Last minute preparations for the Electricians

 

My apartment, from what few pictures I've provided, is an obvious cluttered mess.  Although RQS and I have been working on getting this mess cleared out, there is still too much clutter in the way of my electrical outlets to do all the work on them at once.  This means that I will have people invading my space for several days to come.  AARGH!

It could be worse.  I have the resources to move furniture out of the way, as if I were playing a game of Jenga™.  But I will only be able to move furniture away from one wall per day (at best).  There is way too much heavy stuff (e.g.: 75 y/o file cabinets, beds, dressers) in the way of each wall outlet to get everything done in one fell swoop.

So, I expect to stay in Mario mode until this work is done. YECCH!  At least, RQS will be with me most of the first day of work.  And I will miss her when I drop her off at the station this afternoon.

The handymen have arrived!

 

As I write this, the work on fixing my wall has started.  The sheet rock panel behind these tiles have been removed, and the studs and the sheet rock of the apartment adjacent to mine is now visible.  The work my brother did about 15 years ago finally failed, and the handyman gave me a simple explanation as to why it happened - we didn't mount the replacement sheet rock correctly.

- - - - - -

My brother has gone from having several dead-end jobs in his youth to being a lead financial comptroller in a multi $100mm corporation.  While raising a family, he bought a house needing a lot of TLC, and learned how to take care of all of its repairs himself - he couldn't afford any help to do most of the needed work.  Now, he's able to spend some coin to do the kind of repairs to his place that is not worth his effort to do himself.

Why do I mention this?

I give my brother a lot of credit for improving his life under a great amount of stress.  Now, he plays catch-up with his life, and I hope he's happy with the trade-offs he has had to make to get by.  I did not have to make the same trade-offs, as I was widowed almost 30 years ago, never had children, and didn't need to buy a house to "keep up with the Jones's."  Yet, at this stage of life, I wouldn't mind having some of what he has.  And he wouldn't mind having some of what I have.

It was a good thing that my dad got to see both my brother and I develop the skills to live life on our own without parental assistance.  A wise friend once said that a parent's job is to raise children so that the parent is no longer needed, but will always be wanted and always loved.  That's one thing my dad did well.

- - - - - -

One thing I learned from my dad is that some jobs simply need to be done, and others needed to be done well.  In the case of the bathroom tile wall, this time the job needed to be done well.  So I hired it out to a professional.  I could have done a crappy job myself, then need to do a bigger repair in a few years.  Instead, I spent some coin (which I am lucky to have) to do it right and to forget about it.  I hope my dad would be happy with how I make my decisions now, as I still think of what he might do had he been in my position in life.

Dinner with Vicki

 

Tomorrow, the handyman will come to repair the tile wall in the bathroom.  I dread this necessary headache, as it will soon be followed by electrical work that requires virtually all my furniture be moved for outlet replacement.  ARRGH!

With this looming ahead of me, I was glad to meet Vicki for dinner before she goes on her vacation.  Vicki is trying to get her health in order, so that she can have a needed medical procedure.  (And no, I won't go into any more details here.)  So, I know that getting together with me is a special occasion for her.  Over dinner, we talked about many things, and she made a comment that echoes with other people I know - they see me as the same person, no matter which gender I am presenting as at the moment.

I think that a key to understanding a transgender person is seeing that his/her soul is the same person, no matter how the person chooses to appear to the world.  Yes, there will be women who get upset at the M2F transgender person for invading "women's space". And I can understand that.  Many M2F transgender people want to carry their former male privilege into their female lives, and this can not be done and be accepted by females as equals.  Yet, I feel that the cisgender world should "get over it."  To me, being transgender is a form of intersex condition, where the brain is wired to be of one gender, but the body is programmed in utero to be the other.

The transwoman I mentioned in an earlier post has reverted to life as a cisgender, heterosexual man. And he seems to have found a new potential woman in his life.  I wish the best for them, as life for a person my age can be a struggle without the issues of being trans to complicate things.  At least, he'll be able to live a less complex life - for now.  As for me, I'll deal with my complexities as long as possible, as I have no intentions of eradicating what I've gained by being Marian from my life.

