Dinner with Vicki and RQS

 

This is not where we ate the other day.  But I'd have loved to eat here, just for the outdoor ambiance. Vicki, RQS and I agreed to meet at one of our usual go-to places, Lefteris Gyro for a dependable good meal.

- - - - - -

RQS and I had been car shopping all day when a woman who I met in Marian mode called.  I made the mistake of answering the phone in Mario mode, and then RQS came on the line and fouled things up a little.  I'll bet that this spooked the woman who could have become a friend before I had the chance to mention my TG nature.  When I called her back later on, I found that her voice mail response hadn't been updated since 2021.  

Around 7 pm, we met at Lefteris, and  had a good meal.  Vicki may have been a little surprised to see me in Mario mode, but that was because I had been in Mario mode to do car shopping. Our conversation got a little animated (not in a nasty way), as Vicki and I both have strong opinions and needed to express them as part of our conversation.  Of course, this might have disturbed a couple at the table next to us (they were giving Vicki weird looks), but it didn't matter to us.  We ended up being the last people to leave the place, and we left a good tip to make up for taking up a table for over 2 hours.

On the whole, it was a nice way to finish up the day, and I'd like to do this again soon....

Valentine's Day - Only the weather at first was cold

 

I won't say too much about Valentine's Day, save that I went to RQS's place and went out for dinner.  Well, I kept joking that I'd made reservations for two at a restaurant called "Der Weissen Schloss".  She knew my joke - I would never participate in White Castle's Valentine's Day gimmick, as that would kill a relationship.

RQS knew what I had gotten her as a gift.  But I didn't know what her gift would be.  I was pleasantly surprised by her gift - a pair of earrings, golden hoops to be exact.  She more than accepts me as Marian!  YAY!   I can't wait to wear these earrings for her someday soon.

RQS and I left for dinner around 6.  We had originally planned to go to an Italian restaurant 10 minutes away by bus.  With the cold, we decided to eat at a Thai restaurant a few blocks away from her house.  One problem - the place was closed.  So we tried a local Italian joint, and they couldn't seat us until 9 pm.  That wasn't a realistic choice.  So we walked to a nearby Indian/Nepali joint.  Although the food was good, it was not to my taste - I would prefer to try another Indian place if one was available.

By the time we got home, we were both cold and tired.  Blame the weather on that....  

Precious Time and Bucket Lists

 

When I was younger, I sometimes felt like there were never enough hours in the day.  Although I feel this less and less as I get older, I find that there are not enough days in the week.  Today was occupied by two things: Shoveling my car out from the snow, and a co-op board meeting to be held in the evening.  As I get older, I dislike shoveling snow more and more, and would prefer to have a garage where I can put my car in case of bad weather.  

Why might you ask that I'm complaining of not having enough time?

The answer is simple.  The older we get, the less time we have to spend.  And, we're also fighting the body's normal decay process as well.  I have less energy to spend on things, which means that it takes me more time to do the things I could do in less time when younger.

- - - - - - 

Knowing that I have only so much time left to me makes me think - what do I want to do with the rest of the good years of my life?  The process of answering that question also spends a portion of the time I have left to me.  Although my apartment is a mess (being perfectly tidy is a low priority for me), I still want the creature comforts that money can buy for me - such as a working range hood fan over my stove.  Being serious, I've already generated a bucket list of things to do and see.  Yet, like in the movie, the Bucket List, I've found that many of the things must be done by more than one person, including the completion of that list.

I consider myself lucky that RQS has been with me for the past 2 years, as I have a companion for that ride into old, old age.  And I feel that she feels the same way about me, especially when I have opened her up to new possibilities in life.  Yet, I don't think that either of us will complete the things we want to do on our bucket lists.  There is only so much time, and it becomes more precious every day.

