I am totally exhausted from a job which requires little physical effort

 

One of the reasons I may quit my job is that I'm totally exhausted at the end of the day.  Although the job is not physically or mentally demanding, it saps the energy out of you.  If I can say one thing about this job it will be that I was given the chance to work as Marian, with only one (or two) people knowing that I am still legally Mario.

- - - - - - 

Each day, I write out a long list of things to do - and then never get around to doing them.  It's part of my coping mechanism to deal with the boredom of my job.  Today, I was given the new responsibility of indexing family court documents.  (I don't bother reading what's inside these docs, as there is nothing I can legally talk about, nothing I want to remember, other than the fact that these documents pass past my eyes.)  Like another type of legal documents I've indexed, I look for two fields on/in each document, enter them into the database, and move onto the next document.  I am just a small part of the process.  Try doing this for 8 hours at a stretch, and you'll know how a job that requires no physical exertion can be exhausting.

With this being said, this work is an essential part of keeping our courts running.  The information in these documents must be preserved for "x" years, and warehouses would be bursting open if they had to keep all these documents in physical storage.  This is why my firm exists - to make the process of going paperless easier for the organizations that use our services.  And I'm glad I've been able to work for them for the past several months.

- - - - - -

Sooner or later, virtually all documentation will be electronic.  Then, the big consideration will be keeping the documents secure in electronic storage.  Can governments trust a private cloud?  What about private businesses?  Will the data repositories be safe from hackers?  We are entering a new age, and I'm not sure of whether we are prepared for the problems coming our way....

 

Game night came a little early this month.

 

The above picture has nothing to do with the subject of this entry.  I just thought it nice enough to be posted, and a reminder of travels I once made before the pandemic changed everything.

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Normally, game night is two weeks on, then two weeks off.  This month, the host made a minor mistake in scheduling, and we ended up getting together one week early.  That is more than OK with me, as I was there in time to play a game from the beginning AND play it until it came to a natural end.

The host and hostess of game night are good people, and I have signed some papers which should benefit their children if something bad were to happen to my family before I die.  Hopefully, this situation will never come to pass.  But it if does, I know of two people who will remember me even more fondly than they do now.  And this couple accepts me as Marian, not caring that my legal identity is still Mario....

- - - - - -

I've been going to game night for the better part of a decade now, and am considered one of the core group of people they will invite into their house to play games.  It's nice to be considered someone people wants to have around. 

Things can get to a healthy normal, but....

 

Yesterday, I had dinner with a friend who knows me only as Marian, but knows that Mario exists. She is 80 years old, and has had her vaccinations against Covid.  In passing, she mentioned that she has rarely gone out to eat with anyone since the pandemic started, and is masked going everywhere.  So I was very glad that she took the chance to have a bite to eat with me.

Both of us know the risks of being unvaccinated, and are very upset at when is going on in this country.  It doesn't take that much to reach a stage of normalcy - we've had it for a while in the Northeast due to our high rate of vaccination.  But this could end very quickly if a variant were to breach the vaccines' defenses and get most people sick (with symptoms).  At 80, my friend knows she has 10 years or so left to live a healthy life.  But what about me?  My dad lived to 92, and that gives me almost 30 years I should expect to live.

I know that I will eventually have problems getting out and about.  And at that time, I will have some hard decisions to make.

- - - - - -

The other day, I interviewed with the NYS Court System for a position.  Today, I got the rejection latter that I expected.  (Can anyone say "Ageism?")  Luckily, I didn't need the job, and I hope that it goes to someone who can be in that job for more than 5 years or so.

This event frees me up to plan for a Hawaii cruise later in the year.  If people get smart, they will get vaccinated and will wear their masks - and the number of sick people will drop to levels where I will feel safe in taking the cruise.  However, if people keep being stupid, I'll play it safe and book a different cruise when the illness rates are at a level I feel safe in booking a cruise.

- - - - - -

My friend Vicki and I have felt comfortable dining out throughout the pandemic.  When the authorities loosened restrictions enough for us to dine indoors, that's what we did.  But there are people who took unrealistic chances, such as members in one meetup group whose meetings I never attended and never will.  I only wonder how many of these people will feel if they are told to isolate themselves again.  Will they do so?  Frankly, it's hard for me to give much of a damn, as I am not part of the group.  However, what I'll miss is the chance to do things with Vicki.

- - - - - -

Life involves making choices and hoping for the best.  One has to make tradeoffs.  One person I know wants a soul mate to keep her from being lonely.  The woman I dined with last night wouldn't know what to do with a man if one were interested in her - she doesn't want to become anyone's nurse at this stage of her life.  She has chosen to be a complete person without a partner.  She has made some important tradeoffs to do this.  And I think she'll eventually die (hopefully, not for a long time) with few regrets in her life.  Isn't this the type of person that can inspire us to be better versions of ourselves?  I certainly think so.

People enter and leave your life for a reason - I just wish I knew what those reasons were.

 

The title of this entry may say it all.   