I didn't really want to go to game night, but I made myself do so.

 

My mind has been on overload lately.  First, it was the tile wall in the bathroom failing. Next, it was scheduling repair work on the wall to begin over the weekend.  And then, it was being told that the electricians will start their work replacing electrical outlets next week.  So, in addition to my regularly scheduled social appointments both as Marian and as Mario, I have to appear as Mario when the handyman is here on the weekend, and when the electrician is working in my apartment.  AARGH!!!  (At least, I can get in some Marian time when I go to my dentist.)

- - - - - -

Since I wanted to leave tomorrow open for last minute tasks, I spent today working slowly on cutting down on the clutter in the apartment, and then doing some laundry.  By the time I was done, I was not really in the mood to go to play games.  But, given that it'd be another 4 weeks before I'd get the chance to be with this group again, I forced myself to get showered and dressed, then out the door as Marian.

As usual, I got to Yonkers a bit late and missed the first game.  Then I got involved in the second game of the night, and did tolerably well until the very end of the game.  Yet, I had fun.  Sadly, there was some bad news.  The host/hostess' new dog (a 5 y/o rescue) bit one of the guests and had to be kept away from the group.  I'll bet that this dog may have been abused once and has yet to unlearn coping behavior, as none of the rescue dogs my dad adopted (including one that was abused) ever drew blood after living with my dad.  (Yes, this may be flawed reasoning, but it reflects my feelings on the matter.)

I would have liked to have participated in more conversation and less game playing tonight.  But I can't always get what I want.  At least, RQS and I had a nice chat on my way home, and we set our game plan for the weekend....

I still play hopscotch across gender lines

Unlike an acquaintance mentioned in a prior post, I have no intention of backsliding on my path to femininity.  Even though the AI generated picture above is only an aspirational goal, it is a good idea of what I'd look like after Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS).  And I want to look like this (as appropriate for my age) at some time in the future.

The big question will always be: How far can I go along my path and have RQS as my companion?  I'd rather stop at a point before she starts feeling uncomfortable than to go too far and lose her.  For me, having companionship at this stage of life is more important than being fully female.  The equipment between my legs is less important than how I present myself to the world.  Additionally, the ability to present myself to the world 24x7 as a female is not as important as having a partner at this stage of life.

So, where does this leave me right now?

Well, I am comfortable crossing gender lines as needed to get things done during the day.  For example, I have to do some tile shopping for repairs being done on my bathroom wall.  This is something best done while I'm in male mode.  Yet, I feel more comfortable in female mode overall.  

Yet, this can get a bit awkward when I need to be in Male mode part of the day, then Female mode for the rest of the day.  For example, I have electricians coming to my apartment several days next week. (I can't move all of the furniture out of the way to get all the needed work done on one visit.)  I'll need to be in male mode these days, then change into female mode after they have gone for the day.

For the most part, everyone in my apartment complex knows that I live a bi-gendered life.  But, I have to be careful which mode I use when I deal with the outside world.  If a mechanic sees me as a woman, they will either treat me as someone who doesn't know much about mechanical things - or worse....  Yet, presenting as a male can be just as awkward in female dominated spaces, such as makeup counters. 

Will this crossing of gender lines ever end?

I don't have a good answer to the above question.  If I didn't have to worry about RQS's feelings, I'd probably move much faster towards living 24x7 as a female.  Yet, I'd still want a relationship with my family, and that would likely mean that I would either have to out myself to the rest of the family or find ways to hide it....

My apartment is still a mess, but it is showing progress.

 

I have only so much physical and emotional energy to spend during the day.  But I can see some improvement in the apartment, now that I've cleared off both my sofa and thrown out a bookcase.  Now, I can put a subset of books back into one of the bookcases I've emptied, and restart work on my bedroom.

Why do I mention the state of my apartment so often?

Well, I want to get this place back into a shape where I can think of inviting someone other than RQS over again.  No, I do not have a goal of doing this.  Instead, I'd like to have this option open to me again - something I haven't been able to do since my late wife was alive.

