I just put a deposit down for a new car!

 

The title of this entry says it all.  I have finally put money down on a new car.  Yay!  Now to figure out what to do with the old car.  With this being said, I know that I can always donate the car to a charity and get a tax deduction.  But I won't get more than a fraction of what the car is worth.

Although it's been over 40 years since I bought the apartment I live in, I'm still surprised that this car costs almost the same as my apartment did way back when.  (Of course, indexed for inflation, my car costs the same as an equivalent car of that era.)  Yet, I was a little nervous about this purchase, as I committed to writing what will likely be one of the largest checks that I will likely write in my life. 

I'm looking forward to driving this car.  But I will likely NOT be taking it to RQS's place that often, as owning a new car can be a liability in the outer boroughs of NYC.  A high mileage, older car is never going to be at risk for theft.  But a low mileage, new car becomes a great risk for theft of parts.  I was reminded of that when I signed the contract for the car, when I had to ink a clause declining to have a VIN number etched on my catalytic converter.  No one buying a "hot" converter cares about an etched unit, and they could easily obscure the etching if that reduces a criminal's chance of getting caught.

The deal I cut was unusual, as it was an all-cash deal without seller financing.  The sales manager wanted to offer me financing, and I declined for reasons I didn't give him.  (Specifically, I didn't want to unfreeze my credit report and potentially open myself up to identity fraud.) When the car is delivered, I expect that the sales manager will try to upsell me on things such as: Ceramic Ding Shield, Tire & Wheel Protection, and Key Security (insurance on the key fob, which may cost $500 to replace.)  Of these, I may buy the ding shield (after having some questions answered) and the key fob insurance (if it covers the loss of more than one key fob).  Most importantly, I have about a month to take care of things before the car reaches the dealership and I have to get a certified check for the balance. 

It's going to be a great change for me - and a welcome one. 

Getting ready for tax day

 

It's been a little frustrating having to wait for my brother to finish up paperwork needed for me to file my taxes.  This will be a yearly problem as long as we jointly own a rental property.  But this year is different, as I have had to search for a new tax preparer.  And I decided to duck one issue by choosing someone I knew from my work at the LGBT center, as I felt I needed some form of familiarity with someone new.  With familiarity, I can more easily communicate my concerns about my newly complex tax situation, and ask how I can prevent problems in the future.

Taxes in the US are needlessly complicated, as most tax preparation forms depend on complexity to justify their existence.  There is n excuse for this, as most Americans have all of their significant income reported to the IRS.  Ideally, the government could receive a taxpayer's income statements, deductible state/local tax information, and generate a bill/refund for the taxpayer.  (Let's ignore privacy issues here for now.  I'm just arguing for simplicity.)  In theory, the vast majority of us wouldn't need to pay for tax preparation services, as the same computers that are programmed to detect tax fraud would also be doing tax preparation for us.  

Unfortunately, I would still be likely to need a tax preparer, as long as I own part of a rental property.  But how many Americans own one?  Business owners would still need their accountants, as they would always need to track money flows within a corporation, determine the net profitability (or lack of) of the corporation, and insure that properly computed taxes are paid to all affected governments.  

With all of this being said, I am grateful to have my problems instead of others.  I know how to manage my problems, as they are "first world problems."  It could be much worse.  All too many of us do not have the resources to get by in one of the most prosperous nations on this planet.  Getting rid of the inefficiencies of our system may just provide some of these people a small bit of relief.

Filling out paperwork for my next cruise.

 

A while back, I decided to buy stock in two cruise line corporations: NCL Holdings and Carnival corp.  Although both stocks have given me acceptable market appreciation, I may have gained more by taking advantage of the benefits that each shareholder can receive by filling in a form.  Today, I mailed out forms to give me $350 worth of cruise credits ($100 for my first cruise and $250 for my second cruise taken on Princess this year.)

Over the past couple of years, I have already received $500 of onboard credits from NCL and Carnival.   I expect that over time, these stock purchases will have paid for themselves in cruise credits alone.  The only reason that I didn't buy RCCL when I bought these stocks is that I didn't want to pony up $6,000 to own shares in a company whose products I don't use.  (I'm not knocking RCCL.  Instead, I simply didn't want to take the risk of investing this much money in a firm when I wasn't sure of when cruise line business would recover.)  All 3 corporations have performed well over the past 2 years, so I have nothing to complain about.

