Car Shopping

 

So far, I have only been able to take the time to test drive one car, the Buick Envista.  As much as I like the car, I am not yet ready to drop the hammer and buy the car.  I have yet to drive the other two cars at the top of my list: the Honda HR-V and Mazda CX-30.

One of the issues I have living in two gender modes, is that I have to schedule events that require my presence as Mario (usually with people who only know me as Mario, or when my legal ID has to be presented) on days where I'll be in Mario mode.  So I haven't had much time to go out for test drives.  I expect that the process of test driving cars, arranging for insurance, then taking possession of the car will take 6 weeks.  So I expect that, barring any unforeseen issues, that I'll be driving something new in a few weeks.

Once I have the new car, I figure that I'll be taking mass transit more often to visit RQS at her place, as it will be harder to find a good parking spot in her neighborhood.  At least, the car I eventually will buy will have all the safety features I need, such as blind spot detection.  It'll be nice to drive a car I can depend on again (not saying my current car is not dependable) based on the age of the car, the wear and tear of the car, and the new safety features designed into the car.

I can't wait to have that "new car smell" around me again....

The high point of my day was at lunch

 

It's hard to believe that it has been 4 years since I've worked at the census, and 4 years since I felt comfortable with being 'out' as a transgender person.  Today, I met with one of my friends from the census and had a nice lunch.

My friend (let's call her CSC) and I have been trying to meet on a monthly basis since our work on the census ended.  And we've been able to keep up to date on happenings in our lives since then.  She's shared information on family events, her travels, and on things in general - and I've done the same.  The one thing I'll share about our conversation is how her dietary restrictions have affected her when dining out....

CSC comes from a Jewish family.  As a result, she lived in a kosher household and has never eaten pork or shellfish.  That is not an issue for her.  She is allergic to peanuts, peas, and bananas.  She is also a vegetarian who once ate meat in the past.  So, she finds herself having to talk about dietary issues every time she goes out to eat.  Even when she does so, things can go a little wrong as it did today; A pea was found in the yellow rice served to her, and she had to send it back for some white rice.  (A minor issue, Yes.  But she could have suffered a severe allergic reaction.)  She told me about visits to restaurants which had no vegetarian options on the menu, where the chef concocted some very tasty dishes just for her.  And she told me about restaurants that said they couldn't accommodate her - then they did.  Nowadays,  it's much easier for her, as most restaurants are willing to have both vegan and gluten free foods on the menu, as well as knowing how to keep "special requirements" food prepared separately from "regular" food.

All too soon, it was time to go.  So we made plans for the following month and went on our way.

- - - - - -

Once home, I had to switch back to Mario mode.  I had a handyman coming over to see about replacing the exhaust fan/ceiling light in the bathroom.  This will be a slightly more expensive project than I planned, as he suggested that he repaint the ceiling after he finishes installing the fixture.  (The ceiling paint has started to flake off in one area, and I've deferred doing this work.)  So, I handed him a deposit, and he will buy all the supplies needed for the job - and he will get back to me to schedule the work.

- - - - - -

Now that my 15 minutes as Mario was over with, it was time to switch back into Marian mode for a zoom call with my friends from Texas and RQS.  I'll bet that they noticed that I was exhausted, but I was able to stay awake during our meeting.  (Again, I didn't get enough good sleep the night before.)  Hopefully, we will all be able to get together again in 2025.  But that's another story.  Shortly afterwards was my nightly call with RQS to end my day.

Sometimes, I don't have much to say. Sometimes, I have a lot.

 

Lately, I have been thinking of politics much more than usual. Given that Trump is going Senile and no one is standing in his way to get the GOP nomination, I'm a little concerned about what would happen if he has control over the "Football" again.