- - - - - -

Right now, I have a box of books on the dining room table that need to be put back into a bookcase.  Assuming that the bookcase overflows, I'll start removing books from another bookcase to prepare for another donation to the library's thrift store.  I've already started another donation bag to be given to the local thrift store when it gets filled.  Until then, I have space where I can stash it where it's not in the way.

Once this place is devoid of much of its clutter, I'll then consider painting the place.  It hasn't been done in almost 30 years, and it's about time I do so.  This time, I'll hire out the job, and let someone else break their back to do so.  And then, the big expenditures begin.  I want to do some renovations in the bathroom, so that I have a new toilet, vanity and medicine chest (with lights above it).  To do what I want, I will also need some electric work done, so that I have an electric outlet or two in the bathroom.  

All of the things that I want to do involve money and time.  I doubt that I'll ever get this apartment done the way I'd like to see it done.  But if the job is incomplete, my heirs will have to deal with making the apartment ready for sale.  That'll be the price they have to pay to inherit from me.

 

 

 

PS:  I just got notice that the co-op's bank mandated electrical work is scheduled to start in my apartment a week from now.  AARGH!!!!  I don't have the time for this, and I can't put it off.....

Taking care of business (part 2)

Today, I had two things on the docket.  One would cost me some chump change, and the other some coin.  Either way, I had to present myself as Mario to the world.  It was just as well, as it looked like we'd have some scattered thunderstorms today.

- - - - - -

I got up at 8:00 am, so that I could make it to Mavis Tires for the New York's mandated yearly safety/emissions inspection for my car.  Reaching Mavis by 10:00 am, I was out of the shop an hour later, and proceeded home to nap, work on cleaning up some mess in the apartment, and to meet the handyman who'll do work on the tiled wall next to my bathtub.

Since I've been sleep deprived for the past few evenings, I took my nap first - and awakened by 3:30 pm.  I got dressed, and started to clean up my place when the handyman arrived.  As expected, he will need to tear out some sheet rock and replace it as part of his efforts.  So I gave him a 25% deposit for materials, and will pay him the rest when he returns over the weekend.  

Tomorrow, it'll be off to the tile store to see if I can get a box of tile similar to that on my 65+ year old bathroom wall....

- - - - - -

This weekend will likely be a "Cluster F" of scheduling headaches, as both RQS and I will need to be up much earlier than usual and stay in the apartment while work is done here.  I am not looking forward to this, but I have no choice, as the work needs to be done no matter what.  I am tempted to ask her if I could come down after work is complete (or, have her come here), so that she isn't as disturbed as she will be when the workers are taking up space in the bathroom.

Assuming that the work is done in one day (which I doubt), we will have Sunday free to do things for ourselves. But what might we do?  At least, I have several days to think about this, as tomorrow, I will have to go to a couple of tile stores to see if they have tile that matches the scheme of the remaining tile on my walls.

Taking care of business (part 1)

 

I had several things I had to do today: See a friend for lunch, arrange for a handyman to come and repair the tile in my bathroom, postpone dinner with Vicki, get my earlobe piercings looked at, and confirm my car's appointment for the annual state safety/emissions inspection.  And I was amazed that I got everything done.

But first....

My alarms were set to wake me up at 7:00 am, so that I could attempt to get free tickets for the 9/11 museum in Lower Manhattan.  It was worth it for me to try to wake up early to get these tickets, but I was doing it with only 3 hours of sleep.  So I'd likely be tired most of the day until I've had a chance to nap.  Still, I didn't get to the site using the correct link, so refreshing the link at 7:00 am still resulted in failure as I was never presented with the option of getting free tickets.  AARGH!  Yet, failing to get 9/11 tickets would be a blessing, as I would be able to take a much needed nap later in the day.

Now that I was awake, I started to work on a blog entry.  Working on developing a travel blog that will develop into videos is work, as I have to be thinking of scripts I can use to make 10-15 minutes of useful content on a regularly scheduled basis.  (It'll need more meat and less filler than in this daily blog.)  So I worked on something based on my most recent trip.  Even though I'm not happy with this entry, it's good exercise for me.

