I have to resist temptation these days.

 

In this uncertain age, I am easily tempted to write more about the crap that is going on in Washington, DC, and what is happening in my life as a transgender person.  It's all too easy to write about the breakdown in the administration of Law and Order, as evidenced by the actions of the Orange Snowflake, his cabinet, "his" congress, and his MAGA supporters.  These people are eager to make us transgender people the first of many whipping girls for the crimes being committed by his regime.  Yet, given how boring a non-op transgender person's life can be, I could easily go on for hours writing about politics, something I don't intend for this blog to be about.

Like many women, I enjoy shopping for, and buying new clothes.  My late wife would be amazed to see how many dresses I have fit in to what was her side of the closet. She'd probably tease me a little and then choose a dress for me to wear out - except when celebrating our wedding anniversary.  It's been almost 30 years since she passed away, and I still miss her presence.  No, I'm not putting her on a pedestal.  She had serious faults.  But I liked her as a person, and I miss the things that attracted me to her.

If I felt that I looked good in female clothing other than dresses, I'd have loaded up my closet with these garments.  Assuming that I lose a dress size or two, I will likely build a more varied feminine wardrobe which includes nicer tops, skirts, and trouser like garments. My ideal life would be to be able to go out in anything from my closet or dresser and only be seen as a woman and not a trans-woman. And this would include being able to travel, present my documents, and have no one hassle me on account of any gender marker on my documents.

This leads me back to politics.  The GOP doesn't give a damn about how it treats transgender people. The GOP congress has written rules for the capitol building which prevents a representative from Delaware from relieving herself in the facilities meant for women.  Should Sarah McBride suffer the indignity of being forced to use the men's room for her bio-breaks?  No.  But this is what the GOP thinks is important right now.

Months ago, my congressional representative, Mike Lawler, NY-17, said that he'd oppose any attempt to harm social security.  Yet, once the "DOGE" department started to decapitate Social Security, all we heard was crickets - he won't oppose anything being done to harm his constituents.  You can guess who is not getting my vote when next he runs.  Strangely enough, he may be looking to run for governor next year.  I hope we have someone strong running against him, with all the financial resources needed to retire him before he can cause even more damage to my district.

My goal is to be able to live as Marian full time and to be able to travel as Marian whenever I want.  Although I'll talk to people who support the GOP, I won't trust them to do the right thing when it counts. So, I'll have to do what I can within the law to stop them from taking away my human rights....

An early lunch with a friend, then killing the rest of the day

 

As much as I didn't want to get up this morning, I wanted to see my friend SJM, as we had a lot to catch up on.  So, when the sun came in my window, I closed my eyes, got out of bed, and headed out of the room for a much needed bio-break.  (Who doesn't, after a good night's sleep?)

Putzing around for the better part of 2 hours, I realized that I had better start getting showered and dressed to go out.  Since I had one more day's wear left for a green dress I wore last week, I decided to put that on today and launder it tonight.  It didn't take long for me to get showered, dressed, and made up to go out. What it did take was a little over 20 minutes for me to make it from my apartment to the far side of Ossining for lunch.  Yet, I still beat SJM to the restaurant.

I opened up by telling SJM of my brother and his recent issues.  And we agreed that he's doing what he has to do, but with a cost.  He's stuck in a Catch-22 situation, and there's not much he can do without abandoning some responsibilities, screwing up family life, or taking risks which would be fool hardy for a person of his age.  And then SJM told me of her husband's health problems (reminded both of us of what RQS is going through) and of the drama with her two sons.  All too soon, we had to end lunch and go our separate ways.

At this point, I figured that I might go to Poughkeepsie and look at what Lane Bryant had in the store for Spring.  Since I've already got an overflowing closet with dresses to go in a donation bag AND a dress coming to me from Universal Standard, I decided to avoid temptation.  Instead, I went to the bookstore and pick up a gift for RQS's birthday.

Since I now had nothing better to do, I decided to drive home and relax.  With a hunk of pizza dough in the fridge, I cut the hunk in half and made myself a 12" cheese pizza.  Yum!  It was far from perfect.  It needed something that wasn't there,  But, Yum!  It sated my appetite.  Once done with the pizza, I did some laundry. Although I have a basket of clothes that still need folding, I have some dresses and shirts which are hang drying.  Tomorrow, they will be hung in the closet where they return.

As for me, I am supposed to go to a meetup tomorrow.  I may go.  And then, I may not.  It all depends on how I feel in the morning.  If my leg is bothering me, I'll take it easy.  If not, I'll go out.

Sometimes, one has to sort through a big mess

 

The above chest was owned by my late wife, and had been here for almost 40 years now.  It is an awkward piece of furniture, as it is not a perfect rectangular shape.  Instead, from the side, it looks like a slice pf pizza after most of the slice has been eaten, leaving only the crust and a little bit of tasty stuff.  It's a solid piece of furniture that has a bit of wear and tear, needing some restoration to make it look nice again.  And it's taken me a while to create a path to access this chest, so that it could go to some needy person.

Why did I mention this?

Well, my computer desk has the same degree of mess that the rest of my apartment has.  And tonight, I ended up emptying it, so that I could toss out CD-Roms for software that I no longer use.  While sorting through the mess, I found several things, including a $50 bill, a book of forever stamps, a bottle of Opium perfume bought on one of my first cruises as Marian, and a few other things.  It's amazing what one might find when one starts to tackle a mess.

