From what I can tell, it looks like my ship is going to sail ...with or without me

 

I've been looking for information on cruise ships scheduled to return to service, and it looks like the ship doing an 18 day cruise to Hawaii is scheduled to resume service soon.  The cruise line is looking to service its Alaska, Panama Canal, Coastal California / Mexico, and Hawaii routes this fall.  

- - - - - -

Right now, the prices are still very reasonable for the cruises given everything, and I may just drop the hammer on one of them.  Alaska is out of the question for me.  But Hawaii is still a reasonable possibility.  All depends on my employment situation.  Part of me wants to get a new job, as that will provide me with spending money without draining savings.  Yet, another part of me wants to travel as Marian, and a Hawaiian cruise would give me the opportunity to do just that.

With one of the 18 day cruises, I will have a minor headache to deal with: Traveling home shortly before Christmas, during the worst of the holiday rush.  Do I really want to do this?  If I were to drop some extra coin and do another cross country train trip, I would be in-transit on Christmas day - either on a two day leg from the West Coast, or waiting in Chicago's Union Station for my connection to New York.  

Is this the way I want to spend a holiday?

What would you do if you were me?

 

 

Makeup

 

 

 

Transgender people have special makeup needs.  Unlike many people, I have found that theatrical makeup stores have many of the products we need - as long as we think creatively.  Once we have an idea of what needs to be done to our faces to make them look reasonably feminine, theatrical makeup houses such as Alcone often have the best products for our needs.

Due to a minor glitch on their website, my favorite store for makeup accidentally sold me a product from Ben Nye that was discontinued.  Since I use theatrical makeup for beard coverage and for jaw line contouring, this could have been a disaster for me.  In my response, I asked if they could recommend a similar product to Ben Nye Creme Shadow Natural contour compact, they promptly made several suggestions.  Mehron Cream color -Med Dark 4 came closest to what I needed, and I asked them to ship me a container to try out.  Hopefully, I'll be able to recommend this product to my TG readers.  I already recommend Alcone for specialty makeup, and will continue to do so in the future.

Don't be afraid to order from these businesses.  They were hurt during the worst of the pandemic, and they appreciate any and all business they get.  Almost all of them take internet orders, as many supply remote movie production, regional theaters and television stations across the country.  Although I highly recommend Alcone, I am biased - I have bought products at their NYC store when I worked in NYC.  Now, all my business is conducted through the internet - and they still meet my needs.  I expect that they can meet your needs as well.  

 

 

 

 

Originally, my plan was to post one or two entries per week.

 

Lately, I feel too exhausted to do much of anything after work.  Yet, I feel I have something to say every day of the week.  Go figure.

A critical reader made a comment that I now have something to write about other than air conditioners. Well, I have more to write about.  But I plan to keep details of many conversations private - if only because I've hurt several people in the past with my posts.

- - - - - -

Common themes that I will likely write about are: family, work, travel, health, and future full retirement.  At the age of 64,  these are common topics for people of my age.  And there are sub-topics that only transgender people will likely face.  These are the things I hope to be writing about in the future.

There are people who have made comments about what I've written about, with one person making suggestions that would please only her.  (I doubt she reads this blog anymore.)  Since this blog is mostly about things I experience, I would not be able to fulfill that person's request.  With that being said, I encounter a lot of things in my small life and I like sharing them.  I do not intend to change the theme of this blog to write about things that don't have meaning to me.  Yes, in the past, it hurt someone without me meaning to do this.  But I'll be trying to filter out details which could cause others pain or embarrassment. 

- - - - - -

With that being said, I have an interview scheduled for a potential new job.  If I get that job, I will be going as Mario and then consider socially transitioning on the job. Yet, if I were with the right person, I'd stay as Mario - and live life in both genders, but with less time spent as Marian.

Wish me luck....

 

.

 

Things may be looking up - albeit several years late.

 

Although I haven't been happy on my job, I haven't been looking hard to find a new one.  Today, something popped up from out of the blue - an interview with the NYS Office of Court Administration.

Please be advised, you have been scheduled for a Clerical Assistant
interview with the 9th Judicial District. Details are as follows:

*_Date_*

mm/dd/yy

*_Time of Interview_*

hh:mm

*_Location_*

Westchester County Courthouse

111 Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. – 9th Floor

White Plains, NY 10601

When you get to the 9th floor please advise the front desk that you are
there for the interview.