The former president is a narcissist who needs to be loved by everyone with whom he comes into contact. He has no loyalty to friends and family, nor does he have any loyalty to the country.  But he has a following of lemming like supporters.  This afternoon, while I was driving home, I stopped into a pizzeria. Sitting down at a table was the owner, a man who wore a MAGA baseball cap.  There was no way that I wanted to have a political discussion with this person.  So I took my pizza and walked to a table in the back to eat it.

Of course, RQS can say that I am a motor mouth.  And she'd be right.  I can go on for hours about some subjects, and have done so often.  But this time, I knew enough to keep my mouth shut and walk away.  I only wonder if this person really understood that he was getting conned by a master con man.

A nice weekend with RQS - a quick post

 

This weekend was a "half and half" weekend in more ways than one.  Although she came up on Thursday to spend the evening with me at game night, we drove down to her place on Saturday to spend the rest of the weekend in the city.  This was a nice change of pace.

But first....

Lately, I haven't had much energy to do much of anything.  But I had enough to get dressed and meet RQS at the train station in Marian mode.  From there, we were off to Lefteris Gyro, as we'd be heading towards Yonkers for game night.  Once done with dinner, we drove over to game night where RQS was warmly welcomed.  (I think that the host and hostess approve of my choice of girlfriend.😊)  We were in time for 2 games, and both of us did poorly - and had fun doing so.

On Friday, I had to return to Mario mode, so that I could test drive a car.  I'm very surprised that Buick has a compact SUV in my price range. Even though it has a 3 cylinder engine, the car had a bit of pep for a small car.  The way the car performed justified my visit to the dealership.

Saturday came, and we woke up late.  Instead of risking not getting a parking spot at her house, we skipped test drives of 2 other brands/models, and saved time by going directly to Ridgewood.  And this was a good thing, as after a bit of food shopping in her neighborhood, it took 15 minutes to find a parking spot.

Sunday was a sleepy day for us.  And the only reason for getting dressed was a visit to the local Bodega.  While out, we checked the alternate side of the street parking rules that applied to my car.  I could stay overnight!  Yay!  So that's just what I did.  It was nice to have an extra night with RQS.....

I find myself more interested in travel than before

 

When I was married, my late wife and I would take yearly vacations and not go too far from home.  The only places more than a day's drive away that we visited were California and Nova Scotia.  I think that had she lived (and our marriage had survived), we would have found a way to travel more.  However, that's one thing among many things that is impossible to know.

After my wife died, I had a good income and I found myself traveling to widows/widowers gatherings across the country, organized by AOL chat room hosts.  For the most part, I was looking to meet friends, while others were looking to find new mates.  That pattern continues today with me attending meetups.  But I digress....

Over the years, I found myself flying out to places such as Biloxi, MS; San Jose, CA; and Pigeon Forge, TN.  Yet, I only found myself traveling out of the country on the two cruises I took and on the trips I took to Niagara Falls and Toronto.  I never put my desire to travel into high gear, and visited places that were truly far and wide.  Without someone with whom to share my experiences, I feel that I might have been afraid to take the risk of leaving my comfort zone.

- - - - - -

When the Twin Towers were attacked on 9/11/01, two of my colleagues from the bank were caught outside the US.  One was North of the border visiting Montreal and the other was vacationing in Salzburg, Austria. They were stuck outside the US until our government figured out what to do. I could only imagine what they were thinking, not being able to come home when they planned to do so.  As for me, I was one of many people tasked with getting our bank up and running after losing our data center in that disaster.  Although I was safe at home, travel seemed a bit scary.  Yet, within 6 months, I went to another widows/widowers gathering in Las Vegas, NV.

It wasn't until my former cruise partner (FCP) suggested it in the 2010's that I took my third cruise.  And I found that I enjoyed the experience, as it was comfortable and allowed me to leave my comfort zone a bit, because I started traveling as Marian.  Yes, I got some strange looks.  But it forced me to learn how to overcome my fears and be the person I am today.