I am not addicted to cruising.  It is an inexpensive way to get away for a week or two and chill out.  I enjoy not having to drive when visiting a new city.  But I wish cruise ships spent more time in each port, so that I could see more of the associated city.  For example, last year's California Coastal cruise spent two days in San Francisco.  This gave cruisers a goodly amount of time to explore this great city.  This year's cruise will spend only one day in San Francisco, far from enough time to take in "Fog City's" beauty.

- - - - - -

When I first started making cruises a standard option for my vacations, my former cruise partner (FCP) encouraged me to go on these cruises as Marian.  The ships were good places for me to practice and develop my feminine presentation.  Given that I'd never see most of these people again, it didn't matter what these people thought of me.  I just had to be careful at which ports I'd get off the ship for shore excursions.

One of my next two cruises will be in Marian mode.  I can't wait to take it, although I'll be spending the day before the cruise as Mario when I see my uncle in his nursing home.  As for the other cruise, I'll be presenting as Mario for over two weeks.  You can bet that as soon as I get home from this cruise, that I'll rush to my closet to figure out what dress I'll wear the day afterward.....

Car Shopping - Weekend #5

 

It looks like I have finally made a decision on which car to buy.  After 5 weekends, I decided on the Subaru Crosstrek, as the Premium trim level has all the safety features I think I will need over the next few years.  Although there are things I don't like about the car, such as the CVT transmission, it has enough good elements in its design where I think this will be a car I'm comfortable with for the next 10 years or so.

You might be asking - what convinced me to buy this car and why did I choose my local dealership over the others in this area?

Well, the answer is simple.  I felt it a comfortable car to drive.  It had all the safety features I wanted and more (such as assisted driving modes that can make stop and go traffic much easier to bear.) And, when the salesman came back to me with a price, it was a fair price, one lower than expected.  There was no need to haggle to get the last penny out of the deal.

Assuming that I buy this car, it will be ordered for me.  This way, the dealer doesn't have to have it count as part of his allocation, and for some reason it produces savings that can be passed on to me if I can wait a little bit.  But this means that I will need to keep my current car on the road for a little more time.

But what happens to my old car after the new one arrives?

That's where things get complicated.  

DCD has asked about buying my car several times.  And now that I will have an extra car to be taken off my hands, DCD claims to have a Unicorn of a deal.

I am having issues with the unicorn. I found a person seeking to sell a 2008 Toyota Camry SE with 105K in supposedly remarkable condition for $1000. So I questioned the legitimacy of this and I was told that they are a reservist in the national guard being called to duty for a year. To avoid wasting money, storing the car and paying for insurance they are looking to sell it. The pictures that I saw show a showroom condition car. And yes the photos are of the actual car.

This car is being sold on eBay.   Would you trust such a deal as described?   When one doesn't have enough money to rent a studio apartment in which to live, one can't take unnecessary risks with money.   Yet, I've never known DCD to manage his money well.  So, I think he's going to chase down this unicorn until the effort costs him more than his time is worth. (And that assumes that the "deal" is legitimate.)  I'm afraid that he will get screwed, but it is his life, not mine.....

St. Patrick's Day - A quick Greeting and a day off.

 

 

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I'm taking the day off today to rest.

See you tomorrow!

Lunch with an old friend (postponed), and dinner with a new meetup group.

 

Today, I was supposed to meetup with an "old" friend, and then attend a meeting with a new meetup group.  Well, things didn't work out as expected.  Just after I had gotten dressed to meet her for lunch, SJM texted me to postpone lunch, as her son was taken to the hospital.  (I won't say more than this here.)  But she had one hell of a day, and we'll catch up with each other in the morning.  So, instead of meeting SJM, I picked up an egg sandwich at the deli where I used to stop every day before going to work at the imaging firm.

It's amazing how some people remember you after a couple of years.  I was greeted warmly, with the "what happened to you?" question.  I mentioned that I had retired, then told not to make myself scarce.  (Of course not, they want my business and they like friendly faces.)  With sandwich in hand, I decided to drive up to Poughkeepsie to browse the spring offerings at Lane Bryant.  While on the road, I chatted with my friend Maria, and we caught up with what's happening in each other's lives. And before too long, I was at the mall.

