An Anniversary - a quick note

 

It's hard to believe that today would have been my 36th wedding anniversary.  And I've been widowed for over twice as many years as we were married.  Do I miss my wife?  Yes.  There are only two other women who got that much of my heart, and both of those relationships were failures.

Would my wife have accepted this side of me?  Who knows?  But I can say that she accepted me wearing my feminine frills at home.  So there was a good chance that she might have accepted the Marian side of me as long as I presented myself well.

- - - - - -

It is acceptable in our society for a woman to present herself in a "masculine" way.  But it is generally not acceptable for a man to present himself in a "feminine" way.  For the life of me, I'll never understand this with the rational side of my mind.  But I can understand it with the more primitive side of my mind, as it has over 60 years of social programming to reinforce these views.  Hopefully, this will change for today's youth....

People are still getting used to a "post Covid-19" future

 

It's hard to believe that it has been 5 years since the above picture was taken.  I find it amazing how much I've grown being Marian, and how much I've lost at the same time.  No one can turn back the clock and relive the past.  Yet, one can learn from it, and see the shades of gray in someone else's arguments.  In my case, I've given up hoping that one person will see that I was also wronged in our disagreement, as this would mean she would accept a little blame for herself.  And this made me think a little more about FH.

- - - - -

About a week ago, I was out on a date with FH.  She got lost in her own frustrations when I was having troubles paying for parking using the machine which was provided for this purpose.  Not caring how I felt, she continued to make comments about the machine when I needed peace and quiet to gather my thoughts and figure out what to do next - before my frustration started to control me.  So I asked her to be quiet for a minute, and she said that she'd talk as much as she wanted - as if my issues were of no concern.  Eventually, we were told that we could pay at the exit gate (something I didn't know at the time), and we went to my car to go home.  In the car, I missed the turn for the exit, and she decided to give me a hard time when I said something to myself. She was obviously angry and looking to make me feel bad.  Once we finally exited the lot, she started to make a big deal about things, bringing up the Marian side of me, just to fight dirty in our argument.  So I was quite relieved when I dropped her at her apartment, never to see her again.

It seems like some women like doing this to men they no longer want in their lives.  Instead of saying that things are not working out, and I don't want to see you near my circle of friends, they sabotage things to make this happen.  They also do many other things instead of stating their needs.  In the case of FH, this looks orchestrated, as she first made a big deal of me "stalking her" on Facebook (I only left an active chat window open, and never bothered looking at her Facebook page - all she does is post photographs of herself there) when she unfriended me.  Even though she apologized, and said that she was loopy from a sleeping pill (I know that the pill was an anti-depressant, as I picked them up at the drug store for her once), she never looked to refriend me there.  I wasn't going to make the first move, as I knew something was up.  Then, when she asked me to come down on a Friday night and go to dinner where she knew things were crowded and problems would likely occur, this should have been another sign she was up to something.  When the argument happened it was no surprise - she simply looked for an excuse to achieve something she was too uncomfortable asking for.  She couldn't say that she simply didn't want me around, now that the Covid-19 pandemic restrictions had been eased off.

- - - - - -

There are so many people who can't communicate well.  And we're going to see a lot of strange behavior from people now that the pandemic restrictions are easing off.  Last night, I made a comment to someone that said simply - I hope you enjoy your evening.  And I got back a response that reflected some of the awkwardness I saw in FH.  What is it about people who can not see shades of gray?  More importantly, what is it about the pandemic that brought out the worst in people?

As things open up, people will struggle to find a new normal. Yes, vaccinated people will continue to wear masks for a while. This will also ease off over time. But what about the anti-vaxxers and anti-maskers? Will they freeload off of our immunizations? Today, I saw this message coming from a person in my gaming group:

I know how kind hearted you both are, but are visitors allowed to ridicule adults who refused to get the vaccine without any rational reason?  If this is prohibited, can we at least use "veiled" insults, like, "What's with the mask indoors, Count Maskula?" Or, "Hey, you do know the Earth is round, riiiiiiiight?"

Asking for a rage filled friend who has problems keeping quiet on certain subjects.

I'm vaccinated.

Sincerely,

Xxxxxx Xxxxxx

Although I know this friend is being a little humorous, there is a cynicism implicit in his email.  I'm pretty sure that I know who this person is talking about.  But I'm going to keep my mouth shut unless someone makes an inappropriate statement, and will criticize the person for coming to a place where only inoculated people are welcome.