Although my upcoming Norwegian Fjord cruise will be done as Mario, I figure that it is time to get out of my comfort zone again (albeit, just a little) and experience overseas travel.  Who knows?  It could become addicting....

One of these days, I'll have a "normal" sleep schedule

 

I've never been one to sleep when the rest of the world sleeps.  Yes, I'll get up early, so that I can make certain appointments.  But, when I have no critical appointments, I will sleep as long as possible.  In fact, when RQS comes over, she ends up syncing to my sleep pattern, instead of me syncing my sleep pattern to hers.  Normally, this wouldn't concern me, but it has lasted way too long this time around.

My mom once told me that when I was very young, I would always be awake at night and would sleep during the day.  As I grew up, this unusual pattern would always come back whenever I had no fixed daytime routine.  When I entered the workforce, I was most successful when I could get into work later than the average person and leave later as well.

Now that I'm retired, this has become a liability, as I could easily sleep 16 hours a day if I wanted to. Being active is the best way to have a long life.  Without the imposed need to be active, it's too easy to fall into the bad habits which would shorten my life.

- - - - - -

At the beginning of the pandemic, I was depressed due to losing two of the people who were most important in my life.  On my days off from the census, I would occasionally go to various rail trails and walk two or three miles.  I'm not as motivated to do this anymore.  Yet, this would be the best thing to do.

Let's see what happens in the spring.  I might just get back into walking again, and stay in sync with the rest of the world.

Thinking about a friend - a short post

 

I have a friend whose life has been quite a disaster.  The other day, he came to me asking for advice as he had hit a low in his life.  The question I had was: Do I tell him the unvarnished truth and risk the friendship?  Or, do I try to soften things up, and help him continue along the erroneous path he's been taking in his life?  I decided to risk the friendship and go for broke.

It took me a while to compose a reply to this friend's request for help.  And I let him have my opinion, as if it were a gun shooting its load from both barrels.  Surprisingly, he took things well.  Whether or not he really thinks hard about what I said is something I can't determine.  But I now know he took it in the spirit in which it was said, as he trusts my opinion and my ability to see things clearly.

- - - - - -

Why do I mention this?

One of the things I mentioned in a follow up message was that both he and his partner need to go to couples therapy.  If 50% of marriages break up because of money, a good deal of the other 50% break up because of bad communications skills.  His partner has supported him through thick and thin, throughout a period of life where his health deserted him.  Without this woman in his life, he would likely be homeless - and he knows it.

A skill that I learned from my former therapist was to identify underlying emotions before they erupt as anger.  With my friend, he still needs to learn a similar skill - how to hold back from casting his die before he understands the consequences of that cast.  (See: Alea iacta est.)  Sadly, he didn't trust his partner to do the communications for him during one hospital visit, and it caused him a lot of grief afterwards.  Even now, he still has a problem judging the potential consequences of his actions.

Hopefully, my most recent communications with this friend will trigger him to get some help.  Yet, I can't help but think: There, but for the grace of God, go I.

It's hard to believe that I booked another cruise already

I have a cruise coming up in 3 months, and both of us have another in 5.  Yet, RQS and I have just scheduled another cruise for the fall - this time to Bermuda, when both of us have a bucket list cruise to finish paying for.  AARGH!  Luckily, both of us can afford this cruise, but it forces us to think about the cruising/vacations we'll be taking in 2025.

- - - - - -

Normally, we don't see Free Pre-Paid Gratuities on NCL.  Its "Free at Sea" package does not cover gratuities - this means that we each would have to pay:

• Beverage Service Charge           - $152.55
• Specialty Dining Service Charge -  $19.80
• Daily Service Charge                  - $140.00

However, the deal noted above with Pre-Paid Gratuities (Daily Service Charge) made it worth the while to upgrade to a balcony cabin.  Yet, it's money that I wasn't planning to put out until after we returned from Europe.  