It was nice being in Marian mode again.  It's been more than a week since I last presented as female.  Once inside the mall, I noticed my legs weren't used to walking any distance - something I have to work on before going to Norway later this year.  There were some nice things at the store, but nothing that said "Buy Me!"  And that's just as well.  I've spent too much on clothing lately, buying another unitard from Universal Standard, a denim dress from Eshakti, and some shoes from Woman Within.  (It's hard to pass up good bargains when these are things I want to have in my closet.)  Now, I have to buy some things to wear over the unitards I have when not in exercise mode.

Once I got home from the mall, I relaxed for an hour before driving to Yonkers for another meetup.  This time, it was at an informal pizza joint in a business park off of Executive Boulevard.  I was the second to arrive, and we were all seated at the bar in order to get separate checks.  And this is where another feminine experience comes in....

Last night, I mentioned to one of the people at the meetup that I had been shopping for a car.  Well, he offered to help me buy a car - and volunteered to be my masculine "beard" when I go back to the dealership.  (My feminine presentation must be reasonably convincing now.  Little does he know that I present as male when dealing with car issues.)  Once he saw me, he showed me the information he gathered from one dealership's web site, as well as talking about what he's learned from his experiences car shopping.  Are all men like this?  AARGH!!!!  In his own way, he respected me last night for what I knew about cars, but was treating me like a lady who needed a man in her life to deal with these things.  Am I like this when presenting as Mario?  I hope not.  Once I was ready to leave, he showed me his new car - with all the bells and whistles.  Typical male behavior....

Luckily, I was able to make a graceful exit after a few minutes and left for home.  It was nice to be able to strip off all of the garments that cisgender women hate so much!!!!

 

 

PS: My friend's son is OK, and is at home resting as I write this.

Lunch with a new friend, and dinner with an old meetup group.

 

Today was an interesting day, as I had two meals out.  The first was lunch with a new friend that left me with questions, and the other was with a group of people I know from a meetup group which I dine with from time to time.  

- - - - - -

On one of my recent trips into NYC, I met this new friend while waiting for the elevator at Croton-Harmon station.  We exchanged numbers, and agreed to meet for lunch one day.  Today was that day.  We met at a Mexican restaurant in Ossining and had a pleasant meal.  But one thing bothered me and I didn't realize it at the time - she was asking a lot of questions about me, and not sharing that much about herself.  Given that most people love to talk about themselves a little, I wonder if she was pumping me for information for nefarious purposes.  If this is so, I'll bet that she'll be a little shocked if she finds out I am not a cisgender woman.  

Why did I mention this?

Later in the evening, I was bothered by the nature of the conversation.  And I decided to talk about this with a friend I'll be meeting for lunch tomorrow.  If my radar has detected something wrong, she can help steer me to the right people who can help.  

- - - - - -

Later on in the day, I braved the rains and trekked to Eastchester for a dinner with the meetup group.  It was the usual cast of characters, and I'll bet that the men there were surprised about the knowledge I had from car shopping and my travels by railroad.  If I were a cisgender woman a generation younger than I am, I might have been interested in the more typically masculine one of them.  The other was a mousy looking fellow who I'll bet rarely attracts women.  

Why did I mention attractiveness?

Well, there were 5 people at my table: an average looking fellow at the far end of the table, a hefty fellow across from me, a mousy man catty corner from me, and a mousy woman to my side.  Ignoring myself, a trans woman whose size makes her look like a beached whale, only the fellow at the far end of the table fell in the normal range of attractiveness. And this led to a conversation I had with RQS later in the evening.  Although I attend meetups only to develop friendships, others attend these meetings as a way to kill time until they find a mate and have too little time to meet with casual acquaintances.  

- - - - - -

But, back to my lunch date....

Hopefully, my radar has detected a false positive with the new friend.  But if I'm wrong, I want to be prepared for the worst.

Car Dealerships would rather haggle than make an honest deal

 

I'm coming close to inking a deal on a car.  Some dealerships have given me prices, and others keep steering me towards haggling with their sales people.  Of course, I will not play their game the way they want it played.  Instead, I may go with the salesman I liked most, only because I felt that he was giving me an honest, but high price.

Lately, I've been watching videos from the people who started caredge.com, Ray and Zach Shefska.  I'm hoping that these guys are able to develop their business in a way that forces car dealerships to get real, and to stop depending on haggling.  I may even use their service soon.  Who knows?  