This floored me.  I had once thought I was totally forgotten by NYS-OCA, as I had taken the Civil Service Exam for this position several years ago.  However, I guess that they extended the time for this list due to the pandemic.  Who knows?  However, I received some paperwork a few weeks ago asking me if I were still interested in working for the court system - and I said yes.  The last few times I received letters like this, I was never called for an interview.  But this time, I was called.

Although I am living my life as Marian these days, I would take this job (if offered) as Mario, then socially transition (professionally) while on the job.  If asked to start this job this year, I would not be able to take any of the cruises I want to take.  However, I would likely be able to go to work and present as my authentic self, and not as Mario.  And if I enjoyed this job, I'd probably stay on the job until I am 70.

What would you do if you were in my shoes (2" heels)?  Would you retire with the resources I have?  (My 401k plus future Social Security will give me a nice income in a couple of years.)  Or, would you work to the age of 70, not being able to take the time to travel as desired.  (I like the idea of working as Marian, and wish I could have done it years ago.)  One way or another, it'll be a hard decision for me....

 

 

PS: I just checked one of the civil service tests I took.  It's 4 years, almost to the day.

Conversations with two people.

 

Recently, I had a couple of conversations that I found very interesting.  The first was with my brother, as we discussed our mutual past, current family issues, and how to protect our assets.  The other with the newest member of our co-op board, where I outed myself to her and, discussed issues related to our co-op, and pleasantries regarding her father, grandfather, and great grandfather.

As I've mentioned before, my brother and I own a house we rent out to the best of tenants.  Hopefully, they will stay our tenants for a long time, as this income is a blessing to have in uncertain times.  Given that there is some maintenance that has been needed for a couple of years, we decided to take care of it before the weather gets cold.  Once done talking about the house, we talked about our past, and I found that I didn't remember that my brother was in the car when I was taken to therapy as a child.  I told him that I wish I could have given the notes from childhood therapy to my adult therapist.  And he responded that my dad wanted to protect me from what I might see.  Unfortunately, it should have been up to me to decide what happened to this information, and I wasn't given the chance to do so.  This is the one complaint I have about my father.  Eventually, we talked about his family and what he plans to do with his assets in his will.  (I won't go into those details here.)  Suffice it to say that I'd do the same things given his circumstances.

Once I was ready to go out, I stumbled into the new co-op board member.  We discussed an important issue that the co-op must deal with, and we agreed on the scope of the issue.  Hopefully, she will help me convince the other members of the board that this is an issue that can not be put off much longer. Next, we discussed family issues, and I mentioned some things about the recent past.  Specifically, that I saw her grandfather getting around on his scooter - and that I was happy that he was still active in his business.  Given that the co-op board knows of my transgender nature, I opened up to her - and she said that I looked good as Marian.  She couldn't believe it was me in the picture.  This way, if I come into a zoom meeting a little bit late, she won't get shocked at my appearance.

On the whole, I'm happy about these conversations, as it allowed for certain things to be said that needed to be said.  There was no hinting or guessing at what the other person meant.  These were some of the most effective chats I've had in a while.  And I'm very glad that I took the time out to have these chats....

Henri!

 

No, I'm not talking about Henri Matisse.  I am talking about a tropical storm that was making its way up North to New England as I started to write this entry.  This storm put an area from New York City (and the Hudson Valley) through Eastern Long Island/Eastern Connecticut at risk for major storm damage.  So, like many of us, I battened down the hatches and waited for the storm to pass.

- - - - -

If the storm hadn't come, I'd have taken the day and traveled into NYC to do two things:

1. See "Automania" at MoMA (NYC).  (I want to get there before 10/11, as the cars will be gone from the sculpture garden after that date.)
2. Go to the Saatva NYC showroom to see a mattress designed for heavy people.  (At my weight, I want to get the best night's sleep that I can, and a "regular" mattress won't cut it anymore.)

Instead, I ended up staying inside my apartment, save to go downstairs and do some laundry.  One thing I've noticed lately is that I don't do that many loads to launder male garments anymore.  Although I'll include my male trousers and shirts in a typical load of colored laundry, my whites are virtually all male garments and sit inside the hamper for a few weeks - until  have enough for a full load.