- - - - - -

Now that we've committed the better part of $15k to travel in 2024, what does this mean for 2025?  I'm not sure if RQS wants to commit to another bucket list trip.  Additionally, I'm not sure if our bucket lists are fully in sync with each other. This is not a big deal, as I see room for us to heck off a few destinations on each of our lists.

For example,  If one looks at the above chart that I maintain on a monthly basis, you'll see that I am looking to take either one of two Alaska cruises during the shoulder seasons.  Additionally, I am seriously looking at a cruise in Iceland, a cruise through the Panama Canal, and a Transatlantic crossing on the Queen Mary 2.  It's not practical to take more than one of these cruises in any one calendar year.  I'd like to take the Panama Canal cruise in 2025, as I expect that global warming will affect water levels in the Canal Zone. I can see us going to either Alaska or Iceland in 2026.  If we push the calendar into tracking 2027 cruises, I'll add a Hawaii cruise (or two) to this list.  Checking off bucket list destinations can get quite expensive, and I want to make sure that RQS enjoys the trips as much as I will.

- - - - - -

You'll note that we've also talked about river cruises.  These will cost even more than the ocean cruises we've been taking lately.  So instead, we might end up choosing to visit a city/region and exploring it for a week or so.  One of the places we've talked about going to is San Francisco before it implodes.  (A city that loses its tax base will soon neglect essential public safety and social services, and will be as crime ridden as New York was in the 1980's.)  Ideally, we'll find a place where I can go as Marian and both of our Texas friends would be willing to visit with us.  If not, we'll explore it on our own.  On our list of cities to explore are Seattle, New Orleans, Boston, Philadelphia and Washington, DC.  (DC is always fun to visit, and it's a place where I've gone as Mario and as Marian.)

As you can see, travel is high on my list of things to do.  And I hope to do as much as possible while I'm healthy enough to do so.

Three Losses - one good and the other two sad.

 

Considering that my weekdays blur into weekends, and weekends blur into weekdays as of late, I often report on things that happen during the week on weekends and vice versa.  This weekend was one of those weekends where I celebrated one loss, and felt very sad about the other two.

- - - - - -

Most of my readers understand why I would buy a round of drinks for my TG friends if our most recent ex-president were to get convicted of a crime and get sentenced to prison.  Last week's award of $83,000,000 to E.Jean Carroll in her defamation suit against Trump made me almost want to buy that round of drinks.  The man is evil, and he won't stop until he is dead or in prison for life.  And in either case, he still poses a threat to this republic, due to the unhinged nature of his cult.   Hopefully, we will see a criminal conviction before the general election, if not before the GOP convention.  This way, we might see the GOP put up a candidate who is less likely to establish an authoritarian government.  Fingers crossed on that....

Next, was the loss of Melanie Safka.  Most of us know her by her first name, the singer Melanie.  When I was younger, I loved her music, especially the songs "Brand New Key" and "What have they done to my song?"  No reason was given for her death.  I only hope that it was painless and quick.  

Finally, the leader of one of the meetup groups I attended passed away.  From what I knew of her, she was a kind and generous person.  Sadly, she was found dead in her home this weekend, and I'll be sure to attend her wake this week.  Since she volunteered at one of the places I volunteered for, I know I might meet with some of the people I met at this organization.  She'll be missed both as a meetup organizer and (more importantly) all the people whose lives are better because she was involved in their lives.

Now, I have some plans for more than the next couple of days.

 

This won't be a long post.  But I know how I'll be dressed for the next week or so.  And it'll be nice to spend another week solely as Marian!

In the past, I have mentioned how I use a calendar to keep track of which days I'll present as Mario and which days I'll present as Marian.  Tomorrow, RQS and I are going to the nail salon - and that means that I'll be spending the better part of next week as Marian.  Yay!  Yes, it helps that RQS will be coming up for Game Night this week.  And I'm always glad that she can spend time with the people I call my friends.