Tomorrow, I'll be going out to dinner with Vicki and going to the first indoor HVRW dinner since before the pandemic started.  Hopefully, it will be a pleasant night to remember.

PS: On the Monday after I wrote this entry, I received a message from FH. She wanted to say hello and to see how I was doing.  I mentioned that I was cleaning out my bedroom so that a contractor could reset an air conditioner sleeve.  She complained that we hadn't spoken in a week, and all I could do is talk about my AC.  Then, normally, you ask "how are you?" or say "nice to hear from you."  Kvetch, Kvetch, Kvetch.  I meant what I said about not calling her again.

Dating is such a pain in the ass

 

My ex broke up with me shortly before the pandemic struck, and it was all downhill for a while.  When I received a hurtful email on my birthday, I knew that I could either continue to make things worse for myself and others, or to figure out a way to start healing.  In many ways, the less I say about the ex, the better.  So I will focus on the healing process.

- - - - - - 

A long time ago, I dated TCL.  And we decided to be "just friends" shortly afterwards.  Why did I not pursue a relationship with her?  She's the type of person who will meander from topic to topic, getting lost in the process.  In a way, it's like a programmer tracing code through a series of "nested IF statements" and getting lost in the depths of the statements.  TCL has to be interrupted in order for you to get a word in, and I don't think she realizes she does this.  If I don't get the chance to speak once in a while, I get bored.  Who wants to be bored by a person one might want to live with someday?  She was typical of many of the women I dated before meeting my ex girlfriend - all had one obvious trait that would get under my skin.

- - - - - -

My personal ad was out before the pandemic struck, but I met FH shortly after people were told they could meet outdoors while wearing masks.  No one really know how the virus spread in those days, and I can still remember driving FH home from the heart of Forest Hills.  She wasn't perfect, but she was better than having no one to keep busy with on weekends. However, this doesn't say much about FH.  She's an educated woman who was always commenting on her crazy family.  As the old saying goes, "it takes one to know one."  I'll always wonder if she asked herself whether she was as crazy as her siblings.  From what I can tell from her brother, he is a product of his environment and of his news bubble.  FH lives within NYC limits, and her brother in the suburbs. She's a Democrat, and he's a Republican.  Both siblings often see each other through a political lens.  Needless to say, I've heard her make incendiary statements about all Republicans.  Although they may be true of many in the GOP, it would be unfair to paint them all using the same brush.  Sadly, she's a person who doesn't know how to let things drop - and one has to do this in order to have a successful relationship.

During this time, I met FL, and we had a few dates before she backed away.  Of course, she was spooked by me as Marian, and broke up with me before we things got too serious.  FL and I are still friends, and we get along well.  Unfortunately, she now lives too far away for me to visit on a regular basis. 

But there were other women. GS lives in the Hudson Valley, and we had a handful of dates before the weather got cold.  There was no real chemistry between us, but my female presentation wasn't an issue for her.  Instead, I think that her financial situation was precarious due to the pandemic, and she had bigger problems to worry about than dating.

I won't go through the whole list here, but I've gotten to hate having to learn a bit about a person, only to forget it later on.  I want to spend my time building memories with someone who cares for me.  Maybe that's why I said I wasted 5 years dating one woman - I have only so much time left to build memories, and I hate wasting time before I find that person I can build memories with.

- - - - - -

Lucky, the pandemic seems to be easing off, and things are slowly returning to "normal".  Hopefully, some nice women will "swipe right" on my profile, and that one of them is a good match for me, and me for her....

I found out that someone reads my blog on occasion

 

 

  

Ever have someone pop back into your life, pull their typical nasty shit then pop out again? Boy, it seriously makes me want to play wack-a-mole. 

- - - - - -

But seriously....

Recently, in response to one of my posts, a former friend wrote a nasty comment which I will not display here.  Any mention of her that I have made in this blog does not mention her name, show her picture (with a discernible face), or say anything about her personal life.  I will freely admit that I talked a little too much in the past about things that shouldn't have been mentioned. So, do I erase her existence from my past?  To answer my own question, I will not erase the fact that she existed, but I will reference the past if only to note my mistakes in life - especially regarding her.  And if she doesn't like it, she can send an email directly to me to tell me what objections she has. If her complaint is reasonable to me, I will perform some edits to the blog. Although we will never be friends again, I will do this as a courtesy, and nothing more than that.

In regard to another person, I felt that any mention of a dispute that we had was fair game, as long as I stated things from my point of view.  At least, with this person in this blog, there is no mention of her name, no showing of her picture, no identification of her business.  But I was asked not to talk about our conversation in this forum, and I complied for reasons I will not discuss here..  (This may be the only time I reference the discussion here - for obvious reasons.) 