I once dated a woman who broke up with me, and then resumed our intimate relationship.  (I'm talking about Patty here.)  She may have been trying to get my attention, and then again, she may have had second thoughts about what she did after she did it.  When I finally broke things off later on, it was several years before we were in contact again.  And then, it was because she had a surgical procedure that prevented her brain from being starved of blood.  Recently, someone mentioned a symbolic breakup as a tactic for getting the attention of the other partner, and I would advise against it.  The partner may assume that the breakup is complete, and prematurely start the process of moving on.  In the case of Patty, we were able to reconnect as friends, and we still get together to this day.

Not all exits are permanent, as my experience with Patty shows.  However, some exits are permanent.   Years ago, I was close friends with a fellow who yearned to be a Lutheran Minister.  I was instrumental in his attempts to convince his parents that a career in Medicine, Law, or Accounting wasn't for him.  He demonstrated that a degree in Computer Science would always make it possible for him to find work, and his parents didn't protest too loudly when he followed his calling, getting his Doctor of Divinity degree, and set himself up as a local parish's minister.  Although his parents are long gone, and I haven't seen him or his wife in over 25 years, I can safely say that they should be proud of what their son has accomplished. Hopefully, I'll be able to take a long weekend at the Jersey Shore and visit him one last time (at his parish) before he retires.

Some exits are unpleasant, as in the case with one of my former friends.  I will not go into any of the details here, as I've talked way too much about her in the past.  In some of these cases, one wishes s/he could rewrite the past.  But that's not possible.  These are teachable moments - where one should learn what not to make, so that these kind of exits won't happen again.  Recently, I made a comment about one former acquaintance, noting that she spoke and wrote loudly.  This was one of the rare times where I wanted to disconnect from someone who could not be a true friend.  For the most part, I try to avoid unpleasantness, but it seems to happen no matter what I do.

Most of the people who enter my life enter as a result of some trauma they have experienced, or as a way to deal with some of the stresses they are dealing with.  I can say this is true about several of the girlfriends I've dated, but won't go into the details here.  Those people who have already gotten their acts together look for someone in a better place than I am.  As a result, I'm left to help others deal with their problems.  Sometimes, I can do so.  Other times, it's too much for me - as in the case of FH.  Her problems were related to her personality.  Yet, I found her interesting enough to hang out with for the better part of a year.

If you look at the picture at the top of this entry, it is the image of a British artist (Grayson Perry) after being being awarded his CBE title from Prince Charles.  I would love to have a woman support me in my endeavors such as his wife (pictured on his immediate right). This couple has been together for years, and have raised a beautiful daughter together. Luckily for me, I have been able to maintain a motley crew of friendships as people enter and exit....

Dumpsters and injuries

 

What would you do if you accidentally tossed your key chain into the dumpster?  That's the question I was forced to answer the other day as I was about to go out.  

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Imagine the following situation: 

It was a holiday weekend, and no help was available to me.  Getting in and out of the dumpster would be a problem, and I wasn't sure of how foul smelling the refuse deposited there would be.  I needed the keys to get back inside my apartment, and I was already running late to meet up with someone and go out to dinner.  What would you do?

Well, for a big T-Gal like me, I got to the front rim of the dumpster, applied all my weight, and tipped over a 800+ lb. dumpster.  It would be the only way for me to sort through the trash.  (Too bad that I didn't have a good way to upright the dumpster afterwards.  Thankfully, it was almost empty.)  In the process of tipping over the dumpster, I fell flat on my back and injured my tail bone.  Sitting would be very uncomfortable for the rest of the night.  

Eventually, I found my keys, and tried to find some people to get the dumpster upright again.  Sadly, I couldn't do this.  After the weekend, I will call my complex's super to see what could be done.  And if it costs the co-op money, I will reimburse the co-op for its expenses.

 

 

PS: I laid in bed all the next day to avoid aggravating my injury.  When I did have to bend or flex, my lower back reminded me that it was hurting and that I needed to take it easy. 

PPS: When I got home from work (following the long weekend), I noticed that the dumpster was uprighted.  I'll have to find out whether it cost the co-op any money to do this, and I'll reimburse the appropriate people.

 

 

So mundane...

 

One of the more mundane things I have to do each year is to get my car inspected.  It's usually not a headache, but I dread it because of the unknown - what expensive thing could be wrong with my car, and how quickly can it be fixed.

Today, I took my car in for its yearly inspection, along with an oil change, tire rotation, and wiper replacement.  And I got out of there for only the expected price.  No, this is not a negative comment about a bad mechanic.  Instead, it is a positive statement on how a reputable shop services its clients. After spending $2,000-$3,000 in the past year to keep my car in good operating condition, I expected that my car would pass inspection - and it did.

A friend in New Jersey felt that New York's system is much more convenient than the system used there.  That may be true.  But New Jersey's system has a bias towards honesty in its inspections.  The inspection stations have nothing to gain by failing a car.  The mechanics get paid no more or less if a car passes or fails inspection.  Contrast this with New York, where some inspection stations employ unscrupulous people out to make money from cars failing inspection.