Fortunately, I am out to the world in regard to being transgender.  This takes a big load off of my mind. Overcoming the fear of wondering what people might think made it easier to pursue other things on the bucket list with much less fear, as I have found that most of us worry about many things needlessly.  If we were to ask ourselves "what's the worst thing that could reasonably happen?" in a given situation might free us up to do things we might not otherwise do.  Heck, I've had to deal with a stolen wallet last year, and I was able to recover from it.  Many of us have had to deal with broken limbs, or worse.  Yet, we recovered.  So, if these are the worst things that could happen, why not try to check off items on your bucket list before it's too late to do so?

I'd love to see your opinions on this....

The first major snowfall in 2 years

 

February 13, 2024 - a snowstorm to remind us of how much of a nuisance show can be.  And I had the wisdom to move my car from my usual parking spot to a visitor's parking spot to leave room for the plow to push all of the shoveled snow.

If we didn't get any snow today, I'd have been out shopping for a new car.   Since I was up early enough to to get out and about in the morning, I had nothing better to do than test drive cars.  Instead, I had to wait until the snow stops falling to shovel out my car and then go food shopping.  Do I like this?  No.  It's not that I mind snow.  But it is simply getting in the way of me doing things important to me, such as picking up a small Valentine's Day gift for RQS.  (She already knows what her big gift is.  But a woman should always hove something to open on V-Day itself.

Thinking of new cars, have you noticed that most cars being sold these days are in shades of white, gray, and black?  It is much less common to see cars painted red or blue, and even less in other colors.  Gone are the days where I could get a VW Bug painted in Yellow.  Even though one could never sell a new car equipped like the old Beetle these days, this car was fun to drive.  More important than that, the car was a good car to learn on, because it could take a beating and still keep soldiering on.

When I had my Bug, I practiced driving in difficult driving conditions.  The only time the Bug could be said to fail me was when I had to brake or steer on a slick surface - there was not enough weight on the front wheels, nor any power, to help keep me from sliding forward when I wanted to stop, or when I wanted to go around a curve.  It was a car best suited for summers on the California Coast, and not for winters in New England.

- - - - - - 

What cars bring back memories for you?

Meeting RQS's Friend

 

Yes, is a picture taken of me over a decade ago.  But I don't want to show a picture of RQS or her friend in this blog.

We had arranged to meet in NYC several weeks ago, and it was nice to be back in Marian mode again. RQS and I got ready to take the train into NYC, and I noticed that one of my dresses had a rip at one seam.  Since I couldn't wear that dress, I had to substitute a sweater dress in its stead - and that was a good thing, considering the cold weather outside.

Arriving at Grand Central an hour ahead of our expected time, we killed some of it in the waiting room over a cup of coffee.  And then it was off to lunch.  When we arrived at our destination, I noted that it couldn't be the Chick-fil-A on the corner, as corporate management is anti-LGBT.  Luckily, we were meeting at the French themed shop next door. And that's where a complication arose - there were no seats, and RQS had already paid for lunch.  So we ended up walking a block to another place, and again - no seats.  Both places had turned into de-facto office spaces, with people both eating and working at the tables.  Again, we picked up and left - for the Wendy's next door.

Time flowed way too quickly.  Her friend greeted me as Marian, and we hit it off instantly. If I didn't have to be back in Croton by 6 to get my car out of the parking lot, we would have stayed longer.  But it was a good excuse to take my leave.  Surprisingly, I made it home by 5:15, as I caught a non-stop express to Croton and beyond. 

Car shopping - Weekend #2

 

I'm certainly not in the market for this old truck.  But I am in the market for a new car, and it will most likely be an SUV, given the options available to me.  Gone are the days of nice sedans and coupes.  We are now in the age of the do anything vehicle.  And this is not a bad thing, considering that we all seem to need to carry large things in the back of the car now and then.

This weekend, I was forced to stay in Mario mode, so that I could visit several car dealerships and have ID that matches my gender presentation.  What bothers me is that I won't be able to get my nails done for a few weeks, so that Mario looks like he's expected to look - like a boring, heavy set, old guy.  And we had a frustrated laugh at the first dealership we visited.