- - - - - -

Right now, it looks like my Saturdays and Sundays are starting to get booked up.  I wonder how I'll find the time to enjoy any downtime while I'm working....

Why do I mention work?

I'm leaning towards quitting the job on my own volition, and cracking open my 401k a little.  There is enough money in the bank for me to afford a new car.  Right now, I'm looking at two different Honda models:

1. 2021 CR-V
2. 2021 HR-V

In both cases, a late model, low mileage used car from a different year would be acceptable at the right price.  Unfortunately, the pandemic has disrupted supply chains enough that it is hard to get a good car at a reasonable price.  If I had known what I know now, I'd have gone to the same place where my brother bought a late model Chevy Malibu and bought one there last year.  Unfortunately, few people have good foresight while hindsight is often with 20-20 clarity.

- - - - - -

How many of you have T-Mobile for a cell phone provider?  If you do, I suggest that you go on to their site and lookup what you should be doing in response to a recent data breach.  I'm in the middle of doing things, and I'll be requesting a credit report soon....

 

 

 

 

Odds and ends - nothing uneven or ending about them.

 

 

First, I won't say much about a conversation I had today.  But if handled wrong, it could have led me (and the other party) down a rabbit hole of accusations, as someone else's problems reflected issues related to me that should have been addressed in the past.  Luckily, I managed to avoid the rabbit hole, and not get stuck with indirectly referencing my past.

Next, something my immediate supervisor said at the office today leads me to believe that they are gradually planning for my exit.  If that's true, I won't cry much.  In less than a week, I'll probably be happy about it, as I will have the freedom to book a "bucket list" cruise.  No, it's not the cruise I really want to take.  Instead, it allows me to get most of what I want out of a trip to Hawaii without breaking the bank.

Now that I've talked to the custodian firm for my 401k, I'm ready to take a couple of one-time distributions.  However, I must talk to my tax lady and a financial planner before I start this process.  If I were closer to the age I could start collecting Social Security without early penalties, I'd do so.  However, it pays for me to take some money out of the 401k, and let my SS benefits grow by 8% per year.  But this is not the only issue I have to deal with.  I need to find out what are my best options involving Medicare, as well as whether I can find affordable Long Term Care insurance.

Last night, I went to visit an ex-girlfriend.  No, I'm not talking about my most recent significant ex.  Instead, I'm talking about an ex with whom I broke up about 20 years ago.  We are still friends, and this was the first dinner we've had together since before the pandemic hit.  So we had a lot to catch up on - and catch up we did.  Although I had tasty leftover BBQ ribs to take home, they didn't make it to my car.  Sadly, I left them on top of the parking pay station before I went upstairs to fetch my car from the lot.  It was just as well, as the food in this place was a touch salty, and I didn't need to have any more.  If anything, I'd have liked to chat more with my ex.  Hopefully, next time, her husband will be there as well.  He is a great guy, and I know that they are better together than we ever could have been. 

Lately, I've been looking at taking a Hawaii cruise.  The 11 day cruise tour offered by NCL is way over priced, as they have taken actions which should help reduce the spread of the virus on their ship.  Unfortunately, reducing available cabins to limit the number of passengers has also resulted in excessive price increases.  So a cruise I could have taken for about $5,000 (after all expenses) before the pandemic would not cost me about $12,000+.  There is no way I plan to spend that kind of coin for a 10 day cruise tour with the route below:

Instead, I am looking at the following cruise being offered by Holland America.  This seems to be a much better current value, I could get 18 days on a cruise ship, but only 6 days in Hawaii instead of the 10 I'd get on Norwegian.

This cruise would still keep me in the $5,000 base.  But I would still need to deal with transportation, gratuities, and excursions.  Yet, this is the trip I will likely take, as I don't see the Norwegian Cruise becoming cheaper anytime soon.  I mentioned this to a friend, and she sent me a link saying that people of our age shouldn't be going on cruises at this time.  The one issue I have regarding this cruise might be the air travel needed to reach San Diego.  I hate flying, with all the TSA headaches.