At the very beginning of the pandemic shutdown, dealerships were making good offers to get rid of inventory, as many wanted to stem the loss from floor plan financing.  During the rest of the pandemic and through the recovery, car prices shot through the roof due to supply chain issues.  Now, we're seeing signs that dealerships are choking on both new car and used car inventories, especially at Stellantis (Dodge, Chrysler, Ram and Jeep brands) dealerships. 

If my car were 2-3 years younger, I'd hold out for another 2 years before buying a car.  The last thing I want to have happen to me is to have my car die while I'm presenting as Marian.  There are many risks for me that I want to eliminate, and predictable mechanical failures of a car's old age are those I can eliminate by buying a new car.  By buying a car with modern safety features, I also reduce the risks of me getting into an accident.  It's worth the money to eliminate risk from my life.

But back to deals....

Out of the 10 dealerships I've visited, only 1 or 2 have given me the information I wanted.  I figure that a single car buyer may not be enough to affect major change.  But if enough of us start using my tactics, we can force big changes, a little bit at a time.  

Sometimes, it can seem overwhelming.

 

Years ago, I used this tool to generate a more feminine version of my face, given the photo on the left. As of today, I'm still far from the surgery which would turn my face into a more androgynous version of the face I see every morning.  But first, I have to lose some weight.

- - - - - -

With that being noted, I try to focus first on the little things I can do now that will show a positive result quickly.  So I have taken this idea and started to apply it around my apartment.  Today, I started to restore the order that I destroyed when I moved media cases out of the way for the installation of my new refrigerator. By taking the CDs out of the storage containers I had temporarily placed them, sorting them back into some sort of order, and putting them back into the media shelves where they belong.  This took the better part of 2 hours, but it was worth every minute, as I gained a square yard in my living room that was formerly used by storage containers.

It'll take a long time for me to get my apartment in the shape I want.  But, by taking the approach of doing a little at a time when I can do something, I'll gradually see results.  If I focus on all the tasks that need to be done, I'll get overwhelmed and nothing will get done.  Soon, when my money supply has been refreshed, I think about more work to be done in my bathroom.  My vanity has seen better years, and I want to install both a new vanity/sink and a new toilet.  (My current toilet is in an ugly shade of yellow, and I want my new one to be in white.)  If I can, I'll ask about new electric wiring, so that I can replace the medicine cabinet (with built in lights and electric outlet) with something that looks nice and meets both my needs and the needs of current electrical code.

Once I'm done with the "easy stuff", it will be time to tackle something more difficult - redoing my kitchen.  I'm tired of 40 y/o linoleum, as well as ugly cabinets, an ugly counter top, and a poor placement of my refrigerator.  Reworking the kitchen layout could allow me to move my oven a little, and replace it with a full sized (30") unit. The only question is when this could take place, as I will not be able to live here while much of this work goes on.

I'll focus on the little things which will make this place more comfortable.  Many of those tasks will involve eliminating the clutter that wastes space.  I'll feel sad to get rid of perfectly good furniture.  But getting rid of things that no longer serve my needs will make life much more comfortable.  And isn't that what everyone should want in old age?

A visit to see my brother

 

I don't get the chance to see my brother that often, and this was one time I knew he needed to talk with me. Without saying too much, he has both an important career decision to make and a decision that will affect his peace of mind.  So, I knew that I had to see him immediately after leaving RQS this evening.

Normally, I am not under any time constraints when leaving RQS's place, save that I have to be aware of alternate side of the street parking rules and on which side of the street my car is parked.  However, I knew I had to reach my brother's place by 5, so that we could get to dinner by 6.  Just as I was walking out the door, my brother called - and I told him I'd be there shortly.  

Arriving at my brother's place around 5, we chatted for a while, and then proceeded to a seafood restaurant in Oceanside, NY - Jordan Lobster Farms.  As much as I didn't need another big meal, it was hard to resist clams on the half shell, clam chowder, and a 1 1/2 pound lobster.  YUM!  We talked about many things:  career, family, friendships, and pastimes. We also talked about my uncle, who I will be visiting in April.  

All too soon, this visit had to end.  I drove back to my apartment to find several things on my doorstep, one of which was a pair of large door stoppers which I'll be using to keep my refrigerator door closed until I can properly level the device.  (Too bad I forgot about the shims my brother had saved for me back at his place.)  Although there was more that I could have brought in at the time, I left some stuff in the hall to retrieve in the morning.