As usual, it's 2 steps forward, and one step back.  But it is progress, even if it is imperceptible to others.  Soon, I will go back to eliminating clutter from my closets, and I expect that I will find enough old clothes that I won't use that will go in another donation bag.  Ideally, I will eventually wind up with a capsule wardrobe for both Marian and Mario, having eliminated the stuff I no longer need to wear, want to wear, or enjoy wearing.

It has taken me roughly 40 years to accumulate everything in the apartment.  But I hope that it will take me much less time to clean it up.  Do you know of anyone in the Northern NYC suburbs who'd like to take this chest off of my hands?

My niece just responded to a message from home

 

From my niece:

I have been paying attention. It's been a terrifying thing to watch and it's affecting everything, even things here. It's just really nerve wracking.  My hubby and  and I thought we might go visit soon but I don't know about it. A bit nervous about doing so.

This is the sad state of the world we now live in.  My niece (who is a US Citizen, married to a UK Citizen) is nervous about coming to the US to visit her dad.  What has this world come to?

- - - - - -

In normal times, Canadians would have no problems visiting the USA for 6 months at a time, and returning just soon enough to avoid being a US resident for taxation purposes.  Now, they are being treated like crap. There is a library on the US/Canada border which for years has allowed Canadians to use the US entrance to enter the building.  Now, because of the snowflake's supposed crackdown on illegal immigration and his vendetta against Canada asserting its independence, he wants to make life as miserable for Canadians as he possibly can.

Canadians are extremely unhappy about this.  They have cancelled military purchases from the US, and their people have been boycotting American goods.  Good for them!  I'd do the same if I were Canadian.  How dare the snowflake threaten the independence of what has been one of America's closest friends!  Luckily for Canadians, the boycott is having an effect on targeted American businesses.  And the snowflake is pissed that his bullying isn't getting the results that he wants.

Bullying seems to be the mantra of the current GOP.  The people it attracts are those who do not want to see a complex picture of how society and the economy works.  They want to return to a simpler time where white males made the rules, and all others had to submit to their authority.  They are afraid of any challenges to that authority, and run away from a public for whom they are doing a disservice.  They have called the transgender congresswoman from Delaware, Mr. McBride.  They now tell the public that only a traitor would say that missing a Social Security check or two is wrong.  They now tell the people that it is wrong to criticize the snowflake or to hold him accountable for his actions.  When will this nonsense end?

- - - - - -

But back to my niece....

I have recommended that she and her husband create a set of vanilla social network profiles, and fill them with posts that the snowflake wouldn't mind reading.  Keep everything bland as possible.  And then, carry phones that only reference the bland accounts, and not the ones they normally use.  Use these "safe" phones when visiting the US, and go back to their normal phones after returning home. If things start getting bad, make sure that her husband stays overseas and out of the reach of the US government's CBP personnel. And for her, try to stay away from the US unless absolutely necessary. (I told her to stay home if I die, and explain to her dad I told her to do this for her safety.)

This is a sad day when I have to tell my niece what I did.  But I want for her to stay safe, and this country is no longer safe for foreign residents/citizens who may wish to visit.  

 

 

 

PS: As of the day of this post, I read about a Canadian citizen who was arrested in Georgia by a police officer who claimed that her Canadian drivers license was not valid in Georgia.   Please pass the word to all foreign nationals that the USA is not a safe place to visit right now, as the law enforcement authorities have no check and balance against their own illegal activities.  We are becoming a police state, and I worry for anyone who still values their freedom.

Getting together with my brother to work on the family homestead

 

This is NOT my family homestead.  It is a house that a friend once lived in, and one that was rented out for a while before being sold.  And this will eventually be the fate of my family homestead when the time comes to sell it.  Right now, we're preparing it for our next tenant (whoever that may be).

- - - - - -

My brother expected me to be leaving RQS's house around 11.  I was already in his neighborhood by that time.  This would be important later on, as we'd be working all day on the house.

But first....

I met my brother around 11:15, and we were off to get breakfast.  After downing bagel sandwiches, we were off to Home Depot to get paint and other supplies we would need.  $400 later, we were out of the store and on our way back to the homestead to work in the basement.

Today's work would be messy.  My brother would be power washing the basement/foundation walls, and I'd be vacuuming up the mess with a wet/dry shop vac. For the next 6 hours, we worked non-stop on our tasks.  He'd spray the wall, chipping away at areas which would need patching and resealing, and I'd suck up all the liquid, getting up to empty the shop vac every few minutes.  Both of us were tired by the time 7 pm hit.  I had ruined my trousers beyond repair, but had a change of clothes available for the trip home.  So, I changed into clean clothes, and we went to the diner to chat and eat after a long day together.

My brother had been very thankful that I was there today, as he would never have been able to  have done this work by himself.  I was glad to be there, as it was the rare time I could make a contribution to work needed on the property.  And then, we started to chat about his life, his wife's problems, and his grown-up children.  This was an important chance for him to vent and to see that I'll be there for him as brothers should be.  (He doesn't know I'm TG yet.)

