National African American Museum

 

The above is a picture of RQS standing in front of the Point of Pines Cabin at the National African American History Museum.  Given America's history of treating Blacks as second class people, I feel that this museum is a "must visit" for all Americans. 

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RQS set up the agenda for this trip.  The schedule for our first full day in DC, Sunday, was a visit to the National African American History Museum, followed by a dinner "somewhere".  There was an exhibit at the Arts and Industries Building we wanted to see yesterday, but we were too tired to see it when we arrived.  This morning, we didn't bother waking up early enough to see this exhibit, and proceeded to walk the length of the mall to reach today's museum by 12:30 pm.

Upon entering the museum, we proceeded to the second floor and started viewing exhibits.  Most of the exhibits on this floor focused on artifacts in the 20th century.  This included women in professions such as midwifery, people in sports, and other artifacts related to the "black experience".  It took us over 1 1/2 hours to make it through half of this floor before we decided to have lunch.

After lunch, we went to a larger exhibition (I think permanent) which took up 3 lower levels of the building.  It showed how "Blackness" and "Whiteness" was not a big issue in Western society until European nations started to colonize the Americas and use Africans as slaves.  (I'm not doing the exhibits justice.  You'll  have to see it for yourself.)  From there, the exhibition showed how blacks were brought to the Americas, how they were treated once here, and how slavery affected American society - even after slavery was "abolished" in the United States.  By the time 5:00 came around, we were exhausted, and we went back to the hotel to rest for a while.

Later that evening, it was time to eat, and we made it to U Street.  Unfortunately, we selected an Ethiopian restaurant which once served good food with lousy service.  This time, it was mediocre food with lousy service.  Both of us wanted something sweet to eat afterwards, so we ended up walking a while before finding a Jeni's ice cream shop.  And this was an unexpected blessing, as there was a line out the door.  This meant we'd likely enjoy the ice cream we were about to have - which we did.  It was a nice way to end a great day....

Traveling to DC

 

This weekend, RQS and I went down to Washington, DC for a little R&R.  We've been looking to get away for a while, and I took the week off without pay in order to do so.  Today's entry is not going to be a full recap of the trip.  Instead, it is more of an overview of what we did during this trip.

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One of the things RQS and I felt that we needed to know was whether we could go away for a mini vacation (with opportunities to escape each other if needed) and find out whether we could get along after several days together.  On that issue, I can say that we have dealt with a couple of mini crises, and we have passed a couple of tests in dealing with unexpected adversity.

We left for DC on a Saturday, and used a Lyft to get to Penn Station (NYP) from RQS's house.  The driver asked if it was OK not to use the most direct route through Manhattan to reach NYP, as there was a parade going on that day (which he was going to attend).  We said OK, and did the loop from the Brooklyn bridge to South Ferry, then back uptown on the West side, where he dropped us off across from the new Moynihan train hall.  This wasn't a problem, as we had time to spare.  But we almost blew it, as RQS misread the departure time.  Luckily, I noticed the error, and we made it across the street with over 30 minutes to spare/

One of the problems that was going to bother me throughout the trip would be my lack of low denomination folding money.  I had several $100 bills on me, but was running out of $20's.  So our lost time in NYC was due to my looking for a Chase branch before getting on the train.  This forced me to do something which became an advantage for me - use a specific credit card for all my purchases on the trip.  This made it much easier to figure out how much I was spending on the trip, and balance things out with RQS at the end of the trip.  But I digress.

RQS and I waited in the train hall for an announcement to tell us that it was time to board our train.  While waiting to get on the elevator, we met another couple traveling to DC and I overheard a comment about New York City rudeness.  I said that in NYC, if a person uses deleted expletives for 5 minutes then says "have a nice day", you know that the person likes you.  Then, I mentioned that the F-Word is not an expletive in NYC, but only a word used for dramatic emphasis.  They laughed at this while we got on the escalator taking us down to the platform.

Boarding the train was not an issue, and we saw a homeless woman riding between the train cars.  The steward chatted with this lady, and then she proceeded to lock herself in the lavatory for most of the ride.  About 2 hours lady, the attendant (and a female assistant) did their best to politely tell the woman that she had to leave the lavatory before the train reached DC.  When she finally vacated the room, she used words to define herself that showed how down and out she was.  As much as I felt sorry for her, I was impressed at how well the two Amtrak employees dealt with an issue which could have escalated into something worse.