However, I have a plan to help me minimize the effect of TSA on my travels.  If I can't avoid security theater, I can make sure I'm not on stage for long. There are two TSA Trusted Traveler Programs that I am interested in: Pre-Check and Global Entry.  For the extra $15, I'm leaning towards Global Entry - even though I've never flown outside of the USA.  (I have a niece that now lives in London, UK.)  With a trusted traveler number, I can breeze through security - and reduce the number of interactions I have with people who can hassle me at key points on my trips.  So, do I spend the $85 for Pre-Check, or do I spend the $100 on Global Entry?

As I now write this entry, I am watching "When the levees broke", a documentary on Hurricane Katrina and our government's inadequate response to the needs of the people in New Orleans and the rest of the region.  Why do I mention this?  We recently started evacuating American Citizens (and a few others) from Afghanistan, and we're showing a similar ineptitude.  Americans have short memories, and we do not learn from our collective past.  A hundred years ago, we suffered from the "Spanish Flu" pandemic, and we forgot those lessons.  And now we are making the same mistakes we made a century ago.  I've come to believe that we need the power of big government, but limit the size of the bureaucracy to allow leaders to implement quick and informed decisions.  But, if we get rid of the bureaucracy, we run the risk of incompetent, corrupt leaders steering America towards an authoritarian government.  

You'll note that I've rambled from short and simple things to ideas of a complex scope in this entry.  My brother complains that I can't help but talk of politics, and he is right.  As long as humanity has existed, our ability to communicate well has affected us at both micro and macro levels.  Communication skills and thought are involved in each of the items mentioned in this entry.  In the first case, I understood the hidden message meant to trap me into a discussion on someone else's terms.  In the case of the 401k, it illustrates my need to communicate with people who have information I need for planning my future.  In the case with my ex-girlfriend of 20 years, I realized that I couldn't communicate well enough to have a good relationship with this woman. With my cruise, the internet facilitates communication that I would have once depended on a travel agent to supply for my decision making.  And lastly, regarding government, we see that these issues affect all of us at both micro and macro levels.  There is a limit to how much information each of us can process, and not all of it makes us feel comfortable.  Last night's conversation may not have made me feel more comfortable about things which have happened.  But they made me more appreciative of what I have accomplished in my life.

 

 

 

An acquaintance has cancer.

 

The following is from an acquaintance in our TG community that I only had the pleasure of meeting once....

Ok so I guess it’s finally time to tell the whole story.

 

Let’s get the big thing out of the way first: About two and a half weeks ago, I found out that I have stage 3 lung cancer. That means it’s treatable. Stage 4 means get your affairs in order and say your last goodbyes. I’m hoping I get through this but really who knows?

 

What it means in the immediate practical sense is that my new full-time job is seeing doctors, I mean like basically daily. It also means I have very little income. Not a great combo as you can imagine. To top that off, I managed to blow out my voice last week so talking on the phone isn’t easy, bordering on the near-impossible. It’s starting to come back but soooo slowly. 

 

I’m fortunate enough to qualify for some social programs but juggling all the appointments isn’t easy. On top of all that, I thought I’d lost my debit card so I ordered a new one, and am now waiting for a replacement. While I wait, I can only pay for things with PayPal. Also not easy.

 

In some ways, I’m lucky. I have good friends who check up on me to make sure their friend is not only still alive but not cracking under all the pressure, which I’ve come much too close to more times than I’d like recently. The people at the hospital and my regular doc and therapist have been wonderful and an incredible help in helping me learn what I need to know to deal with all this. 

 

It’s so hard, and thus far I’m not doing that great a job of it. Sometimes, it gets a bit overwhelming, and if you’ve been reading my recent posts, you’ve seen what I’m like when that happens. 

 

The truth is that I still don’t know how to deal with all this, though I am learning. Today was my first and I’m told the worst day of radiation treatment. Chemotherapy begins Wednesday. That’s gonna suck.

 

I’m not exactly living on Xanax but I am taking it more than I used to, to a point where I’m becoming a little concerned about becoming dependent. I know I won’t OD. I know this drug backward and forward. I do, however have an addictive personality and was a pill popper back in my punk days. I use Xanax when I need it. It just seems like I’m needing it a little too often right now.

 

It’s just not a good time for me right now. The treatment will be six weeks, five days a week. Like I said literally a full-time job. I can’t shake the feeling that things are going to get worse before they get better, and I’m not even sure they’re going to get better. To merely say it’s fucking scary would be putting it mildly.