Soon, the day came to and an end, and I drove home after a long day out.....

A short trip to Queens

 

Queens, NY. In some areas, it is as congested as Manhattan Island.  In other areas, it has a lower population density than other suburban areas.  Today's mission was to find a parking spot in a moderately congested part of Queens, and then stay with RQS for a couple of nights.  

But first....

I have been going to the same location to have my taxes done for almost 50 years.  This doesn't mean that I have been going to the same business for 50 years.  For the first 48 of these years, I have used the same tax person that my parents used for their business.  When she retired, she recommended the person who took over the location and opened a new business of her own.  This was my first destination for the day.

To give you an idea of where I was going, Corona is a section of Queens that became predominantly Hispanic over the part 50 years.  It is much more common to hear Spanish being spoken here, and to find people who can't speak English.  I'd bet that a very large portion of the area's residents are illegal, and will soon be terrorized by the Orange Snowflake's crackdown on immigrants, legal and illegal.  Bur I digress.  For now, Corona is still a vibrant community, a region of New York City where I feel safe to visit in the day time.

Normally, it is hard to find a parking spot in Corona. Yet, I easily found one less than 300 feet away from my tax lady's office.  Although I put $2.00 in the meter for 90 minutes, I could have put in only $0.50 for 30 minutes - I was in and out of her office that quickly.  Then it was off to RQS's place.  And that's where the "fun" began.  Or, I should say, that's where I started having a  little bit of bad luck with traffic.

Cross-borough traffic in Queens is terrible, unless one is on a subway line that connects to Manhattan island.  It is easy to go from Flushing to Corona, Corona to Jackson Heights, and Jackson Heights to Long Island City before reaching Manhattan.  But, if one wants to travel from Ridgewood to Flushing, one either has to travel on the NYC Subway to Manhattan then change trains to reach Flushing, or take a bus that slowly winds through narrow streets to reach the same place.  There is no easy way to reach Ridgewood from Corona, and I had to fight Friday afternoon traffic to reach RQS.

A little over 1 1/4 hours later, I was in Ridgewood, and found a parking spot within 10 minutes.  And then, I was at RQS's for the evening. Unlike most trips, this one would be way too short.  I knew I'd be leaving on Sunday.  But, for the next 2 nights, I'd be with RQS.  And that was the most important thing to me.

A more pleasant day, knowing that I'd be playing games tonight.

 

This is the way I wish my face could have looked when I was younger.  I'd have had a full head of hair, a female face, and a friendly, outgoing demeanor.  Instead, I grew up as a male, with all the repression of my authentic self that many transgender people have.

Given America's march towards an unchecked authoritarian regime, I needed something to cheer me up, as I wouldn't be able to present as Marian until next week.  Luckily, it was game night, and I made my trek to Yonkers for a fun night.  And tonight, both host and hostess were there for games, giving me to talk about their TG son after the games ended.

While there, I sent a link to one of our gamers (a leftist) for an article showing how close America is to having a "French Style" revolution.  I know he'll find that interesting when he gets the chance to read it. After the games were over, I had the chance to have a quick chat about the couple's TG son, finding out that almost everyone is trying to treat him with respect.  Something I didn't ask about, but got an answer I was glad to know, was that their son won't be getting any hormone treatments until he is 18.  I then mentioned that I felt they were doing the right thing, as he should be of legal age before making a permanent decision about his life and the body he will live in.

All too soon, it was time to leave.  It was pouring when I made it to my car.  So, I made my usual late night phone call to RQS (albeit, an hour early), while driving to Walmart for a second set of new bed linens. Now, I can alternate between sets on the bed and in the hamper.  I didn't have the time to get to the supermarket as planned, but this wasn't a real problem for me.  I can take care of that on my way back from Long Island this weekend.

In the end, they can't erase history.

 

The above is a photo taken after the Taliban destroyed the Buddhas of Bamiyan.  It was their intent to destroy all depictions of people (real or fictional) to conform with rules from the most regressive form of Islam.  The Taliban didn't care about historic preservation.  Instead, they wanted to erase things from history which didn't fit with their idea of reality.  

Why is this important?

Today, the Orange Snowflake is trying to erase minorities from America and its history.   One of his first actions was to remove the mention of Transgenders from the Stonewall National Historic Monument. Then came the removal of minority and female war heroes on websites in the Pentagon's DEI purge.  Can you imagine winning the war in the Pacific without the Navajo Code Talkers?  What about the Enola Gay?  Even Jackie Robinson was affected by this purge. Some parts of our history will be harder to remove from "official history" than others.  Yet, this is what happens when authoritarians wish to pit one group against another, so that the authoritarian can be the center of power in society.

How many people have read 1984?  Orwell picked up on the capricious nature of dictators by noting that their enemies could change in a heartbeat.  In 1984, during Hate Week, the enemy changed in the middle of Big Brother's speech, and no one batted an eyelash - the thought police were always present to force obedience.

Luckily, we have tools such as the Internet Wayback Machine to help us. But having one set of servers located in the USA isn't good enough to preserve historical records for the future.  We need redundancy in data which can be indexed, with servers located in several sites around the globe where no one government can shut them down for political reasons.  And yet, even without full digital redundancy, much of our history is currently preserved in books, pictures, and both video and audio recordings.  Whatever the Orange Snowflake decides to be erased will likely be returned to digital access when he's gone.  