When I dated XGFJ, there were people with whom I only socialized with as Marian.  This situation made XGFJ uncomfortable accompanying me to certain gatherings.  Now that we've been out of each other's lives for a while, we've been able to live our lives without encumbrances posed by each other's comfort levels.  And that's been a blessing for me, as I prefer to be out as Marian as much as possible.

The other day, I chatted with a friend about this, and she was glad that RQS and I are in a place where she's comfortable with me in either presentation.  Yet, I know that when V-Day comes, I'll likely be in Mario mode for that night - I think she'll be happy to see me that way on that special day.  Yet, it would be nice if we could both get dressed up in elegant red dresses and spend that night on the town.  One can dream, can't she....?

It's hard to plan things these days

 

I don't know how I stumbled onto the above picture of Alfred and Alice E. Newman.  But it illustrates how the true essence of an individual will show through, no matter the gender presentation of that individual.  In my case, my true friends see me as the same person in both male and female modes, although they are sometimes surprised when I show up in the alternate presentation.

- - - - - -

Planning my gender presentation can be a hassle.  For example, I have a book at the library that I want to pick up, and that requires that I show myself in Mario mode.  Yet, RQS and I plan to get a Mani-Pedi this weekend, so I will need to present myself as Marian for my visit to the nail spa.  This is a typical scheduling problem for me, as I have to figure out ways to do some things that require Mario to be present, while I will be out as Marian later in the day.  However, once I'm wearing nail polish, I'm stuck in Marian mode for the better part of a week (or more).

I have other scheduling issues to deal with.  Having a steady relationship with RQS, I do my best to make sure that my weekends are dedicated to being with her.  This has meant that my solo social life has been limited to weekdays.  But this also poses a challenge, as many of my friends are single (or in relationships such as mine) and are still working.  It's not easy to find times where both my friends and I are available to do things in the evening.

Yet, I manage.  I use a color coded calendar to tell me which presentation to use when out for the day.  On days where both Mario and Marian need to show their faces, I make sure that Mario gets the morning shift and Marian gets the evening shift.  Even this isn't perfect.  Sometimes, I need to be Marian in the morning, and Mario in the evening.  So, I try to make sure that I don't have to switch modes more than once in a day, and then only when I'm not wearing nail polish.

As I said - it's hard to plan things when one lives in two gender presentations.

Lunch with SJM

 

 

Another day, another lunch....

Today, I caught up with SJM, a former colleague from the imaging firm.  We try to meet every month or so to catch up on things, and I told her all about my December cruise.  Although I was a little long winded, she had a good chance to tell me what has been going on in her life - such as the saga of a car that has been in the collision repair shop more than it has been out of it.  (With these "new fangled computer gizmos," it's hard for the average body shop to get many cars working as if they were new without dealer/factory assistance.)

Normally, I am a few minutes late for lunch.  But I got there on time - even though I took a little extra time to wear tights under a dress, instead of a tunic and leggings.  (The process of putting on stockings is a small price I pay to look more feminine.) As usual, we chose to eat at one of the places in Croton, this time, the local Japanese restaurant - Samurai.  As much as I enjoy Sushi, I decided to order the lunch special which included Teriyaki Chicken, Miso Soup, Salad, White Rice, and a California Roll, while SJM ordered her usual meal.

As usual, conversation flowed like water, and she told me the story of having only one good car in a three car household.  Given that one of the cars is being held hostage, I offered to give her a ride when she has to put her one good car into the shop for service.  But I digress.  She looked much more at ease today, now that a lot of business issues are behind her.  Having many of the stressors removed from her life has made her feel good inside - and it shows on her face.

All too soon, we had to part.  But we made another date for next month - "Same Bat Time and Same Bat Channel."  And then, I went home to rest....

Lunch with RO

 

Somehow, I always seem to find good restaurants in the most unusual places. Qin Dynasty, of Parsippany, NJ is an example of one of these finds.  This restaurant is attached to a Red Roof Inn, and nothing special would catch the eye of most people. But something about this place caught my eye (maybe the words "Dim Sum"?) and I put it on my list of places to try out - and RO and I did so shortly before one of my Autumn cruises.