About 11:00 am, I started getting ready to see my friend MAR for lunch.  I hated to get showered, as I don't like risking getting the failed section of the tiled wall wet.  (It's covered with both duct tape and a tarp now, but there is still a risk until a handyman fixes it.)  After showering and getting made up for the day, I put on a dress I bought several years ago, and went out for lunch.  We chatted for a couple of hours, talking about many things.  I'm glad that she is taking my advice, and trying to develop skills that will get her out of the job she is doing and into something better. She'll never be a rocket scientist, but she's capable of doing something that will make it possible to afford to live on her own.

Next, I had to make an appointment with a handyman.  My downstairs neighbor (who I haven't seen in weeks) had given me the name of a person who worked in his apartment for a contractor that the co-op used to fix damage from a plumbing problem originating from my apartment.  So, I called him, and we made an appointment for this Saturday (although he'd want to stop by after work today - something I couldn't do while out as Marian. Instead, I have him coming by tomorrow, while I'm out as Mario.)  Hopefully, this fix will both be done the right way and won't cost me too much money.  

Now that this was taken care of, I drove to the tattoo/piercing shop to have the piercing specialist look at my ears.  I was having trouble with one ear because there was a little gunk blocking the hole.  The other ear's problem was caused by the hole starting to close - and she took care of that.  However, she couldn't widen the hole without using studs that I'd never be able to take off and put back on easily.  So I went with replacing the studs I used to wear.

And then, it was home for a nap after a quick trip to the supermarket.  I'll have a lot to take care of tomorrow, but I'll deal with it then....

Looking forward to new trips - a quick post.

 

As you might guess from my writing in this blog, I enjoy travel.  Right now, I have 4 planned trips in front of me:

1. A long weekend in Chicago with RQS and my Texas friends.
2. A Bermuda cruise with RQS.
3. A solo cruise to the Bahamas and back.
4. A Norwegian Fjord cruise with RQS in 2024.

Even with these trips planned, I am still trying to figure out ways to travel even more.  For example, I'd like to spend a weekend in Boston with RQS, and see things we couldn't see in our short stop there on last year's cruise.  I could always go back to DC with RQS, as she has relatives in the region that we both enjoy seeing.  And then, Philadelphia comes to mind, as I have not had the time to explore the city in my two trips there.

Unfortunately, travel costs money, and we have to answer a simple question: Where will all this money for travel come from?

The other day, I was chatting with my brother and the subject of my uncle's finances.  (No, I will not go into them here.)  But both of us had similar thoughts - we both want my uncle to enjoy the rest of his life as much as possible, and would rather that he spend it on him and my aunt, than for him to leave us a lot of money.  Yet, if we were lucky enough to inherit a few dollars, I would spend some of it on a bucket list trip with RQS.  My brother said that this was an excellent idea.

What will happen in the future depends on how my finances work themselves out.  If my investments do well, I will spend some of the proceeds on travel.  If not, I will dream about travel.  Either way, travel will be on my mind.  Hopefully, much of that travel will be as Marian, and not as Mario.

Apartment Cleanup 101

 

I find it amazing that my apartment once looked this "Neat".  But it is getting there again.  Because RQS and I have a virtuous circle relationship, it seems that when I work on cleaning up my apartment, RQS is inspired to work on hers (and vice versa.)  This weekend, I went to RQS's place for a change, and we did a little work on cleaning out junk from her place.

But first....

Last week, RQS expressed a desire for me to go down to her place for a change, and I said yes.  This decision was fortunate, as I have to get a handyman to come to fix the tiled wall near my bathtub.  So, I took care of several errands before driving to RQS's house, one of which included donating 2 large boxes of books to a local library's thrift shop, returning another book to my local library, and talking with my building's super.

Once on the road, I hardly hit any traffic, and I reached RQS's place earlier than usual.  RQS was waiting for me with a couple of lobsters to be cooked.  Yum!  It was a good evening for a lobster boil, and she noted that it was more enjoyable than eating lobster at any local restaurant.  Both of us were tired, and we decided to hit the hay a little early for our next day's activities.