- - - - - -

Today, I went to the office knowing that I'd be directly hired by the firm to do the job I'm already doing through an agency.  I would now become a direct employee, eligible for benefits.   But to do this, I'd have to show my male ID in a place where I've always presented as female.  So, I went into the office with an almost unnoticeable nervousness (if you could even call it that) regarding the unknown.  But I needn't have had any concerns - I was treated professionally by the lady in HR.  

As I get older, the more I find that people in the Northeast will generally treat a transgender person with respect, as long as that person exudes a sense of self confidence.  Yes, your mileage will vary, as old commercials used to say. But a smile at the right person, a kindly word at the right time, and a helpful gesture can go a long way towards being accepted.

A while back, I met another trans person at the LGBT center in White Plains.  This person came up to me and said I was an inspiration that helped this person with the first stages of transition.  (I avoid citing gender here, as I don't remember which direction of transition this person was on.)   At least, I can say that I made a positive contribution to one person's life.

- - - - - -

But I still wonder. Is there anyone else that I inspire?

 

It was an unusual weekend to say the least

This weekend started off in a memorable way.  First, my boss called me into his office and told me that the firm is bringing me onto the "staff payroll" instead of being paid through an agency.  This means that once again, I have to fill in paperwork to get my job.  This time, HR (and some others) may be a little surprised when they see paperwork in Mario's name instead of Marian's name.  Luckily, I've always used an informal version of my name that's androgynous and can be used by either sex.  

But Friday was much more than being given the job that I thought I'd be given the following week.  I finally was able to talk to the contractors who have been fixing up the apartment below me for sale.  Hopefully, I'll be able to see the bathroom once they are done, and get an estimate (time and money) of what it will take to do the same thing in my place.  Then, I drove to see FH for dinner.  

FH was in rare form on Friday.  Going to a busy area to eat at a chain restaurant will likely end up resulting in a long wait when NYC is still under pandemic restrictions.  She wanted to eat at the Cheesecake Factory in Rego Park, Queens.  So I drove to the shopping center, got the parking ticket, and proceeded to the restaurant where we were told it would be a 2 hour wait for a seat. Next, we walked across the street to the Olive Garden where we were told it would be a 1 hour wait for a seat. And then, we walked to the Longhorn Steakhouse where we were told it would be a 2 hour wait for a seat. Guess where we ate - the Olive Garden.  

There is a good reason why people choose to eat somewhere other than the Olive Garden.  Most of the food is excessively salty and excessively starchy.  (What do you expect from a pseudo Italian restaurant chain?)  After 45 minutes waiting on a chilly park bench, we walked to the restaurant and had a mediocre meal.  And that's where the fun begins.  When trying to use the parking lot payment machine, the machine refused to accept my credit card.  I had no way of knowing that this lot accepts payments at the exit gate.  So I started getting frustrated, and asked FH to be quiet for a moment so that I can deal with my frustration.  She kept talking, only making it worse.  Eventually, I got mad at her and told her to shut up.  She got mad as well, and we escalated things to the point where I said that I wouldn't bother calling her again. Eventually, the parking lot attendant told us that he had to reset the machine and that we should pay at the exit gate.

At this point, all I wanted to do was get out of the parking lot and drop FH off at her place.  She started up her argument again, saying that I was wrong and that she would speak whenever she wanted to - even when the person next to her needs a little bit of quiet for a minute.  She even brought up Marian, and I told her that this part of me is not up for discussion as it is not germane to the argument.  So I was glad to get her out of my car quickly, and then call a friend.  Thankfully, Vicki was available.  She noted that it is easy to understand why someone who has as little empathy as FH has never been married.  And then she said that this makes it much easier for me to start dating people who have a better chance of meeting my needs for a mate.

- - - - - - 

Saturday came, and I just didn't want to get out of bed.  I knew that today had to be laundry day if I wanted to go on my date with APJ (as I'll call her for now - it could change).  So I decided to get up and finally start my day around 10:30.  But that didn't mean that I'd start any chores then - that was around 1:00 pm when I brought my laundry downstairs.

Once I was done with my laundry, I got ready to go meet APJ in Hackensack.  I did a quick shower and shave, and got dressed for the second day in a row as Mario.  Then it was off to Jersey.  Both of us fought the usual Saturday traffic to get to the diner, and we chatted for almost 2 1/2 hours.  So far, so good.  But I will have to tell her about Marian before we get intimate.  And I only can imagine what she will think when I do so.