As we arrived in DC, we noticed that the temperature was much warmer than it was in New York.  Instead of a long sleeve shirt and a windbreaker, it was time to break out a short sleeve shirt.  Yet, after checking in to our hotel, we stayed in what we were wearing for a nice dinner with RQS's cousin before calling it a night.

I feel like I've been running on empty for a while.

 

If I can say anything about my life lately, it's that I always to feel sleep deprived during the week.  For the past two days, I've taken a nap shortly after I got home and have awakened too late to get much of anything done.  Luckily, I had enough broken sleep to have enough energy to get through the day without feeling that I need a nap while at work.

- - - - - -

Strangely enough, I will miss having a place to go to when I eventually leave my job.  The people are a nice bunch, even though they don't have much time to be social. The place is LGBT friendly, and I have never noticed anyone saying negative about me or others in the LGBT community that is related to our gender issues.   Yet, I will enjoy having time back in my life to do things.  And, even more importantly, I will be able to enjoy reading books again.

I've noticed changes affecting my health that I want to discuss with my doctor next week.  These changes are likely related to two things: my age, and the toll that an 8 hour/day grunt job does to my body.  Last year at this time, I'd have no problem going on a hike with DS.  Today, I think I'd feel winded early on.  This bothers me a bit.  I'd like to break the habit of drinking 4+ cups of coffee (or its equivalent) on a daily basis.  Unfortunately, I can't do this while I need caffeine's stimulant effect to make it through the work day.

Sooner or later, something's got to give.  And I'm hoping that I will feel comfortable bailing out of my job before that time comes....

Cancer Sucks!

 

As I was parking in my usual parking spot, I saw a neighbor walking with a cane.  Normally, he's in the best of health and able to take on an army without showing any stress.  So what gives?  Since he was having trouble getting out of his friend's car, I couldn't help but ask him "What happened?"  And the answer surprised me - he has lymphoma.  Since I don't want to give out any information which can identify him further, I will say nothing about the type of work he does, save that it requires him to be in the best of health.

- - - - - -

This development explains why his car hasn't moved in days.  Luckily, this form of cancer has a 92% cure rate.  But he is worried.  He wants to make it to retirement age, sell his apartment, and move to where his money can go a lot further than it does here.  While we chatted, he mentioned the board member who had been treated for cancer, then died of Covid-19 at the beginning of the pandemic.  I mentioned that my late wife died of cancer.  But I stopped short of volunteering any help.  There is not much I could do for him, save to drive him back and forth between his apartment and medical appointments.  Given that I have little energy these days, I'd be a lousy person to give him much help.

Obviously, this man has at least one friend nearby that can help him.  TCL and I have the same problem - we don't have the friends who could help us if something like this happened to us.  There is no way that I could call on FCP or an ex-girlfriend for assistance, and I don't think I'd want to even consider them even if we were still friends.  (The ex-girlfriend showed her true colors when we had our kerfuffle, and FCP would use it as a cudgel to get what she wants in one way or another.  It's better that I remember all the help I gave her with getting to hospitals, etc. than to let her say it was a one way deal in my favor.)

I'm rooting for this neighbor.  Hopefully, he'll be one of the 92% who live more than 5 years after diagnosis.

Dresses, dresses, and more dresses.

 

The one generalization a person can make about transgender people is that we like to wear clothing strongly identified with the gender of which we identify.  As a trans-woman, I love wearing dresses.  And that's OK.  But it means that to blend in I have to tone things down by wearing a dress as an oversized tunic.  So that's what I do more often than not these days.

When I bought the above dress, I didn't have the idea that it would be out of stock as quickly as it was.  I bought it just before the color above was gone.  Today, wearing this dress to work with a pair of black leggings, I felt that I looked pretty and appropriately informal for a place like my office.  (I'd hate to be wearing a T-Shirt and Jeans to the office every day as some women do at my office.)

 

This dress is slightly more problematic.  Once I put it on for a test drive, it screamed to be worn as a dress.  So, on the next warm day that I have free, I plan to do so.  It is very comfortable, and well worth the bargain price I paid for it.  (Remember, both dresses came from Target, and the net including shipping and tax was under $42.00.)  Even if this dress and the dress above it last for only one season, I'll get good value from them.