Jelly's Last Jam

 

Jelly's Last Jam tells the story (very loosely) of Jelly Roll Morton's life, as well as his contributions to the musical form we know as Jazz.  This was one of the better revivals in City Center's Encore! series. Given that I enjoyed Jelly Roll's music, I figured that this would be an entertaining diversion for both RQS and I, and gave her tickets to see this show on Valentine's Day.

A week and a half later, we braved the cold to go to City Center.  Weekend travel on the NYC Subway system can be frustrating at times, as many lines are shut down (whole or in part) for maintenance. For us, this meant that we had to deal with a larger than normal crowd at Union Square as we made our way outside to get a bite to eat.

Now, I don't keep any of my feminine wardrobe at RQS's house.  Even though it hovered near 32°f, the wind chill made it feel worse than that. So I was very fortunate that my feminine wardrobe was not available to me, as I would have braved the cold in a nice dress with tights on my legs.  Yet, if I did, I wouldn't have been the only person wearing a dress - we saw quite a few young (and older) ladies showing off their legs while on the subway, and later at city center.

Once done with food, we took the train to 57th street and then walked over to City Center.  After picking up our tickets, we had to kill 30 minutes in the lobby before being allowed to enter the theater and proceed to our seats.  Thankfully, we were able to take the elevator to the mezzanine where we had seats.

The play was nearly 2+1/2 hours long (with intermission) and RQS was tapping her feet and moving to the rhythm throughout the play.  I loved it too, and I'm not a big fan of musicals.  (Later on, I found this review in the New York Times while on the ride home - a nice coincidence.)  However, there was one minor fly in the ointment - we weren't able to make it home in time for SNL's cold open - one of our usual Saturday Night things to watch, along with Weekend Update.  At least, we were on time for a great fake advertisement for a love doll - Fugliana.  This was not a skit for everyone, but it was one of the show's best skits of all time. We watched the show until the second musical number started - then it was off to bed for the night. 

Car Shopping - Weekend #4

Knowing me, I'd buy the above car again if it were available.  No, it's not practical by today's standards.  But it was fun to drive and a great first car.  Those days are long gone, and I have to think about what I need in a car, as I'll be using it for a long time.

Right now, my choices are a toss-up between the Honda HR-V and the Subaru Crosstrek.  Although I could see myself in the Mazda CX-30, I've ruled out that car due to the sparse dealer network in Westchester county.  (One of those dealerships ignored me when I visited, and I don't want to schlep to lower county for service.)  Surprisingly, I am leaning towards the Subaru, only because it was the one car in which I didn't bump my head getting into the car.

- - - - - -

Car shopping is a pain in the ass. Dealers want to haggle, as they know that customers do not know the true value of cars, nor do they have the tools/skills to strike good bargains with the dealerships.  As a result, most people would rather have a root canal than shop for a car.  I have found that when one is able to use emails to prod dealers' internet sales people to supply prices, they will do so - especially when one stands firm and refuses to come into the dealership and haggle with a professional haggler.

A couple of years ago, we were in the middle of the pandemic, and dealers could name the prices they wanted to make a deal.  It was easy for them to lie, adding fake line items such as "****** Complete" (thieving dealer name left out to avoid libel) to add $1000 profit to an MSRP deal.  Today, there is a surplus of cars on dealer lots (such as in the Yonkers lot of the dealer that ignored us).  So they are much more willing to make deals if (and only if) the potential customer controls how much information is given to the sales person at the dealership.

So, what information MUST you keep away from the salesman, and what information should you supply?  I've been going by these rules this time around:

• Do your research before going to any dealer for a test drive, so that you can specifically state which car model/trim level/options you want to test drive.  (Trim levels do not mean much in most test drives.)
• Do identify similar models/trim levels/options from other car brands, so that you can test drive those cars as well.
• Do ask for an "Out the Door" price for the desired vehicle with all costs itemized.  This should cover the car, all charges, documentation fees and registration fees for the car.
• Do NOT tell the salesman your budget for the car.  
• Do NOT tell the salesman how much you plan to pay for a car on a monthly basis.
  
• Do NOT tell the salesman whether you will finance the car or not.
• Do NOT tell the salesman whether you want to trade in a car or not.
• Do NOT tell the salesman what it would take for you to buy a car right away if asked.