What can we do to preserve our transgender history?  To me, that's one of the most important tasks we can do to oppose the Orange Snowflake.  In the case of the Stonewall Monument, we can create an alternate website with the full information once on the official site - the Wayback Machine can be a help there.  And then, we can expand on it, archiving the site's contents in places where the Snowflake has no ability to affect it.  At the site itself, we can develop our own leaflets, so that visitors know the real history of the place and why it is important to us.  We can be the models for other groups that the Snowflake wants to remove from history.

So, by our efforts, we can lead the way for other groups to challenge the Snowflake.  Let's do so!

 

PS: I found this link on the right-leaning Drudge Report site:

Trump & Musk Aren't Ready For What They Are Unleashing

We may be closer to a violent revolution than I'd desire.  I've had a feeling that the Snowflake and his band of Bandit Capitalists might trigger something like the French Revolution if they went too far.  And it looks like they might just do so.

 

 

PPS: In the guise of protecting Children from abuse, the Orange Snowflake has issued a proclamation that continues his war against us Transgenders.  If this isn't reminiscent of Central Europe in the 1930's, I don't know what is.  I hope my TG readers are in the process of securing their "Letters of Transit" before the last plane leaves Casablanca.

 

I understand why people feel overwhelmed these days

 

The above picture was taken at a meetup with a group who now has gatherings when I am not free to attend due to scheduling conflicts.  Trying to live life around other's schedules and needs gets exhausting for many, and it's easy to see how many people (like my brother) get overwhelmed by life.  And I got to thinking this morning about how retirement doesn't always free us from our responsibilities to others, and the sacrifices we make to fulfill those responsibilities.

In my case, I've had to make a trade-off - go to meetups, or have a relationship with RQS.  Which would you drop?  If you said RQS, I'd slap you from here to next Tuesday.  She's a keeper.  But this has me run the risk of not being able to travel while I'm able to do so, as her health seems to be on the wane.  Even with healthy eating, her body is betraying her.  Do you think I'd want to give up on travel if something more important would get in the way?

While we're on the subject of travel, most of my readers know that I have often traveled as a female who carries male id.  With the current administration in Washington, I'm not sure of how long I can do this.  All it takes is for some person wanting to impress his supervisors by excessive use of authority to hassle me, and everything could fall apart in my life.  I now have to think whether I should travel as a female for one upcoming cruise I plan to take.

Yet, my problems pale in comparison to others.  For example, my brother's car was totaled (through no negligence of his own - his car was stopped at a light when someone hit him), his job is both life draining and a time suck, his volunteer efforts take up time, he manages the family homestead that we rent out, and he returns to a home which is not a refuge for him. RQS has to manage two life threatening ailments that could both cripple her and cause her to have an early death.  Since both ailments run in both her blood lines, she is scared. And these are only two of the people close to me.  Many others have it much worse than this.

Turning on the TV or radio is no escape, as we are bombarded by the latest atrocities going on in the world.  The orange snowflake keeps trying to destroy the rule of law in the US, while his actions are destroying the security enjoyed by Americans that took generations to build up.  Yes, globalization without a good social safety net has resulted in a lot of broken lives.  But a return to a society where no social safety net exists would be even worse for us.  It's bad enough when one person loses a job.  But when entire states lose large percentages of their work forces due to social, environmental, and economic change, how can people cope?  It's hard to feed, clothe and house one's family if no jobs are available, much less even afford proper health care.  No wonder why many in the "Red States" live in fear of losing what little they have - they have always lived as serfs tied to the estates of nobility which never cared about their subjects.

 

If I were speaking to an audience of "Minorities" who complain about being victimized, I'd say 

Get over it!

This does not mean to ignore those things that drain your soul.  Instead, I want for people to conquer their problems and take control over what they can in their lives.  We can not control what life puts in our way.  But we can control how we react when we encounter these problems.  Yet, sometimes, taking charge may involve doing the unthinkable.  Years ago, the wife of a close friend was dying of the same type of cancer which claimed my wife's life.  When she could no longer swallow any food and was in constant untreatable pain, she had to make an impossible decision - do I choose life or do I choose death?  Many people would tell her to get doped up for the pain, and live the rest of her few remaining days in hospice without any quality of life.  Without children to care for and a husband who could live without her, she chose to end her life while it still had meaning for her.  (I was with her husband when this happened.)  I don't know if I could have done what she did.  But I hope I could do it, instead of wasting away in a hospital bed, burning money that I'd rather go to my heirs.

 

Please note that I first focused on the exception to my rule instead of the rule I apply to my life. I feel that it is my duty to try and conquer what problems life puts in front of me.  It's hard enough getting by these days.  And for my transgender friends who read this blog, I say: 

 Don't Give Up!  

This too shall pass.

Some people may have to bear a heavier load in life than others.  But you don't have to break under the pressure.  Try to set limits.  Ration your media consumption.  Avoid "Friends" who are "Debbie Downers".  Find people and places which recharge your batteries when you are around them.  Even if you can't limit your responsibility to a ailing relative or friend, you must find time to nurture yourself. Just keep looking for hope, and you shall find it.

 

 

I have my new bed!