What do you think about your state's method of getting unsafe cars off the road?  I'd love to find out....

 

PS: Shortly after I went out for the evening, the TPMS Warning (Tire Pressure Monitoring System) showed up on my car's display.  It looks like I'll be going back to the mechanic sometime next week if this doesn't reset by itself.

If I cooked more at home, I'd be tempted to do this.

 

The above is the cover page from a web site of a firm that sells shares of butchered meat to the public.  This firm, Walden local meat, sells shares which they will have delivered to your home in the NYC area and in New England.

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I first got wind of this firm several years ago, when I received a post card describing their service.  During the pandemic, if I found myself driving to Hudson to go to the former Applestone Meat Company to get butchered meat, I'd have tried out a Walden subscription.  (There is no way I'd have driven to Boston to visit their shop.  Too bad they don't open a second in-person outlet in the NYC area.)  The prices are reasonable for high quality meats, but it might not pay for a person cooking for one to get a subscription.

- - - - - -

During the pandemic, many wholesalers such as Baldor decided to open their doors to the general public.  Many kept minimum order requirements to avoid loss generating transactions.  But it opened up the door for the public to get ingredients usually available only to restaurant chefs.  If the worst of the pandemic restrictions stayed with us preventing us from going shopping in person, I'd have ordered from these firms.  We were very lucky to get back to some "normalcy" within a short few months of quarantine. So I didn't have to change my ways that much.

- - - - - -

One day, I expect that I will try out Walden's services.  That will likely be when I've found someone with whom to settle down.  It'll be nice to eat something healthy again. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was 20 years ago today....

How many of you remember 9/11/01?  Do you remember where you were when the towers were hit?  I certainly do.  Virtually all New Yorkers knew people who were directly affected by the terrorist attack, people who died, as well as survivors.  

I began writing this entry on the day where the last US serviceman/woman was evacuated from Kabul, with the idea that this would be the rare post to appear on the day being discussed. 

 

- - - - - -

 

Politicians certainly know how to get us into wars - the loss of roughly 3,000 people in one set of attacks was more than enough to justify this war.  But once Bin Laden was killed, it was time to leave.  And leaving a war zone when a nation hasn't really won a war will always be messy.  We saw this in Vietnam, and we just saw this in Afghanistan.  We ended up depending on our enemy to provide security while we exited the theater of war.

Politicians will be long arguing about what Biden did right and what he did wrong.  But the deal to get out was made by Trump (one of the few good things for which I'll give him credit), and left for others to implement.  As for me, on the whole, I think Biden did the right thing.  Yet, there was much room for improvement.  At least we got over 100k people evacuated before the Taliban took over.

- - - - - - 

But how many of us remember what it was like before 9/11/01?

20 years ago, airports and other public spaces were relatively free from "Security Theater".  (Much of what we see is meant to impress the public.  What the public doesn't see is really meant to protect us.) One could meet family at the arrivals gate, going through minimal security inspections which were meant to keep people from bringing firearms on planes.  If one wanted, one could go to the airport, go shopping inside (why, I don't know - but Pittsburgh once advertised its airport shopping), and then go home.  I could bring my soft drinks through security, and not have to pay outrageous prices to quench my thirst.  

One of my trips had me traveling from San Antonio, TX to White Plains, NY with a change of planes in Chicago, IL.  However, the plane coming from Denver, CO was late, and I'd never make my connection to New York.  Luckily, the gate agent changed the booking the second leg of my trip fly on on another airline (something not done today), and said that I had 30 minutes to make it from American Airlines' terminal to United airlines' terminal.  Little did I know that I'd be running from the far end of one part of the airport to the far end of another part of the airport, going through security (exit and reentry) in the process with only 2 minutes to spare.  I could not have made this connection less than a decade later.

Two decades ago, corporations were much more lax regarding building security.  I could go to a job interview without having to present any identification when I entered a building.  In the years that followed, I'd eventually have to go through 2 or 3 sets of security checkpoints in one building to get to a job interview.

 

- - - - - -

We were much better off 20 years ago.  But once our image of being secure was punctured, we went crazy trying to restore it - and went to war.  No politician would "man up" and say it's time to "bug out". Americans never want to look weak. Our politicians kept making excuses to justify staying in the war zone.  I am very thankful for our president being smart enough to exit this war, and keep future generations of American servicemen/women from dying in a "forever war".  

 

 

 

PS: I'd love to find out what Joe Haldeman would think of our exit from Afghanistan.

 

PPS: I think you may be interested in this song by Gilbert O'Sullivan:

"All they wanted to say."

So appropriate for 9/11, don't you think?

 

 

 

It was the day after the storm, and I made it into work.

 

This is what parts of Mamaroneck, NY looked like after hurricane/tropical storm Ida came through for its visit.  Much of Lower Westchester could be described as places that "You can't get there from here."  And looking at the picture above, it is easy to understand why this is so.