Since I know that I'll need lunch for Monday and Tuesday, I stopped by Shop Rite on the way home.  While there, I looked for a cheap succulent plant to leave a friend as a gift.  I couldn't find one in my price range.  So, I decided on buying a "lucky" bamboo plant, and will leave it on the friend's doorstep on my way upstate tomorrow.

- - - - - -

In many ways, I wish I could have been one of the women who wore uniforms like the one above.  Sadly, the market for women's baseball died when the men came back from WW2, but a good movie came from it.  (By the way, what do the movies "A League of Their Own" and "The Green Mile" have in common?  Answer below....)

I knew that I was going to have less time in Cooperstown than I wanted, as I woke up later than planned. But I figured that I had enough time to drop off yesterday's gift, and then go to Cooperstown for a 3+ hour visit to the Hall of Fame.  So I got in my car and wasted time at the local Mickey D's before getting on the thruway.  Usually, it takes me about 45-60 minutes to reach the thruway, and based on the time I budget to reach Catskill, it would be another 2 hours to reach Cooperstown by back roads from there.  During the daytime, this is a beautiful drive.  Yet, I wouldn't recommend doing it at night, as these are rural roads with little traffic and no cell phone service.  Eventually, I made it to Cooperstown, and found free parking without trouble, then had no problems buying my ticket for the museum.  (Later on, I was told by a local NOT to visit Cooperstown from Memorial Day to Columbus Day, as the crowds ruin the place - something I experienced when I visited with my (now) ex girlfriend a couple of years ago.)  It would be easy to go on and on about the exhibits at the museum.  But for baseball fans, it's a shrine worth visiting at least once.

Around 4:30, it was time to go home.  And I didn't want to take those back roads at night and in the rain. So I drove North to Route 20, then made the mistake of taking more side roads to reach the thruway.  This must have added at least 30-45 minutes to my return trip home.  Once on the thruway, it was a lead footed drive home.  With one stop at the local supermarket for tomorrow's lunch, I was home in 4 hours.  Not bad, considering everything.

 

 

- - - - - -

 

 

Answer to above question:

Both movies have a scene where Tom Hanks' character urinates off screen.  In "A League of Their Own", the duration of his urination is mentioned.  In "Green Mile", the character has a UTI that ends up being cured by the wrongly convicted man on death row.

It's going to be a long weekend

 

I'm going to be brief today.   It's going to be a long weekend, as I'm starting off with seeing FH tonight.  Normally, I see her on a Saturday due to our work schedules.  However, this week, her daughter wants to see her alone on a Saturday (mom works on Sunday) to celebrate Mother's Day.  So, guess who has to change back to Mario on Friday for a late dinner?

Saturday is a second date (if all goes right) with one woman from Jersey, and FH's change of schedule works out for me, as I can see this woman at a normal time and day.  Most importantly, I am free on Sunday.  And this means that I will be able to make a drive to Cooperstown to see Roy Hobbs' uniform again.  This trip will be one done as Marian - I hope.  

You might ask, why Cooperstown?  I have a goal in mind.  There is someone I've had a disagreement with who has mentioned what I did for her once.  Well, I want to riff on that theme and give this person a similar (but very different) gift.  In short, I want to shock the shit out of her, but leave a smile on her face.  

Let's see if all my planning works out on a busy weekend....

I've been writing less often for a few days, and it feels good.

 

Most of the time, I used to post what came to mind - and I crossed the line into revealing things about others which should have stayed private.  I lost FCP as a friend because of this, and at least one more person because I did this.  So I've been giving this blog a little bit of a rest lately.

Although I had a good weekend, I don't feel pressured to write about it.  However, I did get one thought.  In one conversation, something involving Mother's Day came up.  If the weather is nice, and I have a little bit of luck, I plan on doing something nice for someone who may just need something nice and who doesn't dream that I would do that something nice.  And while doing that something nice for someone, I will do something nice for me and take a nice day trip to Cooperstown.

I think I'm going to cut back on the frequency of this blog ...soon.

 

The above is a picture of me in happier days.  I had gotten my first job (part time) where I could work as Marian, FCP was a good friend, and my ex wasn't an ex then.  Things were looking up for me in the year before Covid-19 struck.

In the almost 2 years since the above photo was taken, my life has turned upside down.  Things I shouldn't have said turned FCP into someone who hates me, the ex became an ex (I don't think she'd mind that simple reference), and my father died during the pandemic.  About the only good thing left to me from that era was the ability to work as Marian.