 

Bed, n. - A platform on which to sleep, have sex, read books, or watch TV.  Which do you think I do most?  I'll give you a clue - I'm coming close to watching all 270 episodes of the original Perry Mason series.

Why do I start off with the definition of a bed?  Well, I had to get up early, so that I could shower and get dressed as Mario for the delivery.  However, I did all the shaving that I knew I'd need to do to switch into Marian mode after they left.  This meant that I was up and showered by 8 am, eating breakfast by 9, and resting on my sofa until noon.

Shortly after noon, I received a text saying that the deliverymen would be here in 15 minutes.  So I made myself presentable and walked downstairs to greet the men.  A few minutes later, they were removing my old mattress and bed spring, and assembling the adjustable base on which the new mattress would sit.  A few minutes later, they brought the new mattress in and made sure that everything was working before they left.

Now, I have the same bed and mattress as RQS.  I think that the people who delivered her bed rushed through the job, as they did not attach the "footer bracket" to the bed frame.  As a result, her mattress keeps sliding to the foot board of her bed.  (I might be able to take care of this issue when I visit her this weekend.) Luckily, I noticed that the bracket was properly attached to my bed frame, and I expect no future problems with my mattress.

- - - - - -

With the delivery being done,  I made a call to my doctor's office to arrange for next month's appointment, and then I rested a bit before changing into Marian mode to go to the movies with DS to see The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie.  But, before I would get to the movie theater, I decided to buy a new printer - I do not intend to spend twice the price for ink as I need to simply because HP is now software blocking the use of re-manufactured ink cartridges.  This meant that I'd be running down to Micro Center in Yonkers, and then going back Northeast to Mamaroneck.

It felt strange to use my credit card with Mario's name while presenting as Marian.  But I wanted the printer, and no one gives much of a damn about how I present.  Before getting on the road again, I tried to reach my tax lady - to no avail.  So, I figured that I'd check with RQS on how to reach the tax lady, and send an email later in the evening.

My next stop was at Costco, where I bought another pillow.  Now, I have 4 new pillows, and have a completely new bed, pillows and bed linens. Finally, I made it to Mamaroneck, finding a parking spot without problems.  Then, I bought my ticket and found DS inside a darkened theater. As much as I am a fan of the old Warner Brothers' cartoons, there is no way a modern film can have the charm of the old films.  Yet, I enjoyed spending 90 minutes to watch this piece of fluff. Hopefully, we can do this again.

On the way home, I called RQS.  Some of the tests her doctors have ordered have delivered bad news.  This may get in the way of travel, if she can't get things under control AND stop the progression of a genetic weakness.  AARGH!  I'll be there for her.  But I'd like to have more of the good times with her, before things change for the worse.

At least, RQS will be able to get a comfortable sleep in my apartment when she's here next.

April is no fool's joke this year!

 

Normally, I'd like to be pulling an April Fool's prank on my readers.  But this year, it's not a joking matter.  As I write this, the Orange Snowflake has openly stepped over the line, and attempted to take on powers not granted to his office by the constitution.  As of now, we are likely not a land where the rule of law checks and balances the power of a wanna-be authoritarian leader.

Why do I say this?

As I write this entry, the snowflake has claimed the power to revoke ALL of a prior president's pardons. The big question is: what will anyone be able to do about this?  He has already asserted that the right to protest against our government's policies is illegal for legally resident aliens, and may result in deportation.  Yes, I despise what this protester supports.  But he has a right to advocate for a cause if he is legally here.

The snowflake does not care about constitutional limits, as he has the same thirst for power that his authoritarian friends in Russia and North Korea have.  But has he noticed anything about their economies?  Neither is generating maximum wealth for the people or its leaders.  These regimes extract and consume wealth from an economy without generating enough new wealth to replace it.  These regimes will eventually self destruct.  Does the snowflake want to do that to America?

Do we have grounds for hope?

Strangely enough, we still have grounds for hope.  Although GOP leaders know that even MAGAs are against the extreme policies of this administration, they have not cracked under pressure.  But they will. They can't run away from their constituents forever, nor can they ignore the wishes of their big corporate donors.  Businesses do best during stable times, not when things are in flux.  Sadly, things are in a great state of flux today.

Hope can be found in ways to pressure the GOP leadership to change its tune.  Emails, written snail mail, and phone calls can be effective tools in getting one's voice heard.  One needs to know ALL email addresses, snail mail addresses, and phone numbers where one's complaints can be sent - and these people will eventually get the message.

The chilling thought for all authoritarian leaders is that the public can mount a successful revolt against tyranny.  There are more guns than people in America.  Most of these guns are in the "Red States".  And when MAGA people start seeing that the snowflake and GOP have betrayed them, watch out!  I expect that we run the risk of another "French Style" revolution which attacks the elite.  Hopefully, revolt will take place via the ballot box, and not with lead.  But as Fats Waller once said: "One never knows, do one."

Parting is such sweet sorrow

 

So many odds and ends for people to catch up on, and I'm in the middle of many of them.

Let me explain.... 

I've been there for RQS through 2 emergency room visits, and forced diet changes caused by her ailments.  This is not a problem for me, as I need to have less ultra-processed food in my diet.  However, it may crimp our style when we choose places to eat for our once (or more) per week nights out.  In many ways, this will be a good thing, as I will need to clean much of the crap out of my cupboard, replacing it with healthy foods.