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Recently, the above dress arrived in the Mystery Box shipment from Universal Standard.  This is the type of dress I'd never buy on my own as it's best worn by a woman with a defined figure, and not by a trans-woman. It took me a while to figure out how to put this dress on, as the outer belts which tie together by the woman's left elbow didn't have a hidden hole for one tie to go through - like the one below.

This dress was also in the shipment, and I posted a mediocre picture of me wearing it in an earlier post.  At least, this dress was easy to figure out once I saw the hole for the belt that came in from the left side of the dress.

- - - - - - 

Even though I feel that the dresses from Universal Standard are of better quality than the dresses from Target, I will get more use from the two simple garments at the top of the entry.  Will I be tempted to buy more dresses in the future?  Yes.  But most of my purchases will be for practical purposes, and not to gamble on getting something nice as I did buying "Mystery Boxes".

Garbageman

 

An alligator in the sewer system.  It's a classic New York City myth, and one New Yorkers enjoy telling people from time to time.  This weekend, RQS and I decided to go into the city to see an off-Broadway play (Garbageman) for which we had tickets.

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As has become our routine, we try to find an entertainment venue to go to on weekends.  This week's venue was one of a handful of plays which were selling tickets at a price lower than a first run feature film.  We have both gotten tired of the typical Hollywood blockbuster fare, where special effects, not plot or performances, are the focus of the movie.  And off-Broadway plays seem to give us better value for money spent - even when we see a dud of a play like Garbageman.

Normally, I get to RQS's place spending about 15 minutes or so hunting for a parking spot.  Today, I parked within sight of her apartment, on my first pass through her neighborhood.  We killed a little time hooking up her DVD player before leaving for dinner.  Instead of going for Indian food in the West Village, we went to a place serving Turkish food, the New Istanbul Grill.  It has now become another one of our go-to joints while in Manhattan, as we both enjoyed a good mean at very reasonable prices.

Next, it was off to see Garbageman.  This play is about two men, dissatisfied with their lot in American life going to attend the January 6, 2021 "Rally" in Washington, DC.  By the time the first act ended, we were totally bored by the play and decided to back to her place for a pint of Tipsy Scoop ice cream.  Considering the play's review in the New York Times, we probably did the right thing by leaving. If the first act was any guide to how the second act would be, we should have gone with RQS's suggestion and gone to a different play.  Maybe next time.  

On the way back to RQS's place, we saw a lot of young people who had obviously gone out clubbing.  One woman of note had on a red dress that barely covered her pubic delta.  While in the subway, I noted that this was a dress for either standing up, or for keeping her legs very close together.  What I didn't mention until we got back to her place was that this woman's undies matched the dress she was wearing. We had a laugh, and decided to take out one of the pints of Tipsy Scoop in her freezer and watch "He Said, She Said" before calling it a night.

I'm a little concerned about supply chain issues getting worse.

 

Several months ago, I mentioned that it took forever for me to get this replacement head unit for my air conditioner. Supply chain issues prevented it from being manufactured and delivered in a timely manner. Today, I watched a video that makes me think that this incident may just be the tip of an iceberg...

One of the things I've noticed when I went to the beach with FH last years was the presence of cargo ships sitting outside New York harbor.  They had yet to cross under the Verrazzano Narrows Bridge and enter the Ports of NY/NJ for unloading. Today's video came from someone who seemed to be a survivalist by nature, but had a valuable insight to what's happening on the West Coast.  His most salient point in the video had nothing directly to do with the problems with world shipping.  Instead, it had to do with the Russia-Ukraine war.  Even though Russia is not well integrated into the Western economies, we lose a lot by cutting off trade with Russia, and he focused on their fish and fertilizer exports.  He also noted that Ukraine being a bread basket for the world.  Couple these factors with supply chain issues at major ports, and we likely will soon see major food shortages - even in the USA.

I feel that we will have to learn how to live with sudden short term periods of scarcity as supply chain issues work themselves out.  Smart people will need to learn how to maintain inventories of things they need, so that they have reserves for when selective items are temporarily scarce and hard to find. Strangely enough, this will pump up our economy while making things worse.  America has always been a land of plenty, and this period of temporary shortages will be a hard thing for Americans to get used to. It will likely cause major social disruption, as our culture defines America as THE land of plenty (for a price) when we're not in the middle of a world war.