 

Now that my closest friends and family know, I figured it was time to tell everyone else, you, my extended family. I have no idea how this is going to shake out, other than I’m going to do my best to try to keep my shit together and get through this somehow. 

 

I know what comes next and yet I don’t. This is hard.

 

This acquaintance showed me that if one has a will, she can find doctors who will perform her Gender Confirmation Surgeries at a low price. She suffered a lot of discrimination because she is transgender.  Her personal style may have isolated her from some of her family - our mutual connection mentioned that this acquaintance didn't keep up with her correspondences.  (This forum is not the place to discuss that issue.)  But I will say that our mutual connection seemed thankful that I forwarded this message on to her.

 

I would have liked to know this person better before she moved away from the NYC area.  Hopefully, she will recover, and be a stronger person on the other side of this adversity.  Until I know more, my thoughts and prayers are with her....

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

                   

It was nice to see a friend today.

 

Today, I met a friend for lunch.  Although we met via OK Cupid, we knew from the beginning that we'd be friends, and not much more.  And this is a good thing.  She would be a little bit out of my league if we had tried to start a relationship.  As friends, we can overlook things that we could not overlook in a romantic partner.

My friend and I have been trying to get together for a while.  Her health and her business has gotten in the way, and I hadn't had the opportunity to get together with her since the beginning of summer.  So we decided to meet somewhere in the middle (we live 90 minutes from each other), in Beacon.  

- - - - - -

No, we didn't go to the restaurant above  If we did, we probably would have gotten very sick. In fact, we may have needed the following maneuver performed on us if we choked on our food:

Instead, we went to a place called Meyer's Olde Dutch for an early lunch.  It WAS FILLING!  My friend, who barely weighs 100 lbs. soaking wet, was filled on her salad.  While I was filled on an oversized, overloaded bacon cheeseburger.  Yum!  I'd go back there again. Over lunch, we talked of many things, such as one Catskills area property not selling.  My friend had sold her place for just under $1 million, and within 18 months, it has recently been flipped for $1.700,000.  Right now, a place either has to have character, enough vacant land to build a place with character, or be cheap enough for someone to tear it down to build a place with character.  The unsold place fits neither of these conditions,  So it remains unsold - for now. For the most part, we talked about her business and her upcoming vacation with her boyfriend.

Next on our list of things to do was picking up some gluten free goodies for her boyfriend and his daughter.  For this, we made the mistake of walking a little over a mile to a store on the other side of Beacon.  And neither of us thought the heat would be getting to us.  To make things worse, I was wearing the wrong shoes for this walk, and my right foot loudly announced that this was a big mistake.  We sat down for a few minutes, then returned to our cars.  Hopefully, she will be able to make her overseas trip soon, as I just learned that her destination country has enacted new quarantine requirements for United States residents.

Once done with my friend, I drove to Poughkeepsie to pick up some stuff at Target.  I've been intrigued by the above dress for a while, and to drop $20 to see how it looks on me.  It looks comfortable, and it is something I can wear on hot summer days.  After I was done with Target, I stopped into Walmart to pick up some food on the way home.  It was strange to see an empty space where the in-store McDonald's used to be. But I guess Mickey D wasn't making enough money in their Walmart outlets, and prefers to make its money off of franchisees by renting out the land their franchised restaurants sit on.

Eventually, I made it home and decided to take a nap.  Even after 2 hours of rest, I didn't feel rested.  I could have easily gone back to sleep.  But I decided to stay awake and call up MWL to chat for a little while.  While on the call, one of my OK Cupid ladies decided to call me (very late), and I wasn't going to break off my call with MWL to speak with someone for the first time.  I was glad when MWL decided to end the call, as both of us were tired after our long days.  Hopefully, I'll have more energy for tomorrow's Brunch Meetup in Peekskill.

Guess what came in today....

 

Guess what I unexpectedly found on my doorstep today.   A box!!! 

But what could be in it?  You may ask....

Inside, I found two boxes like the one below:

 

 Hmmm...  This is getting interesting.  Could it be something useful?

So, I opened one of them, and saw the following goodies, plus an instruction sheet:

 

This looks amazingly familiar....

But what could it be?

 

Yes, miracles do happen!!!   It is the replacement control unit for  my air conditioner!  YAY!