- - - - - -

The sun came out, and there was more than enough light coming in through RQS's windows to cause me to wake up much earlier than usual.  After relaxing in bed for a while, both RQS and I (mostly her) proceeded to declutter her apartment.  By the time we were ready to go for dinner, she had a couple of boxes of books to go to the donation bins.  I was tasked with bringing her old bookcase down to the trash area, and her apartment looked much cleaner for the work put into it.

Next, we got showered and dressed, and off to "Curry Hill" for dinner.  Our first stop was at the bookstore, where I picked up a guidebook to Bermuda.  Then, it was off to Third Avenue for dinner. We found a nice place via Yelp, and were lucky to get seated without reservations.  RQS said that the food was a little better than our usual NYC go-to pace.  As for me, I felt that it was as good or slightly better.  But it was $20+ more expensive for a similar meal.  (It was worth it.)

Why did we go to "Curry Hill" instead of Greenwich Village?  Tipsy Scoop!  We wanted our booze infused ice cream.  And we got it.  Yum!  We paid for it though.  We couldn't find a bus that would take us back to the subway which would return home.  In the end, we walked over 1/2 mile to find the bus stop before going into the nearby subway to go home.

- - - - - -

Sunday came, and so did more apartment cleanup. While RQS was organizing things, I fixed a problem on her computer which prevented some things from printing.  Once we showered and dressed for the day, we delivered more stuff to the local donation center before I left for the evening.

Game night and seeing an old friend - a short post.

 

My friend was up from Florida this week, but neither of us had the time to get together on our own.  She is blissfully ignorant of politics, and had no idea of how the governor of her state is hurting transgender youth.  Once I mentioned things as they are in the real world, she was a little upset.   But then, most people prefer to tune politics out of their lives, as they don't see the value of knowing what's going on behind closed doors leading to smoke filled rooms. I'm not out to knock this friend, as she has a warm and loving heart.  What I am out to say is that she made it to game night, and I had the first chance to see her in several years.

Tonight's game lasted way too long, and I tuned out long before the game was over.  There were way too many things to keep track of in this game, and my mind wasn't up to it - especially with two strong minded fellows "arguing" about the rules of the game.  I was only going through the motions, so that I'd have a pleasant evening - which I did.

After game night was over, I chatted outside with my friend and caught up on things.  She knows I'm trans, and it doesn't bother her.  If I weren't attached, I could see the two of us traveling together.  But, I am, and want to keep it that way.  All too soon, we had to part.  She had to drive back to Connecticut, where she was staying until the weekend, and I had to drive back to my apartment.  On the way home, I caught up with RQS on our nightly phone call.  It'll be nice to see her again, and I hope that nothing gets in the way of doing so....

A minor disaster before lunch with a friend.

 

About 15 years ago, Ex-GF-M broke the soap dish on the wall on the side of her bathtub.  Today, the same happened to me, as a result of a failure of the adhesive used when this building was erected.  Yes, there is always more to it than a simple answer.  But I was lucky to have the materials around to rig up a temporary cover that should keep this section of wall dry until I can get a handyman to fix it.

My big question is: Why did this section of tile fall off?  No, I am not looking for the simple answer.  I'm looking for the root cause of failure.  Was there a tiny leak that I couldn't see that cause damage to the drywall?  Who knows?  But fixing this will cost me a little bit of money to fix, money that I don't want to spent at this time.

After covering this area with duct tape, and over that, a construction bag to provide two layers of protection, I felt comfortable that I've bought a week or two to find a handyman and then get this job done.  Now, to find that handyman....

- - - - - -

Once I was done in the bathroom, I proceeded to put on my makeup, get dressed, and out the door to see a former coworker for lunch.  My fiend wanted to eat outside, and I chose the Birdsall House in Peekskill.  I remembered that they made a great bowl of chili, so I figured that this would be a nice change of pace for the two of us.

I arrived at the Gastropub shortly before my friend, and sat down at a shady table outdoors.  We ordered our meals, and then started to catch up on things.  We discussed my travels, and her travails.  Let's just say that a problem that she's been dealing with had an unexpected development in her family life that threw her for a loop. While we chatted, a couple of wasps (the flying insect kind, not the type who qualifies for legacy admissions) bothered us enough to take our plates to an inside table where we finished our meal in peace.

