While in the neighborhood, I decided to see what it was like at the local shopping mall, Roosevelt Field.

- - - - - -

It's hard to believe that this mall is the 9th largest shopping mall in the country.  Yet, I think the mall could be in trouble due to the amount of vacant stores.  The pandemic and Amazon have taken their toll, yet the mall still survives.  It's not just a place to go shopping as much as it's a place to spend time participating in American consumer culture.  If we're not spending money in stores, we're visiting them to see what we can buy.

I found it hard to believe how many people were at the mall today.  If I didn't go near the food court, I wouldn't have noticed any evidence that there is a pandemic going on save for the lines to get in a couple of stores. Since this visit was in male mode, I was not going to explore the women's departments looking for bargains.  Instead, I explored some of the clearance merchandise, and avoided spending money at the mall.  

- - - - - -

Years ago, my late wife and I used to visit malls to kill time.  Now that I've gotten older, I find the lure of new things less compelling.  If I buy things now, they are either consumables, things replacing those that no longer fit, or are things replacing those that have worn out. Internet shopping is the future for me, as much as I'd rather shop in person.  Product displays no longer tempt me.  I know what I want, can find it with little help, and do not need the headaches of driving to malls to shop well.  Change has benefited me in more ways than I'd have expected....

The end of the week is here!

 

Above is another work of art from the same hotel/casino.  As much as I am not a gambler, I had a good time when I went there with a then special someone.  I know that she'd be surprised to see me getting up at 6 am every day, as that was the time one had to get up to use the spa's pool before it opened for business.

- - - - - -

Why do I mention a work of art?  Well, I'm thinking of going into NYC this weekend and visiting a museum before the tourists come back to town.  Yes, there is always the risk of catching the virus.  But without a special someone who cares what happens to me, the reward of enjoying myself while I can outweighs the risk of catching the virus.  It is depression or fatalism?  I don't know, but I think it's a form of acceptance of the things I can't fully control.  

Vicki once mentioned that at some time, we have to start living life again.  Recently, the two of us went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant which was busier than the restaurant that FH and I ate at the night before.  FH has little to worry about, as she has had her two vaccination shots, while I should be the one to fear contact with people.  Yet, I'm the one who feels confident going out to eat.  Go figure.

This afternoon, I saw the signs of the end of the pandemic.  Some of the meetup groups that I attend have started to post events for the spring.  It'll be nice to see people again.  But I know that because of last year and my dispute with the ex, that I'm no longer sure of being accepted anywhere due to the dispute.  Yet, I'll deal with those issues if they come up.  At least I can say that I made it through the worst of times alive.  That's more than a lot of people could say if they were able to communicate with us from the beyond....

. 

Thursday - the end of the week is in sight!

 

Some of my readers who have been to Atlantic City may recognize this glass sculpture in the lobby of one of the Casino/Hotels. It's a pretty work of art, and I enjoy looking at it whenever I visit this casino.

- - - - - - 

You might be asking: Why did I start off talking about a casino?   It's because life is about taking chances, and I realize that I made the right move by returning to work.  Like most people, I have my problems with work.  But it's nothing a make a big deal about.  Others have it much worse than I do, and many of them feel that winning the lotto is the only way they will find success.

Most of the time, we control good parts of our own destinies. One of my friends from the online meetup group is in a FML (Fuck My Life) kind of mood, as her Texas acquaintances failed her when she needed a warm place to stay during the recent frigid weather. She hasn't received a raise in 3 years, and there is no sign that more money will be coming to anyone soon.  She misses being able to be with people, as the pandemic has reduced the foot traffic near her door.  And, all the men that have contacted her online seem to be scammers.  Why in the hell did she leave New York for Texas?  I advised my friend how to turn this pandemic into a goose that can lay a golden egg. Her boss made promises to her that aren't being kept.  With Trump's tariffs on Chinese manufactured goods, and layoffs related to the pandemic, my friend can claim that her boss has not been able to keep her promises to help my friend develop move valuable skills.  She can tap into a prospective employer that once reached out to her (via a headhunter) and do a cold call, asking to be considered for work when they begin hiring again.  (The prospective employer is out of state in a tourist dependent area, so they won't be hiring until Autumn at best.  But she could be on the top of his list of people to talk to.)  She has options she never thought of, many of which can help her get more control of her destiny if wise choices are made.

As for me, I wanted to get out of the zoom meetup early.  I had dinner to cook, and each minute in the meeting was a minute away from the oven and from dinner.  Yet, I was very glad I could help her, as it was my turn to pay some stuff forward today....