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Right now, there is a lot of finger pointing going on.  After any major storm, politicians will make a lot of noises and do a lot of nothing.  In the case of Ida, images should be a wake up call that major upgrades to our infrastructure are needed to deal with the effects of global warming.  Unfortunately, this takes money - something we don't have enough of.

My current path to work goes through areas which could get flooded out.  However, I was lucky, as that the only traffic jam I encountered was less than 2 miles away from my office.  Even then, there were no floods blocking my path to work.  Instead, other people's paths to work were blocked in front of me, and the cars going in the opposite direction from me prevented me from speeding off an exit ramp, then making a right turn to make it the last mile to work.  So I drove on the shoulder to do this, and made it to work only 5 minutes late.  Not much for me to get frustrated about. But I can only imagine how it was for the man who hired me - he had to come from Jersey....

- - - - - -

But things could be worse than to have a bad commute to work - One could have had to drive home in the middle of this storm.  There are some people who are not "emergency personnel" (Firemen, Police, Doctors, etc.) who had to be at work and do not have the option to work from home.  An example of this class of worker is a New York City based sportscaster covering an out of town ball game from his hometown ballpark. When the 83 y/o John Sterling left Yankee Stadium after the end of the game against the Angels, he drove home during some of Ida's worst rains.  Due to floods, he got stuck in his car somewhere in Edgewater, NJ. Luckily, Spanish Language announcer Rickie Ricardo (I couldn't but chuckle at the name, given classic TV shows) was able to rescue Sterling safely and deliver him home. 

- - - - - -

Hopefully, my local readers made it through the storm safe and sound, with minimal property damage.

 

Would you have bought your meat from a vending machine?

 

Assuming you were a carnivore like me, would you eat meat that looks and tastes this good?  In my case, I did, and miss the option to buy it direct from the butcher.  Unfortunately, the Applestone meat company recently closed down all of its outlets - shortly after they opened their first Westchester county outlet in Eastchester, NY.

- - - - - -

When I was dating XGFJ, one of the places we'd pass in her neighborhood was the Applestone Meat Company outlet.  There were times that she wanted to buy a good steak (or roast), and didn't want to go to the local supermarket or drive into Kingston or to New Paltz.  I've eaten Applestone's meat, and was willing to drive to either of their first two storefronts during the early days of the pandemic.  (In those early days, no one knew how to be safe. So any place one could shop for food with minimal human contact was a blessing - especially when the meat was this good.)  Later on, I found out that they were opening an Eastchester store, but didn't have the chance to get there before this place closed down.

Years ago, many supermarkets butchered their meats on site.  In the past few years, it became cheaper to butcher meats elsewhere and deliver butchered, wrapped meat directly to stores.  (Some stores kept butchering tools in the stores, so that larger cuts of meat could be sliced down into manageable units for consumer use.)  If you were to go to a Walmart, Aldi or Trader Joe's, all you'd find are prepackaged meats - it's much cheaper and more hygienic to butcher the meats in a central location and deliver them to stores. 

In Japan, they sell almost everything in vending machines, including clothing.  In Germany, they have sausage vending machines (shown above).  So why shouldn't Americans take the next step and sell freshly butchered meat out of vending machines?

Applestone did so.  Sadly, it didn't work out for them.  Knowing what I know about their former product, the meat was expensive - but very good.  If I wanted to cook a true gourmet meal, and wasn't satisfied with the quality of meat from my local supermarket, I'd have gone to Applestone.  This is one shopping option that I'll miss, even though I hardly had the chance to use it.

 

PS: Would you have patronized the BAMN! Automat?.  What about the Brooklyn Dumpling Shop?

Something I have to say....

 

There is a reason I chose this picture to lead off an entry in this blog.  Only the person who I hope reads this will understand why it is here....

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Recently, I received  a communication from someone who will remain nameless and faceless - as desired by that person.  It was a picture that was sent in response to this post ("An acquaintance has cancer"), saying it was a favor.  The friend I was with when I received this picture interpreted this communication as something other than a favor, confirming my read on things. (I could have been totally wrong on intent.  So I hope this person understands why I felt this way.)  Without going into any more details than this, I hope this person and her friend had a great time at their gathering.

Unfortunately, my actions in the past hurt this person very much, and all I can do anymore is to say "I'm Sorry".  Sadly, I feel that it will never be enough for her. This is a place where I burnt a bridge without meaning to, and nothing I can do or say can help alleviate this person's pain.  There are only so many "Mea Culpas" one can say before one stops caring to say "I'm Sorry" to someone who has been wronged.  One can only wear a Hair Shirt for just so long....

- - - - - -

In regard to another person who will also go nameless and faceless, I got to thinking that this person hurt me without meaning to.  An action noted in a statement of hers  in a recent conversation echoed an action that could have originally been her way of trying to get my attention, and it backfired big time.  Again, with things playing out the way they did, I'm not sure if anything much can be done to bridge more of the gap between us.  It'd take much more work from both of us to do that, and I haven't yet seen or heard what's needed from her if she wants to take the next step towards a solid friendship.  (Yet, I can hope this happens.)