All too soon, we had to go.  And for me, it was time to go home and take a nap....

The high point of my day would be an evening Zoom Meeting

 

Yesterday, I did some serious "damage" to the clutter in my living room/dining room areas of my apartment.  Today, it was time to toss out all the garbage, rearrange things, and finding homes for things displaced from their previous storage spaces.  After yesterday, I didn't need any strenuous work, and I made sure not to do any.

So, I did a little bit more decluttering work, putting books in donation boxes, and others into the remaining bookshelves that I have in the apartment.  Yet, for the most part, I wasted time during the day, and I didn't get showered, dressed and out of the house until 6:15 pm.  And it was time to get something to eat before my zoom meeting.

At the diner, I was served by a woman who was the spitting image (and voice) of someone I worked with several years ago.  I knew that she was a doppelganger for my former coworker, as my coworker lived on Staten Island with her husband.  There was no way that she'd leave project management to be a waitress.  But I'd have loved to ask the waitress about her ethnic origins, just so I could ask if she had a doppelganger relative from the Philippines living in the USA.

All too soon, I had to rush home for my zoom meeting.  (The picture above is how I appeared before everyone started signing on to the meeting.)  I can't wait for all of us to meet in Chicago in two and a half months' time.  Four gals on the town in the big city - we won't have enough time to do it all on this trip, so we may have to schedule something for next year soon....

Getting rid of clutter - my apartment is a mess for now!

 

I've been taking my time in my efforts to clean out the clutter in my apartment.  The above picture illustrates an intermediate point in today's set of tasks at hand. 

But first....

There were 4 things on my docket for today:

1. Calling the appliance service person to figure out what can be done about my refrigerator and the overflow of the drip pan below the refrigerator's condenser.
2. Bringing my car to Mavis Tires to get its yearly New York State safety/emissions inspection.
3. Getting my ear piercings widened, so that I can more easily wear pierced earrings as Marian.
   
4. Donating a box of books to a local library's thrift store.

I had no plans to work on the stuff behind the loveseat (almost completely hidden by things in the center of the picture).  But I wanted a feeling of accomplishment, and I didn't get enough of it lately.

 

Around 8:00 am, I was awakened by the appliance service person.  It was good to finally chat with him.  After some back and forth, I got the feeling that he didn't want to waste my money when I could (for the most part) fix it myself - with minimal input from him.  Once I sent him the above picture, he clarified that the Screw/Bolt near the top of the picture above had to be turned to raise this corner of my refrigerator.

Finally knowing what needed to be done and how to do it, I got to work on this task.  I found my socket set (there was a lot of grime on the box), took out the correct socket and wrench, and raised the corner a little.  Let's hope that this did the job.  I'll find out over the next couple of weeks.

- - - - - -

Next came my trip to Mavis Tires.  This was the only reason that I went out in a male presentation today.  Unfortunately, the two nearby stores had problems with their new machines which print inspection stickers.  They couldn't do the job today, and they didn't know when they could do so.  (Could a trip down to the local mechanic be in the cards by mid month?)  

Since it was well before noon, I decided to skip dealing with my ear piercings, and go home for the day. On the way, I stopped at the thrift store, and unloaded a box of books from my car.  And then I was home with no plans for the day.

- - - - - - 

Around 2:00 pm, I got inspired.  I decided to tackle the task of making space behind the loveseat, and to get rid of some books I haven't read in years.  It's amazing how much I started to find as I went through the clutter.  And it was more amazing that I decided to throw out the long, 2-shelf bookcase I've had for almost 40 years.  (It came with my late wife moving in to this apartment.)  But I started on this task, and found a lot of things that I might keep, donate to charity, or toss in the dumpster.

Although I did more decluttering after I finished the bulk of this entry, I left the place a cluttered mess for the evening, and will remedy this soon.

Follow that cab! (to McDonald's?)

 

While RQS and I were out this weekend, we turned into a Mickey D's to eat.  And guess what we saw in the Drive-Thru lane: A Checker Cab!  If one looks carefully at the car from all angles, it's easy to tell that this car is not registered as a cab.  Instead, it was registered as a Historical Vehicle (25+ Years Old), and limited to 2,000 miles of driving each year.  They enjoyed seeing me take pictures of the car, and I enjoyed doing so.  May they have many more enjoyable miles to go in this retired cab.