We are far from being back to normal.  Meetup groups are slowly opening up to in-person gatherings.  And I am dating again (as Mario), hoping to find someone who fits me better than my last partner.  Now that I am working full time as Marian, I don't have the time to keep up with my friends, nor do I have as much time (or energy) to post entries on a daily basis.  So if I skip a day or two, I hope my loyal readers will understand....

Do I really say too much about my friends?

 

I think I may have lost a second friend due to my blogging.  I can understand how I lost the first one.  The second one was a friendship I was trying to rebuild, and said too much about.  Now, I'm getting the silent treatment.  Will it ever end?  Who knows?

Most of my readers know that my life has been an open book.  Too bad that I often forget that other people are not like me.  In the case of one person, it is something she feels I should have learned from prior experience.  In this case, another friend would agree with this person.  If I could do a Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa, I'd do so.  Yet, that will not erase the past.

Does this second person have a right to complain?  Probably.  Yet, I never meant to get her upset.  Seems like no matter what I do, things come out the wrong way these days.

- - - - - - -

When I used to talk about the former cruise partner (FCP) in the previous blog, I said more than a friend should say about another.  I couldn't shut down my old blog quick enough.  And with her screaming, I didn't.  I lost a friend forever.  Yet, I don't miss her that much.  There was way too much drama in her life for me to deal with. But this still leaves me with one important question:

If I'm losing friends because of this blog, why am I still writing it?

My arm was stuck again, and I'm feeling great ...so far

 

There is no way I'm going to post MY vaccination card online.  A completed card (unlike the one in the above photo) will note who gave you the shot, when the shot was given, which vaccine was used for the shot, and which lot number the shot came from.  In my case, I have given two doses of the Pfizer vaccine that were given at the Yonkers Armory, 3 weeks apart.  Soon, I'll be able to meet with some friends (already vaccinated) that I haven't seen in way too many months.

But first, I have to deal with going to work every morning, when I don't really want to get out of bed....  

 

Today started with me waking up later than usual.  I had told my boss that I'd be coming in after I'd been vaccinated, and this allowed me the luxury of getting up late.  And getting up at 8:30, instead of 6:00, was a great pleasure.  With a leisurely cup of coffee, I scanned my email and renewed my prescriptions.  

Instead of going to the office then going to get vaccinated, I took it easy and went straight to the vaccination site.  However, I was running a few minutes later than planned, so I decided to pick up something on the way to the office.  Unlike 3 weeks ago, I took the exact route that Google Maps' Navigation suggested.  But I knew that the return trip would be on a different route.  First, there was a lot of construction on the way down, and I didn't want to hit those traffic jams.  Second, I planned to pick up food at a local Mickey D's.  That didn't go as planned.  Instead, I ended up going to a Dunkin' Donuts for a totally forgettable breakfast sandwich.  At least, I got to work only 5 minutes later than planned.

After work, I stopped off at Target for a while, then went to Boston Market to pick up a "Buy One, Get One Free" dinner.  While on the way, TCL looked up the specifics of the offer - it applied only to Chicken based dinners.  Even then, they were still making a slight profit selling a whole chicken (2 half chicken dinners), with 2 sides for each dinner.

Arriving home, one of my neighbors called me looking to get in contact with the president of the co-op.  I don't know what she wanted, but I don't want her talking about me.  (I often forget to put my mask on upon entering a common space when getting home.)  Since our president has private phone numbers, I will not give them out.  Nor will I pass on the message.  Any complaints this woman has can go through our managing agent's site representative.

- - - - - -

Tomorrow is a day where I'm expected to show up at 8:00 am.  If I feel good, I'll go in.  If not, I'll take a needed rest....

I woke up early, and wished I could wake up late

 

Last night, I went to sleep early in an attempt to recharge after a long weekend.  However, my body clock had its own way, and woke me up almost 2 hours earlier than I wanted.  So, again, I was barely awake as I did my job in the morning, and became more awake as the day went on.

As Covid-19 worries recede into the past, people are starting to go in to their offices again.  This means that there is much more traffic on Route 9a heading South, and many more times that traffic will get screwed up by either an accident or a series of ultra slow moving vehicles.  (Garbage trucks and cement mixers come to mind here.)  So, getting out of the house by 7:15 may not be a viable choice anymore, if I want to get to work on time with time enough to get my breakfast sandwich.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should have taken this job in Mario mode.  I feel much better in a feminine presentation these days.  (I'm not uncomfortable as Mario.  I simply prefer to go out in the world as Marian, as I feel freer in a woman's role than in a man's role.)    The extra 30 minutes it takes for me to get ready to go out in the world as Marian is a small price for me to pay.