- - - - - -

In both cases, there was cause for a person to feel betrayed.  And in both cases, things blew up and got out of control.  In the recent case, I only saw this picture with negative intent.  It might have been better had it not been sent, as the messages exchanged afterwards brought up ill feelings for both of us.  Yet, when I think about it, this was a case of two people who didn't trust each other, both finding out that after a negative incident that relearning how to trust a person and their motives can and will take some time.  It's never easy to cut a person some slack after a lot of hurt feelings.

 

 

 

PS: I hope that both people referenced here won't get too upset at my mention of this picture and the associated text messages....

 

 

Shopping at the local mall. Boy, how things have changed!

Lately, I have needed to go inside several malls to do some shopping.  Gone are the days where the mall was busy most of the day.  Now, if you're "lucky", you might bump into a single shopper while walking aimlessly in the mall.  No, it's not that bad, but it seemed that way when I window shopped in some local malls.

- - - - - -

Years ago, the White Plains Galleria was busy from the moment it opened to the moment it closed.  Abraham & Strauss anchored one end of the mall, while J.C.Penney anchored the other.  At lunch or dinner time, one could not find a seat in the dining area. Each and every storefront was rented out with goods available for sale.  Today, the two anchor stores are gone, and the mall's owners are covering up vacant storefronts to keep the few people shopping at the mall from doing the rest of their shopping online.

White Plains is not alone in the decay of the modern mall.  In Kingston, NY, the Hudson Valley Mall is effectively vacant, with all of its major anchors gone.  (I don't want to include Target here, as it is off to the side, and easily severed from the rest of the mall.)  In Yorktown Heights, NY, the local mall lost its Sears, and is in danger of losing Macy's.  There is only one store that I patronize there (Ulta), and I'll bet that it may break its lease (along with other stores) if/when Macy's decides to shut down.  Danbury, CT is doing a little better, as at least two of its anchor stores survive.  But in JC Penney,  they have carefully hidden vacant space no longer being used inside the store, pruned in-store stock to the bone, and made one of the two checkout counters into a general customer service area.  This makes me think that this store may soon be gone.  Will any of the remaining tenants want to stay after that?

However, it's not just the big malls that are hurting.  Local strip malls are hurting too.  When I first started to commute to a job in Westchester, I passed by this strip mall.  All of the storefronts were rented out during the first few years I worked at the bank.  I'd stop by in the morning, pick up a buttered bagel at the bakery, a newspaper at the stationery store, and drop off my shirts/suits at the dry cleaners.  In the evening, I might pick up some fruit and veggies from the small market there and then go to the butcher shop a couple of doors down.  None of these shops are there any longer; most of the storefronts on this property have been vacant for years.  I wonder how the owner pays his taxes on this property, as I don't see the restaurant (not in photo) doing enough business to cover all property expenses.

- - - - - -

Several years, I wondered why someone might sell off a commercial property.  Today's real estate market has given us the answer.  In an era of informality, we don't need much formal wear or the places that service those garments.  In an era where fresh food is delivered to the house, why shop at a small market when you can either have it shipped to your door from Whole Foods, or go to Wegman's to pick out the foodstuffs yourself?  In an era where one reads the daily newspapers online, why stop into your local store for your newspapers or magazines?  

I expect that many shopping centers will be repurposed in the near future, some of them bulldozed for a small number of big box stores (as happened in Poughkeepsie), or to develop new housing projects.  What do you think is going to happen? Do you think this process was accelerated by the pandemic?

 

Sometimes, I feel like the world is closing down on me.

 

Lately, I have been feeling down in the dumps because of a few minor things.  But I can sum it up in a simple phrase that could be worrisome if I didn't know myself: "The Thrill Has Gone."

- - - - - -

Since my then girlfriend and I broke up in 2019, I haven't found a new spark to ignite my passions.The woman I called FH in this blog and I stopped seeing each other this spring. The woman I call MWL and I have developed a non-physical relationship.  Given my experiences with the late Ex-GF-M, I don't think I can afford to open up too much to her - even though she is accepting of Marian AND does some exercise. Part of me wants to have a romantic relationship, but is no longer thrilled by the effort it takes to have one.  But being alone is also unfulfilling.

If my "large" apartment was as neat, tidy and organized as the one in the picture, I'd probably be able to invite people now and then.  Alas, it's messy enough to keep me from getting any value out of having a cleaning lady come over.  Sooner or later, I'll have to try to get my cleaning lady back, and see if she can take over where she left off before the pandemic set in.

- - - - - -

The other day, I got an email saying that an interview had been scheduled for me with the New York Court system.  However, when I needed to print a document so that I could physically sign it, my printer ran out of ink.  Wouldn't you know it - I couldn't find any of the ink cartridges I had in my apartment.  So I'll have to go out and buy new ones.  AARGH!

I talked to the hostess of my Yonkers gaming group, and told her of the Court System interview.  She advised me to go as Mario.  And this is what I already planned to do before speaking with her.  This woman is a good resource for me, as she has her finger on the pulse of what is going on in the real world.