Before leaving RQS today, we decided on a place where we will have her birthday dinner.  It's a nice restaurant where we've held two of our co-op board's yearly dinners.  Since it will be the first weekend of Hudson Valley Restaurant week, I figured that we could have a nice dinner for a little less than I'd normally pay for such a dinner.

When I got home, I texted my brother to ask him how the house is coming along.  Well, we may have to make some hard decisions, so that we can rent the place out as soon as possible.  It looks like my brother's car got totaled by some idiot kid driving recklessly on a side street while my brother was patiently waiting for a light.  Given his workload, etc. I wasn't going to push him for information for my taxes.  However, he said that he should have things ready soon.  And I made arrangements to help him with work on the house next weekend - something I hate doing, but needs to be done.

I wish I could have stayed with RQS another day, but I have a doctor's appointment in the morning.  If I make the time AND get my bedroom cleaned up enough to have my bed delivered on Tuesday, I may decide to go into the city and see an old movie, completely recut and reedited with never seen footage - Caligula: The Ultimate Cut.  Will this end up being the final version of this production?  I doubt it.  Although this version has much of Bob Guccione's porn removed, it is still a flawed film.  Yet, I'll bet that someone will rework the film into something better than the the 2 versions that currently exist for sale.

A complete unknown

 

 

Last night, RQS and I went into Manhattan to watch "A Complete Unknown", the story of the early days of Bob Dylan's career.  Would I recommend this film?  YES!  The performer who plays Dylan gave an Oscar worthy performance.  

 

But first....

 

On Friday, I drove to RQS's house.  The drive took longer than expected due to the heavy traffic on the roads.  Instead of getting there by 3 pm, as I planned, I got into her neighborhood at 5, and couldn't find a parking spot to save my life.  After 20 minutes of searching, I had to leave her neighborhood to find a Mickey D's for a bio break.  And it was there I had unusual GI-Tract problems.  (I won't go into any details here, save that I could have been extremely embarrassed had I not found a rest room.)  Once done with Mickey D's, I drove back to RQS's place where it took me 15 more minutes to find an available parking spot - literally around the corner from her house.  From there, it was a short walk to her apartment, and a chance to truly freshen up for the night.  

Saturday came, and my stomach was a bit iffy.  We took it easy during the day, and after a dinner of leftovers, left for the movies.  (I still wasn't sure about my stomach, but my GI-Tract was relatively empty.  So it was worth the risk of being on the subway for 45 minutes.)  We arrived at the theater around 7:30, and proceeded to buy our tickets, bottled waters, and a package of milk duds.  It's hard to believe that with senior pricing, we paid $16 for 2 movie tickets, and $10 for 2 bottles of water and our candy. And then, we went upstairs to the small theater.  (It's hard to believe that a night at the movies could be this cheap - especially in Manhattan!)

 

8:00 came, and the lights dimmed.  I knew the story about Dylan's transition from Acoustic Guitar based folk music to Electric Guitar based pop music, but the way the story was adapted kept me interested throughout the film.  RQS asked  me a few questions, and I noted that Dylan's girlfriend was named Stacy in the film, while she was named Suze in real life.  (I have a copy of Suze Rotolo's memoir, A Freewheelin' Time: A Memoir of Greenwich Village in the Sixties, about her time with the young Bob Dylan.) If you get the chance to watch this film, watch for the gaffe where they call the Stacy character Suze.  It's hard to believe how quickly time seemed to pass while watching the film.

 

Shortly after 10, we caught the train back to RQS's place for the night.  It may not have been the most exciting day, but it was a good one.

Cleaning out under my bed and an evening as Marian

 

By the time you read this, I will have my new bed delivered.  Now, I have to clean out the space under my mattress/bed spring, so that the adjusting mechanism for the new mattress can work unimpeded.  Starting this process opened up a lot of "might as wells" causing me to examine my feminine clothes closet for things I can give to charity. Although I know I will have my bedroom tidied up to some degree, it'll still be a semi-cluttered mess here. I figure that I'll complete the cleaning process on Monday afternoon, as I'll be spending the weekend at RQS's place. 

Around 4 pm, I started to get ready for dinner with Vicki.  We met at one of our go-to places and had a filling Japanese meal.  (The seafood soup for 2 is filling enough to be a complete dinner.)  In addition to the soup, we split a spicy tuna roll and a shrimp tempura main course.  Afterwards, I rushed down to Costco, so that I could get a second card with my Marian photo.  Although I got the card, I couldn't get it the way I wanted it - the first card associated with Mario and his image, and the second card associated with Marian and her image.  So I wonder what will happen if I go to Costco with Mario's card and Marian's image shows up.  We will find out soon....

On the way home, I tried to reach my brother.  But he wasn't answering his phone, nor could I leave him a message.  As much as I wanted to ask him about tax information, I deferred that question to ask about my grandmother's death certificate.  I'd like to finish the paperwork needed for dual citizenship and a second passport, and send it off before the end of the month.  Hopefully, I'll have the passport by the end of the year, so that I can get out of Dodge if the Orange Snowflake totally screws up this country.