 

 

If I can get to sleep and out the door, I have a potential routine for a work day.

To the left is Harpo Marx.  In real life, he had a lot more going on in his life than I do these days.  First, he was an entertaining person on and off the screen.  And he was appreciated for the person he was - someone who never put on airs, and was beloved by almost everyone who knew him.  Who wouldn't want to live a life like he did as an adult!

Why might you ask: Why am I bringing up Harpo Marx?  Well, as an adult, he was able to live a fulfilling life, and was able to do more of what he wanted to do as he grew older. In many ways, I am doing just that, being able to live part of my life as Marian.  But to do so, I must fine tine a daily routine.

- - - - - -

My alarm is set for 6 am during the week, and I usually wake up an hour early.  This means that I get an hour less sleep than I want and need.  Before I do anything, I put on a cup of coffee, then check my email for a few minutes.  Eventually, I make it to the shower, and then to put on my feminine face for the day.  Around 7:15, I have to be out of the house to make it to work by 8:00, with a quick stop at the deli for an egg sandwich.  How boring.  And then, it's 8 1/2 hours at the office doing quality assurance on boxes of scanned documents.  

The place I work at is a factory with a digital assembly line.  Paper goes in one end of the plant, and digitized images come out the other.  It's far from the friendliest place to work,  not because the people there are unfriendly.  Instead, the work flow doesn't give people the opportunity to socialize outside of official break time.  Most tasks in this factory can be done by anyone with a little bit of training. And one can easily leave problems at the door when 4:30 comes.

After I leave the office, I am free to do whatever I want or need to do until 10 pm or so, and then I should be preparing for bed.  However, I'm not a person to go to sleep early.  Therefore, my inability to fall asleep early is causing me problems.

- - - - - -

Hopefully, I will fine tune this routine soon.  I can't keep going to work being sleep deprived.

 

 

Looking back at two friendships.

 

The above picture is of me and my former cruise partner (FCP) who shall not be named here.  The other day, she came up in an exchange of text messages between me and my ex girlfriend. Although I can sense some of my ex's ambivalence about how we handled our differences, I know that she may be learning something by chatting with me this way.  Whether or not we end up being good friends again is up to fate.  But with everything that went on in my life last year, she may have been in a worse place without losing anyone important in her life. And that could be the explanation why she fought so hard then and why she is ambivalent about a friendship now.  But I digress....

The ex and FCP have met once during the pandemic and have chatted on the phone several times.  It seems like the ex inherits friendships whenever she breaks up with a man - and now she has FCP for a friend.  I know that FCP and I will likely never find a way to patch things up - and I can't blame her for feeling as she does.

Several days ago, I had a dream that referenced FCP, and it wasn't pleasant.  I feel that I needed to send an indirect message to find out whether she is OK or not. And thus, the mention of this dream to my ex. I'm hoping that all is still OK with FCP, as last the ex heard, things were OK, as FCP has hunkered down with her pets for the duration.

- - - - - -

You might wonder why I once sent FCP a terse apology that may have sounded "matter of fact" and nothing more.  The answer is simple: If I were to say a "Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa" to her, she'd find a way to use the written word against me.  Thus, I don't want anything communicated in a form that could be used against me.

Regarding the ex, I want her as a friend, the type of friendship we could have had at the first time we broke up.  I don't push her.  Both of us still have some feelings that might complicate things if a friendship is rushed.   So I find it better to go slowly and work at rebuilding trust.  In our last conversation, I mentioned that there was a subtle wall between us during the relationship - and she gave as part of her explanation: "I didn't think about it."  People who build walls between themselves and others (and I'm including myself here as well), don't think of things that the other person feels should be obvious.  Over time, they may become obvious to the person, and by then it is often too late to fix things between the two people.  This is why I believe that an occasional argument between two people is a healthy thing - the walls we build are not started by our conscious minds, but can only be breached by our conscious minds.

- - - - - -

Some of my readers might remember that the big problems with the ex started with our breakup and how we handled things.  I am careful NOT to mention what's going on with my dating life with her, as it is none of her business.  If she were to ask, I'd give her the information she asked for, but I'd warn her that she might not like what she were to hear. (Whether she'd be pleased or not is not my concern if she were to ask the question.  But I think she'd be pleasantly surprised to find out certain things that I have not mentioned in this blog.)  Hopefully, this will not be an issue for us in the future.

As I've said earlier, I'm just trying to develop the friendship that my ex and I should have developed years ago.  Yet, at times, I feel that we're doing a delicate dance around an elephant in the room (not to be confused with the hose connecting us to our CPAP machines). Would either of us be able to overcome a fear of being hurt to risk opening up to a relationship again?  And if so, could either of us deal with potential rejection, or with a potential relationship failure in the future?  Right now, I'm only looking for a friendship, as that is the only realistic option open to us at the moment....