You may ask, what does this have to do about being transgender?  The answer is simple.  When times get bad, people become more conservative and prone to populist insurrections.  January 6, 2001 was just the start of a problem for us transgender people, as people in "Red States" now feel free to enact laws regarding what we can and can't do with our bodies (think of abortion laws and transgender participation in sporting events).  As things get worse for the general population, politicians will make minorities like us sacrificial lambs to deflect attention from the fact that they aren't getting anything done to solve the problems average people face.

I can still remember the name calling that FCP did after the unfortunate dissolution of our friendship. In many ways, it showed the true nature of what she felt inside about me.  (Just drop the words of anger, and focus on internal definitions...)  We will see a lot of that in our friends as things get hard for them.  They will be saying that there are more important things to worry about than gender identity, expression, and preference.  And from their perspective, they may be right.  But from our perspectives, it reaches deep into our identities of self - and this could be a live or die issue for many.  I am lucky NOT to have severe gender dysphoria.  But what about those who do?  Can they live, much less, prosper in stealth mode?  I don't know.

As the fictional Margo Channing once said: "Fasten your seatbelts; it's going to be a bumpy night." I'd change that to say it's going to be a bumpy year or two at best....

Thoughts on a past lost to time

 

 
Something got me thinking about my former travel partner.  I'll admit that it was because of my stupidity that I lost her as a friend. Yet, I'm not really sure about the quality of the friendship we once shared.  Thinking back on it, there may have been a codependency factor involved that made the dissolution of the friendship more painful for the two of us.

I'm very glad that FCP has had two happy events occur in her life in the past few months.  And I'm sad that I couldn't be there to share them with her.  Yet, she's not with me as I explore things with RQS, building up a shared set of happy experiences..  We both lost a lot when the friendship ended, but this is a part of life.

One of the things that FCP said to me in the process of cutting off communications was that I did not betray XGFJ, and that she is glad that I am communicating with her again.  What she doesn't want to see is the fact that XGFJ betrayed me.   Although I have forgiven XGFJ for her actions, I doubt that we'll be any closer than we are now - two people with a shared past that have less and less to talk about as time pulls us away from each other.

- - - - - -

But enough about FCP and XGFJ.  There are other things that time has erased from my life.  For example, the older I get, the harder it gets for me to remember many of the details of my late wife.  She had a habit of saying "N double-A s t i" for "Nasty".  There were many more quirks that she had, but most of them have moved into inaccessible areas of my memory.  I miss those memories, yet it is a good thing that most of them are inaccessible.  It would be a bad thing to bore RQS with things about my late wife's life, and for her to bore me with things about her late husband's life.  We are only able to share the most important things about our late spouses' lives, and we understand the losses that the other has felt....

There's a part of me that mourns the loss of the career I enjoyed (for the most part) for the better part of 40 years.  The opportunity to work as a programmer again is tantalizing, as it was the type of work I most enjoyed.  Yet, I'm way past my prime, and I would not gain much from retooling for work best done by a younger person. Yet, I could sacrifice some of the time I have left to me to end my working career doing the type of work that gave me pleasure when I started in the workforce.

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One of the things I miss since I've been employed at my present job is reading for the enjoyment of it.  By the time my day ends at the office, my mind is fried.  I've made so many micro decisions that I have no energy left to make any of the big ones.  This has resulted in an inability to clean up my apartment, and an inability to do much of the reading I enjoy so much.  Hopefully, by the time I get to take my next long vacation, I will have recharged my energy enough so that both my apartment has finally gotten cleaned up and that I've regained my ability to enjoy a long book.  I'd hate for these things to have gotten lost with time.

- - - - - -

All of us have friends and family we have lost over the years. Many of us have had to reinvent ourselves to live with a purpose in life. As for me, I live to learn - about myself, about others, and about the world in which we live.  From each loss comes an opportunity to grow.  And I intend to use those opportunities to grow instead of being burdened by them....

 

Several people agree with me about this one....

 

 

About a week ago, a headhunter called me about a possible position.  However, I was considered too rusty for them to refer to my former employer.  After chatting with a couple of people I realized that this was a bottom fishing headhunter who doesn't know technology that well.  