After work, I chatted with TCL, and then with FH.  However, I never made it to call any of the other women on my list, as I didn't have it in me to chat much.  Yet, I made it to my Tuesday night Zoom meeting with my friends in Texas.  This left me with no time to take care of any of the other items on my to-do list.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a day that I can catch up on things....

Dinner with "Short Vicki" (a short post)

 

As usual, my day revolved around what was going to occur in the evening.  For today, my night time appointment was with Vicki #2 (the "Short" Vicki.)  We haven't seen each other for a while, and it was nice to get together at Leftris Gyro for dinner.

I told Vicki of the things going on in my life: Dating, Work, and the impending death of a friend.  And she talked about the things going on in her life, such as her spouse's cancer being kept in check (for now).  In one sense, things were a little awkward.  And yet, it was good for each of us to get together with a friend.

After dinner, I checked my messages.  And DCD responded to my "What's Up?" message.  Sadly, the growth in his head is coming back.  So they will need to do another operation, then treat the area with radiation.  We will get together when he gets back from vacation.

What is the coincidence that 3 people I know all have problems with their brains.  WDS had a stroke, and will never regain full function.  Vicki's spouse had a surgery to remove a brain tumor.  And DCD will need to go under the knife again.  AARGH!  It makes my troubles look small by comparison.

The first part of the day was a dud....

 

Yes, a rainy morning puts a damper on doing things outside.  Given yesterday's activities, I only had enough energy to do laundry on a dreary day.  So that's what I did.

- - - - - -

After I had the chance to wake up, one of my newer acquaintances gave me a call, and suggested that we meet for an early dinner. And that we did, out in Jersey.  Too bad that I couldn't stop by TCL's place afterwards. But that's another story.

I hope that I will be able to see my new friend again.  We have similar ideas about what is needed in a good relationship.  However, there are drawbacks which could get in the way of things.  So we'll see what happens in the long term.

- - - - - -

Later on, I received a text from FCM.  She wanted to get together again. So I'll have to figure out some time that I can squeeze her into my schedule.

A visit to Planting Fields Arboretum

 

The above is not a pretty shot.  However, the three closest people in the picture (#3 obscured by the woman in the red jacket) gives you an idea of how popular Planting Fields Arboretum is for "important" photos such as wedding pictures. Several groups of people were posing for staged photos on the paths where we walked, and if I had some pictures I wanted to stage, I'd stage them here.

- - - - - -

Planting Fields Arboretum is a state park located on the grounds of an old mansion.  I can only imagine what like was like in this mansion when it was a private residence.  I'll bet that many motion picture scouts think it is perfect for use in period piece movies, where a residence of the rich and famous is needed for exterior shots.

But first....

I picked up my friend at her house, then drove to the arboretum.  There were police cars in front of the entrance saying that the place was closed, as the parking lots were full. So we went for lunch at a restaurant we at at before, and then returned to the arboretum.  This time, the police cars were gone, and we found easy to pack near the entrance to the grounds.  After running back to the car to fetch my forgotten mask, we started walking along the path below.

The above path is prettier than the picture makes it look.  The trees on the right were in full bloom, and my partner for the day wanted several pictures of her taken by these trees. It's a shame that I do not want to show her face in this blog, as I took a picture or two worth enlarging and framing. 

        

This statue was found at the end of our walk.  My partner is not up to a long walk, so we ended things up a little earlier than expected.  After a quick trip to Trader Joe's, I dropped her off at her place, and I returned home for the night.  At least, I know she had a good time today.

I was looking forward to some lobster, and I almost missed it.

 

The above picture was taken at the site of a former country club in my area.  Doesn't the place look serene?  Well, the bulk of the property has been converted into a nondescript upper middle class housing development, and this is the only part of the site that looks as it did when I moved here almost 40 years ago.

You might be asking, why was I here to take this photograph?  Well, the answer is related to the picture below:

I've been looking to catch up with one of the food trucks from Cousins Maine Lobster for months now, and this was a golden opportunity I couldn't miss.  One of their many trucks was sited less than 10 minutes from home.  So I decided to go a little out of my way for a bit of lobster and some clam chowder.