A social day for Marian

 

This was a day where I knew I'd be spending the day as Marian.  So I made sure that I'd be wearing a comfortable dress when I went out for lunch (but not the dress above).  But I had one thing I wanted to do, but didn't for reasons I'll mention later.

My first appointment in my calendar was meeting with CCS, my friend from the census, for lunch. Since she exercises with a personal trainer on Wednesdays, we decided to have lunch after her session.  This meant that I'd be having a late lunch. The day's plan was to have me start moving around 11, and leave the house by 1:15 pm for lunch.  While I was getting dressed, I got a call from Vicki suggesting that we meet for lunch today.  So what did I do?  I scheduled dinner with Vicki for tomorrow, and had lunch with CCS today. 

I arrived at the Ossining pizzeria around 1:30, and found CCS already sitting in a booth.  Both of us ordered hearty meals with dessert, and I was stuffed by the end of our meal.  We caught each other up on the things happening in our lives, including RQS's visit to the ER, and CCS's family reunion during Passover in Atlantic City.  By 3:30, we were finishing lunch, and scheduled next month's get together before parting our ways.

Next, I was too tired to take care of one errand I had planned for the day - going to Costco and getting a membership card with Marian's image on it.  (I have one with Mario's face on it.)  So I went home, and went into a digesting sleep for a couple of hours.  

After I regained full consciousness, I prepared for a Zoom meeting with RQS and our Texas friends.  It was a good meeting, and everyone had something to say. At 9:45, I ended the meeting, and finally had a chance to rid my face of the makeup I was wearing for almost 10 hours....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I received an unexpected package today

 

The other day, I received notice from USPS Informed Delivery that I should expect a package that originated from New Rochelle, NY.  Who could be sending a package?  What was in the package?  Why was this package being sent?  So many questions, and absolutely no clues.

When the package arrived, I saw my name listed as Marian, and not as Mario.  So, it had to be from someone who knows me as Marian.  But the package was in one of these USPS Priority Mail envelopes, so I had little information available to me.  So, I opened the envelope and found some paperwork for my 2023 taxes.  Now I had my answer - Fran (the TG accountant who bailed on preparing my taxes due to health issues) was cleaning out her files, and sent me what I once gave her instead of shredding the paperwork. What could this mean?  Was Fran giving up on having me as a client, given last year's issues?  Who knows?  But I had no plans to work with Fran this year, as I didn't like how she handled RQS's taxes last year.   

RQS has already had her taxes done by the same lady who prepared my taxes last year.  As soon as my brother has prepared the financials for our property, I'll be making an appointment with this woman and driving to Queens to get my taxes done.  Unfortunately, this will likely force me to spend 2 days as Mario, as I don't want to introduce Marian so someone who has to deal with me as Mario.  This is the most frustrating part of being both Marian and Mario on a part time basis.

Dresses - I love to wear them, but I have way too many of them.

 

Ever since I was little, I was envious of the women in the movies, as they could wear long, flowing dresses and no one would think strangely of them.  My TV was capable of showing Black & White images, while most of the movies on TV then were Monochrome films.  The aspect ratio of both the TV and the images on film were 4x5, and that was good enough for me.

As I grew older, I never grew out of the wish to wear dresses as part of my everyday life, and take on a woman's role.  No, I did not fancy myself being with a man.  The subconscious image I had of myself was a large, but attractive woman - sort of the woman my wife was when I married her.  Although my wife knew of my interest in wearing women's clothes, the only time she said NO to it was on our wedding night.  Too bad she couldn't have seen me now.  But then, would I have crossed one bridge too far?

Over the past 10+ years, I have built up a large feminine wardrobe, most of the garments being dresses. Several times, I've gotten to the point where I have to prune the contents of my closet to make way for new garments.  And another round of pruning will be coming up soon.  My only question will be: which garments will I be pruning?

If you were to look at my closet, I probably have more dresses than I could wear in a month.  Couple this with the contents of my storage containers, and I could fill up another donation bag with clothes that will go to charity.  Although I do not like wearing trouser like garments, I still have those I wore to the imaging firm I worked at between 2022 and 2023.  Will I get rid of them (and the tops I wore with them)?  Probably not.  I still want to blend in with as many cisgender females as possible.  But I will cull the cheap stuff from my closet while I replace it with better quality clothing.

Unlike most transgender people, I have had the luxury of buying new garments and upgrading them over time.  I have also had enough room (and privacy) to store my female clothes without having to hide them away from a wife, family, or friends. And most of all, I have a girlfriend (I should say, partner) who has no problems with me presenting as Marian.

Now if only I could get her comfortable with me having breasts of my own....

It's been a long weekend, and I'm almost glad it's over

 

I'll bet that RQS was feeling like this on her way home today.  On Friday, she had lost her cell phone, and we drove to Queens on Saturday to retrieve it.  Most of the remaining weekend was spent resting, recharging ourselves for the week ahead.

But why do I mention this?

My brother had a busier weekend than I did.  My nephew lives on the west coast, and my brother went out there for a competition my nephew participated in.  As expected, my nephew did well, and is preparing for the next step in his competitive career.  This meant that my brother didn't have the time to take care of paperwork I needed, nor did he have the time to recharge his batteries after an over-full week at work.  There was no way I was going to pester my brother for paperwork with the stuff he has going on in his life.  Instead, I made sure to talk about my nephew for 20 minutes before asking any questions such as: Did my brother have the chance to find my grandmother's death certificate? Of course, he also had an answer for my unasked question.  And we then proceeded to talk about priorities for the rental property we jointly own.