If I were to get the job, it'll feel a little strange going to work in trousers again.  But I found that being Marian helps keep me sane; this presentation just doesn't need to be an everyday occurrence.  Too bad that some people didn't understand this....

 

 

 

From what I can tell, it looks like my ship is going to sail ...with or without me

 

I've been looking for information on cruise ships scheduled to return to service, and it looks like the ship doing an 18 day cruise to Hawaii is scheduled to resume service soon.  The cruise line is looking to service its Alaska, Panama Canal, Coastal California / Mexico, and Hawaii routes this fall.  

- - - - - -

Right now, the prices are still very reasonable for the cruises given everything, and I may just drop the hammer on one of them.  Alaska is out of the question for me.  But Hawaii is still a reasonable possibility.  All depends on my employment situation.  Part of me wants to get a new job, as that will provide me with spending money without draining savings.  Yet, another part of me wants to travel as Marian, and a Hawaiian cruise would give me the opportunity to do just that.

With one of the 18 day cruises, I will have a minor headache to deal with: Traveling home shortly before Christmas, during the worst of the holiday rush.  Do I really want to do this?  If I were to drop some extra coin and do another cross country train trip, I would be in-transit on Christmas day - either on a two day leg from the West Coast, or waiting in Chicago's Union Station for my connection to New York.  

Is this the way I want to spend a holiday?

What would you do if you were me?

 

 

Makeup

 

 

 

Transgender people have special makeup needs.  Unlike many people, I have found that theatrical makeup stores have many of the products we need - as long as we think creatively.  Once we have an idea of what needs to be done to our faces to make them look reasonably feminine, theatrical makeup houses such as Alcone often have the best products for our needs.

Due to a minor glitch on their website, my favorite store for makeup accidentally sold me a product from Ben Nye that was discontinued.  Since I use theatrical makeup for beard coverage and for jaw line contouring, this could have been a disaster for me.  In my response, I asked if they could recommend a similar product to Ben Nye Creme Shadow Natural contour compact, they promptly made several suggestions.  Mehron Cream color -Med Dark 4 came closest to what I needed, and I asked them to ship me a container to try out.  Hopefully, I'll be able to recommend this product to my TG readers.  I already recommend Alcone for specialty makeup, and will continue to do so in the future.

Don't be afraid to order from these businesses.  They were hurt during the worst of the pandemic, and they appreciate any and all business they get.  Almost all of them take internet orders, as many supply remote movie production, regional theaters and television stations across the country.  Although I highly recommend Alcone, I am biased - I have bought products at their NYC store when I worked in NYC.  Now, all my business is conducted through the internet - and they still meet my needs.  I expect that they can meet your needs as well.  

 

 

 

 

Originally, my plan was to post one or two entries per week.

 

Lately, I feel too exhausted to do much of anything after work.  Yet, I feel I have something to say every day of the week.  Go figure.

A critical reader made a comment that I now have something to write about other than air conditioners. Well, I have more to write about.  But I plan to keep details of many conversations private - if only because I've hurt several people in the past with my posts.

- - - - - -

Common themes that I will likely write about are: family, work, travel, health, and future full retirement.  At the age of 64,  these are common topics for people of my age.  And there are sub-topics that only transgender people will likely face.  These are the things I hope to be writing about in the future.

There are people who have made comments about what I've written about, with one person making suggestions that would please only her.  (I doubt she reads this blog anymore.)  Since this blog is mostly about things I experience, I would not be able to fulfill that person's request.  With that being said, I encounter a lot of things in my small life and I like sharing them.  I do not intend to change the theme of this blog to write about things that don't have meaning to me.  Yes, in the past, it hurt someone without me meaning to do this.  But I'll be trying to filter out details which could cause others pain or embarrassment. 

- - - - - -

With that being said, I have an interview scheduled for a potential new job.  If I get that job, I will be going as Mario and then consider socially transitioning on the job. Yet, if I were with the right person, I'd stay as Mario - and live life in both genders, but with less time spent as Marian.

Wish me luck....

 

.

 

Things may be looking up - albeit several years late.

 

Although I haven't been happy on my job, I haven't been looking hard to find a new one.  Today, something popped up from out of the blue - an interview with the NYS Office of Court Administration.

Please be advised, you have been scheduled for a Clerical Assistant
interview with the 9th Judicial District. Details are as follows:

*_Date_*

mm/dd/yy

*_Time of Interview_*

hh:mm

*_Location_*

Westchester County Courthouse

111 Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. – 9th Floor

White Plains, NY 10601

When you get to the 9th floor please advise the front desk that you are
there for the interview.

This floored me.  I had once thought I was totally forgotten by NYS-OCA, as I had taken the Civil Service Exam for this position several years ago.  However, I guess that they extended the time for this list due to the pandemic.  Who knows?  However, I received some paperwork a few weeks ago asking me if I were still interested in working for the court system - and I said yes.  The last few times I received letters like this, I was never called for an interview.  But this time, I was called.