Most of us have gone through the frustrating experience that is new car shopping in the Unites States. First you enter the showroom and meet a salesperson.  Then, they ask for your license, so that they can check your credit report and start the process of structuring a deal designed to get you to buy their car with maximum profit. When the salesperson comes back with your license, he starts asking you about your budget for the car, whether you will be financing the car and what kind of monthly payments you can afford, whether you have a car you'd like to trade, as well as other information he will need for his finance guy to structure a deal.  Only then, do you get to the process of taking a test drive.

Now, I have been around this block before, and I have had many dealers try to screw me - even when I was willing to buy a car at MSRP (both before, during, and after Covid-19).  So, I've taken the time to learn how to NOT provide much negotiating information to the "enemy". And RQS has been a great help to me while we have visited the dealerships.

Before RQS came up this weekend, I had a pleasant test drive of a Honda at a local dealership.  The salesman knew that I've been to this dance before, and didn't try to hard sell me on the car I tested.  Instead, we had a long, leisurely test drive on both local roads and the highway, and I found this to be the best car I had tested so far.  Although there is one thing I don't like about the car (the CVT transmission), I'd buy this car at the right price.  This would become the car I measure things against in test drives planned when RQS arrived.

On Saturday, we visited the first of these dealerships, a Mazda dealership, where we were greeted by a salesperson who offered us coffee and proceeded to ask for my license, so that he could make a copy.  After an excessive amount of time, RQS and I were starting to get frustrated.  But then, I think the salesperson couldn't pull a credit on me, as I had frozen it when my wallet was lifted in Chicago.  And only when he gave up, did he return to the desk to try and extract more information from me - which he didn't get.  After the test drive, we chatted and I got his opening price for the car - something in a fair range for the vehicle we tested.  Unfortunately, it was getting dark, so we suspended our shopping for the day.

Sunday came, and we ended up visiting 3 dealerships.  The first one we entered, a Subaru franchise in Yonkers, got me to write a "Nastygram" (as I call it).  We entered the dealership, and the receptionist was doing her business on the phone and didn't bother to acknowledge us.  After 10 minutes of walking around, no one bothered to ask us anything, so we left.  (Given the large inventory on their lot, I don't think they are too successful a dealership.)  And then it was onto the next dealership - a Yonkers Honda dealership.  Although we were acknowledged promptly, we still had to wait a while due to short staffing. When we finally met with a salesperson, we were told that they don't do test drives on Sundays, and that she couldn't give me an out the door price - she was required to haggle.  Since there's no way we'd even consider doing this without even a test drive, we moved onto a third dealership in White Plains. This time, we were greeted promptly, "interrogated" for sales information, and given our test drive. Although we did get an out the door price, it would not be as good as the price I got before the weekend started.

Monday came, and I wrote the "Nastygram" I mentioned above.  Even though I received an apologetic response later in the day, I won't return to that dealership.  I figure that I can get a better deal from other dealerships that carry its brands, assuming that I don't go with the Honda....

Tax Paperwork - a short post

 

Getting ready to have my taxes done is always an awkward experience.  Gathering up my forms is the easiest part of the process, save for the rental property that both my brother and I share an interest.  Given that my brother is a well paid, but overworked person, I rarely have received this last set of financials on time.

I'm glad that I'm not an accountant at this time of year.  One's person's numbers and forms would likely blend into someone else's in my mind - and I'd screw up both people's returns.  So I respect my brother a lot for starting a second career in his 40's, and doing well up to this point.  

Right now, my brother has got the weight of the world on him, and all I can do is give him encouragement.  He will soon have a lot of hard decisions in front of him, and all I can do is listen when he needs an ear, as well as remind him of what he's already accomplished in such a short time in a career.

In the end, my brother will still end up doing tax forms, if not for a large corporation, then for his family.  I wish him the best....

Game night - a short post

 

Although it was a perfect day to go outside and test drive some cars, I ended up staying indoors until it was time to go to game night.  

- - - - - -

One thing I've noticed at game night is that the people there always refer to me as SHE.  That's very important, as they know I'm transgender.  Whether or not I go for radical surgical alterations to my body or not is a minor issue with this group of friends.  People there are comfortable with the idea of being transgender, and just accept me as a normal person.