Giving the salesman any information from the "Do NOT's" above will give him tools he needs to work a deal to extract as much profit for the dealership as possible, leaving less money in your pocket at the end of the day.  Ideally, one avoids salesmen altogether, as they are experts in reading body language. Thus, my preference for using emails as negotiating tools.

Will I get the car I want at the best possible price?  Who knows?  But I'm doing better this time around in getting a price I want....

Connecting with someone - A short post

 

Today's post will be short.  I had been exchanging emails with someone, and we finally had the chance to chat.  The chat was pleasant, and we will likely have lunch soon.

Why is this important?

Well, to answer that question takes time.  But I'm not going to answer it here.  Instead, I can say that this person was glad that I found someone nice in RQS, and I am glad that she has found someone nice.  It'll be a good thing when we finally meet again.

Reconnecting with people can be both a good and bad thing, depending on the types of ties that bind people together.  One person I know met up with a former roommate for a long weekend, and couldn't wait for that weekend to be over.  Other times, it's like the years that passed were like hours, and things pick up as if nothing happened in between.  In my case, it was good to reconnect.

- - - - - -

Lately, I've been trying to reopen things with a friend from my college days.  A lot of stuff has gone on in his life, much of it related to health and family issues.  His story reminds me of Tolstoy's opening quote from Anna Karenina:

"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

With my friend, this is all too true.  I knew him to have an unhappy relationship with his parents and siblings from high school days.  Now, things are even worse.  Hopefully, things will get better from him soon.  At least, he's found a way to retire from his second career.....

The Ice Box has been delivered, and I still have a problem.

I was awake at 6:00 am for one reason only - I was to expect my refrigerator to be delivered somewhere between 7:15 am and 10:15 am.  Normally, I don't want to get up until 10:30 am, so I knew that I had to set multiple alarms to make sure I was up in time.

Not knowing when the delivery men would arrive, I had to postpone getting together with a new friend. As luck would have it, I didn't need to do this.  The delivery men came around 9:30 am.  Now, when I get a call telling me that someone is "here", I'd think they'd be in front of my doorway.  No.  They were in front of the doorway next door, and blocking a couple of cars.  Shouting out to the two men, I let them know where I was, and they proceeded to unload the refrigerator.

Given that I live up some stairs, they wanted to get the hard job of bringing the refrigerator to my floor before removing the old device.  This wasn't much of a problem.  But it was a problem getting the old refrigerator out of the apartment, and the new one into the apartment. Yet, with a little elbow grease and taking a door off its hinges, this task was accomplished.  Soon enough, the new ice box was in place, and the two delivery men were on their way.

But I still had a problem....

The installation process did not go well - the bottom door of the ice box kept opening.  Over the years, the weight of refrigerators has helped cause the floor to shift out of being level - and I found that I'll need some shims to level the ice box.  Until then, I'll put something heavy in front of the door, and that should keep the door shut until the ice box has been properly leveled.  Too bad that I didn't buy the store's service contract - I'd be calling them back today, and having them do the leveling for me.

Later on, after a day's rest, I went out food shopping.  $100 later, I had many of the things I needed to restock the refrigerator.  And I found that the lightweight stool I used to keep the door shut wasn't working.  So, I figure that a 2 liter bottle of Snapple may help with this problem for now....

Getting ready for the new ice box

 

 
I can only imagine what it was like in the days when the Ice Man came every day to refill one's ice box.  Home mechanical refrigeration was only a dream for many people 100+ years ago.  Even now, many of us old timers still use the phrase "Ice Box" when we refer to a refrigerator.  And yet, I've been treating my cupboard as my nourishment supply until my new refrigerator is delivered.

To prepare for the new refrigerator, I have emptied almost everything I could from the old machine and tossed it.  Foodstuffs which were not opened that didn't need refrigeration for storage (i.e. Catsup) were left in the old machine to be removed in the morning.  Since the freezer was working (as of this morning), I will put those items into Styrofoam cooler chests once I get the 30 minute warning.  Virtually everything else can be taken out quickly or tossed quickly.

Luckily, I ordered a simple refrigerator - no water dispenser or ice maker.  The simpler the device is, the less that will go wrong.  That means that I should be able to expect a 12-15 year lifespan for the unit.  By that time, I will likely be moving out of this place for a home on a single level - no stairs to climb.  I expect that the old device should be out the door within 15 minutes of the truck's arrival, and that the new device should be in place 30 minutes after that.