- - - - - -

Recently, RO and I found the time to get together again, and we chose this place because it was halfway between our two houses.  We were both glad we did so, as we had a very tasty and filling meal for a very reasonable price.  While eating, we caught up on what was going on with each others' lives, with me running on and on about my December cruise. It's nice to know that both of us went into dating to find friends first, and then a mate.  Her body is starting that slow path to breaking down, as she can no longer walk moderate distances anymore.  I'm glad that I didn't choose her for a girlfriend, or I might have ended up like Ex-GF-M.  Luckily, RO has become a good friend, and accepts me as Marian.

When RO and I left the restaurant, we each went our own ways.  I left to see if the Lane Bryant store in Paramus had a double breasted coat I was interested in.  The first thing I did upon entering the store was to look for the coat and try it on.  Although it had a good feel, I decided to pass on it, because of how the buttons worked.  (I didn't like how the inside button was placed.)  At this point, rush hour was starting, so I drove home to spend the rest of the evening.

Dinner at Chazz's Place

 

Today was a day I did a lot of nothing until it was time to get ready for the evening.  If I didn't commit myself to attending the meetup, I would have preferred to stay home and not be on the roads.  However, I was committed, and I got showered, dressed, and made up to look my casual best before going to dinner in White Plains.

This meetup was to try out Chazz Palminteri's White Plains restaurant. You might have heard of Chazz.  He's the performer who is known for his play: A Bronx Tale.  Although I didn't want to see the movie based on his play, I'm of a different mind now than I was when the story was first adapted for film.  If Chazz does his one man how near me, I'll go and see it.  But I digress....

As I left my home at 5:30, I found a lot of people doing stupid things on the road.  And there were a couple of "Scheisskopfen" who, because of their own stupidity, could have caused me to get into an accident.  Luckily, I was alert enough NOT to get into trouble, as I reached the restaurant safely and on time.  And then I found our group.

Unlike other meetup groups I have attended, this group tends to have small gatherings of 6-8 people.  This allows for the host (and all attending) to be able to chat with anyone else sitting at the table.  I like this.  And I was able to sit next to YGD from the Yonkers gaming meetup.  Although I was at one end of the table, I was able to chat with everyone in my line of sight.  (I was glad that the meetup host made this possible by keeping the group small.)  

It took a while for a waiter to come and take our orders.  If I have any complaint about this place, it will be about the service - I had to ask for my water glass to be refilled, and the wait staff left us a little too bit alone.  (I'd have liked to get refills on my Iced Tea without having to flag down a waiter, as if I were hailing a NYC cab.  But I digress again....)  Fortunately, the quality of the food made up for the service, and I would go back here again, now that I know about it.

On the way out, YGD mentioned that she had parked at an on-street spot where the meter was broken.  (Someone had jammed the wrong coin into the slot, preventing it from being used by another car.)  TGD, in her ignorance parked there (thinking that spaces with broken meters are free, as they are where she lives), and found a ticket under her windshield wiper.  OUCH!  Before leaving her and her car, I took pictures of the broken meter and sent them to her so that she can fight the ticket.  Do I think she'll be successful?  No.  But she'll have tool with which she can fight city hall.

As for me, I drove home for the evening and took care of things around the house....

 

 

 

Bored with the board

 

Today's post will be a short one with nothing to say that involves being transgender, as I am too tired to say much of consequence.

- - - - - -

One of the things I had on tap for the day was a co-op board meeting.  Normally, I find them a little boring.  But today, being sleep deprived, I wasn't in the mood to be active.  Luckily, others made up for my lack of energy - and we got a budget passed.