The headline for the ad read as follows:

Job Title: Mainframe Programmer
Location: New York, NY or Pittsburgh, PA
Duration: 12 months initial contract & high possibility of extension
Need to come in the office one day/week

Since I posted the email last week, I won't post the full text again.  The fellow that runs the shop is making decisions as if the mainframe is just another set of letters in the alphabet soup of computer jargon.  As such, one would want the freshest of skills in any person being presented to a prospective client.  However, no one is being trained for mainframes anymore, and several people say that many firms are desperate to temporarily hire retirees to get them to the point where their old systems can be retired.

Given that the headhunter and I have no written contract or obligation to work with each other, or to keep each other's secrets, I will probably contact people I know who might still work at the old place.  Who knows, I might just get lucky....

 

Another quick post about some conversations

 

Tonight was a night of chatting.  If it wasn't KM from work, or Stephanie from Texas, it would be RQS keeping me chatting until after midnight.  So I won't have too much to say right now.

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The day at work dragged on, as I had a hard time staying awake.  At least, I was able to get a full day's worth of work done - even with the trouble I was having staying alert.  Since I planned to talk with KM after work, as well as Stephanie via Zoom, then chat with RQS, I knew I'd have no time to do any of the other important things I wanted to do tonight.

KM told me about the goings on at the office from her perspective.  She's looking at the company from a youngster's point of view, someone who comes from a bluish collar background.  She sees opportunity in its chaos.  As for me, at an age where I should be considering retirement, I see something else - a company struggling to define its core business for future growth.  Sadly, I had to cut her off, as I had to connect with Stephanie.

Stephanie and I had a more meaningful chat.  She wishes that she could have met me much sooner in life, as we would have developed a closer friendship.  Little does she know that she would have seen me in a very different light had she done so, as I had yet to come out as Marian at the time.  Yet, I can see myself being like an older sister to her.

Once done with Stephanie, it was time to chat with RQS.  As usual, we had a long chat where I did most of the talking.  That seems to be OK with her, as she seems to enjoy hearing what I am saying.  We'll see if this continues over time....

A quick post about being bored with a board

 

I knew when the day began that it was going to be a very long one.  And it was....

For no reason at all, I woke up a couple of times during the night and fell back to sleep. So, when the alarm woke me at 6 am, I worried that I would need more sleep to get through the day.  But I was amazed that I didn't pass out.

By the time 4:30 pm came, I was ready to fall to sleep.  I was a little depressed because the headhunter that contacted me wanted someone with more recent experience.  He has a problem - no one with mainframe experience is being developed in American schools.  Today's young programming types are studying the client-server technologies, as this will be their best shots of doing interesting work.  So, only old people like me, many of which are already retired, have the skills required by this headhunter's client - the bank I once worked for.  This means, that if I want a job, I'll have to contact people I know who still work at the bank.

Once in my car and on the way home, I called up the local taco joint to order tonight's dinner and tomorrow's lunch.  And when I got home, I stripped out of Marian's outfit and put on Mario's outfit, as I had a board meeting to attend.  Although I won't go into any details about what we discussed, the work of our former and current managing agents came up in our discussion.  And I can say that we had important comments about areas of improvement which could be made by our current managing agent.

Eventually, that meeting ended, and I called RQS.  I found it hard to believe that we were on the phone for over 3 hours.  Could you imagine how late we'd be talking if we were in the same place AND if I didn't have to go to work?

A speed bump in the road....

 

Last night, I called RQS and Vicki had a chat with her.  This triggered some thoughts in RQS's head, and she's not yet comfortable seeing Mario turn into Marian....  She didn't realize that we'd be spending the day together with me in Marian mode while going up to a store north of here to do some dress shopping.  I told her not to worry, as I will not push her into meeting Marian until she's ready to do so.  She echoed something XGFJ mentioned after we broke up, that there were 3 people in this relationship.  In a way, she's right, and it's something not always easy for someone to be comfortable thinking about.  I told her that she doesn't have to meet me in Marian mode until she is comfortable - and that's my highest concern.  

XGFJ said several things after we broke up, some of which conflicted with each other regarding me as Marian.  (No, I won't go into them here.)  But I will say that RQS is much more articulate in expressing her concerns, and that we have a better chance of having a long term relationship. The big question is: How best to introduce me (as Marian) to RQS, so that she isn't uncomfortable.  Hopefully, I will have an answer to that question soon.