Once the new refrigerator has been installed, I will get showered and dressed, then fill up the ice box with replacements for the stuff I had to throw out.  Hopefully, it will perform as well as the old one did.

The future looks scary, and not for the expected reasons.

 

Even though I am turning 67 this year, death hasn't yet scared me that much.  I still see a future ahead of me, and then - who knows?  But what does scare me is that I am transgender, and that the "religious right" in politics is targeting people like me for their pogroms.

- - - - - -

Recently, I awoke to a rerun of a program discussing how the Christian Nationalists are plotting to take over the levers of American government and take away hard earned rights from the LGBTIQ community.  This scares me, as I have been open enough to be easily persecuted if the worst happens.  Yet, I feel that I will have enough time to pack up my bags and find a temporary home if the worst happens.

But why does the fear of religious persecution keep me up at night, and not that of death?

All people die.  Why worry about something you can't control or avoid?  But being persecuted is something I might be able to avoid, and history has shown that it is possible if one is able to act early enough.  Right now, I fear that I might be living in the equivalent of Germany's Weimar Republic of the 1920's, and that we may soon enter the equivalent of the Third Reich of the 1930's.  Given that we know what happened to Germany in 1945, there is a lot for a thinking person to be worried about.

Do I have a plan for the worst case scenario?

Right now, I am working on an escape plan.  But this is not enough.  Anyone who leaves this mess may need to bring their money with them as well.  If I were in my 20's, I'd leave this country and put down roots elsewhere.  Canada might not be a good option, as I remember what happened to Austria when the Nazis had power.  The last thing that the US or Canada needs is to unify under a single government.  Ireland or the UK would be good options, but could they maintain their own independence? 

In youth, it's easy to find places where one can start life anew.  If I had to leave the US when I was in my 20's, I'd have had my choice of English speaking nations.  But 40 years later, I no longer have the skills that would make me desirable candidate to be accepted in a new country.

So, what am I doing?

For the most part, I'm speaking my truth to others, hoping they will see the dangers coming from the right.  Sadly, I think identity politics is finally going to get the best of America, and that I may find myself looking for the nearest border if the worst happens....

Buying a new Refrigerator

I might have mentioned that I have a refrigerator that's on the fritz.  Although the freezer is working perfectly, the main compartment is unable to keep things cool enough for safety.  Something is wrong, and I cannot fix it.  So, I am replacing the unit before I have to throw away everything in the freezer.  (Even then, I still expect that I might have to toss some stuff because it's been stored too long.)

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Instead of car shopping, the first task of the day was to drive to the store where we made the salesman's day.  After telling him what we wanted, we were escorted to the appliances department where we were shown a group of refrigerators.  I asked only one question: Of all of these brands, which is the most reliable?  He answered that the Frigidaire was the most reliable, and I made my choice: Today's version of the same refrigerator that is in my apartment.  It was likely the quickest sale he'd make all week - and the week had barely started.

After this, RQS and I drove to Walmart to pick up some cheap Styrofoam coolers in which I could store freezer food while the new refrigerator is being installed.  If I'm lucky, it'll be cold enough for these containers to be left on my fire escape landing while the old refrigerator is taken out and the new one is put in its place.  By the time we were done, it was time to go to the train station to drop her off.

Once back home, it was time to rest before changing into Marian mode and going to a meetup in Mamaroneck.  Since this town was part of my old stomping grounds from where I worked for 25 years, I knew how to get to the restaurant quickly.  And yet, I was still late.  YGD had texted me to find out whether I was coming or not, even though I had left a message in the meetup's comment area that I might be late.  But I got there shortly after the text had been sent.

Once done with my meal, it was time to go home.  Luckily, I was on the road by 7:30 pm, as by 9:00 pm, I was out for the night.  Sleep was my companion for the evening, and with a brief awakening around 11:30 pm to get up to go to the bathroom and then to bed, I was out until the next morning.....

Forgetfulness

 

One thing many seniors notice as we age is that we have a harder time recalling things.  I fear extreme memory loss, as I would lose many of the emotional skills I've developed since I was middle aged.  

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We all have times where a word takes time to come to mind, where other mental pathways need to be used to access the right word to communicate an idea. As we get older, many of us get up and forget for a minute why we did so.  Given that people close to me have suffered with dementia, I can say that is one of my least favorite ways that I could progress to meeting my maker.

So, what does this have to do with being transgender?