 

Will I be able to keep up this pace?

 

I seem to be burning the midnight oil lately, not going to sleep early enough and waking up too early.  Work is not easy for me these days, as it's hard to stay awake and do a mind numbing job.  

- - - - - -

Last night, I figured that I was going to go home, relax a little, and enjoy my Zoom meetup with my Texas friends.  Yet, it seemed like Grand Central station to me, as I did not manage my time well.  This is a skill that I think I've lost in the years since I had to work a 9 to 5 job.  (The census had a schedule, but it was not one of these jobs.)

The big question is: Will I get used to a schedule where I have to be up by 6 am?  I need to do all the things required of me to present as a female when at work.  In many ways, I am living the life of a woman with a body that was born with the wrong equipment.  And this keeps getting in my way in subtle things such as having to shave every morning. 

Yet, there are only a few things I'd change, one of them is living half and half, so that I could have a woman in my life who accepts me warts and all.  Being Marian gives me energy.  But being Mario can give me companionship.  It's hard to find a middle ground, but it's a place I need to find to have optimal happiness....

Sometimes, a vendor screws up fixing a screw up.

 

The other day, an online wig store I've used in the past had a sale that I missed on the above wig.  When I tried to use the every day discount code mentioned on the site, the code wasn't accepted.  This was not a big problem to me, but I wanted to buy my wig from a store with which I've done business before.  So I wrote the following email to ask what could be done for me.

Hi -

I am looking to buy the Upstage wig.  However, the discount code listed with the item today does not work when trying to check out and buy the wig.

Can I get the wig at the discounted price?

Marian

 

I received the following reply to this email, a good faith attempt to resolve this issue:

That's a great question. We love that brand too and we're so proud to offer it in our store. However, the owners of this brand has requested that they be excluded from the ongoing 30% off coupon we offer on our site.  We want to keep selling their products, so we have to go along with it. :-( 

We are allowed to run occasional flash sales on these coupon-excluded items, so keep an eye on our newsletter! This is the place where Heather sends out her best coupons every month, which are often much better deals than the ones offered to the public. It's easy to sign up, too! (If you're not signed up already!) 

Thanks for writing into the Client Care Help Desk! Have a great afternoon!

As a one time policy exception we have granted you a discount code Marian Johnson30% for 30% off on your upstage.

We hope this is helpful. Should you have any questions, please do not hesitate and let us know.

When I got around to using this code a day or two later, it was not accepted on the web site.  (I can understand why the gentleman could think that I was going to place the order as soon as I received the special discount code, so I'm leaving him and his firm unnamed.) Instead of asking this firm to fix its second problem, I decided to buy the wig from a different vendor, albeit in a slightly different shade than I would have otherwise selected.  Hopefully, I'll have a second reliable firm from which I can buy my wigs at a reasonable price....

 

 

 

Dinner with Vicki

 

Today's entry is a short one, as I don't have much time to write....

Now that I work 5 days per week, I don't have much time to get things done.  So, I have to take care of my errands at night and on weekends the way the majority of people do in this world.  It is a shock to me, as I haven't had to live according to a "normal" schedule for years. Yet, I plan to adjust to my new normal for a while to earn a few dollars and bulk up my bank account.

When the day began, I took it easy for a while.  I sent a message to Vicki and suggested getting together. And she had the time to do so - today.  Since I didn't expect that she'd be available until later in the week, I adjusted my plans for the day and scheduled dinner at a Mexican joint that I've gone to several times before.

I took care of little things such as laundry during the day, and finally got around to changing the sheets on my bed.  (Don't ask how long they've been on the bed.  Often, there is a pile of stuff on the side of the bed where a partner used to lay, and it gets in the way of me changing the sheets.)  And then, I changed into Marian mode for dinner.

Dinner with Vicki was nice.  But it was more expensive than expected.  It seems as if we're seeing inflation hit the restaurants that are surviving the pandemic.  In suburbia, limiting restaurants to 50% capacity has forced these establishments to raise prices subtly to help them cover their costs.  In today's case, a dinner which we expected could cost us $40-$50 each cost us $70 each.  Assuming that this is part of a trend, I expect that we will see fewer people being able to afford to dine out at the end of the pandemic, as the fewer surviving restaurants will be able to charge higher prices to the fewer people who are able to pay those prices to eat out.