- - - - - -

As you can see, some disassembly/assembly is required.  And I do not plan to do this while the NYC Tristate area can expect several days of 90+ weather.  So the boxes will sit for a while, waiting for a "cooler" day for me to work on this project.

 

Getting out and about as Marian

 

Like many transgender people, I was very nervous when I went out in female clothing for the first time.  To transmit femininity, I always erred on the feminine side of things.  But this wasn't always the best thing to do.  Like many people of our "tribe", I had to learn how to be comfortable in the feminine equivalents of male garments.  In short, I had to learn how to wear feminine trouser like garments that say "female" without overdoing it.

These days, you'll find me going out in a pair of women's slacks, with a feminine top.  It says "female" without having to shout it out loud.  In the ugly picture above, you'll note that I am wearing leggings under that top.  And they are comfortable.  Now if only I had the curves to do what I wear justice!  Depending on what I wear, I can look good - or, look like a watermelon packed into a sausage casing. Either way, I am not happy with my appearance.

In the end, none of us look as good as we hope to look, nor do we look as bad as we fear.  I live in an area that tolerates people like us as long as we do our best to blend in.  I'll never be that pretty, but I make my way around.  And that may be the most important thing....

Interesting Reads

 

 

I'd like to  describe the job I now will likely hold for a few more days (at least, until my immediate supervisor returns from her Hawaii vacation.)

- - - - - -

Unlike my position at the US Census, people at my current job see me as an oversized older woman named Marian.  Only one person in HR officially knows my legal identity is that of a male named Mario.  Most of the tasks in the office are highly repetitive.  For example, I did QC on scanned documents.  This meant that I scanned the documents for blank pages, poorly scanned images, and other flaws that would require operator intervention.  Now, I perform document indexing.  This means that I will inspect a document such as (Disciplinary Suspension of Rudolph Guiliani's License to Practice Law) and then enter indexing data into a database where this document resides.  In both cases, I had the opportunity to do a little more than just do my job.  I took the opportunity to learn things people wouldn't normally learn by keeping my eyes open - and then keep my mouth shut about the details of what information to which I once had access. (I'll never be able to talk about personal data I may have gathered as part of my duties at the Census Bureau, and I treat the non-public data I've seen on this job in the same way.)  Privately, I might say a little bit more than what I've mentioned here - but not much.  The reason I reference the disciplinary action taken against Rudy Guiliani is that this is a public document, something which has been published in the New York Times.

Unfortunately, I can not say much more than I have done so far.  It has been a good experience for me, as it has shown me some of my shortcomings and my limitations.  Since I expect to be leaving this job soon, I am glad that I have been there for 6 months (so far), and I wish them all the best luck going forward.

Three meetups in less than a week.

 

This isn't going to be a long post.  But it notes several things which have happened in the past few days.  Take them for what they are, and read into them what you will:

1. Sunday, I saw someone at a meetup who tried her best to keep me away from several meetup groups she claimed as her own.  It was a pleasant interaction, and went better than I expected.
2. Wednesday, I decided to drop into a meetup where my "Hiking Partner" from Thursday night games was there for Trivia night.  I only wish I could have gotten there earlier.
3. Thursday, I went to a new meetup held on City Island.  It's been over 25 years since I've been to this restaurant, and the food was good enough to want to return much sooner than that.

In all cases, I went to these meetups in Marian Mode, and it was easier for me (and the group) for me to appear as a female.  At the Sunday meetup, I was surprised that one person complimented me on my dress AND noted that I looked happier than I've looked in a while.  (Compliments will go far with me. 😃)

- - - - - -

Over time, I've developed a more natural manner being out and about as Marian.  I'm hoping that newly out transgender folk can see my posts and learn from my hard experience....

Not yet ready

 

When I look at this face, all I can say is that I didn't look "ready for prime time".  I had someone cruising with me who was blind to the risks I'd face if I went on-shore at the wrong ports.  If I had had her with me when I cruised to some Eastern Caribbean ports a year or two later, I'd have been in big trouble.  The rules for LGBT travelers advise us to avoid these islands like the plague, because we (by our nature) are breaking their laws and their taboos.