Even with being accepted, being the oldest person in the room does make me feel odd at times.  I am not good at games that require a lot of strategical thought - I might be more of a tactician than a strategist.  But I enjoy going there because I enjoy the company of younger people.  And that's something that will likely keep my mind active as I get older.

- - - - - -

With all of the above being said, I had a troublesome thought come to mind.  What would happen when people who only know Mario meet people who only know Marian?  I'd no longer be around.  But I'd hate to see people freaked out because I lived on both sides of the gender coin.

Dinner with a Transgender friend

 

It's not every day that I can get together with another person from our transgender community.  It takes a while for our conversations to get going because we come from opposite sides of the spectrum.  But, in the end, we get to chatting like typical ladies - albeit, not in the way one would expect.

- - - - - -

We arranged to meet at the restaurant at dinner time, but we screwed up which dinner time that was.  So, I ended up being 1/2 hour early, yet 1/2 hour late according to SKB's initial impressions of our time frame.  (I take half of the blame here, as I could have chosen the earlier to get there and we both could have gotten there at the originally expected time.)  One thing I can say - I don't want to be walking out on a side street near Atlantic Terminal / Barclay's Center after rush hour.  But I digress.  SKB ended up being later than expected due to a hunt for a parking spot. (There are many good reasons that I use mass transit in congested parts of big cities.) 

In many ways, SKB is the opposite of me.  I identify as a person who is left of center by today's standards. (I'd likely be considered a Goldwater Republican, the way he was towards the end of his life.)  SKB identifies as a person who is right of center.  I have almost no interest in sports, save for an interest in the history of baseball.  SKB has an interest in the most American of sports, football.  We should be like oil and water, but we always seem to have good conversations.

All too soon, our conversation had to end.  SKB was able to reach her house in 30 minutes, while it took me 30 minutes to reach Grand Central Terminal.  Since it was after 9:00 pm when I got there, almost every place where I could get a bottle of fizzy water was closed (or was closing down).  Luckily, one place was still open at 9:30, and I was able to get my seltzer before hopping on the train.

Normally, I get on a train that has a stop or two before reaching Croton.  This time, I caught the express whose first stop is in Croton.  As a result, I had to fight to stay awake just enough not to miss my station, instead of being able to fall asleep until the last stop.  Yet, I made it home by 11:00 pm, and was ready to fall asleep by midnight.

Planning for the future

 

I am a male with gender non-conforming presentation, or I am a transgender woman with very mild gender dysphoria.  In either case, I have to think about my future, and my potential needs as I grow old.  This means I may need to find senior care facilities which accommodate and cater to people like me.  I don't think I'll feel comfortable if I'm forced to present as Mario for the rest of my life.  And I don't think I'd feel comfortable if I'm only able to be with queer people like me.  I need to be in a place where I can mix between both worlds - something which may not be possible for a baby boomer like me.

Although there are services for the senior LGBT community, such as senior housing and senior centers, I will try to live on my own for as long as possible.  Yet, I will eventually need to find housing that fits the needs of an older version of myself, and I expect that there will not be enough of this type of housing when I need it.  So what will I do?  I have no children.  My niece and nephew live far enough away that they might as well not exist.  Having a spouse/partner in old age may help for a while, but she will also be suffering the slings and arrows of old age at the same time as I do.  If I were to dwell on it much, I'd be scared.  But I look at things like this as they come and address them when they come.

Yet, I wonder - what will the future bring?

As I see it, it's very important for me to build up a social network now, so that I have people I can ask for help as I need it.  For example, my tax preparer, an enrolled agent, has retired, and I have been asking around for references.  Hopefully, I will find one soon, as I would prefer to use someone other than the person I could use as a fall back.  I can only imagine what it will be like when I can no longer drive or go up/down stairs and have to move.  Who will be there to help me handle my affairs?  (Maybe I can ask my uncle about this when I visit him this spring.)  This is only the tip of the iceberg that is "growing old in today's America" and I have yet to find the answers I need.