Well, if I go too much further down my path, I could be in a situation where my body doesn't match what mind tells me I am at the current moment.  In the extreme case, I could see a totally feminized version of me thinking I was male, only because that is how I identified while younger.  That would be a form of hell for me and the people who would take care of me.

These are the type of thoughts that slow me in my path towards femininity.  If I were in my 20's with years to reprogram my mind, I wouldn't worry much.  However, I am in my mid 60's, and realize how important mental imprints are when a person ages.  In senility, the oldest memories are the ones that go last.  And this is what can keep me up at night.

Sometimes, one has to take a break to think a little

 

My original plan for this Sunday was to get up and get out of the house by noon, so that we could visit one or two car dealerships (Mazda & Subaru) to close out the weekend.  Well, that didn't happen, because we decided to stay indoors and not brave the cold.

However, I found that I might need to buy a new refrigerator soon, and I must start preparing for that day.  It's amazing how much food I have stored in the freezer, and how much I'll have to either store at a friend's place (or eat) before the ice box dies.  Luckily, I can afford to replace the refrigerator right now.  But I'm hoping that I can empty the old ice box before it dies.

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As I write this, I am watching "The Doors" on Amazon.  It's a good film, but it makes me feel sad.  No one would do an intervention for him, and he was a walking time bomb ready to destroy himself at any moment.  It seems like great musicians die of car crashes, plane crashes, drug overdoses, or gunshot wounds.  An unnatural death for a musician, as I like to put it, is to die in one's sleep at a very old age.  But why is this so?  I think greatness in the arts is often counterbalanced with a sickness in the soul that comes out in unhealthy behaviors.

I look at myself in my former career.  My greatest achievements took place when I was fighting off my worst demons.  When I started to get my act together and heal my soul, I got less interested in what I was doing. By the end of that career, I was just going through the motions - I'd been there and done that.

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I consider myself lucky.  Although I have lost most of my passion, I have peace of mind.  And this allows me to have a healthy relationship with RQS.  I am very thankful for that. And I am also very thankful that she accepts me for who and what I am, as most women would be scared of being in a relationship with a transgender person.

Car Shopping - Weekend #3

 

The above picture is an ad produced for a New York City area bank (which I ended up working for a few years after this ad campaign).  They wanted to show the public that they would lend money on any major car brand, then: Ford, Chevy, AMC, Chrysler, and Volkswagen.  Although more brands have appeared in the American market in the past 50 years, the process of buying a car is just as frustrating now as it was when I bought my first car.

This weekend, I wanted to take test rides in 3 cars: The Subaru Crosstrek, the Honda HR-V, and the Mazda CX-30.  Although all 3 would be good choices, I am leaning towards choosing either the Crosstrek or the HR-V.  Both are excellent cars, and both have all the options I want for a similar price.  RQS leans towards the Crosstrek because of its display.  I'm still torn between the two due to my prior experience with the Honda brand.  What I see as an advantage with the Subaru is equaled by my experience with my Honda Civic.

On Friday, I picked up RQS at the station, and we test drove a Subaru.  I was pleasantly surprised how good this car felt.  It was a car which I wouldn't be bumping my head into the door frame upon entering the car - and I like that.  Although a 15 minute drive is way too short to evaluate a car, it was enough for me to make it my number 2 (or even my number 1) pick. At the end of this test drive, I knew I needed to drive this car again before making a final decision.

Saturday came, and we didn't get out of the house until mid afternoon.  Our first stop was at a Honda dealership to drive the HR-V.  And RQS was equally impressed with this car.  It seems like this is an extremely popular model, as this model seems to be sold as quickly as it is delivered to the dealership. Once done with this dealership, we ended up at another Honda dealership.  This time, they had no HR-Vs in stock for me to drive.  In fact, half of the cars in this dealer's showroom were used cars.  How this dealership makes money I'll never know.

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I made an offer to DCD that he could buy my current car for book value.  Given that the car has over 200k miles on it, but has been well maintained, DCD figures the value to be about $2,500.  Since I am not going to be holding a note on this car, I wanted a check for this amount if I were to sell him the car.  Today, I found out that he is not able to get this amount of money from his bank, "The bank of Mom".  So, I guess I'll end up letting the dealer take my old car off my hands.

In the end, I expect to be $33k poorer than I am now, but with a car that's safer to drive.  The only questions are: (1) Which car will I choose, and (2) When will I drop the hammer on the deal?