Once I shot the above picture, we went inside for lunch.  Not only did they get the order wrong, but they did not bring the meals to the table as ordered at the kiosk.  (We picked up a table number, and we were called to pick up the bag with our food.)  Although RQS got what she ordered, I ordered a Big Mac meal and received a Quarter Pounder meal and a small order of nuggets.  And the nuggets had less than no flavor.  There was no ketchup in the pumps - we had to ask for packets.  The washroom had a funky smell. And we ended up with a list of 7 complaint items which I intended to forward to McDonald's headquarters.

When we got back home, I sent off my complaints to McDonald's - and received a call back a couple of hours later.  I guess the parent organization actually cares that customers have an enjoyable experience at their stores.

Sofa shopping and lobster cooking

 

The original plans for this past weekend had me driving to RQS's place, and us doing things in Manhattan.  Specifically, we'd go to the "Curry Hill" area of Manhattan for Indian food, then go to Tipsy Scoop for some booze infused ice cream.  It was a weekend where I was supposed to be presenting as Mario.  But hot weather was predicted for Friday and Saturday, so we changed our plans.  RQS would come to Croton this weekend, and I'd trek into NYC next weekend.  As a bonus, I could stay in Marian mode for most of the weekend.

- - - - - -

Saturday came, and we got up late.  But we still had enough time to make it across the river and do some furniture shopping.  We knew the sofa I wanted to ask questions about, and this meant dealing with a very hungry salesman.  Boy, was he hungry!  He employed many of the sales tactics an aggressive (but ethical) car salesman might use to get someone to make a deal "right now".  But there was no way I would put my Jane Hancock on a contract - if their Memorial Day sale was a guide, I expect to see a Labor Day sale price $250 lower than it was on this visit.  Yet, RQS was impressed by this person's persistence.  Unfortunately, I was not impressed by his lack of knowledge in regard to the products on the floor.  What I told RQS, and not this fellow, was that there would be no way he'd get the sale - I have to be in Mario mode when I sign a contract, and this means that we will be going to another of their outlets when I'm ready to consummate a deal.

Our next stop was at Shoprite, where I picked up some lobsters to cook this evening.  By the time we got home, RQS was getting hungry, and I wanted to get some water to boil as quickly as possible - I was hungry for lobster too.  Shortly afterward, the lobster was cooked and we were ready for our feast.  And feast, we did! 

Lunch with a friend from the Census

 

Not getting enough sleep has become a habit with me, and my body keeps waking me up with the sun, only to have me hit the virtual snooze bar to rest another hour or so.  But today was different.  As much as I didn't want to get up today, I ended up doing so as I had a lunch date scheduled with a friend I met while working at the census bureau and I didn't want to disappoint her.

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My friend, CCS, is a member of Mensa, and her world intersected with mine in more than one way. When we met at the Mexican restaurant down the hill, she sent greetings from some I dated a long time ago.  (There wasn't much chemistry between me and the woman I dated.  She lived on Manhattan's West Side and I lived where I live now.  Dating her would be a headache that neither of us needed, as I was starting to come out as trans at the time. I just wonder how my name came up at CCS's out of town conference.) And then, we got down to ordering lunch....

Over lunch, we chatted about many things: my travel plans, her insurance issues, politics, and life in general.  She's the type of friend who accepts me for who and what I am.  And I am grateful to have this friendship.  CCS and Vicki will be the people I'm most likely to call when I finally get around to scheduling another colonoscopy, as these are the two friends who have volunteered to drive me on the day of my procedure.

All too soon, we had to part.  My next stop was to fill my car up at the local gas station.  I was glad that I was wearing a short, comfortable dress, as the weather was hot.  Given how hot it was today, I made the decision to be in Marian more tomorrow when I pick RQS up at the station.