Another trip to the supermarket with FH and her daughter

 

The store in the Brooklyn Navy Yard was the first Wegmans to open in New York City.  It's been around for a while, and it is easier to reach than I first envisioned.  So, when FH asked me to take her and her daughter on a shopping run today, I didn't mind doing so.

- - - - - -

FH's daughter is a pretty young woman, and has a long happy life ahead of her if she can conquer the demons in her life.  No, I won't go into the details here, but she has many of the problems often exhibited by a woman her age. My impression of her mom asking me to include the daughter on our shopping trip was that of a mother trying to keep her daughter occupied in a time of stress.

When I arrived in Forest Hills, FH asked me if we could stop by a doughnut shop so that her daughter could eat and drink something, so that her stomach wouldn't fight a uncivil war.  Throughout the trip to Brooklyn, the daughter was complaining of how ill she felt. And it seemed as if she would rather have been left at home to deal with her problems by herself, instead of accompanying her mother on this shopping trip.

Arriving at Wegmans, I let them off at the front door while I hunted down a hard to get parking space. Entering the store, I looked around and found the daughter on a motorized shopping cart for handicapped people.  She was tooling around on the shopping cart, while her mom was trying to select food for the week.  Surprisingly, FH's daughter seemed to calm down after a few minutes in the store, as the cart distracted her enough from her sick stomach to make this shopping trip almost a pleasure.  $230 later, we exited the store and headed home.  While on local streets, the daughter got sick, and we had to wait for her to be ready for the rest of the trip home.

Eventually, we made it back to Forest Hills.  We were lucky to find a parking spot across the street from her apartment building.  This made it possible for me to join mom and daughter in carrying the afternoon's purchases to the apartment and loading them into the refrigerator. Both FH and her daughter had unsettled stomachs for different reasons, and we hung out at the apartment until FH was ready to go out to eat.

- - - - - -

Dining out in the age of Covid-19 raises many questions.  One of which is: How many people in a restaurant are "too many" people?  There is a legal definition of "too many."  In NYC, a restaurant is limited to 25% of pre-Covid capacity until 2/28/21.  In the suburbs, it is 50% of pre-Covid capacity.  The restaurant I chose was less than 100 feet from the Nassau county line, and was subject to NYC capacity limits.  This, I thought, would keep occupancy low enough for FH to feel comfortable dining at the restaurant.  At first, she was comfortable.  But, people started coming in, and she was ready to leave the place.  As for me, I have not yet had my first vaccination shot, and I'm the person at greater risk.  Yet, she was the person who was uncomfortable as the place approached 25% capacity.

Once I was done with my dinner, we took a drive to Hicksville, and then I dropped her off at her apartment.  This was a night that I didn't go back upstairs - she was getting tired after a long day.  And I was just as happy to drop her off at her front door, since I was getting a little tired myself after a long week of work.

A year ago, things were so different.....

 

A year ago, things were very different than they are now.  For example, in the back of my mind I still had hope of getting together again with my ex girlfriend.  Today, I'd have to think long, hard, and carefully if that option were to present itself to me.  But that's the least of things I can mention today. My father was still alive, and I had no idea that he'd be one of the over 400,000 (and counting) Americans who'd die of the coronavirus over the next 12 months.

Both as individuals and as a culture, we would have to ask questions posed by a once popular song:

Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or has time re-written every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we?
Could we?

Most of us thought that the good times we experienced prior to 2020 would last forever.  As the virus taught us, they were only fleeting things.  

- - - - - -

I spent most of 2020 employed at the census as Marian.  Recently, I applied for and accepted a job, working as Marian again.  Although this would have been a job better suited for Mario, I figured that I wanted to see how I would do in private industry without the official protections of a government bureaucracy.  Is this the job I really wanted?  No.  But it will have to do when there are 75 people (or more, in many cases) applying for jobs in both public and private sectors.

If things had progressed as most of us had expected, most of us would have gone on our usual vacations, not really noticing what they did for us as people.  Now that we've been largely isolated from others for a year, many of us feel it's time to get out in the world again, even if we are taking big risks in doing so.  I look forward to taking my Hawaiian cruise when cruising opens up again.  But I will not give the cruise lines a penny more than I have to for their products.

Travel and work are not the only things affected by the pandemic. Our nation's political future was affected as well.  Many of us gave our former present better than an even chance of being reelected because of the then "booming" economy.  The pandemic put an end to that, as the then president made light of the virus when people were more concerned about their lives than whether they had jobs or not.  How many of you think that our current president could have won the election if things were as they were in 2019?  I certainly don't think he'd have had much of a chance, as people usually vote with their wallets.  This time, they voted as if their lives depended on their votes - which they did.