Any ideas?

Car Shopping

 

So far, I have only been able to take the time to test drive one car, the Buick Envista.  As much as I like the car, I am not yet ready to drop the hammer and buy the car.  I have yet to drive the other two cars at the top of my list: the Honda HR-V and Mazda CX-30.

One of the issues I have living in two gender modes, is that I have to schedule events that require my presence as Mario (usually with people who only know me as Mario, or when my legal ID has to be presented) on days where I'll be in Mario mode.  So I haven't had much time to go out for test drives.  I expect that the process of test driving cars, arranging for insurance, then taking possession of the car will take 6 weeks.  So I expect that, barring any unforeseen issues, that I'll be driving something new in a few weeks.

Once I have the new car, I figure that I'll be taking mass transit more often to visit RQS at her place, as it will be harder to find a good parking spot in her neighborhood.  At least, the car I eventually will buy will have all the safety features I need, such as blind spot detection.  It'll be nice to drive a car I can depend on again (not saying my current car is not dependable) based on the age of the car, the wear and tear of the car, and the new safety features designed into the car.

I can't wait to have that "new car smell" around me again....

The high point of my day was at lunch

 

It's hard to believe that it has been 4 years since I've worked at the census, and 4 years since I felt comfortable with being 'out' as a transgender person.  Today, I met with one of my friends from the census and had a nice lunch.

My friend (let's call her CSC) and I have been trying to meet on a monthly basis since our work on the census ended.  And we've been able to keep up to date on happenings in our lives since then.  She's shared information on family events, her travels, and on things in general - and I've done the same.  The one thing I'll share about our conversation is how her dietary restrictions have affected her when dining out....

CSC comes from a Jewish family.  As a result, she lived in a kosher household and has never eaten pork or shellfish.  That is not an issue for her.  She is allergic to peanuts, peas, and bananas.  She is also a vegetarian who once ate meat in the past.  So, she finds herself having to talk about dietary issues every time she goes out to eat.  Even when she does so, things can go a little wrong as it did today; A pea was found in the yellow rice served to her, and she had to send it back for some white rice.  (A minor issue, Yes.  But she could have suffered a severe allergic reaction.)  She told me about visits to restaurants which had no vegetarian options on the menu, where the chef concocted some very tasty dishes just for her.  And she told me about restaurants that said they couldn't accommodate her - then they did.  Nowadays,  it's much easier for her, as most restaurants are willing to have both vegan and gluten free foods on the menu, as well as knowing how to keep "special requirements" food prepared separately from "regular" food.

All too soon, it was time to go.  So we made plans for the following month and went on our way.

- - - - - -

Once home, I had to switch back to Mario mode.  I had a handyman coming over to see about replacing the exhaust fan/ceiling light in the bathroom.  This will be a slightly more expensive project than I planned, as he suggested that he repaint the ceiling after he finishes installing the fixture.  (The ceiling paint has started to flake off in one area, and I've deferred doing this work.)  So, I handed him a deposit, and he will buy all the supplies needed for the job - and he will get back to me to schedule the work.

- - - - - -

Now that my 15 minutes as Mario was over with, it was time to switch back into Marian mode for a zoom call with my friends from Texas and RQS.  I'll bet that they noticed that I was exhausted, but I was able to stay awake during our meeting.  (Again, I didn't get enough good sleep the night before.)  Hopefully, we will all be able to get together again in 2025.  But that's another story.  Shortly afterwards was my nightly call with RQS to end my day.

Sometimes, I don't have much to say. Sometimes, I have a lot.

 

Lately, I have been thinking of politics much more than usual. Given that Trump is going Senile and no one is standing in his way to get the GOP nomination, I'm a little concerned about what would happen if he has control over the "Football" again.

The former president is a narcissist who needs to be loved by everyone with whom he comes into contact. He has no loyalty to friends and family, nor does he have any loyalty to the country.  But he has a following of lemming like supporters.  This afternoon, while I was driving home, I stopped into a pizzeria. Sitting down at a table was the owner, a man who wore a MAGA baseball cap.  There was no way that I wanted to have a political discussion with this person.  So I took my pizza and walked to a table in the back to eat it.