So when I registered for a recent meetup, I wondered if a recent pattern would hold - would my ex-girlfriend continue to avoid me if I were to attend the same meetup?  If we attended the meetup, what would happen?  I had a lot to worry about, but all for naught.  It was a pleasant interaction - even though I was in Marian mode.  (It makes me wonder why she made all the big fuss about "owning" the meetup groups in the first place.  But that's another story.)

Why do I mention all of this?  Well, none of us are ever fully ready to take on needed challenges in life. If we are able to be fully prepared, then some things will no longer be a challenge to us.  I didn't think I'd be ready to see my ex, and it went off smoothly.  (Given the arguments we had after the breakup, a lot of things could have happened.)  But most of all, my feminine presentation is still far from perfect.  If I had waited until I was fully ready to go out as Marian, I'd still be in the closet.

Life is all about taking chances.  To live well, one must break out of one's cocoon and become a butterfly.  It's time to do so....

 

A date with my niece

 

As you can see, my niece is fully masked up.  In an age where we finally got an "all clear" for being vaccinated, there are enough A--holes in our society that are putting the rest of us at risk by remaining unvaccinated.  She can't wait for the day that she will no longer need the mask, and that she and her husband can visit this country together.

My niece usually puts her friends first, and tries to squeeze her aunt/uncle in as free time permits.  Today was no different.  So when I received her text telling me that we could meet after work, I jumped at the chance to do so.  However, I would have to go home to change into something comfortable and feminine before seeing her in NYC.  And this delayed my arrival at the Rubin museum, as I arrived there shortly after 7:30 pm.  (The museum is usually open until 10, so even an 8:15 ticket time is quite reasonable.)

While waiting for our tickets to be valid for admission, I mentioned many things regarding what I plan to do with my assets when I pass away.  (Hopefully not for a long time....)  And she knows NOT to let my brother into my place until it has been purged of things I don't want him to know about (yet).  She was surprised when I told her about a conversation I recently had with my ex, and she noted - why should I still bother with her, given the way she treated me last year?  (She is wise beyond her years.) And I noted - in spite of everything, I'd sill like to be friends.  Not the excessive intimacy (non physical) that my former cruise partner and I once had, but someone who I can chat with and occasionally have as an activity partner.  However, I doubt that this will happen, as the ex-girlfriend tends to avoid social events I plan to attend.

My niece and I  walked through the museum, and marveled that there is so much beautiful art in one place.  However, the focus on this category of Asian art (Himalyayas and Tibet) is very different from Chinese and Japanese art.  It seems to focus on the temporary nature of life and the impermanence of things in this world.  Things that Westerners may see as sexual may be seen as a unity of all "forces" of nature to the cultures of these areas.

All too soon, our evening had to end.  We walked back to Penn Station, where she had to rush off to a train.  I picked up some grub there, as I knew that nothing would be open at Grand Central.  And I was right....

- - - - - -

One thing I will comment on in a future post is a transgender person living in her authentic gender tends to live a relatively boring life once she isn't switching gender presentations on a daily basis.  With the exception of putting on a wig, shaving my body hair off, and wearing chest prosthesis, most of my life is that of a typical female.  No, I will never have the natural plumbing of a typical female.  But that's OK.  I am not looking to reproduce.  Yet, it would be interesting if someone called me pretty....

I'll miss my friends in Texas

 

I was supposed to catch up with my friends in Texas, but forgot all about it.  I'll miss both SB and JS, as they helped me get through the worst of the pandemic with their Zoom Meetups.  Sadly, all good things come to an end.  But this time, I know that all of us are in better places now than we were 15 months ago.

Do I want to see them in person?  Yes, but my problem is that I am transgender, and that Texas is not friendly to people of my ilk.  There may be some places I can safely go, as Kim from Traveling Transgender may attest, but Texas is a whole other place.  She has documented many of her travels in the past.  However, she hasn't been doing many flights while pretty these days.  (At the time I write this, her last blog post was over 7 months ago.)  I miss her adventures. 

Maybe I should write her for advice?

I finally went to a Hudson Valley Meetup and found the group owner is stepping down.

 

This is a happy and sad post at the same time.  The other night, I went to a meetup with a friend.  Tonight, I found out that the hostess of this group is leaving in October.  One less group in the Hudson Valley that I want to go to.  I'll have to give my ex-girlfriend credit - she chose to keep me out of the one group that survived Covid using methods that I consider unethical.  But then, she's very afraid of dealing with her feelings if she were to see me in person again.