- - - - - -

When RQS finally made it home, she found something in her mailbox - jury duty pay.  Someone had pilfered the original check sent to her, so she had to file a claim for the money owed to her.  Now, she can afford to treat me to a fine dinner at l'Arca del Oro. (That's Mickey D's, for those who don't get the reference.)  She's in a better place than she was a week ago.  And now, I gave her a much more pleasant task than the doctors did last week - choosing a restaurant to go to for Hudson Valley Restaurant Week (HVRW).

Running to Queens for a phone

 

RQS has been discombobulated this past week, all because of a medical issue.  And that has resulted in a sort of mental fog which has caused both forgetfulness and clumsiness which have been frustrating at least.  Yesterday was the culmination of a week where the brain fog cost us both time and money.... 

- - - - - -

Our plans for the day were to wake up at 6 am, so that we could get to RQS's neighborhood by 10 am.  This is where we were to pick up her phone at the store of a fellow who found it.  So, when the alarm woke me at 6, I fiddled around a little, and then prepared to go out for the day as Marian.  RQS followed suit, and by 8:15, we were out the door and headed for Queens.  Both of us were relatively silent, as we weren't fully awake yet.

Arriving in Queens, we had a minor disagreement (do not stress that word, it was a light difference of opinion) as to where we had to go.  Thankfully, we had Google Maps to guide us - the store we had to go to was on the other side of the subway station.  If we didn't follow directions, we'd have wasted a few minutes getting back to where we needed to go.  So I parked the car in front of the store, and RQS came back with her phone and all of her cards.

We had time to kill before lunch with friends.  So it was off to the bookstore to have some coffee and to buy a book or two.  On the way, we had to stop at an ATM and get some money.  Luckily, both the bank we needed and the bookstore were in the same neighborhood, and we didn't have to drive too far before being able to settle down with a cup of Joe.

Next, it was off to White Plains. We were lucky to get there when we did, as they were starting to reroute traffic for a St. Patty's Day celebration.  (Why they didn't wait until the next weekend befuddles me, as it would have been March 15th, and not March 8th.)  This eliminated the cheap 2-hour metered parking that we wanted, and forced us to use the "expensive" parking lot under the building the restaurant was housed in.  Once parked, we met our friends and had a great lunch.  I won't say too much about this couple, save that they are as ethnically mixed as RQS and I, and that we have similar feelings about the world.   

Finally, we were on our way home around 3:30.  After a quick drugstore visit, we were home for the night.  And even here, the fog still affected RQS, as she lost some stuff she'll need to replace tomorrow. Let's hope that the fog has completely lifted when she wakes up in the morning.

This is how my car puts on mileage

 

Lately, RQS has been dealing with a few health issues.  Several days ago, a specialist told her that she had to go to the emergency room as one of her tests came in at ridiculously high levels. She was discharged the same evening, with new scripts for new medicines.  Given this visit to the emergency room, she has not been her normal self - the feelings of helplessness and feeling ignored by the medical professionals came back and hit her hard.  

While in the ER, the doctors rescheduled an appointment to get her to another specialist 3 months earlier than originally scheduled.  During this visit, the doctor gave her advice on what she should be eating (for example, kill the carbs) and how much exercise she should be getting.  As an aside, the 2nd specialist suggested that she should find a replacement for specialist #1, as s/he didn't pay attention to her when she wanted to discuss how treatments for her first issue would interfere/intersect with treatments for the second issue.

As you can guess, RQS was not "all there" for the second half of the week.  So, when she came up to see me, she had a "comedy" of misfortunes occur.  First, her scarf got tangled in the wheel of her suitcase.  Thankfully, her Uber driver got it untangled and tossed everything in the trunk of the car.  As she was dropped off at the subway station, her cell phone fell out of her pocket.  Luckily, she had her ID, some money, and everything needed to come to Croton with her.  But she was totally out of sync with her normal self.  While RQS was on her way up, my ex-GF Patty told me that her sister's wake would be tonight.  If I were to have gone, I'd be dressing as Mario and driving to Fishkill to pay my respects.  This would have been an awkward introduction of Patty and RQS.  Luckily, I wasn't expected to pay my respects, as they were keeping everything small.  So, I dressed as Marian, and picked RQS up at the station.

There was no way I would take RQS straight to my place, as she was ravenously hungry.  So, it was off to the diner in Peekskill for dinner.  While there, she contacted Uber and sent in a request for help. Uber didn't respond quickly, so I thought of something after dinner - calling her phone to see if anyone had found it.  Someone did!  So we are meeting him at 10 am to pick the phone up and say thanks.  But this means that we have to get up at the crack of dawn to get showered and dressed, so that we could be in RQS's neighborhood around 9:30 am, and then mosey back to Westchester to see friends (with me in Marian mode) at 1 pm.

It took until 11 pm for RQS to fully relax (or, as much as she could under the circumstances).  Tomorrow is going to be a busy day, and I'm not looking forward to the drive....