Cleaning the mess that has become of my Apartment.

 

Strangely enough, my bed has more stuff on it today than when this picture was taken.  Yet, I was able to sort through more stuff today than I have been able to do in the past month.  And I have a fighting chance of having this place "clean" enough to have RQS up for a visit.

Vicki and I were supposed to meet today for dinner and a concert in Tarrytown.  The one catch - I really needed this day to clean things up, as I'd have the most free (and energy filled) hours to allocate to this task in one day.  So I skipped out on going to church as I originally planned and started work on the apartment.  

The corner of my bedroom nearest to the nearest part of the bed I sleep on has been an awkward mess for a while.  Now, I've cleaned out that corner.  Additionally, the pathway on the other side of the bad has been cleared out (for the most part), and I have been able to relocate some things into better locations in the room.  I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm hoping that it's not from an oncoming train.

When 3:30 pm came, I reluctantly stopped work on the room and got ready to see Vicki.  As many of my readers readily understand, I tossed several dresses onto my bed to wear tonight, and chose a blouse and trouser outfit in its stead.  (As much as I enjoy seeing Vicki, I'd have rather not gone to the concert.  But she had already bought the tickets assuming I'd be with her, and I didn't want to disappoint her.)

We ended up going to a Taco joint near the theater, and both of us said "Meh!" about the place.  The food was adequate, but not satisfying.  Next time, we'll go somewhere else.  And then it was off to the theater for the next 2 1/2 hours.  To call the first performer mediocre would be a compliment at best.  The second performer struck a chord with Vicki, but not with me.  Next time, I hope she remembers that I wasn't impressed with this guy and goes alone.

On the way home, I called RQS and introduced her to Vicki.  RQS noted that Vicki is like a sister to me.  It's nice to know that these two women will likely get along when they finally meet.

Two people I haven't seen in ages

 

By now, my readers must know that I am an unreformed Marxist - Marx Brothers, that is....  

I haven't seen DCD or Rose (a woman I used to work with) in ages.  DCD is taking a hiatus from living with his girlfriend, and DCD was up in New York visiting friends/family before returning to her home in North Carolina.  And I didn't recognize either at first, because of how different they looked the last time I saw them in person.

DCD is recovering from an operation, and there is a form of depression that has set into his life.  I won't go into any details, but his life has been a shit storm for the past few years and nothing seems to be getting any better for him.  Right now, he has a job that will start in May, but no car to get to that job. (Again, I won't go into any details on this either.  But I will say that he admitted that his pigheadedness caused the problem which will likely end his car's life.)  I'm rooting for DCD to continue his recovery.  Yet I can't help but think that his illness will eventually claim his life.

We met at a Chinese restaurant in White Plains, instead of the Japanese place DCD suggested.  Aberdeen is one of the better places for dim sum in the area, and I rarely have the chance to go there these days..  A few minutes after we sat down, Rose came in.  I didn't recognize her for sure, so I didn't go over to her table to say hello.  Given that it was over 10 years since I've seen her, both of our bodies have changed a bit.  Rose's face became more matronly, and her body expanded to look like that of a well fed Italian Grandmother.  When both of us finished our meals, Rose stopped by to say hello.  Not too much to say, save that she moved to North Carolina.  If I had the chance, I would have told her about my former coworker Frank, who suffered with terminal cancer while working and died 1 year to the day after he was laid off.  I hope he lived long enough for his wife to collect the full lump sum value of his pension, instead of the ESOP (Employee Stock Ownership Plan) value that he would have received had he died before taking the pension.

All too soon, it was time to go.  DCD had to make it home (with at his Mom's house), and I had to go and get my second Covid-19 booster shot.  The last time I was at the Yonkers Armory, one had to have an appointment for a Covid shot and the place was filled with people on line for their shots, or waiting for their 15 minute observation period to end.  Today, the place was mostly empty.  Hopefully, we won't need the place for a 3rd round of booster shots....

Ukraine, Ukraine, Ukraine - All Ukraine, all the time.