Of course, RQS can say that I am a motor mouth.  And she'd be right.  I can go on for hours about some subjects, and have done so often.  But this time, I knew enough to keep my mouth shut and walk away.  I only wonder if this person really understood that he was getting conned by a master con man.

A nice weekend with RQS - a quick post

 

This weekend was a "half and half" weekend in more ways than one.  Although she came up on Thursday to spend the evening with me at game night, we drove down to her place on Saturday to spend the rest of the weekend in the city.  This was a nice change of pace.

But first....

Lately, I haven't had much energy to do much of anything.  But I had enough to get dressed and meet RQS at the train station in Marian mode.  From there, we were off to Lefteris Gyro, as we'd be heading towards Yonkers for game night.  Once done with dinner, we drove over to game night where RQS was warmly welcomed.  (I think that the host and hostess approve of my choice of girlfriend.😊)  We were in time for 2 games, and both of us did poorly - and had fun doing so.

On Friday, I had to return to Mario mode, so that I could test drive a car.  I'm very surprised that Buick has a compact SUV in my price range. Even though it has a 3 cylinder engine, the car had a bit of pep for a small car.  The way the car performed justified my visit to the dealership.

Saturday came, and we woke up late.  Instead of risking not getting a parking spot at her house, we skipped test drives of 2 other brands/models, and saved time by going directly to Ridgewood.  And this was a good thing, as after a bit of food shopping in her neighborhood, it took 15 minutes to find a parking spot.

Sunday was a sleepy day for us.  And the only reason for getting dressed was a visit to the local Bodega.  While out, we checked the alternate side of the street parking rules that applied to my car.  I could stay overnight!  Yay!  So that's just what I did.  It was nice to have an extra night with RQS.....

I find myself more interested in travel than before

 

When I was married, my late wife and I would take yearly vacations and not go too far from home.  The only places more than a day's drive away that we visited were California and Nova Scotia.  I think that had she lived (and our marriage had survived), we would have found a way to travel more.  However, that's one thing among many things that is impossible to know.

After my wife died, I had a good income and I found myself traveling to widows/widowers gatherings across the country, organized by AOL chat room hosts.  For the most part, I was looking to meet friends, while others were looking to find new mates.  That pattern continues today with me attending meetups.  But I digress....

Over the years, I found myself flying out to places such as Biloxi, MS; San Jose, CA; and Pigeon Forge, TN.  Yet, I only found myself traveling out of the country on the two cruises I took and on the trips I took to Niagara Falls and Toronto.  I never put my desire to travel into high gear, and visited places that were truly far and wide.  Without someone with whom to share my experiences, I feel that I might have been afraid to take the risk of leaving my comfort zone.

- - - - - -

When the Twin Towers were attacked on 9/11/01, two of my colleagues from the bank were caught outside the US.  One was North of the border visiting Montreal and the other was vacationing in Salzburg, Austria. They were stuck outside the US until our government figured out what to do. I could only imagine what they were thinking, not being able to come home when they planned to do so.  As for me, I was one of many people tasked with getting our bank up and running after losing our data center in that disaster.  Although I was safe at home, travel seemed a bit scary.  Yet, within 6 months, I went to another widows/widowers gathering in Las Vegas, NV.

It wasn't until my former cruise partner (FCP) suggested it in the 2010's that I took my third cruise.  And I found that I enjoyed the experience, as it was comfortable and allowed me to leave my comfort zone a bit, because I started traveling as Marian.  Yes, I got some strange looks.  But it forced me to learn how to overcome my fears and be the person I am today.

Although my upcoming Norwegian Fjord cruise will be done as Mario, I figure that it is time to get out of my comfort zone again (albeit, just a little) and experience overseas travel.  Who knows?  It could become addicting....