 

- - - - - - 

2021 looks like it will be a better year for many of us.  Hard-line Evangelical "Christians"  are no longer able to use the federal government as a tool to attack transgender people.  We are on target to see most Americans have access to a Coronavirus vaccine shot by some time this summer. And we will soon be able to resume outdoor socialization when Spring comes.  We will be entering a time where a "New Normal" is evolving, a period where growth starts anew for both individuals and for society as a whole.  I look forward to this future.

 

The Snowman Cometh

 

Again, we have snow falling on the ground in New York.  But I'm not as inconvenienced by the snow as folks are in Texas as evident in the picture below. 

The left hand side of this Texarkana street lies in the state of Texas, while the right hand side of the street is in Arkansas.  Do you notice the difference?  Arkansas thinks ahead, and tries to plan for rare events such as this year's frigid weather.  Texas, on the other hand, takes a Laissez-faire approach and is often unprepared for extreme weather events.  It's hard to take pity on a state's residents when they keep electing scoundrels who have no interest in true public service.

- - - - - -

I woke up today after another sleep deprived night. The roads were clear when I drove into work, the salt spreaders were out trying to keep roads from icing over, and people were driving safer than usual.  No one wanted to get into an accident on a day where the tow trucks would have more than enough business.  Unfortunately, I was delayed on the way to work by one of these salt spreaders, as it blocked two lanes of traffic all the way from Croton to Pleasantville. Even with this delay, I still made it into the office 20 minutes early - enough time for a cup of coffee.

None of the people I usually deal with were in the office due to the weather. Yet, I was able to get some work done while fighting the urge to go to sleep.  However, I made a big mistake which could have been a big problem. Luckily, one coworker who was in the office resolved it for me, and I was able to proceed without incident.  Around noon, I realized that I had to pack it in for the day.  As I was leaving, I took my pocketbook out of the locker and screwed up the combination on the lock.  That'll be something to take care of when people are back in the office.

On the way home, traffic was moving very slowly.  There was good reason for this.  I must have passed by at least 3 accident scenes, with one of them being serviced by police cars, tow trucks, and ambulances. It made me glad that we had some daylight, and that I knew how to drive in bad weather.  

- - - - - -

Now that I am home, I'm going to wait for an alert from the office.  Sometime in the next 16 hours, I'll find out whether I'm going in to work in the morning and at what time I'll be expected to start work.  Until then, I'm going to relax and hope that my Texas friends will be available for our Thursday night Zoom meeting.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I finally got some work to do.

 

This was the third day in a row that I haven't slept well.  So if I didn't have my caffeine in the morning, I'd have fallen asleep while shadowing a more senior worker.  Luckily, I can have as much coffee as I want while on break or during lunch.  This means I can get as wired as I need to be to get through the day.

- - - - - -

It's nice to go into the office and be referred to as a "She".  Yes, there may be some people who shun me, but I haven't noticed that yet.  Instead, I showed a friendly appearance to my coworkers, and they have responded back in kind.  I still haven't decided if this is a place I want to stay at for the better part of a year.  But that's OK for now.   

My goal is to sock away enough money to pay for a Hawaiian cruise-tour on NCL sometime next winter.  Whether I go alone, or travel with a partner is not yet a material consideration for me.  YGM showed an interest in this cruise last year, and others may yet want to be a travel partner for this bucket list trip.  In the old days, my former travel partner would suggest a cruise to go on, and we'd plan things around that date.  Since we are no longer friends, the onus is on me to find a new travel partner for the bucket list trips.

Ideally, bucket list trips should be taken with a close friend or family member, as these are the trips one will want to talk about often.  When my wife died, I lost the one person who understood how I felt about San Francisco, as she was with me when I first visited the city.  Most of the trips I took with other women have been forgettable, as nothing much stood out about the places we traveled.  Yet, I can still remember a couple of the trips I took with my ex girlfriend from Rochester, simply because of the problems we encountered on our trips.  I'm glad that she's building memories with her partner of 22+ years, as they are doing the "until death do us part" routine without benefit of legal acknowledgement.

But I digress....

Today, I finally got some work to do after lunch.  And I was grateful to finally be doing some QA on scanned documents.  No, I can't tell you the names of the organizations we do business with. But I can say that they run the gamut of governmental entities, for profit businesses, and not for profit organizations.  Having meaningful work to do is a good thing, as it keeps my mind busy and awake.  (Now, if only I can stay asleep through the night....)

- - - - - -

Since tomorrow will be bringing a 6"-12" snowfall, I'm going to sign off for now and try to get some sleep.  More later....