Although I am living my life as Marian these days, I would take this job (if offered) as Mario, then socially transition (professionally) while on the job.  If asked to start this job this year, I would not be able to take any of the cruises I want to take.  However, I would likely be able to go to work and present as my authentic self, and not as Mario.  And if I enjoyed this job, I'd probably stay on the job until I am 70.

What would you do if you were in my shoes (2" heels)?  Would you retire with the resources I have?  (My 401k plus future Social Security will give me a nice income in a couple of years.)  Or, would you work to the age of 70, not being able to take the time to travel as desired.  (I like the idea of working as Marian, and wish I could have done it years ago.)  One way or another, it'll be a hard decision for me....

 

 

PS: I just checked one of the civil service tests I took.  It's 4 years, almost to the day.

Conversations with two people.

 

Recently, I had a couple of conversations that I found very interesting.  The first was with my brother, as we discussed our mutual past, current family issues, and how to protect our assets.  The other with the newest member of our co-op board, where I outed myself to her and, discussed issues related to our co-op, and pleasantries regarding her father, grandfather, and great grandfather.

As I've mentioned before, my brother and I own a house we rent out to the best of tenants.  Hopefully, they will stay our tenants for a long time, as this income is a blessing to have in uncertain times.  Given that there is some maintenance that has been needed for a couple of years, we decided to take care of it before the weather gets cold.  Once done talking about the house, we talked about our past, and I found that I didn't remember that my brother was in the car when I was taken to therapy as a child.  I told him that I wish I could have given the notes from childhood therapy to my adult therapist.  And he responded that my dad wanted to protect me from what I might see.  Unfortunately, it should have been up to me to decide what happened to this information, and I wasn't given the chance to do so.  This is the one complaint I have about my father.  Eventually, we talked about his family and what he plans to do with his assets in his will.  (I won't go into those details here.)  Suffice it to say that I'd do the same things given his circumstances.

Once I was ready to go out, I stumbled into the new co-op board member.  We discussed an important issue that the co-op must deal with, and we agreed on the scope of the issue.  Hopefully, she will help me convince the other members of the board that this is an issue that can not be put off much longer. Next, we discussed family issues, and I mentioned some things about the recent past.  Specifically, that I saw her grandfather getting around on his scooter - and that I was happy that he was still active in his business.  Given that the co-op board knows of my transgender nature, I opened up to her - and she said that I looked good as Marian.  She couldn't believe it was me in the picture.  This way, if I come into a zoom meeting a little bit late, she won't get shocked at my appearance.

On the whole, I'm happy about these conversations, as it allowed for certain things to be said that needed to be said.  There was no hinting or guessing at what the other person meant.  These were some of the most effective chats I've had in a while.  And I'm very glad that I took the time out to have these chats....

Henri!

 

No, I'm not talking about Henri Matisse.  I am talking about a tropical storm that was making its way up North to New England as I started to write this entry.  This storm put an area from New York City (and the Hudson Valley) through Eastern Long Island/Eastern Connecticut at risk for major storm damage.  So, like many of us, I battened down the hatches and waited for the storm to pass.

- - - - -

If the storm hadn't come, I'd have taken the day and traveled into NYC to do two things:

1. See "Automania" at MoMA (NYC).  (I want to get there before 10/11, as the cars will be gone from the sculpture garden after that date.)
2. Go to the Saatva NYC showroom to see a mattress designed for heavy people.  (At my weight, I want to get the best night's sleep that I can, and a "regular" mattress won't cut it anymore.)

Instead, I ended up staying inside my apartment, save to go downstairs and do some laundry.  One thing I've noticed lately is that I don't do that many loads to launder male garments anymore.  Although I'll include my male trousers and shirts in a typical load of colored laundry, my whites are virtually all male garments and sit inside the hamper for a few weeks - until  have enough for a full load.

- - - - - -

Right now, it looks like my Saturdays and Sundays are starting to get booked up.  I wonder how I'll find the time to enjoy any downtime while I'm working....

Why do I mention work?

I'm leaning towards quitting the job on my own volition, and cracking open my 401k a little.  There is enough money in the bank for me to afford a new car.  Right now, I'm looking at two different Honda models:

1. 2021 CR-V
2. 2021 HR-V

In both cases, a late model, low mileage used car from a different year would be acceptable at the right price.  Unfortunately, the pandemic has disrupted supply chains enough that it is hard to get a good car at a reasonable price.  If I had known what I know now, I'd have gone to the same place where my brother bought a late model Chevy Malibu and bought one there last year.  Unfortunately, few people have good foresight while hindsight is often with 20-20 clarity.

- - - - - -

How many of you have T-Mobile for a cell phone provider?  If you do, I suggest that you go on to their site and lookup what you should be doing in response to a recent data breach.  I'm in the middle of doing things, and I'll be requesting a credit report soon....

 

 

 

 

Odds and ends - nothing uneven or ending about them.

 

 

First, I won't say much about a conversation I had today.  But if handled wrong, it could have led me (and the other party) down a rabbit hole of accusations, as someone else's problems reflected issues related to me that should have been addressed in the past.  Luckily, I managed to avoid the rabbit hole, and not get stuck with indirectly referencing my past.