I was talking with my friend Valerie on the way home, and overshot my normal exit on the way home to keep from losing the phone connection in a back roads dead spot.  And this made me forget about the reason I was taking this route in the first place.  As a result, I stopped into Chipolte for a burrito.  Yet, I was lucky.  They prepared my order as if to go, and I wasn't happy with the idea of eating it there.  So I brought home half a burrito to eat tomorrow.  While on the way home, I remembered the food truck, and stopped by the former golf course to pick up the bite to eat that I originally wanted.  This was worth my effort.  The clam chowder was good, but the lobster roll was great!  I'll definitely look for this truck again when it's in my area.

After I finished my dinner, I settled down to relax.  First, Vicki called me.  And then TCL called me.  By the time I was done with the phone, it was almost midnight and I had to post this entry.  Luckily, I was already prepared to tell a quick story about the food truck - all I needed to do is find out how good the lobster roll was....

Dinner with the Fun Time Friends

This is not the normal way I enjoy Sake.  However, when a Hibachi chef is squirting it into your mouth, why say "No?"  The Fun Time Friends meetup was in full force tonight, and it was Marian's time to shine.

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My original plans for the day were to go to work, drive home, take 15 minutes to change, then drive to the meetup.  I thought better of it when I remembered that I'd be driving during rush hour, and that a 60 minute drive in off hours would take 90+ minutes during rush hour.  So I started off from my office and was making great time until I reached Stamford - and then the problems began.  First, Google Maps routed me from the Merritt Parkway to I-95.  And then, when I reached the Sherwood Island connector, Maps routed me (and several other people) along some nice side roads to bypass the traffic jam.  Unfortunately, Maps had to put us back on I-95.  But I was a little lucky.  I was able to pull off into a rest area, and then make myself presentable for dinner.

Eventually, I arrived at the meetup, and most of the bunch were early.  At least, this time, I was able to sit with the group's organizer (when she was sitting down at the table).  The organizer doesn't know how good she looks.  Nor, does she know that Mario has seen her personal ad.  It would be a hoot if she swiped right, not knowing that she already has met me in Marian Mode, as had CMF.  A little bit later, the fellow who always wants a picture with me got his picture, and I was free to chat with the two ladies sitting next to me.

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Once dinner was done, I tried to call FH.  Her fax line came on.  About 20 minutes later, she called me - and we were chatting until the line cut out.  However, she got pissed at me because (1) I didn't call back right away, and (2) that she had to call me 20 minutes later.  Who knows what her mood will be when I see her this weekend....

Later on, when I got home, I took some pictures of my SoClean CPAP disinfecting unit.  Seems like a piece of plastic broke, and the lid won't stay shut.  (My workaround is to put a weight on top of the lid.  But I shouldn't have to do this.)  So I wrote to customer support, sending in pictures, and stating that a product shouldn't break after a year's use.  Hopefully, they will agree with me and work with me to get this problem resolved.

 

 

PS: It took several days for SoClean to get back to me.  They asked me for information to see if my unit was under warranty, and told me NOT to use the unit as it might leak ozone.  With a weight on top of the lid, there is no risk of an ozone leak.  And I thought that it would make some sense to use a Velcro strip to hold the lid down if I don't want to use a weight on top of the lid.

So I will continue using the unit AND pressure them for a replacement if I need to do so.  However, if I don't get a replacement unit, I will pester the CEO of the firm a little, so that s/he knows I am a very unhappy customer.

Sometimes, the best thing to do or say is nothing.

 

A philosophy which usually works for me is

When in doubt, do or say nothing.

All too often when I find that I "need" to act, I haven't thought enough things out.  This is what caused me to give the ex the "evidence" she needed to blackball me from a particular meetup group.  If I had done or said nothing, she wouldn't have been able to screw me.

Why do I mention this?

Recently, I caught myself thinking of a conversation I had with my ex that referenced the nagging issue of the meetup groups.  Instead of giving her any ammunition, I said nothing.  I can always say something later on when something really needs to be said.

Do I know if the ex is reading this blog?  I must assume: Yes.  So I offer some advice.  The closer you are (or have been) to someone who writes a diary, the more you should resist the temptation to read it.  If you do, you might find out things about yourself that you don't like or can't accept.

Sadly, I did say too much in a now deleted entry. And for this I am sorry.

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A year and a half ago, I lost FCP as a friend, in part because she decided to read this blog and find out what I really thought about her.  Since I was tired of her drama, this was not a great loss.  But losing the girlfriend afterwards was like a sucker punch to the gut.  At least, in the battle we fought last year, I got my punches in.  If I felt like s--t, she did too.  Unlike her, I will say that this pain could have been avoided.