As usual, I can't provide any juicy details about my co-op's business.  But I can say that I was tasked with writing a letter that could stir things up a little with our co-op's managing agent.  And I did it in one take.  If one reads between the lines, I've indicted one person for not caring enough to his best for us.  If not, the email addresses a problem the co-op has had with the managing agent from the beginning of our relationship.  

Either way, we win.  I did my job.  And that's the important thing....

Another one bites the dust

 

If you're an avid reader of this blog (and I know that there aren't that many of you), you know that I despise the man above.  Unlike our 45th president, he's a competent slime-ball, and deserving of all of the contempt that he has earned from the American left.  Too bad, that until recently, he was a darling of the American right - Trumpism without Trump.  Luckily, as I write this, this contemptible person has just "suspended his campaign" and endorsed "Orange Elvis" for president.

- - - - - -

We've seen Trump mold the GOP in his own image, leaving no room for dissent.  When one listens to excerpts from his speeches, Trump now seems to be going senile.  I do not believe that the one person who is left in the race for the GOP nomination will usurp Trump from his control of the GOP.  This leaves us with the strong possibility that one of the criminal cases against Trump may decide his guilt before the GOP convention, if not before Election Day in November. 

What happens if Trump is convicted?  Will a conviction change the votes of many independents?  What about "No Labels" effect on the general election?  Even crazier is the possibility that Trump will be elected, but noted as being disqualified to serve due to the 14th amendment.  More than that, could he be deemed too ill (senile) to serve and prevented from taking office due to actions taken under the 25th amendment?  There are so many unknowns at play in this election, that it may make sense for many Republican party loyalists to vote Democrat - simply as a tool to clean out the Trump cultists from the GOP.  I see the GOP as afraid to deal with the Trump cult, and it will be up to the Democrats (as usual) to clean up the mess the GOP has made.

I am very afraid of the reprisals that will likely take place if Trump wins in November.  So I will support any and all legal means to keep him from power until he has been defanged and declawed - preferably in ADX Florence (America's Supermax Prison.)

Baby, it's cold outside.

 

I ought to say, "No, no, no sir"
Mind if I move in closer?
At least I'm gonna say that I tried
What's the sense in hurting my pride?
I really can't stay
Baby, don't hold out
Baby, it's cold outside

 

- - - - - -

 

Many years ago, a smart lyricist penned the tune "Baby, it's cold outside."  It was that cold this past weekend, and it caused RQS and I to stay in for the time we were together.

The weekend started with a snow alert.  Since this weekend was my turn to go to RQS's place, I knew that I couldn't leave my car in its usual spot, as they use it to dispose of snow plowed from our driveway.  So, I parked it in a visitor's spot and took a cab to the train station.

Normally, if I take mass transit to RQS's place, it takes me around 2-2½ hours to get to her place.  This weekend, it took almost 3 hours as I was delayed due to a conversation I had with a couple of neighbors. (One neighbor has been sick for a while, and he was discussing issues he had with the local hospital.)  After the 1¼ hour ride on the local, I found that I had a problem with my reduced fare Metrocard, and had to use my full fare OMNY card instead to get on the subway, and then on the bus for a total of another 1¼-1½ hours. Eventually, I reached RQS's place where she had dinner waiting for me.

Given that neither of us wanted to brave the cold, we decided to stay indoors as much as possible. And that's where we stayed, with the exception of a trip to her local library to drop off books, then the local bodega to pick up food for breakfast and dinner.  BRRRR!  I won't say much about her adjustable bed, save that it was comfortable and that I kept sliding towards the foot board.  If I find that I like this bed when the weather gets warmer, I might buy one for myself.

All too quickly, the weekend ended.  When we left the house, it was a little warmer outside and was almost a pleasure to wait at the bus stop.  Why "almost a pleasure to wait at the bus stop?"  Well, we saw the express bus that would take us to the subway, and neither of us thought we'd make it to the bus stop on time.  I realized that with the timing of traffic lights and the out of service bus in front of it, we had a chance of catching the bus.  And I got to the bus stop just in time, allowing RQS a chance to catch up with me and enjoy a short ride - no waiting needed or possible!  When we reached Grand Central, it was time to part.  At least, we know where we'll be next weekend.