One of these days, I'll have a "normal" sleep schedule

 

I've never been one to sleep when the rest of the world sleeps.  Yes, I'll get up early, so that I can make certain appointments.  But, when I have no critical appointments, I will sleep as long as possible.  In fact, when RQS comes over, she ends up syncing to my sleep pattern, instead of me syncing my sleep pattern to hers.  Normally, this wouldn't concern me, but it has lasted way too long this time around.

My mom once told me that when I was very young, I would always be awake at night and would sleep during the day.  As I grew up, this unusual pattern would always come back whenever I had no fixed daytime routine.  When I entered the workforce, I was most successful when I could get into work later than the average person and leave later as well.

Now that I'm retired, this has become a liability, as I could easily sleep 16 hours a day if I wanted to. Being active is the best way to have a long life.  Without the imposed need to be active, it's too easy to fall into the bad habits which would shorten my life.

- - - - - -

At the beginning of the pandemic, I was depressed due to losing two of the people who were most important in my life.  On my days off from the census, I would occasionally go to various rail trails and walk two or three miles.  I'm not as motivated to do this anymore.  Yet, this would be the best thing to do.

Let's see what happens in the spring.  I might just get back into walking again, and stay in sync with the rest of the world.

Thinking about a friend - a short post

 

I have a friend whose life has been quite a disaster.  The other day, he came to me asking for advice as he had hit a low in his life.  The question I had was: Do I tell him the unvarnished truth and risk the friendship?  Or, do I try to soften things up, and help him continue along the erroneous path he's been taking in his life?  I decided to risk the friendship and go for broke.

It took me a while to compose a reply to this friend's request for help.  And I let him have my opinion, as if it were a gun shooting its load from both barrels.  Surprisingly, he took things well.  Whether or not he really thinks hard about what I said is something I can't determine.  But I now know he took it in the spirit in which it was said, as he trusts my opinion and my ability to see things clearly.

- - - - - -

Why do I mention this?

One of the things I mentioned in a follow up message was that both he and his partner need to go to couples therapy.  If 50% of marriages break up because of money, a good deal of the other 50% break up because of bad communications skills.  His partner has supported him through thick and thin, throughout a period of life where his health deserted him.  Without this woman in his life, he would likely be homeless - and he knows it.

A skill that I learned from my former therapist was to identify underlying emotions before they erupt as anger.  With my friend, he still needs to learn a similar skill - how to hold back from casting his die before he understands the consequences of that cast.  (See: Alea iacta est.)  Sadly, he didn't trust his partner to do the communications for him during one hospital visit, and it caused him a lot of grief afterwards.  Even now, he still has a problem judging the potential consequences of his actions.

Hopefully, my most recent communications with this friend will trigger him to get some help.  Yet, I can't help but think: There, but for the grace of God, go I.

It's hard to believe that I booked another cruise already

I have a cruise coming up in 3 months, and both of us have another in 5.  Yet, RQS and I have just scheduled another cruise for the fall - this time to Bermuda, when both of us have a bucket list cruise to finish paying for.  AARGH!  Luckily, both of us can afford this cruise, but it forces us to think about the cruising/vacations we'll be taking in 2025.

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Normally, we don't see Free Pre-Paid Gratuities on NCL.  Its "Free at Sea" package does not cover gratuities - this means that we each would have to pay:

• Beverage Service Charge           - $152.55
• Specialty Dining Service Charge -  $19.80
• Daily Service Charge                  - $140.00

However, the deal noted above with Pre-Paid Gratuities (Daily Service Charge) made it worth the while to upgrade to a balcony cabin.  Yet, it's money that I wasn't planning to put out until after we returned from Europe.  

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Now that we've committed the better part of $15k to travel in 2024, what does this mean for 2025?  I'm not sure if RQS wants to commit to another bucket list trip.  Additionally, I'm not sure if our bucket lists are fully in sync with each other. This is not a big deal, as I see room for us to heck off a few destinations on each of our lists.