Next, something my immediate supervisor said at the office today leads me to believe that they are gradually planning for my exit.  If that's true, I won't cry much.  In less than a week, I'll probably be happy about it, as I will have the freedom to book a "bucket list" cruise.  No, it's not the cruise I really want to take.  Instead, it allows me to get most of what I want out of a trip to Hawaii without breaking the bank.

Now that I've talked to the custodian firm for my 401k, I'm ready to take a couple of one-time distributions.  However, I must talk to my tax lady and a financial planner before I start this process.  If I were closer to the age I could start collecting Social Security without early penalties, I'd do so.  However, it pays for me to take some money out of the 401k, and let my SS benefits grow by 8% per year.  But this is not the only issue I have to deal with.  I need to find out what are my best options involving Medicare, as well as whether I can find affordable Long Term Care insurance.

Last night, I went to visit an ex-girlfriend.  No, I'm not talking about my most recent significant ex.  Instead, I'm talking about an ex with whom I broke up about 20 years ago.  We are still friends, and this was the first dinner we've had together since before the pandemic hit.  So we had a lot to catch up on - and catch up we did.  Although I had tasty leftover BBQ ribs to take home, they didn't make it to my car.  Sadly, I left them on top of the parking pay station before I went upstairs to fetch my car from the lot.  It was just as well, as the food in this place was a touch salty, and I didn't need to have any more.  If anything, I'd have liked to chat more with my ex.  Hopefully, next time, her husband will be there as well.  He is a great guy, and I know that they are better together than we ever could have been. 

Lately, I've been looking at taking a Hawaii cruise.  The 11 day cruise tour offered by NCL is way over priced, as they have taken actions which should help reduce the spread of the virus on their ship.  Unfortunately, reducing available cabins to limit the number of passengers has also resulted in excessive price increases.  So a cruise I could have taken for about $5,000 (after all expenses) before the pandemic would not cost me about $12,000+.  There is no way I plan to spend that kind of coin for a 10 day cruise tour with the route below:

Instead, I am looking at the following cruise being offered by Holland America.  This seems to be a much better current value, I could get 18 days on a cruise ship, but only 6 days in Hawaii instead of the 10 I'd get on Norwegian.

This cruise would still keep me in the $5,000 base.  But I would still need to deal with transportation, gratuities, and excursions.  Yet, this is the trip I will likely take, as I don't see the Norwegian Cruise becoming cheaper anytime soon.  I mentioned this to a friend, and she sent me a link saying that people of our age shouldn't be going on cruises at this time.  The one issue I have regarding this cruise might be the air travel needed to reach San Diego.  I hate flying, with all the TSA headaches.

However, I have a plan to help me minimize the effect of TSA on my travels.  If I can't avoid security theater, I can make sure I'm not on stage for long. There are two TSA Trusted Traveler Programs that I am interested in: Pre-Check and Global Entry.  For the extra $15, I'm leaning towards Global Entry - even though I've never flown outside of the USA.  (I have a niece that now lives in London, UK.)  With a trusted traveler number, I can breeze through security - and reduce the number of interactions I have with people who can hassle me at key points on my trips.  So, do I spend the $85 for Pre-Check, or do I spend the $100 on Global Entry?

As I now write this entry, I am watching "When the levees broke", a documentary on Hurricane Katrina and our government's inadequate response to the needs of the people in New Orleans and the rest of the region.  Why do I mention this?  We recently started evacuating American Citizens (and a few others) from Afghanistan, and we're showing a similar ineptitude.  Americans have short memories, and we do not learn from our collective past.  A hundred years ago, we suffered from the "Spanish Flu" pandemic, and we forgot those lessons.  And now we are making the same mistakes we made a century ago.  I've come to believe that we need the power of big government, but limit the size of the bureaucracy to allow leaders to implement quick and informed decisions.  But, if we get rid of the bureaucracy, we run the risk of incompetent, corrupt leaders steering America towards an authoritarian government.  

You'll note that I've rambled from short and simple things to ideas of a complex scope in this entry.  My brother complains that I can't help but talk of politics, and he is right.  As long as humanity has existed, our ability to communicate well has affected us at both micro and macro levels.  Communication skills and thought are involved in each of the items mentioned in this entry.  In the first case, I understood the hidden message meant to trap me into a discussion on someone else's terms.  In the case of the 401k, it illustrates my need to communicate with people who have information I need for planning my future.  In the case with my ex-girlfriend of 20 years, I realized that I couldn't communicate well enough to have a good relationship with this woman. With my cruise, the internet facilitates communication that I would have once depended on a travel agent to supply for my decision making.  And lastly, regarding government, we see that these issues affect all of us at both micro and macro levels.  There is a limit to how much information each of us can process, and not all of it makes us feel comfortable.  Last night's conversation may not have made me feel more comfortable about things which have happened.  But they made me more appreciative of what I have accomplished in my life.