I was afraid I'd have to get my ear piercings redone - a short post

 

I bought the above jewelry in Hawaii, and it looks better on me than in this photo.  You'll notice that the earrings are for pierced ears.  Unfortunately, I hadn't worn any earrings in over a week and a half and I had trouble getting the hooks into the holes in my earlobes and gave up before going to dinner.

Getting my ears pierced was a big thing for me, as I had been afraid for a long while of the consequences of doing this.  Having studs in my ears would be obvious while presenting as Mario, and I didn't want anyone asking any questions.  I had thought about getting my ears pierced when I first started to go out as Marian, yet didn't do so.  A job that paid well could have been at risk, and the display of ear jewelry could have made my then bosses uncomfortable with me.  As it was, I was already on their hit list, and I was let go 10 years this coming May.

After being laid off, I was free to get my ears pierced, but still afraid to do so.  What would people think?  It took me another few years before I said "F**k It!" and stopped caring what people will think.  If I go to see my brother, my ears are unadorned.  But if I go out as Marian, I will try to hang something pretty from my earlobes.

Luckily, after I got home from dinner, I was finally able to get the earring hooks through my earlobes.  Now, I know that I have to do this more often, so that the hole stays easy to find and use.

Dinner with a friend

 

It's been a while since I've seen LK.  She's wonderfully pregnant, and her life has been taken up by the life inside her and the toddler who came out of her about a year and a half ago.  So, it was a miracle that the two of us were able to connect for dinner tonight.

- - - - - -

I'll always have LK to thank for helping me develop a decent feminine voice.  It's not the voice I want, but it's much better than the voice I had when I started transgender vocal therapy at Mercy College (now University)  And it's always a pleasure for me when we get together, as she was the only one of the student clinicians who showed true professionalism in her student work.  (I can only imagine how good she is when working with her clients today.  If I had a child with speech and hearing issues, she'd be one of the first people I'd want working with my child.)

Both of us arrived at the local (to her) diner around 5 pm, and we chatted as if it were old times.  I talked about my past and upcoming cruises, while she talked about the issues in her life.  Both of us needed to chat and this dinner gave us the perfect opportunity to do so.  All too soon we had to leave.  LK had to get up very early for work, and I had to go home.  So at 7:45, we went our separate ways, but pledged to meet each other 4-5 weeks from now. 

Sooner or later, I'll have to figure out a way to wear jeans

 

One of the problems with being transgender is that I have a woman's mind with a male body.  Most of the time, I have a nice combination of the two worlds, as I have insights into both male and female ways of life.  This has allowed me to give good advice to TCL as she navigates the dating world and sees how flaky men can be when they have the upper hand.  (The demographics of senior life can be a bitch when one looks for a partner.)  But this combination gets in the way when I shop for clothes, as the lower half of my body prevents me from wearing many garments well.  Jeans are among those types of garments.

Women have bigger hips than men.  Any trouser like garments I want to wear from the women's side of the aisle must have stretch in them so that they fit on my masculine waist.  This is why I tend to wear upper body garments that drape over the middle of my body - I need to hide my waist line (in part because I am fat), draping cloth over areas where my clothes don't fit that well.. This limits what kind of trouser like garments I can wear well, and when I can wear them.

Yet, there are certain situations where a jean like garment is useful - such as when one wants to dress very casually.  And this is where I have problems.  Women's trousers tend to hang in the wrong place and roll down at the waist.  So I have avoided jeans for my wardrobe.  But I have embraced leggings under tunics.  So, I may consider jeggings in the future, as they look like jeans and fit like leggings. It's a compromise, but not the one I really want: a pair of women's jeans that also fit my body well (an oxymoron, at best).