For example,  If one looks at the above chart that I maintain on a monthly basis, you'll see that I am looking to take either one of two Alaska cruises during the shoulder seasons.  Additionally, I am seriously looking at a cruise in Iceland, a cruise through the Panama Canal, and a Transatlantic crossing on the Queen Mary 2.  It's not practical to take more than one of these cruises in any one calendar year.  I'd like to take the Panama Canal cruise in 2025, as I expect that global warming will affect water levels in the Canal Zone. I can see us going to either Alaska or Iceland in 2026.  If we push the calendar into tracking 2027 cruises, I'll add a Hawaii cruise (or two) to this list.  Checking off bucket list destinations can get quite expensive, and I want to make sure that RQS enjoys the trips as much as I will.

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You'll note that we've also talked about river cruises.  These will cost even more than the ocean cruises we've been taking lately.  So instead, we might end up choosing to visit a city/region and exploring it for a week or so.  One of the places we've talked about going to is San Francisco before it implodes.  (A city that loses its tax base will soon neglect essential public safety and social services, and will be as crime ridden as New York was in the 1980's.)  Ideally, we'll find a place where I can go as Marian and both of our Texas friends would be willing to visit with us.  If not, we'll explore it on our own.  On our list of cities to explore are Seattle, New Orleans, Boston, Philadelphia and Washington, DC.  (DC is always fun to visit, and it's a place where I've gone as Mario and as Marian.)

As you can see, travel is high on my list of things to do.  And I hope to do as much as possible while I'm healthy enough to do so.

Three Losses - one good and the other two sad.

 

Considering that my weekdays blur into weekends, and weekends blur into weekdays as of late, I often report on things that happen during the week on weekends and vice versa.  This weekend was one of those weekends where I celebrated one loss, and felt very sad about the other two.

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Most of my readers understand why I would buy a round of drinks for my TG friends if our most recent ex-president were to get convicted of a crime and get sentenced to prison.  Last week's award of $83,000,000 to E.Jean Carroll in her defamation suit against Trump made me almost want to buy that round of drinks.  The man is evil, and he won't stop until he is dead or in prison for life.  And in either case, he still poses a threat to this republic, due to the unhinged nature of his cult.   Hopefully, we will see a criminal conviction before the general election, if not before the GOP convention.  This way, we might see the GOP put up a candidate who is less likely to establish an authoritarian government.  Fingers crossed on that....

Next, was the loss of Melanie Safka.  Most of us know her by her first name, the singer Melanie.  When I was younger, I loved her music, especially the songs "Brand New Key" and "What have they done to my song?"  No reason was given for her death.  I only hope that it was painless and quick.  

Finally, the leader of one of the meetup groups I attended passed away.  From what I knew of her, she was a kind and generous person.  Sadly, she was found dead in her home this weekend, and I'll be sure to attend her wake this week.  Since she volunteered at one of the places I volunteered for, I know I might meet with some of the people I met at this organization.  She'll be missed both as a meetup organizer and (more importantly) all the people whose lives are better because she was involved in their lives.

Now, I have some plans for more than the next couple of days.

 

This won't be a long post.  But I know how I'll be dressed for the next week or so.  And it'll be nice to spend another week solely as Marian!

In the past, I have mentioned how I use a calendar to keep track of which days I'll present as Mario and which days I'll present as Marian.  Tomorrow, RQS and I are going to the nail salon - and that means that I'll be spending the better part of next week as Marian.  Yay!  Yes, it helps that RQS will be coming up for Game Night this week.  And I'm always glad that she can spend time with the people I call my friends.

When I dated XGFJ, there were people with whom I only socialized with as Marian.  This situation made XGFJ uncomfortable accompanying me to certain gatherings.  Now that we've been out of each other's lives for a while, we've been able to live our lives without encumbrances posed by each other's comfort levels.  And that's been a blessing for me, as I prefer to be out as Marian as much as possible.

The other day, I chatted with a friend about this, and she was glad that RQS and I are in a place where she's comfortable with me in either presentation.  Yet, I know that when V-Day comes, I'll likely be in Mario mode for that night - I think she'll be happy to see me that way on that special day.  Yet, it would be nice if we could both get dressed up in elegant red dresses and spend that night on the town.  One can dream, can't she....?