It's just too bad that we haven't yet found a way to be real friends who meet now and then. And now, I doubt we ever will because of being too open with who I am.

 

PS: The original version of this entry was much longer.  I took my advice in its editing.

Right now, I'm glad I have my job

 

If it weren't for having a job, I would be raiding my savings account for much more money than I've needed to do this year.  It's not the job I want to keep forever.  Instead, it's the kind of job to keep until I have something better to do.

It's nice being able to go to work as Marian on a regular basis.  Yet, this job does not allow the social engagement I would like.  Yet, I can't complain.  The job is exactly as was presented to me.  And I'll do it to keep from draining savings.  If a travel opportunity opens up to me, I may leave the job so that I can take my trip.

There's not much I can do to make my job more interesting.  I think of it as a form of electronic "whack a mole".  It lulls me to sleep when I'm tired, and I need to make sure I have my coffee before starting work.  By the end of the day, my body clock is waking the body up, so that it can go home safely.  My boss could put me in a different area.  Yet, I think he's trying to be nice to me by giving me an easy job to do.  No complaints will come from my area of the peanut gallery.

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The other day, FH wondered why I don't buy a new car.  The answer is simple.  I hate draining my savings accounts when I am living on an artificially low income.  TCL understands this quite well, even though she's on a tighter budget than I am.  I expect that by this time next year, I'll be looking at buying that new car.  Will it be a used car, like Vicki might get?  Or, will it be a new car, like I usually get?  Either way, I will need reliable transportation while working and while dating.

This job gives me way too much time to think.  I have to remind myself to focus on other things when my thoughts go where they would likely make me sad or angry.  Here, I'm glad that I've been listening to a series of TV shows dedicated to Meditation.  I've found that they relax me enough to fall asleep AND that they teach me certain coping skills I need to short circuit the cycle of anger and sadness.

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Now that the pandemic is easing off, too many people will be rushing to get out and about.  This is the time that I may be avoiding the growing crowds, as I still expect another wave of the pandemic to cause many of us grief.  Instead, I'll stay inside, work as hard as possible, and possibly save some money for future travel.

I won't go into details, but....

 

This will be a short entry to replace the one I had originally posted.  I pissed off someone who I didn't want to piss off because of another communication failure between us.  The way we are going, I'm afraid we might never speak again.  And that's a shame.  Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa.

Those of you who saw the original entry will understand what happened.  Those of you who didn't, well - I won't go into things here.  All I can say is that I hope we can patch things up.....

Thinking about my friend, WDS

(If you look carefully, WDS is reflected as behind his dog.)

The other day, I wrote about WDS's latest response to an email of mine.  So I responded with another email of my own:

WDS, 

1. I understand that there are no promises. And I'm not a person who deals in false hopes.
2. I'm glad you are not in a care home. Do you have anyone looking in on you now and then? I have similar values as you do regarding the quality of life. It was important to me that I was there to support you in your time of need, and would do that again.
3. Can you take care of any paperwork that comes your way? Do you have someone who will contact your friends and family (I only know of a half sibling of yours) when the time comes?

Remember that I will support you in the decisions you make. If you need someone to come down for a short while to help, I will do so.

Please keep me up to date on things.... Although we haven't been in the same place in years, I still consider you among my best friends.

Mario

I'm hoping that WDS understands all of what I'm trying to say.

WDS is an atheist. So saying like "my thoughts and prayers are with you" would be an insult, as he thinks that religion and worship are worthless. The fact that he is in his rented home is important to me, as it means he can control his destiny to some extent. However, I am concerned about his ability to handle paperwork, as he lost part of the brain which controls speech and language. It has also affected to use the right side of his body. Since I remember him being right handed, the effects of the stroke would be enough to make me want to take a long dirt nap. So, I can only imagine what a fitness conscious person like WDS must be feeling right now.

I'll miss WDS, although we haven't seen each other in years.  When I got the short term job at the payments firm, WDS gifted me a top of the line iPad. He made sure I couldn't refuse his gift.  There are many more things I might want to enumerate, but I won't do so right now.  Instead, I only want for him to go into the dark unknown in the way he chooses to go.  Hopefully, he'll be able to do that.  From what I can tell by the following reply, I think he'll get what he wishes.

A former member of the dog club calls me daily or twice daily and comes once a week.
Yes, I can take care of paper work.

Thank you

This is all I need to know.  I asked if he wanted me to call him, but I think he'll say No.  So in many ways, I think this will be the last communication I have with my old friend.