But I don't want to dwell on the past - only reference it.

Now that the worst of the pandemic seems to be over, people are starting to attend meetup groups in person again.  This is a good thing.  There is a new group that I might choose to attend soon.  It'll be much better for me to go there than to schlep into Connecticut.  And yet, I'm not planning on filling my calendar with meetups.  I don't want to get addicted to going out.  Instead, I want to start nourishing my soul again, visiting museums (for one thing) without worrying about whether I'd be missing out on human connections. 

Lately, I've been seeing a lady (as Mario) that knows of my existence as Marian, and hasn't yet run away from me.  No, I don't think we'll be a couple for the long term.  But I'm working on developing a relationship (as friends) that will survive the end of dating.  The other day, I read an article  (Most romantic relationships start as friendships, study finds) on CNN's website.  I want to date the kind of person who I'd want to have as a friend first, and not the kind of person I'd get bored with quickly, and this article helped me understand why I do so.  There are other women I'm chatting with that I have yet to meet.  And I'm holding out some hope that one of them may like the overall package I'm offering when the time comes to see them....

https://www.cnn.com/2021/07/20/health/romantic-relationships-start-as-friends-wellness/index.html

A Quick Air Conditioner Update

 

I figured that I'd make another quick post about my Air Conditioners....

On Saturday, I sent a quick message to Friedrich regarding the Firmware for my AC.  Today, I received a reply telling me that it is back ordered, with no shipping date yet available.  So I asked the gentleman another quick question: Do I need 2 separate shipments?

I'll keep you informed.  At least, I'm keeping cool up here....

It's nice to be able to play games on a Thursday night again

 

It's been almost a month since I've been able to join the group playing games in Yonkers.  And it was great fun being there, even though I had to leave early so that I could go to work early the next morning.  

- - - - - -

Like one person I know, for whom going to her meetups are like going to church, this meetup is like a church for me.  It's where I feel at home.  Unlike that person, I wouldn't be bothered if she were to come to my meetup and meet the welcoming people there.  It is a warm and friendly bunch of people.

I have a simple rule of thumb that I will use to determine whether a person is a good fit for me.  First, will she accept me both as Mario and as Marian?  And if so, would she fit in with this group of people.  Unlike the girlfriend in my last relationship, I will invite the special person in my life to join me now and then.  I won't want for that person to feel excluded from my life.

- - - - - -

Why do I reference the past here?  Well, even when one is looking forward, one has to look in the rear view mirror to make sure that what's in the past stays there.  If the connection between two points is a line, then I want to make sure that I'm heading in the right direction, and not doubling back on my path.

Right now, I'm seeing a nice lady.  But I don't think she'll be the right person for me.  She's not as well versed in as many things as I am, things that help to define the popular culture of the age in which we grew up.  For example, I don't expect a potential partner to have watched as many movies as I have.  But I do expect that partner to know that "As Time Goes By" comes from the movie "Casablanca."  I would expect that woman to know that "When I'm sixty four" is a classic Beatles' tune.  I could go on and on, but I'd be making this person sound much worse than she is.  And I don't want to do her an injustice.  (There is one red flag that I can not ignore, but I won't mention it here right now.)

Compared to last year, things are looking up for me in the dating department.  There are some people I'll want to keep as friends.  And there are some people who are total bores.  Over time, I expect that things will work themselves out.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

A quick note on life passing way too quickly

 

It's hard to believe that I haven't found the time to write a new entry for several days.  So I figure that I should put down some bullets to let you know what's happening in my life....

- - - - - -

First, I'm still waiting on getting a fix to the broken Wi-Fi connectivity on my air conditioners.  Later today, I'll be writing Friedrich's CEO to let him (or one of his flunkies) know that I'm very upset that they don't have a solution to my problem yet....

Believe it or not, I'm still going to my mind numbing job.  I don't know how long I will last there.  But I can use the money, I enjoy going to work as Marian, and I have nothing else to give me reasons to get up in the morning at a schedule that most people consider normal.

And last, I am going to see my friend, LK, the former student clinician from Mercy who helped me with my voice training.  It will be a rushed dinner, but something we've wanted to fit in for a long while.