Depending on the news channel you watch, it is either politics or the Ukraine war that is being discussed. Over time, people start getting tired of hearing about wars - especially when the side you want to win can only force the other side to a stalemate.  Too bad that wars are not like Chess, where a proven stalemate ends the game.  The current Eastern European struggle looks like it can go on for years with a lot of needless deaths in the process.

Russia wants for people in the Western nations to tune out to this war, so that they can continue to commit war crimes to wear down Ukraine's will to fight.  They count on our collective unwillingness to keep thinking about a war for years on end.  As for me, we should escalate things quicker than we have, so that Russia feels pain more quickly.  I'll admit that I'd give the Ukrainians weapons which could take out priceless world heritage sites such as the the Cathedrals near Red Square, Hermitage and the reconstructed Amber Room.  Russia does not consider human lives worth much, why should Ukraine consider priceless art held by Russia in any higher regard.  Make Russians painfully aware of what they could lose if the war drags on, and they may just get pissed off enough at their leadership to throw them out by force.  It has happened before....

Sadly, this almost makes me nostalgic for the days that the news was "All Trump, All the Time."  Just almost....

Getting Old

 

Very soon I will turn 65 and be eligible for Medicare.  It's amazing how quickly time passes.  It seems like yesterday that I was trying to skip out of school and do things I enjoy more.  With the exception that I now want to skip work, it still seems the same to me - there is never enough time, money, or energy to do all the things one wants to do.

In the past, I wouldn't think twice of taking on a strenuous task.  For example, it took the efforts of 3 men (including me) to get my entertainment center up my staircase.  Today, I realize that I will either smash the thing to bits to get it out of my apartment, or that someone will hire some strong men to get it out of my place.  I will not risk my health to get this piece of oversized furniture out of my apartment.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I should start seriously thinking of getting old.  How far do I want to continue along my path towards femininity?  Romance will limit my progress on that path.  And this might be OK, as there are few old age homes that specialize in the needs of the LGBT community.

Do I fear getting old?  No.  But I fear getting decrepit.  As a result, I will be walking a lot as the weather gets warmer.  Keep your fingers crossed for me....

A headhunter reached out to me for a position that I am qualified for

 

This computer is a relic, and the same applies to me.  However, a headhunter approached me today to discuss a position using technology I'm familiar with at the bank I used to work for.  Of course, only a person familiar with the Bank's IT department would have a clue (from this email) about the organization and area for which a person is being recruited.

 
Greetings!!

Hope you’re doing well!
 
I came across your resume on the job board and wanted to share the below opportunity with you and see if this is something you would be interested in discussing.
Please reply back with a copy of your UPDATED RESUME in word format if this is of interest to you and feel free to call me at xxx-yyy-zzzz or let me know a good number and best time to call you back.
Would welcome Referrals.

Job Title: Mainframe Programmer
Location: New York, NY or Pittsburgh, PA
Duration: 12 months initial contract & high possibility of extension
Need to come in the office one day/week
 
Key Skills: Hands-on Mainframe Programmer, COBOL, CICS, VSAM, DB2
 
In depth knowledge of IBM Mainframe z/OS environment with current hands on development, coding experience
Must have knowledge of programming languages COBOL, CICS
Experience with file systems VSAM
Strong knowledge of JCL/TSO/ISPF
Understanding of DB2 a plus
Should be able to run and analyze test jobs for various testing needs of QA/ UAT teams
Must have good communication skills, interaction with UAT and business teams
Will be supporting maintenance of critical applications in production, enhancements and new development projects
Experience with COBOL upgrade, reengineering and re-platforming of mainframe applications

The giveaway to me is the location of the position AND the technologies used.  My old application didn't use DB2, but had everything else in the alphabet soup contained in the above blurb.  So, I sent this headhunter my current resume, and a note mentioning that I've been retired for a while, but would be interested in getting back in the game for a while.  Mind you, I want to find out if it is the area from which I was laid off 8 years ago, as this would be the ultimate laugh for me.

Keep your fingers crossed....

Almost an incident in NYC

 

The other day, when RQS and I were in the city, I noticed a fellow totally lost due to no circumstance of his own control.  I noticed that he was about to walk into traffic in the middle of the street, and no one was there to prevent that.  If the man were sighted, this would not have been an issue as he would have been able to see potential oncoming traffic and act accordingly. But being blind, he had no idea of which direction he was heading, no sense of where the intersection was, and no way to get to his destination without help.  Unlike many New Yorkers, I quickly got him out of oncoming traffic, and helped steer him in the right direction.  (No, I was not going to walk him to his destination several blocks away - RQS and I were in the mood for Tipsy Scoop.  But we did point him in the right direction and wished him the best.)  