Another friend bites the dust - a quick post

 

Years ago, I dated the woman above.  It turned into a simple friendship, as we were in different stages of life.  Mary was about to retire, and I was trying to stave off a forced retirement for a few years.  Sadly, thanks to Facebook and its habit of reminding people of posts they made years ago, I found out that my friend had died a couple of years ago.

Mary once wanted to become a nun.  However, that was not her calling.  Yet, she ended up serving people in her own way, running a restaurant, running an Airbnb, and even managing hospitality for a service organization's guest house overlooking the Hudson river.  When I last was in contact with her, she had moved back to the San Francisco Bay area, and had just found subsidized housing that she could afford.

I always wanted to visit Mary the next time I returned to the SF Bay area, but we had lost contact and I had other things on my mind for the past few years.  When I was in SF on my recent cruise, I had forgotten all about her.  So I was very surprised to find out that she passed away in 2021.  Could it have been Covid-19?  Who knows?  I remember that she had a blood disorder that she knew could kill her one day.  Could this have happened?  I doubt that I will ever find out, as I was never in her close circle of friends.

By my calculations, Mary was 77 years old when she passed away.  She lived a good life, and she was one of those rare people that no one would have a bad word to say about her.  I consider myself lucky to have known Mary for a short period in life, and I will miss having the chance to see her again....

Seeing Vicki for Lunch

 

It's been a long time since I've been able to see Vicki (#2) for pleasure.  The last time I saw her, her spouse had passed away, and there wasn't a good opportunity to introduce her to RQS, except for a fleeting moment.  Today, we finally got together for lunch and we went to one of our old standby restaurants - Aberdeen Cantonese Restaurant in White Plains.

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About a week ago, Vicki suggested that we get together for afternoon tea.  This morning, she decided to make a reservation and found out that the place was closed for July.  The next place she thought of was closed for the day.  So we ended up going to Aberdeen for Dim Sum.  Yum!

Aberdeen was just as I remembered.  Although there no longer are any Dim Sum carts parading around the floor, one can order exactly what he/she wants and have it delivered quicker than the time one would wait for a Dim Sum cart to make its rounds. This ended up creating a minor problem.  We ordered several dishes that all came at once - leaving us no room on the table.  However, we worked around this problem by focusing on eating one dish at a time, so that we could clear the table of dishes as we polished off what they once had on them.

I have to note that Vicki has a non-binary offspring.  She noted that given our nation's politics, that her child had to travel in male drag - even though they have a beard, they tend to wear clothing usually associated with females.  It's a shame that she had to do this.  But given the culture of intolerance being fostered by Florida's governor, it was the safe way for her child to travel.

All too soon, we had to part.  Vicki noted that she would like to meet RQS soon.  So I'll have to find some time when Vicki and RQS are free, in order to have everyone get together for dinner.

A trans person now living in their originally assigned gender

 

I'm going to try and not mention the name of the person who inspired this post.  The reason I am doing so is to protect this person's privacy - even though this person was "out" for the better part of a decade.  

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I didn't know much about the LGBT community when I decided to come out.  Even more importantly, I didn't know much about being transgender, nor did I know people who have identified themselves as trans and later decided that they were not trans.  Today, I have found out that one person I know as a M2F trans gal is going back to live as a cisgender male.

It came as a shock that this person has reverted to the gender assigned at birth.  But I saw a sign of this the other day, when I saw a post for a performance he was going to be in.  Now that I know what is going on, I am glad that I didn't make the effort to go see him that day.  I wasn't prepared to see him and be in a situation where both of us might be uncomfortable.

Reverting to a former identity is not easy, and takes as much courage as outing one's self in the first place.  This person has found that living as a trans female has helped him in his life as a cisgender male.  As for me, I have found that my male identity has improved, now that I am out and living as a bi-gendered person.  Am I trans?  Yes.  I'd rather have been born with the other "plumbing" configuration.  Yet, I don't have the severe gender dysphoria that many trans people have.  

Hopefully, this person will be happy in whatever life brings to him/her.  Will he revert to a trans identity?  Some trans people have gone back and forth between identities. Yet, most tend to retain a trans identity once they are "out" to the world.  I'm looking forward to being in contact with him sometime in the future.  But I just don't want it to be an awkward meeting.....