This almost incident got me thinking about how hard it must be for a handicapped person to get around NYC safely without assistance.  For example, the subway system does not have any protection to insure that a person doesn't fall off a platform by accident (or by malicious intent).  Many of the paths inside the subway system are totally confusing to a sighted person, and without sight, impossible to navigate. Even with sight, a wheelchair bound person can have major problems - especially if a single elevator in an "Accessable" subway station fails.  That person may not be able to make it in or out of the subway, making it impossible to reach a destination.

Currently, the NYC Subway operates with an exception to the Americans with Disabilities act - they only have to retrofit stations for accessibility when the station is renovated.  And I don't have a problem with that.  The MTA couldn't afford the money, nor the headaches, of making every station ADA compliant.  To really make the system accessible, more than one elevator or ramp for each platform or mezzanine would be installed for redundancy purposes, so that a failure with one would not prevent a handicapped person from using the station.  But this only helps the sighted.  What about the deaf and blind? To make things worse, there are some stations which can not be retrofitted, no matted what the cost.  Some of the worst of these stations are in Lower Manhattan - the Wall Street station platform of the 7th Avenue line is too narrow for any renovation.  What can be done there?

It's gotten so bad, that it starts to make sense to replace the existing underground network with elevated lines using modern designs.  But I know that will not happen - at least not in my lifetime.. 

Cleaning up the mess

 

If you think this mess in my bedroom is bad, you should have seen my living room!  But after 2 1/2 years of losing my 2 best friends, and 2 years of pandemic, there's a lot of mess to clean up in my life.  Getting my transgender identity in order is only part of that cleanup.

- - - - - -

Something I now say to any woman I want to get serious with is both that I enjoy dressing in women's clothes and that I go to work as a woman.  I play down the transgender part of my identity, as I am more than willing to live my life in both masculine and feminine roles in order to have a healthy romance.  Although it has cost me a relationship or two, I have found over the years that some women are open minded enough to take a chance with me.

A while back, FL gave me some advice, to not focus on what I would rather have been born as, but to focus on my wardrobe simply as a kink I enjoy.  And I've taken this advice.  Right now, RQS remains curious and unafraid of her possible feelings.  That's a good thing.  Unlike FL, we have progressed tolerably slowly, but steadily.  She knows what she's getting in me, and she knows the risks of a relationship with me.  That's a good thing.

As I gradually clean up the mess in my apartment, I'm gradually cleaning up the mess in my life.  I no longer think of what I lost over the past 2 1/2 years on a daily basis.  Instead, it comes up when I feel a little lonely, and have nothing better to distract me.  Cleaning up my place has taken on a new urgency, as I want RQS to visit my place for a change.  I hope that she doesn't get shocked when she sees how I live....

I'm getting more than my share of tail these days....

 

If you think I was talking about sex by the title of this entry, you'd be greatly mistaken.  I was referencing the presence of a cat who is persistent in his desire to get petted. Ever since my first visit to RQS's apartment, this cat has made his presence known.  He will get between us all the time.  No, it's not a desire to keep us apart.  Instead, it is a desire to get pleasantly scratched and petted.  And we know he's happy when his purring is loud enough to be heard from the next room.

One can tell that RQS loves her cats by the nature of the throw on her sofa.  The fictional title of a book woven into the throw (A tale of two kitties) says it all. Unlike some people I know, RQS does not spoil her cats. It's hard to do so with her cats - they love hopping in and out of boxes, and will often be found sleeping on her bed and on her sofa. There is no need to provide extra stimulation for these cats, as they have a lot of area to cover in RQS's railroad flat.

Unfortunately, it's taking a long time for her other cat to warm up to me.  That cat is very protective of her space, and will get upset when I come near it.  Yet, even this cat is warming up to me, as it will rub itself on me when I'm not in a position to pet her like a "normal" cat.  Even with this, I feel that the cat may still consider me a threat, as I will hiss back at her when she hisses at me.  It takes time for an animal to learn that a new human is not a threat, and I'm willing to give her that time.